Some Times You Just Want To Scream

Telling Josh about Jenna wasn’t as big a deal as I thought it would be. I was all ready to tell him why I needed to be there for Jordan tonight but he surprised the hell out of me.

“The first night alone with your child is very scary,” he said softly. “I remember the first time Jesse stayed with me he cried for a good hour. I tried everything I could to stop him but he just wouldn’t quit.”

“So what did you do? Why did he finally stop?”

Josh chuckled, “He fell asleep! I’m not a perfect father Anna, I did some stuff that I probably shouldn’t have but I needed to learn what had to be done. Just like Jordan does and having someone there to help when you are at your wit’s end is a good thing. Just don’t take over right away.”

“Oh,” I felt a little disappointed that he didn’t seem to care that I wouldn’t be at his place tonight. “Did you still want me to come over now?”

Josh hesitated, “That’s actually why I was calling. I’m still at the school, there is a last minute meeting with some guy from the school board. I’m not able to get out of here for another hour or so. I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind waiting for Jesse for me.” He asked but then he spoke again before I could answer. “I know I asked you last week too and I promise it won’t happen like this all the time, I just can’t get out of this meeting. Trust me, I tried.”

I told him I didn’t mind at all, “But will Carol leave him with me?”

“I’ll try to call her but I don’t know if I’ll get a hold of her. They have to leave him with whoever I ask to be there, it’s in the custody papers because I’m still working when they want to drop him off; you are on the list of approved people along with my family.” When I told him I didn’t know he did that, he told me that he meant to tell me. “You don’t mind, do you?”

Did I mind? “Of course not!” I exclaimed, “I’m totally ok with it!” I heard some talking on his end of the line and he told me that he had to go.

As soon as I hung up, I told Jenna we were going to Josh’s place to wait for Jesse; she didn’t seem too interested in what I was saying though.

We had just stepping into Josh’s apartment; long enough to take off our boots and jackets, when there was a knock at the door. I set Jenna down in the middle of the living room with a couple of Jesse’s toys and then went to answer the door.

“Where’s Josh?” Was the greeting I got when I opened the door.

“He’s still at school, you know that.” I told her as I looked down at Jesse who didn’t seem too happy. “Hey sweetie,” I knelt down to him, “How are you doing?”

Jesse wiped his hand across his face and sighed, “I no good Ama.”

Frowning, I reached out my hand to him and he took it, “What do you mean?” Instead of answering me, he walked towards me and wrapped one arm around my neck. “Jess?” I shot Carol a questioning look.

She seemed uneasy as she stood there, “I think he’s getting the flu,” she told me.

I looked back at Jesse or at the side of his head because he was leaning against me. “Jesse, let me look at you,” I pushed him back from me and he started to whine, he didn’t want to move. He was pale but his little cheeks were bright red, when I first saw him I thought it was because of the cold but when I touched his forehead I knew it wasn’t. “He’s burning up!”

“Ama I no good,” he said again, his eyes barely open as he rubbed his ear.

“Does your ear hurt Jesse?” He didn’t say anything, he just nodded. “Did it just start hurting sweetie?” He shook his head, “When did it start?”

He yawned, “I tired Ama.” I picked him up, his clothing felt damp.

“How long has his ear been hurting? Did you take him to the doctor?” I asked Carol.

“He didn’t tell me his ear was hurting,” she said and looked everywhere but at me.

Jesse lifted his head off my shoulder and looked at his mom, “Mommy say daddy make me feel better.”

“Oh did she?” I raised a brow, “When did mommy say that?”

“Mommy say daddy make me feel better….I sleep,” he dropped his head to my shoulder again, “Daddy home Ama?”

When I told him Josh was still at work he started to whine. Then suddenly his whines stopped and he wiggled to get down. I put him down because I thought I was going to drop him and he took off down the hall. He made the left turn to the bathroom and then I heard him crying. I went to ask him what was wrong when he peeked around the corner, “I no good Ama!” Then he saw Jenna stumbling towards him and he whined, “No baby! Go way! I no good!”

“Well I better go,” Carol said and had moved from the door way when I turned around.

“Hey!” I grabbed hold of her arm. “You aren’t going anywhere until you tell me what the hell is going on!”

“What’s to tell? Jesse isn’t feeling good.”

“I no good,” Jesse whined. “I stink!”

“What?” I looked at him and he was trying to undo his pants. “What are you doing?”

“I stink,” he repeated and pulled down his pants and underwear, I saw what he meant, he crapped his pants. I turned to Carol, “How many times has he done that?”

Carol shrugged, “I didn’t count.”

And that’s when I lost it.

“What the hell is wrong with you? What kind of mother are you? Jesse is obviously sick; he’s got a fever, ear ache, diarrhea and isn’t himself! Why the hell didn’t you take him to the doctor?”

“Well I –”

“No,” I held up my hands. “I don’t want to hear your excuses. How could you bring him here like this? Do you have any idea how upset Josh is going to be? You know what he’s going to do the minute he hears this!”

“And what is he going to do Anna?” Phil’s voice came from the stairway. “Is Josh going to try for full custody?” He quickly closed the distance between us, “Let him have the little bastard, he’ll be doing us a favor.”

I couldn’t believe what I just heard; I tried to give Phil a dirty look but it was the look on Carol’s face when he said that, that got my attention, her jaw dropped. “Phil, that’s my son you are talking about!”

Phil turned to her, the look in his eyes made me jump back, I was glad I wasn’t on the receiving end. “I’m going down to the car,” he turned and started to walk away. “I suggest you follow or find somewhere else to spend the night.”

Carol started to walk away but I stopped her, “Please just let me go Anna.” She wouldn’t look at me and that worried me somehow but I let her go. She hesitated on the first step, “Jesse has been telling me he wasn’t good for a couple days now,” she looked back at me, tears in her eyes. “Phil wouldn’t let me take him to the doctor, he told me taking him to the doctor was aiding in making Jesse weak like Josh.”

“Josh isn’t weak and you should’ve taken Jess to the doctor,” I told her.

She nodded, “I know.”

And then she disappeared down the stairs.

I walked back into Josh’s apartment, so mad at Carol but even more mad at Phil. I wanted to call Josh but the moment I looked at Jess, I knew I had to get him to the doctor.

He had another ‘accident’ in the bathroom while I was talking to Carol. “I no good,” he cried when I went in to see to him.