I'd Rather Hurt You Honestly...

The first thought I had when Josh told me that Jordan called him was he had time to call someone else while he spazzed on the speed dial button with my number on it? “What did he say?” I asked as I sat up quickly, searching Josh’s features for some sign that Jordan wasn’t a complete ass and told him everything. It wasn’t that I wanted to hide it from Josh, I just didn’t think that he should have to hear it from Jordan because we all know how well that would go over.

“He just told me that you two had a fight,” Josh got up and made his way over to the front door, where my jacket was hanging. The phone had stopped by the time he pulled it out of my pocket but he walked over and handed it to me anyway.

We sat side by side on the couch, looking at each other; I wasn’t sure once again what he was thinking but I had a feeling that there was something he wanted to say.

My cell started to ring again; I flipped my phone opened and held down on the ‘end’ button, turning it off. “I don’t wish to talk to him,” I replied to the unspoken question that hung in the air.

Josh seemed a little surprised that I did that, he stared at his hands for a moment before he spoke. “Jordan did something that really upset you, didn’t he?”

I nodded, he turned to me. “It’s something that would upset me if I knew, isn’t it?”

Again, I nodded. There was no point in lying, if he found out later that I lied, it would be worst than telling him the truth now.

Josh sat back against the couch, “I had a feeling there was something,” he told me. “Even this morning, I picked up on some kind of vibe. You were pretty upset when he showed up and I didn’t feel it had anything to do with his statement about me asking you to move in.”

He took a deep breath and turned to face me again. “I don’t need to know all the details but I want to know.”

“What do you want to know?” I asked him, partly because I really didn’t want to talk about it, I wanted to forget that it ever happened.

Josh stared at me, maybe my question made him wonder if he really even wanted to know anything. For a moment I thought he was going to drop the subject but he didn’t. “I’ve been thinking about it all day, telling myself that I was crazy. I tried to reason that you didn’t seem too happy about moving in with me because you thought it was too soon but when he called me tonight, I wondered if I wasn’t missing something. He wouldn’t tell me what you two fought about, he didn’t tell me why you ran out of the house in a hurry. He didn’t want to tell me anything and he seemed nervous.” Josh ran a hand through his hair, “I want you to be honest with me, even if you think I can’t take it Anna. Can you do that?”

I turned, pulling my legs up in front of me as I leaned my shoulder against the back of the couch. “I can do that,” I told him. “I’ll tell you what ever it is that you wish to know. I don’t want to hide anything from you.”

Josh nodded and took turned to sit in a similar fashion to me, only he had one leg up on the couch instead of two and his one hand was resting on that knee. “Good, I don’t want you to hide anything from me.”

I watched him as he tried to figure out how to word the thoughts that were running around in his head. He seemed to have a problem with what he was thinking, there were times that he squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. So I took the conversation reins in hand and asked him if he wanted to know why I was mad at Jordan. He hesitated and I knew that was part of his thought process that was giving him trouble. “If you want to know Josh, I’ll tell you. Just be sure that it’s really what you want.”

He closed his eyes for a moment, then sighed and opened them. “I want to know what is going on with you and Jordan. I want to know why you are refusing to talk to him and what caused you to run to your brother’s place this morning.”

My jaw dropped, “You talked to Zack?” That lying bastard! He told me he wouldn’t do that. I felt so betrayed by Zack but I also felt relieved that he saved me the trouble of telling Josh. I was also surprised that Josh seemed ok with me not moving in with him.

“Yes, I talked to Zack.” Josh picked the lint on his couch, “I know that he advised you to move home instead of in with me.”

I nodded, “I didn’t go there to ask him if I could move home Josh.”

“I know, he told me that I was crazy if I thought he was going to let you move in with me this early in our relationship.” Josh smiled, “Maybe I am crazy? I always thought that you were old enough to make your own decisions and justify your actions.”

“I am old enough Josh,” I reached out and touched his hand, he didn’t pull it away but he didn’t take my hand in his either. “I had no intentions of talking to Zack about moving home, I just needed someone to talk to about what was happening with Jordan.” Josh raised his eyebrow but didn’t speak. I sighed, “Last night he come home drunk and wanted to talk about earlier…” I told him about being in bed and the stuff that took place after he came into my room, everything that happened.

Josh shifted on the couch, he wasn’t looking at me so I stopped talking to wait and see if he would say anything; it took a few minutes but he did ask me, “If he did kiss you, what would you have done?”