I Feel So Alive

I woke up the next morning and the first thing I did was roll over to see if Josh was actually there, or if I dreamt it all. I felt almost giddy with pure excitement as I watch him sleep. Oh Josh! I snuggled up next to him and gave him a little squeeze; you have no idea how happy I am to have you here this morning.

Before we went to sleep last night, I changed into my pjs. “Why did you come here?” I asked him, I was curious if he did it on his own or if it had encouragement from a certain roomie of mine.

“I went home and I got ready for bed but I couldn’t get comfortable. I couldn’t fall asleep even though I was very tired.” He lifted the blankets and helped me back in bed. “I didn’t like how things ended with you, I don’t know why I was being so stupid. I mean, what does it matter where we sleep? As long as we are together, it could be a cardboard box on the street.”

“I told myself I was being stupid and you had every right to be upset. It’s true, we do spend a lot of time at my place and it’s not fair to expect you to do what I want without ever giving you what you want.” He gave me a smile, “So I jumped out of bed, threw everything I’ll need in the morning in my bag and got in my car.”

“And here you are!” I kissed his cheek.

He nodded, “Yes here I am. But I almost wasn’t.”

I frowned, “Why? What happened?”

“Well I had to get past Jordan first, and he was pretty upset with me. He told me if I wasn’t careful, if I didn’t put you first some times, I could ruin a great thing.” Josh looked down at me, “I didn’t need him to tell me that though, I already know that.”

We spoke for a while about how I was feeling, I told him everything I told Jordan. “I just want you to want to spend time with me, even if it is just a few moments before we go to sleep.” I told him.

He told me he wanted nothing more than to spend time with me, “I can’t really cut back too much work at the moment, I’ve been doing it all year that people expect it. I would hate to disappoint the kids Anna.”

I told him I understood, “I’m not asking you to give up anything Josh. I just would like it if we did things outside of your apartment, if you stayed over here once in a while.”

In the end we worked it out that he would spend a couple nights a week over here and we would go out at least once a week. It may not have sounded like a lot but it was enough for me.

That’s why I was very happy the next morning when I woke up. Like I said, I was snuggled up beside him. I felt that we had worked through a big issue for us.

“That smile means trouble,” he whispered as he peeked through his lashes at me.

I chuckled, “No it means I’m happy.”

Josh rolled over and held me, “Good morning Beautiful.”

“Good morning Handsome,” I kissed his lips before settling back into his arms.

We stayed like that until he had to get up and shower. We kissed good bye at the front door and he told me that he’ll see me later. “I know Jesse will be just dying to see you!”

When he drove away I returned to the kitchen and found Jordan sitting there eating a bowl of cereal. “So everything is good?”

I nodded, “Yes everything is great!”

Jordan smiled, “That’s nice.” He got up from the table and put his empty bowl in the sink. On his way to get his jacket, he turned to me. “Do you want to see me off?”

“What?” I gave him a confused look. “Why would I do that?”

He shrugged, “Oh I don’t know. Maybe because you found me so irresistible last night?” He flashed me a smile and disappeared into the porch before I could say anything. “See ya later Babe!”

Once Jordan was gone, I wandered into my room and started to clean up. I had the day off and with nothing to do; I figured I’d waste my time cleaning.