Monday, October 27, 2008

Hindsight is 20/20

I arrived at Harriet and John’s house a little late on Friday afternoon. I had hoped to be there and gone by three so I would be at the school in enough time to make sure that everything was ready for the day’s practice but I wasn’t able to get out of work early. When I walked into their house, they didn’t have Jenna ready to go.

“I thought that Jenna would stay with me while you are at the school,” Harriet informed me. “With all that’s going on, I’m sure you don’t have the time to watch her and the other kids as well.”

“Harriet,” I wanted to laugh and tell her that the ‘other kids’ were teenagers and didn’t need watching but I didn’t. “I know Jenna would love to stay here with you but we are supposed to meet up with Jordy afterwards at the realtor’s office; Wanda called him today with a couple more houses for us to look at.”

“Oh but that would be so boring for Jenna,” she tried to argue.

“Maybe, but Jordan wants to spend as much time with Jenna was possible – he hates that he’s at work all day, missing out on what she’s doing.”

“We had the best day,” Harriet said as she turned her attention to the little girl who was trying to climb up my leg. “Didn’t we Jenna?” She grabbed Jenna and picked her up to give her kisses but Jenna didn’t seem too happy with that. “Oh what’s wrong my little muffin? Are you sleepy weepy? Do you want to go beddy byes?”

Jenna screwed up her tiny face as she turned to me as if to say, ‘I think Nana’s gone crazy’.

“Damnit woman!” John came into the room just as Harriet started the baby talk. “Don’t talk that nonsense to the girl, she don’t like it.”

I raised a brow but I remained quiet as Harriet told John to shush. “I’ll talk any which way I please to my granddaughter.”

“You know Jordan wouldn’t like it if he knew you were talking gibberish to Jenna.”

Harriet just blew John’s comments off. “Daddy wouldn’t mind at all, would he muffin?” She went on to say something about Jenna being a ‘wittle, wittle muffin’ who ‘wuvs her nana bunches’.

“Damn loony if you ask me,” John mumbled.

“Oh,” Harriet batted at him. “Go on, would ya? Anna please take that miserable old man away so I can relax and enjoy the quiet.”

“Come on Jenna; let’s get your jacket and boots on.” I held out my hands for Jenna and Jenna leaned forward as if to come with me but Harriet didn’t want to let go.

“You’re making Anna late,” John snapped at her.

“Oh hush,” Harriet snapped back as she reluctantly let Jenna fall forward into my arms. “You don’t have to rush off just yet, do you Anna?”

“Well,” I gave her an apologetic look. “I am running late.”

“Oh,” she looked so upset. “I was hoping we could sit and talk for a couple minutes – we hardly see Jordan or you lately.”

“We’ve just been so busy.” Even as I was saying it, I felt bad that we hadn’t made time to go see his parents, brothers or my family.

“Now Harriet,” John came back into the room, dressed for outside, with Jenna’s jacket and boots in his hands. “You’ll see them on Sunday when Mom and Dad are here.”

“Your parents are coming to visit?” It was the first I had heard about it.

John nodded as he attempted to slip Jenna’s boots on her feet. “Mom and Dad called yesterday and asked if we could have dinner together Sunday – they thought it would be a good time since Jordan has Jenna and they haven’t seen her that much on previous visits.” He paused to position Jenna’s jacket so he could help her with it when he told me that I already knew his parents were coming to visit. “I called Jordan last night; he said that he would tell you when you got home.”

Harriet, who had been listening, frowned. “It was almost 10 when you called Jordan last night,” she stated as she turned to me. “Where were you at that hour?”

“I had some stuff I had to take care of,” I told her.

“What stuff?” She asked.

I didn’t get a chance to reply - John cut it with, “I wasn’t sure if I was going with you or if I was driving myself,” - not that I was really going to tell Harriet what I had to do the night before.

“Would you mind driving yourself John?” I went on to explain how Jordan and I were going to look at more houses after I was done at the school.

“Not at all,” he replied as he motioned towards the front entrance. “We should get going, don’t want to keep the kids waiting.”

As John and I walked towards the front door, Harriet followed. When he stopped to pick up a yellow tool box, Harriet leaned in to give Jenna a kiss and told me that we would have to have a little chat later.

****

“ANNA!” I barely stepped through the side doors of the theatre when a small blur latched onto my leg.

Wide eyed, I stared down at the small dark haired little boy who clung to me with all his might. “Jesse?”

He giggled. “Yes Jesse.” He let go and held out his arms to me. “I get up?”

“Jess,” Josh appeared out of the darkness and scooped Jesse into his arms. “Give Anna a chance to get in before you attack her.”

“I no attack Anna, Daddy.” Jesse said, still giggling as Josh tickled his side. “I say ‘hi’!”

“You did?” Josh raised a brow. “Funny, I just heard you yell Anna’s name.”

“That’s ‘hi’,” Jess explained to him.

Josh laughed, “Well I’m going to just say ‘hi’…” he turned to me with a big grin on his face. “Hello Anna.”

“Hello Josh.” I leaned closer and smiled at Jess. “Hello to you too Jess; it’s been a long time.”

“I stay at my Daddy’s house,” he told me and then his smile disappeared as he looked at Jenna. “What Baby doing Anna?”

“Ahnaanaa,” Jenna piped up as her little arms tightened their grip on me.

“No,” Jess piped up. “Hers name’s An-na.”

“Ahnaanaa!” Jenna replied with a giggle.

Jess was in the middle of telling Jenna my name again when John appeared in the doorway, “Where do you want me to set up?”

As the smile disappeared from his daddy’s face, Jess asked me who the man was.

I introduced John to Josh and Jesse, adding, for Jesse, “John is Jenna’s Papa – Jordan’s daddy.”

When I said ‘Jordan’s Daddy’, John raised a brow. “Well you are,” I told him before walking towards the stage with Jenna and John. “I think it would be best if you set up your stuff in the back corner of the stage.” I went on to tell him that I wanted to talk to him before the kids showed up. “But,” I glanced towards Josh, who had followed us. “Is your dad coming?”

“He’s already here,” Josh informed me.

“Papa is there,” Jesse pointed back to the corner of the stage I had told John to set up in. “Papa!” He called out as he wiggled to get down from Josh’s arms. He took of running to the back corner as he called out, “Anna is here Papa!”

I have to say, I wasn’t really looking forward to seeing Frank that afternoon. To tell the truth, I had been avoiding running into either him or Josh’s mom since Josh and I broke up. I didn’t want to see the disappointment in either of their eyes or the dislike. I didn’t want to feel like I should feel guilty that Josh and I didn’t work out.

When Frank poked his head out and said hello to me, I thought that I had been worrying over nothing. He seemed ok with me. But then he wandered over to where we were, I introduced him to John and that’s when I realized that maybe this wouldn’t be such a good idea.

“Nice to meet you,” John said as he held out his hand to Frank.

“Nice to meet you too,” Frank said as he shook John’s hand. “I’ve always wanted to meet the man who raised his son to ruin other’s happiness.” Dropping John’s hand, Frank told him he did a fine job. “Your son did a great job sabotaging Anna’s relationship with Josh.”

As I stood there shocked, with my mouth hanging open, Josh told his father that it wasn’t like that at all. But it was John’s reply that I remember.

“Jordan did what was right; I’m very proud of him.”

****

“This was a bad idea,” Josh groaned as we watched his father and John argue, once again, about the plans the kids had for the stage set. “Why didn’t I listen to you?”

I shrugged. “You wanted to be a pain in the ass?”

Shaking his head, he laughed. “Fine, I did but what are we going to do about this? They aren’t going to get anything done if they keep this up.” Glancing at me, he asked if it was too late to unask one of them for help.

I sighed. “Yes.”

“Can we fire one of them?” He gave me a hopeful look.

“No,” I shook my head. “Do you think you could fire your own dad?”

“Without him killing me?”

“Yeah.”

“No.” He asked if I could fire John.

“Not on your life,” I exclaimed. “John had been looking forward to this since the moment I mentioned it to him. It means a lot to him and Jordan that I asked. Plus, I think Harriet would kill me.” I told him how she couldn’t wait for me to get him out of her hair.

He chuckled. “Mom pretty much said the same thing to me when she dropped Dad off.”

“So…” We turned back to watch them again. “What are we going to do?”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Josh smirk, “Muzzle them?”

“Josh!” I laughed and then seriously thought about it. “Could we?”

He was in the middle of telling me we probably shouldn’t when we heard Jesse exclaim, “Daddy! Papa’s not being nice!”

Trying his hardest not to laugh, Josh glanced at me. “Guess we should go deal with this.”

In the end, we had to divide the group up into two, giving each of them a list of things we wanted from them by the end of the day. Taking John aside, I told him that I really needed him to be the bigger man and stop this childish behaviour. “These kids are here to learn and have fun, please don’t make this about my relationship with Jordan.”

“I’m not the one you should be talking too,” John told me. “I’m trying to work and he’s the one trying to put Jordan down. I won’t stand for that, no way.”

After I told John I would deal with Frank and any comments he had about my boyfriend, John gathered his small group of kids together and got down to work.

Making my way over to the other group of kids, I tried to get their attention off of Frank and Josh and back onto the project. “So tell me, what is it that you guys want to do for the show?”

Five minutes and a whole page of suggestions later, Josh tapped me on the shoulder and motioned towards his father. “Dad will take over now,” he said as he pulled the paper from my hands and passed it to his father.

As we walked out of earshot of his dad and the kids, Josh sighed. “I told him that we talked about our relationship and what happened. I told him that we agreed that things are better this way but I don’t think he believes me.”

I glanced back and caught Frank watching us, looking hopeful. Sighing, I turned back to Josh. “Maybe it’s time you start dating again. Maybe he’ll see that….” I trailed off because Josh looked guilty. “What?”

With a nervous chuckle, he told me that it was funny that I mentioned it. Running his hand through his hair nervously, Josh told me that he had a date later that evening. “Jesse’s all excited,” he said as quickly as he could, as if he didn’t really want me to know the first part and thought telling me fast would make me forget. “He’s all excited about having Mom and Dad spending the night over at his house; he thinks it is one great big sleepover.”

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Moving Forward

I have to say I was kind of looking forward to the last rehearsal of the week for many reasons – the main one being that it was the last one for the week. The other reason was that Eric mentioned that Fireball, or the lead singer at least – would be dropping by for a quick meet and greet with the kids. Can you say excited? Oh my God! I was literally bouncing off the walls when I got up in the morning.

“Babe,” Jordan chuckled as he reached for me. I had been talking, non stop about what was on the agenda for the day and I guess he found it funny. “You have to remember that those guys are just like everyone else.”

“Uh huh,” I nodded. “I know that, I’m not going to jump them or anything.”

“Damn right you aren’t!” He tugged me closer. “But feel free to jump me – I like it.”

I screwed up my face. “I think it’s time for a change, I jump you every night.”

“Ha ha,” he nipped at my neck. “No changing, you’re stuck with me.”

“Fine,” I sighed as I swayed in his arms. “I suppose I can live with that.”

“I hope so.” He started to move away from me, to finish getting ready for work when he stopped suddenly and looked at me with eyes wide open. “Oh! Did I tell you that I got a call yesterday from Wanda?”

“Did she find our house?” I asked hopefully.

“No…”

“Oh,” I sighed. “It’s out there though, right Jordy?”

“Of course it is Anna; it’s just waiting for us.” He went to turn away again and chuckled. “Do you want to know what Wanda wanted?”

“OH!” I shook my head; I couldn’t believe I forgot that quickly. “What did she call about?”

With a huge grin on his face, Jordan told me to guess.

“I don’t know Jordy, she sold your house?” I threw it out there, not really expecting that to be the answer.

“Yes!” He exclaimed. “She called me to let me know that there was an offer on my house for the amount we were asking for and I told her consider it sold!”

“OHMYGODJORDY!” I leapt into his arms and kissed his face. “This is so awesome.” I exclaimed as he let me slide down his body and back to my feet on the floor. Then I frowned.

“What’s that for?”

My mind was suddenly moving a million miles per second. “We have to get you packed. I have to get boxes from work. Wait, where are you going to live? What about all your stuff? You have a lot of stuff Jordy. Are you ­-?”

With his hand planted over my mouth, Jordan told me to breathe. “Babe, even with me excepting their offer, it’s still going to be at least a month before I have to be out.”

“A month?” I squeaked. “Jordy you have to get started now. Not only do you have to pack everything, you have to figure out where it’s all going and you have to clean the house.”

“Clean?” He screwed up his nose for a brief moment and then grinned. “Babe,” he purred. “Have I told you lately that I love you?”

“Whatever,” I laughed.

“I do,” he continued as his arms found their way around to my back. “I love you so much. You know I would do anything for you.”

“Uh huh,” I plucked imaginary fuzz of his shirt. “I love you too Jordy, very much but I draw the line at cleaning your bathroom.”

“But Babe,” he nuzzled my neck. “What’s mine is yours, you know that.”

“I’ll pick up some boxes…”

“Mmmhmmm,” his lips trailed softly up along my neck.

“I’ll help you pack…”

His whispered, “yeah?” against my ear sent shivers down my spine.

I turned my head, my lips were oh so close to his. I kissed him. “Yeah…”

“And…?” He stared deep into my eyes.

“And…” I moved out of his arms as quickly as possible. “I’ll watch Jenna while you clean the bathroom!”

“I don’t think so!” He exclaimed as he lunged forward, knocking me onto the bed as he attempted to tickle me into submission.

It didn’t work.

“Fine.” He sighed. “I’ll clean the bathroom but Babe, in our new house, that job is yours!”

We ‘argued’ back and forth for a few minutes about whose job it would be before I finally told him that as long as he takes out the trash, mows the lawn, shovels the snow, and helps me out when I need it – I would clean the bathroom.

“Not asking for much, are you?” He joked.

I shook my head. “Nope, not at all.”

Before we left for work that morning, he told me that he had looked into getting a storage unit for his stuff until we had a place. “But where are you going to be staying?”

He just gave a tiny shrug.

I told him, once again, that Zack was ok with him staying at the house for as long as he needed.

“I know Babe but I think it would be better if I stayed in town. I really don’t want to miss work or time with Jenna because I got snowed in.”

“Oh…” I pouted. I had suggested Zack’s because I knew that way I would still get to see him every night and get to wake up with him but if he was anywhere else, the chances of that were slimmer.


As if he was reading my mind, he told me not to pout. “Wherever I stay Anna, I’ll make sure that you, as well as Jenna, are welcomed to come and spend the night – it’s important to me.”

Even though he would try, I knew that I wouldn’t be spending as many nights as he thought with him once he was staying at someone else’s house. But with so much to do between his house selling, moving him, work, the show and the Christmas season that was fast approaching, I figured that we would both be busy enough to not think about not being together as much.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Little White Lie

The whole time I spoke, Jordan kept his eyes on my face; he didn’t even bother to glance at the receipts when I gave them to him. “Jordy, honey, please say something.”

He looked so tired and upset, I hated that I did anything to cause either of those. “Jordy?” I reached for him, I just wanted to touch him to show him that I meant it when I said I was alright and nothing bad happened.

“Anna….” He only managed to speak my name before he started to yawn. “Babe,” he sighed. “Let’s go to bed, I’m so bagged right now.”

“No,” I grabbed hold of his shirt. “Honey please, let’s just talk about this.”

“I’m exhausted,” he said as he reached around me to drop the receipts I shoved into his hands, on the dresser behind me. “You look like you need sleep too.”

He started to turn away but I held tight to his shirt. “Anna, come on!” He groaned as he turned back to me and moved in to wrap his arms around my waist. “Let’s go to bed.”

I clung to him. “I don’t want to sleep,” I whispered against his shoulder.
Pulling back a little, he chuckled softly as his fingers trailed along my bra strap. “I’m awake enough for that.”

“That’s not what I was talking about!” I pushed back from him. “Jordan I don’t want you to go to bed upset with me.”

With a sigh, Jordan dropped his hands and motioned towards the bed as he made his way over and sat down. When I came to stand in front of him, he slipped his hands around my thighs and tugged me closer. “Ok Babe, what are you thinking?”

That threw me. “What am I thinking?” I repeated, utterly confused.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “You seem to think I’m upset with you, I want to know what it is that you believe I’m upset about.” When I just stared at him with a blank expression, he flashed me a smile. “Anna, you have an overactive imagination, I know you are thinking something I haven’t even thought of and it’s freaking you out, tell me what it is.”

Standing before him, I felt like a moron. Was it possible he wasn’t upset with me? Could I just have expected him to be and projected that thought into his actions? I frowned. Was I going crazy?

“I…” I didn’t know what to say. Or how to say it anyway. How did you tell your boyfriend that you think he’s thinking that you were out betraying him when you really weren’t and don’t want him to think you were.

Ok, I thought. Now you really are going crazy.

“Can I take a shot at it?” He asked after a few minutes.

I nodded. He patted the mattress beside him.

I sat down, not taking my eyes off him for a moment.

“Ok,” he turned to me. “Since I like to think I know everything about you, I’m betting you are thinking that I’m worried that a lot more than talking happened between you and Josh tonight.” He paused to ask if he was right but didn’t give me a chance to reply. “But I have to tell you Babe, I wasn’t thinking that.”

“You weren’t?” I managed to squeak.

“Nope,” he shook his head. “I wasn’t even worried about that. I believe that you love me and –“

“I do Jordy,” I lifted my hands to cup his face. “I love you so much; I don’t want to do anything to hurt you.”

“But Babe,” he reached up and took my hands in his, drawing them down to his lap. “If you keep thinking that I’m going to freak about every little thing then you’ll end up hurting us.”

“Sorry,” I whispered as I lowered my head; I felt like such a moron. “I don’t want to hurt us.”

He leaned down to look at me. “Good,” he grinned when he caught my eye. “Now, how about we go to bed?

I sighed dramatically, “Oh alright, if I have to.”

“Oh you have to and you’ll love every second of it!” Jordan informed me as he pushed me back into the mattress and crawled on top of me.

****

I felt a light tap on my shoulder, I wanted to ignore it but the man tapping me refused to let me. “Anna?” He tapped me again.

I groaned as I half turned to glance over my shoulder and then turned back again. “Again Jordy?”

He chuckled softly as his fingers trailed over my arm. “No, I just wanted to tell you something before you fell asleep.”

“Too late,” I murmured as I snuggled deeper into the warmth of the sheets.

“Oh?” His fingers paused. “You’re already asleep?”

“Mmmm,” I grinned as I wiggled back, as if my butt was serching for his crotch to rest against. “In dreamland already.”

I felt the bed move as he shifted behind me. Leaning over me, he brushed my hair back for my face. “Ahh, I see.” He pushed my hair back where it was. “Then I guess I’ll have to wait until tomorrow to tell you that I was jealous tonight.”

My eyes popped open. “Jealous?”

“Mmhmm.” He kissed my shoulder. “But you are sleeping now, so we’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

“I don’t think so!” I spun around as he was about to cuddle with me. “You can’t just say something like that and not explain it Jordy!”

“Oh! Hey!” He exclaimed in fake surprise. “I thought you were sleeping.”

“Whatever,” I poked him in the side.

He jumped. “He-ey now!” He grabbed for my fingers before I could poke him again. “No pokey pookie.”

“Tell me Jordy, please?”

“It’s nothing,” he told me as he released my fingers. “Just when you were getting ready to go out, you asked me why he was doing this now and not when he had a chance in the summer.” He paused and shrugged. “I guess I didn’t realize that you still thought about getting back with him after Canada Day.”

I frowned. “I didn’t. We were done, I knew it and I thought that he did too.”

“But you said he had a chance Anna. Do you have any idea how much that hurt to hear? To know that you…” he trailed off. “It just hurt Babe, that’s all.”

“Jordan, I ­–”

He groaned. “And it shouldn’t upset me but when you refered to the kiss we shared back in January as ‘that damn kiss’…”

I didn’t know what to say to that.

“It shouldn’t bug me because I know that you didn’t mean anything by it, you were just frustrated that he was pulling this crap now but Babe, it took me forever to get the courage to even tell you how I felt. It wasn’t easy, you were head over heels for Josh and I knew that anything I said at that time wouldn’t be received well but damn it Anna, I don’t look at that kiss as a bad thing! It got you away from him and yes, I did lose you for one horrible month but you know what? I would kiss you again, if I had to do it all again.”

I started to apologize but he wasn’t finished.

“If all that wasn’t enough, I wanted to deck him when you guys were walking out to his car and you slipped.” Jordan was up on his elbow leaning over me; his voice rising as he spoke. “How dare he touch you.”

I raised a brow. “Jordy, he just reached out to stop me from falling on my ass, it wasn’t like he planned it.”

“Sure and leaving his hand on your back while you walked was innocent.”

“I thought you said you weren’t upset Jordy? You said that you weren’t worried about anything happening between me and Josh!”

“I wasn’t,” he replied calmly.

“I’m confused.”

“Anna,” he sighed as he lowered his head until his forehead rested against my chest. “I was hurt, jealous and yes, a little upset but the moment you were in that car and you looked back at me with that ‘don’t make me do this’ look on your face, I knew that I was being stupid and you weren’t going because you wanted to date him.”

“You thought I wanted…?” I couldn’t even finish the question.

“Yes,” he admitted. “I was that stupid, I thought you might have wanted him back.”


I rolled my eyes.

“So…”

Jordan lifted his head. “So.”

We layed there looking into each other’s eyes for the longest time before I asked him, “So I’m not the only drama queen in this relationship, am I?”

He laughed out loud. “Drama King, Babe, get it right.”

Thursday, October 9, 2008

So Many Storms

For the longest time Josh didn’t say anything and I didn’t have any idea what else there was to say to him. Finally, he told me that he had one question he needed to know the answer to. “I want you to be completely honest Anna.”

“Of course,” I replied more confidently that I felt.“Besides the kiss, have you ever cheated on me?”

“No,” I replied without hesitation.“So you didn’t sleep with him while we were still together?”

“No, Josh, I didn’t.”

Josh let out a huge sigh and slumped back in his seat. I started to feel relieved that this was finally over but then he had to say. "It would be so much easier if you were a cheating whore." He then asked me, “What am I supposed to do? I can’t get you out of my head. I ache to hold, touch and kiss you.”

Closing my eyes, I sighed. “It’s not me.”

“What’s not you?” He demanded.

“It’s not me,” I repeated. “The stuff you can’t get out of your head – the holding, touching and kissing – it isn’t because of me Josh.” I opened my eyes again. “I’m not what you are missing.”

“How can you say that Anna?” His hand closed around mine as it rested on my lap. “We were so great together. We were happy. We were planning on getting married! How can you say it isn’t you I’m missing?”

“It’s easy Josh, when I know, in my heart that, it’s not me.”

“God!” He pulled his hand away from mine. “When did you become so cold?”

His comment would’ve hurt, if I wasn’t tired of telling him that we were over. “I’m not trying to be cold Josh, I’m just being honest with you. While I do believe that you loved me, I don’t believe that it’s me you are missing.”

He didn’t say anything but I could fell his eyes on me. Since he wasn’t responding, I thought I’d try another tactic. “Josh, how many times have you tried to call me since we broke up? How many times have you tried to see me?”

“I had Jess this summer Anna, I needed to spend time with him. Then, in August, I was getting ready for school –“

I stopped him right there. “That’s how I know it’s not me Josh.”

“What are you talking about? Because I want to spend time with my son and I have to work?” He called bullshit.

“It’s not bullshit, it’s true. If I were the one for you Josh, I never would’ve come after your work. After Jesse, yes but not after work.”

Again he told me that what I was saying wasn’t true. “You were important to me Anna.”

“Maybe,” I shrugged. “But in the end, I wasn’t important enough to start over with. I wasn’t important enough to be honest with.” I sighed. “I always felt like I wasn’t good enough. I made things my business, I spent too much time with my friends, I never said the right things. I just couldn’t be me around you.” He went to say something but I cut him off. “Hell, I couldn’t even call you ‘Coach’ because – god forbid – you thought about me while you were at work.”

“I never said you couldn’t call me ‘Coach’.”

“No?” I snorted. “Whatever Josh, you know you did.”

He told me I was making a big deal out of something I misunderstood. “I don’t have any problems with you calling me ‘Coach’.”

Shaking my head slightly, I closed my eyes. “We always fight Josh. It’s not normal.”

“We have disagreements,” he stated. “There’s nothing wrong with that!”

“But we never solve anything!” I turned towards him. “When have we ever resolved an issue between us? We broke up because I kissed Jordan, which I’ll admit was justifiable, but damnit Josh every time you wanted to hurt me or push me away after we said we’d try again, you brought it up! Never once did you let it go. Not even when you promised me that you would try!”

“Yeah, well you swore to me that Jordan was just a friend and now you are fucking him so who -"
I could feel my temper flaring as he spoke but instead of decking him, I clamped my hand over his mouth and released my seat belt in one swift movement. “Listen here,” I hissed. My face was mere inches away from his as I loomed over him. “What I’m doing right now with Jordan is none of your business. You had your chance – no, make that chances – and you blew both of them. Why don’t you do us both a favour and forget that we had a past and move on – you’ll realize that what we had wasn’t as great as you pretend it was.”

When I clamped my hand over his mouth, Josh’s hand immediately flew to grasp my wrist. The whole time I spoke, his hand would tighten a little bit at a time. By the time I finished, my wrist was actually started to ache from the pressure of his grip but I wouldn’t back off.

Then I saw a flash of lights. Blue and red ones.

They startled me. I had almost forgotten that we were in his car on the shoulder of the highway in the middle of what was looking like a snow storm.

The rap on the drivers’ window came quicker than I expected. Josh was rolling down the window as I pulled away from him to return to the proper position. “Good Evening folks….” The flashlight beam sliced through the car as Zack’s voice trailed off.

I don’t know if Josh and I looked guilty or what but after the initial shock wore off Zack lost all professionalism as he turned the light towards me and said, “What the hell is going on here?” In his next breath, he demanded to know why I was in Josh’s car and if Jordan knew where I was.

Instead of replying, I asked him a question of my own. “Why are you here?”

“Why…?” Zack muttered something under his breath and then told me that he was on his way home. “Middle of a snowstorm and a car is on the side of the road with its hazards on; you know damn well I’m checking it out!”

“Well as you can see, everything is fine.”

Finally he lowered the light from me. Shaking his head, he told me that everything wasn’t ok. “Here I was thinking that my whole family was safe and sound inside but here you are, in the middle of a practically deserted highway, sitting there like it’s the freaking middle of summer! Why aren’t you curled up on the couch with Jordan, watching TV like you should be?”

I went to tell him it was none of his business when he turned to Josh and said, “Take her home, now.”

“We were talking,” Josh said through clenched teeth.

“I don’t care,” Zack replied. “None should be out on a night like this. Especially not on this highway, it’s too dangerous at night.” He was speaking from experience – not only had he had a few close calls himself but he also had to respond to more than enough emergencies on that stretch of highway.

Five minutes later, Zack was slowing pulling back out onto the highway to head home and we were turning around to head back into town. “God!” Josh exclaimed as he hit the city limits sign. “You brother always treats me like a kid when you are involved.” He glanced at me. “I don’t know why he ever said he was fine with me asking you out, he never once approved of anything I did. I was always the bad guy, always getting lectured about stupid things. I couldn’t even hold your hand without getting a dirty look!”

I couldn’t help but smile.

“I wouldn’t look so happy if I were you. If he was doing that with me, and we were supposed to be friends, what do you think he’s doing to Jordan?”

My smile faltered. “You and Zack aren’t friends?”

Josh sighed. “Of course we are but things were tense when we were dating, that’s all.”

Silence settled over the car as Josh concentrated on driving through the snowy streets. As we went, I noticed that for the most part, the streets were deserted. I guess most people are thinking the same thing Zack was, they shouldn’t be out tonight.

But I was out. So was Josh.

“I’m hungry,” I said out of the blue.

Josh shot me a look and agreed. “Me too, I haven’t eaten all day.”

Without giving it another thought, besides the ‘well since we are already out’, I told him that I wanted to grab something to eat.

“Really?” Josh raised a brow. “What about Zack?”

I shrugged. “I’m not sitting on the highway; I’ll be inside where it’s warm. Besides, you promised me dinner.”

“That I did,” Josh chuckled. “Ok, where do you want to go?”

After thinking about it for a minute, I told him I wanted to go to Boston Pizza, “if they are still opened that is.”

Turning the car around for the second time that evening, Josh headed back towards the restaurant we had passed a couple minutes before. I was so thankful when we walked into the nearly empty restaurant and found out that they were keeping normal hours despite the weather.

After the waitress seated us and left to take get our drink orders, I got to thinking, oh crap I hope not….

“Hey Josh?”

“Yeah?”

“You do know this isn’t a date, right?”

He was silent for so long, I thought that I had made a big mistake, again. But then he nodded slowly and glanced at me. “Because it’s not you I’m missing, right?”

“That’s right,” I confirmed his statement.

The waitress came back with our drinks and took our food order so he had to wait until she left again to as me, “so what is it that I’m missing then? If it’s not you?”

“Like I said before, it’s the actions that you miss, not me.” He didn’t look like he understood me. “See, I figure that if we were meant to be Josh, then I would feel the same way you do. I would miss you and I wouldn’t have let this much time pass without being in contact with you.”

“But you have Jordan distracting you,” he pointed out.

“No,” I shook me head. “That’s not the reason. I would’ve never gotten involved with him if I felt that way about you. I would’ve been the same way I was the first time we broke up, miserable and missing you.”

“So why don’t you miss me now, if you missed me so much before?”

It was a valid question. “I believe I missed you so much before because I cared for you and we didn’t really have the chance to see how it could be between us.”

“I still don’t think we did.”

I shrugged. “Problem is Josh, I don’t want to try it again.” He cringed and I felt bad for the way I said it. “I know, I sound harsh and cold but trust me, I’m not trying to be mean. I just want you to realize what I realized months ago – we could be so much happier than what we were when we were together.”

Josh couldn’t look at me as he mumbled something about me making it sound like being with him was the worst time of my life.

“No,” I sighed. “That’s not what I’m saying at all.” I reached out and took his hand in mine. Josh’s eyes met mine as he looked up and leaned in over the table a little. “When we were alone together Josh, things were great but the moment the outside world came in, we had problems seeing each other for all the issues. There was no way you would ever be ok with my friendship with Jordan, or my overwhelming need to butt into everyone’s business. There was no way I could stand to just be there and not be trusted or to be so low on your list of priorities. Jess, work and your family all came before me.”

“Jesse will always be first in my life Anna, he’s my son.”

“I know and I never had a problem with him being your number one concern – he should be number one – but I thought I should rate above your work.”

“I guess,” Josh pulled his hand out of mine. “It’s much like you putting Jordan before me.”

“When did I do that?”

Josh looked me dead in the eyes. “When didn’t you? It seemed that ever time I turned around, you were going on and on about him and trying to make me see that you weren’t more than friends but Anna, you know, the more you tried to convince me, the more convinced I was that there was something going on.”

“There –“

“I know, I know,” he held up his hand to stop me. “In the end, there was though. Otherwise, how could you be with him now?”

“Excuse me,” the waitress appeared at our table with our appetizers – hot wings and pizza bread. The whole time she was doing her thing, I noticed that she kept glancing at Josh. I couldn’t help but chuckled when she asked him, “Can I get you a refill?”

Josh looked at his almost full glass and with the most confused look I’ve ever seen, he told her that he was good for the moment. “My glass is pretty full still.”

“Oh…” She turned bright red and excused herself before hurrying off.

“Oh my…” I had to clamp my hand over my mouth to stop from laughing out loud.

“Stop it,” he hissed, clearly a little worried she would hear me.

“Sorry,” I snorted as I removed my hand. “It was just funny; she was too busy drooling over you to notice that you didn’t need more pop.”

He shot me a dirty look.

“Oh come on Josh!” I rolled my eyes. “Like you didn’t notice she was checking you out.”

“You didn’t answer my question,” he stated, clearly trying to change the subject.

“What question?” I asked, trying not to snicker as I spotted the waitress out of the corner of my eye.

Josh reached for a piece of the pizza bread. Dipping the corner into the meat sauce provided, he told me I knew what question. “How could you be with Jordan when you said there was nothing between you two?”

In order to get my thoughts together, I plucked a wing from the pile on the plate and dipped it in the cup of ranch I asked for. “Josh,” I paused to take a sip of my Pepsi. “Don’t you want to find someone who makes you happy?” He had just popped the piece of pizza bread into his mouth so he couldn’t reply, so I continued. “Don’t you want to come home from a long day at work and know that there’s someone there who wants to know all about your day?”

As he listened, he nodded.

“Don’t you want to look into another’s eyes and know that who you are is what is putting that sparkle in their eyes?”

“Of course I do Anna,” he said once he swallowed his mouthful.

“So do I,” I told him. “And I want that for you too but in order for that to happen, you have to move on from me. You deserve so much more than what I could offer you Josh. You deserve someone whose heart belongs to you, not to –”

“Her best friend.”

“Yes.”

He glanced away for a brief moment. “You are really happy with Jordan?”

I nodded, “Very happy.” Without stopping, I blurted out, “We are buying a house together.”

“Planning a future,” he stated.

“Yeah, we are.”

“Marriage?”

I smiled.

“I see,” he reached for another piece of pizza bread. Holding it in his fingers, he glanced at me, “So that it, you have moved on.”

I couldn’t believe it, he finally seemed to get it.

“I guess,” he dropped the pizza bread back into his plate. “I guess I should too.”

“You should,” I agreed. “You’ll make the female population of this town really happy if you do.”

With a chuckle he told me not to get too far ahead of myself. “I’m not Casanova or anything.”
“Casanova would be envious of you, Handsome.”

He blushed, “Remind me to keep potential girlfriends away from you; you’ll fill their heads with your nonsense.”

With Josh finally accepting that we were done for sure, it was easy to slip into a comfortable friend mode with him. As we ate, we cracked jokes and caught up on what had been going on with each other for the last couple months.

Three hours later, the waitress was pretty much kicking us out as she told us that she needed to close her till for the night. “You don’t have to leave,” she said repeatedly but we both knew that it was high time we did.

“Are you going to be ok?” Josh asked as he pulled into Jordan’s driveway four hours after we pulled out of it.

“Of course,” I assured him. “As soon as I curl up next to Jordan, I’ll be great.”

I swear there was a look of longing for a split second before he managed to cover it up. “I’ll see you tomorrow at school,” he said as I got out of his car. “Have a good night.”

After bidding him good night, I made my way up the walk and into Jordan’s house. Even though every light in the house was off, I couldn’t help but feel a rush of excitement as I quickly removed my jacket and boots – the flickering of the TV on the walls of the living room told me that Jordan was still up.

And waiting for me, I thought as I hurried across the kitchen with nothing on my mind other than curling up on the couch with him.

But when I rounded the corner about to tell him to move over, my heart sunk, he appeared to already be asleep.

I’ll just go and change, I told myself. Then I’ll wake him up and lure him into bed.

Just the thought of luring him into bed was enough to build my excitement once again. Turning on my heel, I made my way down the hallway to his room. Once inside, I headed for the bed to turn down the sheets before wandering over to the closet, removing my shirt as I went.

As I stood in front of his dresser in my bra and panties, debating which one of his shirts I would sleep in, I felt a sudden warmth come over me. “Honey,” I pouted. “I was going to join you once I changed.”

“You were?” He yawned. “Sorry.”

“Yeah, I thought you were sleeping,” I explained. “I wanted to be ready for bed so that I wouldn’t have to be away from you for a minute more.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” I turned towards him, expecting to find him right behind me but he was still standing in the doorway, leaning against the door jam. My smile faltered, “Honey?” I frowned as I wondered why he wasn’t next to me, manhandling me like he always did whenever I was half naked in front of him. I started towards him, “Is something wrong Jordy?”

“I don’t know.” His eyes flicked from my face to my chest and back again. “I didn’t think there was but…”

“But what?” I stopped in front of him. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

It took him a few minutes but finally he said, “I thought I was ok with it but then three hours ago your brother calls me to see if you made it home. I told him that you were at the Grillhouse with Josh and he told me that you weren’t, he met up with you and Josh on the side of the highway and sent you home.”

“Jordy it started to –“

“Three hours ago Anna,” he cut in. “Where the hell have you been for three hours?”

Taking a step back, I stared at him. “You are not serious Jordan.”

“Yeah,” he took a step towards me. “I’m serious. You had me worried for hours, there was no answer on your cell and your brother said you should’ve been home before he even called. What the hell Babe?”

“What the hell?” I repeated. “What the hell?!?”

He nodded, waiting for me to answer his question.

Closing my eyes, I counted to ten because I didn’t want to do something stupid. “Jordy,” I opened my eyes and gazed up into his. “On our way to the Grillhouse it started to snow really hard so Josh pulled over and called the restaurant to cancel his reservation. He wanted me to go back to his place and talk but I didn’t want to so we ended up getting into stuff in his car as we sat on the side of the highway. That’s what we were doing when Zack showed up. Yes, he told us to go back to town but you told me to deal with this Josh issue and I was hungry so I suggested that we still went to grab something for dinner.”

I turned away from him and pulled my receipts from my pile of stuff on his dresser. “We went to Boston Pizza,” I held out the papers as I turned back to him. “We started to talk, really talk about what happened and finally he admitted that it was time for him to move on. Our food came, I asked him how Jesse was doing and where he was in his custody fight and then he wanted to know more about us buying a house and how things were going with Jenna. He got me started on you and I couldn’t shut up,” I chuckled and then bit my lip nervously. “We didn’t realize the time, the waitress ended up kicking us out.”

The whole time I spoke, Jordan kept his eyes on my face; he didn’t even bother to glance at the receipts when I gave them to him. “Jordy, honey, please say something.”

Saturday, October 4, 2008

SnoWhere To Go

I think it was a sign. I mean, what else would it be? I don’t think it’s just a coincidence that just as Josh flipped on his signal light to turn onto the main highway that took you out of town, it started to snow. At first there was just a little flurry activity but within seconds you could barely see ten feet in front of the windshield. I swear the smile that appeared on my face the moment the snow picked up was enough to light the entire car.

Josh, on the other hand, wasn’t smiling. He was too busy gripping the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white. I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want to break his concentration but in my head, I was hoping that he’d realize that driving all the way to the Grillhouse was pointless. Even if it wasn’t snowing, it would be pointless; he wasn’t going to gain anything by taking me there.

Ten minutes after we started out, Josh growled his frustration, hit his signal light and pulled off onto the shoulder of the highway. With his hazards clicking every second, he ran his hands through his hair and sighed.

“What’s wrong Josh?” I asked like I didn’t know.

He didn’t even look at me as he reached down and grabbed his cell phone from the cup holder it was laying in. Every little jab at the phone’s keypad told me that he was really ticked off but you wouldn’t know it if you were the one on the other end of the phone. “Hello Marcel, Josh Baker here. I have a reservation for 8 tonight but it looks like I won’t be able to make it…” Josh paused, nodded and then spoke again. “Yes,” he chuckled. “The weather has messed with my plans but…” he glanced at me as he thanked Marcel for understanding.

“So?” Josh snapped his phone shut and turned towards me. “The Grillhouse is out. Where did you want to go now?”

I opened my mouth to respond when he threw, ‘we could go back to my place and talk,’ out. I chuckled softly. “Ah, no.”

“Why not?”

“Why not?” I repeated, not believing that he actually asked me that.

“Yes, why not?” He shifted in his seat. “You said we would talk, what difference does it make where we do it?”

“I’m not going back to your place Josh.” I wasn’t about to budge on that. “I only agreed to talk to you in the first place so you wouldn’t make a scene in front of the kids. I didn’t really want to go to the Grillhouse either.”

“You didn’t?” He sounded surprised. “I thought you liked the Grillhouse.”

“I do,” I admitted.

“Then what was the problem with going there?”

Rolling my eyes, I told him not to play dumb. “You know why the Grillhouse would be a problem.”

He frowned, his forehead ceasing as he looked at me strangely. “No Anna,” he said slowly when he finally spoke. “I don’t know why it’s such a big deal. I worked all day and I’m starving. I wanted to go somewhere where the food was amazing and decently priced. Plus, I haven’t been there in a while and they made some changes to their menus that are mind blowing, according to Rhea.”

As he rambled on I started to wonder if he was telling the truth, and he didn’t think about the last time we were there and how we talked about getting back together, or if he was offended that I didn’t want to go there with him.

I thought I would jog his memory. “When was the last time you were there?” I asked and waited for it to clue in with him that the Grillhouse was a ‘romantic’ restaurant.

“Well,” he rubbed his chin with his hand. “I think the last time I was there, would’ve been this summer – July, maybe August – with Carol.”

My jaw dropped. Literally, I was picking it off the ground. “You took Carol to the Grillhouse?”

He nodded, frowning. “Yeah, I wanted to talk to her about keeping Jesse for a couple extra weeks in September so I asked her to dinner. Why?”

I shrugged; it really didn’t matter to me why he took Carol out for dinner but suddenly I felt like I was making a big deal out of the Grillhouse. Maybe you are making a big deal out of everything, I thought. What if he does only want to go there to talk and doesn’t have any ulterior motives?

“Anna?”

Shaking my head at my overactive imagination, I chuckled. “It’s stupid,” I told him with a laugh. “I actually thought you were taking me to the Grillhouse for a reason.”

Not showing any reaction, he asked me what reason that would be.

“Well,” I shrugged, felling really silly. “The last time I was to the Grillhouse it was the night that we talked about trying again.” Shifting uncomfortably in my seat, I chuckled nervously. “I guess I thought that’s what you were trying for again tonight by going there.”

He opened his mouth, about to say something but I, in my embarrassment, continued to ramble. “But that’s silly because it’s not like it actually would work. I mean….” I trailed off when I realized that Josh’s whole demeanour changed when I said it was silly. “Josh?” I reached out and touched his forearm. “That’s not what you were hoping for, was it?”
He wouldn’t look at me at all.

“It wouldn’t work. It didn’t work back then when we both wanted it to so it stands to reason that it wouldn’t work out now.”

He stared out the driver’s side window.

“It didn’t work out for us then for the same reason it won’t work out now Josh.”

“Jordan.” Josh snarled as he turned his head towards me. “Are you finally admitting that Jordan was never just a friend?”

I nodded. “We didn’t work because as much as I cared for you –”

He snorted.

“I did Josh. I cared for you but it just wasn’t enough. I’ve always loved Jordan.”

For the longest time Josh didn’t say anything and I didn’t have any idea what else there was to say to him. Finally, he told me that he had one question he needed to know the answer to. “I want you to be completely honest Anna.”

“Of course,” I replied more confidently that I felt.

“Besides the kiss, have you ever cheated on me?”

“No,” I replied without hesitation.

“So you didn’t sleep with him while we were still together?”

“No, Josh, I didn’t.”


Josh let out a huge sigh and slumped back in his seat. I started to feel relieved that this was finally over but then he had to say. "It would be so much easier if you were a cheating whore." He then asked me, “What am I supposed to do? I can’t get you out of my head. I ache to hold, touch and kiss you.”

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Don't Wanna Go

When it came for me to leave work, I just wanted to go home and sleep. I had been thinking about the meeting with Josh and I was starting to wonder why I was going to all this trouble to meet with him. Was it crazy to schedule a meeting, or in this case dinner, with a man who has caused nothing but headaches every time we spoke? I’m sure if I were to ask anyone they would’ve said yes. Maybe it was but in any case, I told him I would go, Jordan told me to go and get it over with so I really had no choice but do that or face questions as to why I didn’t.

I didn’t need those questions. I didn’t want anyone to think there was a possibility that I was interested in getting back with Josh. I wasn’t, I was extremely happy with Jordan and I was really excited about our future together. Everyday, as I drove through the streets of my town, I looked for ‘for sale’ signs and made note of the addresses so I could tell Jordan about them and so we could ask Wanda about them when we talked to her. I didn’t come up with anything that Jordan and I agreed on yet, but I knew there was a house out there for us – I felt it.

On my way towards Jordan’s parent’s house to pick up Jenna, I found myself scanning the streets once again, as if there would be ‘for sale’ signs popping up in front yards like magic while I drove. As I laughed at that imagine, I wondered if Jordan would even consider a house in a neighbourhood close to his parents. Sure, he was getting along better with his dad but I didn’t know if being that close is something he would want.

Or if it would be something I’d want either. Don’t get me wrong, I like Hariette and John, even if sometimes it doesn’t seem like I did. I just don’t know if I could handle them coming over all the time, which they would if we lived closer. Then again, I thought. Jordy wouldn’t have so far to go when he needed a babysitter – like this week.

Thinking about a babysitter made me wonder how Jenna was doing with Nana and Papa Pollett. When I dropped her off that morning, Harriet was so happy to see her and Jenna seemed excited to spend the day with them. And although I didn’t hear anything all day from them, I wondered if Jenna’s excitement would’ve been too much for them to handle. Jenna seemed to have endless energy, like her daddy.

It took a few minutes, after I knocked on their front door, for someone to answer my call. At first, the door only opened enough for me to see Jenna peeking out around. “Ah-naa-naa!” She exclaimed with a giggle as her arms reached up towards me.

“Hey Sweetie!” I reached out and grabbed her up into my arms. “Ohhh,” I hugged her tight as I stepped into the porch. “I missed you sooo much!” I puckered up and waited for her to do so as well and then was treated to a sloppy little kiss. “Were you a good girl today?”

“A little angel,” Harriet informed me.

“What are you all standing in the hall for? Come sit down,” John called from the living room.

“I wish I could John,” I took a couple steps further in and glanced into the living room. “But I have to see about Jordy’s supper and then I have a meeting to go to tonight.”

John seemed visibly upset that we couldn’t stay longer.

Glancing at Jenna, I smiled. “Why don’t you go give Papa kisses?” She played shy for a second but as soon as John held out his hands for her, she wiggled in my arms. The moment her feet touched the floor, she was running towards him as fast as she could go.

As John hugged her tight and whispered to her, Harriet gathered up Jenna’s toys and extra clothes. “Was Jordan going to start potty training her soon?” She asked as she stuffed the diapers and wipes into Jenna’s bag.

I shrugged. “I don’t know, when I spoke to him about it, he said he had to talk to Heather.”

Harriet scoffed. “He doesn’t need to talk to Heather, he should just do it. Jenna is going on two; she shouldn’t be in diapers anymore.” She cast a sad look towards Jenna. “It’s a damn shame Anna.”

“I’ll mention it to him again,” I told her. “But it’s not really my call Harriet.”

A potty training lecture and ten minutes later, I finally carried Jenna, her bag and two loaves of homemade bread out of their house and loaded them into my car. While I was snapping Jenna into her seat, I jokingly told her that her daddy was going to be picking her up from now on. “That way Nana can lecture the right one!”

****

Twenty after six, Jenna and I were in the bathroom getting ready for my meeting with Josh. Jenna was sporting the coolest of the cool styles of little girl pjs and pretty little pigtails and I was looking smashing in my robe. “You’re daddy should be home soon,” I told her as she poked through my hair elastics; pulling them over her hand and up her tiny arm as if they were bracelets.

“We’ll get him supper, tell him all about your day with Nana and Papa and then…” The bathroom fan that I had turned on before I got into the shower, suddenly turned off. Whipping around, I couldn’t help but feel excited as my eyes came to rest on Jordan’s tired, but handsome face. “Jordy!”

Grabbing Jenna from the vanity, I quickly made my way across to where he was leaning against the door jam. “We were just wondering when you were coming home.”

“I heard,” he chuckled. When I went to give him a kiss, he stopped me. “I’m all oily,” he showed me his hands.

“So?” I reached out my hand to stroke his cheek. “When has that ever stopped you before?”

Before he replied, Jordan turned his head so that his lips were pressed against the palm of my hand. “Wouldn’t want to get you dirty again, you know, before your date.”

Rolling my eyes, I pulled my hand away. “It’s not a date. If it were, you would be there, not him!” Handing Jenna to him, I told him that I didn’t even want to meet with Josh. “But you want me to deal with it.”

“Hey now,” he plopped Jenna back into the counter before reaching to turn me around to face him. “Don’t be like that, you know I only suggested that you talk to him so he doesn’t cause problems for you while working on the show.”

“I know.” I sighed. “It just shouldn’t be this hard Jordan. Why is he pulling this crap now? If he cared at all for me, why didn’t he show that this summer when he still had somewhat of a chance?”

Jordan shrugged.

“Or better still, why didn’t he trust me in the beginning? I was all for making our relationship work but he kept bringing that damn kiss up every chance he got!” Staring up at him, I told him that I didn’t understand why Josh thought now was a good time. “He should’ve done this months ago, not now when I-“

“Don’t know why he’s doing it Anna.” Jordan jumped in before I could finish. Then he changed the subject. “I should shower and you have to get ready, he’s soon going to be here.”

As I watched Jordan strip for his shower, I couldn’t help but get the feeling I said something to upset him. But what? I wondered. I was only telling him that I didn’t understand why Josh thought he had a chance when I was more than happy in my relationship with him.

****

I was seated at the table with Jordan and Jenna, watching them eat and wishing I was joining them, when the doorbell rang, startling me.

“Josh is here,” Jordan informed me unnecessarily. With a glance at the clock on the wall, he said he was on time as well.

I just nodded. I couldn’t bring myself to get up to answer the door.

When the doorbell rang again, Jordan looked at me, mumbled something and then stood up. “Don’t worry, I got it.”

I felt as if I was facing a firing squad when I finally managed to push up from the table, give Jenna a kiss - ‘be good for daddy’, I told her - and head out to the front door. “Hey Josh,” I barely managed to muster enough cheer to make it sound like I was happy to see him.

His eyes lit up as he turned to me. “Wow Anna, you look beautiful tonight.”

“Thanks,” I flashed him a smile – at least, I hope it looked like a smile – and then turned towards Jordy. “I shouldn’t be too long,” I told him as my hand trailed up his arm.

“Take as long as you need,” he told me when his eyes met mine. “I’m not going anywhere.”

I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face. I kissed him. “Good,” I whispered against his cheek. “That’s what I needed to know.”

“You should go and hurry back,” he told me.

Reluctantly, I pulled away from Jordan. “Ok Josh,” I grabbed my jacket. “Let’s have that talk.”

Jordan waited until I was safely in Josh’s car before he closed the front door to return to his dinner and daughter.

Josh, when he climbed into the driver’s seat, commented that he was expecting a bigger show of affection. “What’s wrong Anna?” He wanted to know. “When we were dating, you couldn’t keep your hands off me – as my mom found out when she caught us making out in her hallway.”

I simply replied, "I grew up."