Speechless

They lost track of time. That was Jordan’s grandparents’ excuse when the boys returned to the house with them in tow. “They bumped into old friends,” Jordan explained when we finally settled around the dinning room table. “We found them standing in the parking lot, chatting like they had all the time in the world.”

Chuckling softly, he told me that his grandmother was shocked to see his brothers and him. “She didn’t seem to understand why anyone would be worried about them. She told me that they knew where they were and that was all that mattered.”

Dinner went by without an incident, which was unusual for his family. The biggest ‘argument’ that erupted was a heated discussion about potty training – Harriet was trying to get Jordan to start without talking to Heather about it and his grandmother was on Jordan’s side, telling Harriet that it wasn’t up to her. “Harriet, you didn’t like it when I stuck my nose into the way you raised your boys, don’t you think you should leave Jenna’s care up to Jordan?”

As Harriet gave into her mother in law, I wondered if that would be me in a couple years. Would I be going along with whatever she said just to keep the peace? Or would I argue my point until she gave in? I really didn’t have the answer to that question but, for some reason, I wasn’t really worried about it either; I knew I would do whatever I needed to make sure that we understood each other – or tried to.

Jordan’s arm slipped around my shoulders, “Are you coming?”

“What?” I gave him a confused look and he motioned around the nearly empty table.

“Everyone is moving into the living room,” he informed me as he stood up. “Are you coming? My grandparents have big news, apparently.”

“Oh, of course I’m coming.” I felt silly as I slipped my hand into his. “I’m sorry, I spaced out there for a minute.”

“I know,” he chuckled while we followed behind everyone else as they headed towards the living room. “I wanted to do that as well when they started to criticize my parenting skills.”

“You Nan stuck up for you. I heard her tell your mom to butt out.”

With a grin, Jordan told me he almost laughed out loud when she said it. “Mom won’t say anything back but you know I’m going to hear it later when if she manages to get me alone.”

Squeezing his hand, I gave him a smile. “Don’t worry Jordy, I got your back.”

We were the last ones to enter the living room and with everyone watching us, waiting for us to sit down, we quickly made our way towards the far corner where the only vacant seat remained. Offering that last seat to me, Jordan knelt down onto the floor beside the chair and rested his shoulder against it. “Hope this doesn’t take too long,” he whispered, his head tilted back to watch me as I took my seat. “Don’t want my butt to fall asleep.”

“Don’t worry,” I ruffled his hair. “I’ll help you wake it up, if necessary.” I guess my comment wasn’t expected, Jordan laughed out loud drawing the attention of his whole family who wanted to know what was so funny. “It was nothing,” I replied as Jordan asked what the big news was.

His grandparents glanced around the room at all of us and then at each other. “Do you want to tell them?” His grandfather asked his grandmother. “Or do you want me to tell them?”

“You can tell them Dear,” she replied with a smile. “I’ll just….” She trailed off as she turned to grab something that wasn’t there. “Johnny, where did you put my purse?” John told her he believed she left it in the dining room. “Could you fetch it for me Johnny?”

Beside me, Jordan grinned and I knew it was because of his father’s immediate move to get up to ‘fetch’ his grandmother’s purse. Jordan always got a kick out of seeing his dad do his grandmother’s bidding because it was the only time John let anyone tell him what to do.

While John left the room to fetch his mother’s purse, Jenna, who was up with John when we sat down, now found herself standing in the middle of the living room unsure of what happened. I watched her slowly look around at the many faces in the room before her big green eyes settled on her daddy. “Dada,” she giggled as she started to run towards us as quickly as her tiny feet could take her.

Jordan laughed when Jenna plopped her butt down on his lap. “Thought you forgot about me,” he teased her as she wiggled around and ‘talked’ to him.

When John came back in the room with the purse, the first thing he seemed to do after he sat down was look across the room at Jordan and Jenna playing. I don’t know if it was just my imagination but he looked a little disappointed that Jenna wasn’t waiting for him to come back. It was only a moment though, for he quickly turned towards Nick, Amy and Bradley and stood again. Holding out his hands for Bradley, John asked if he could hold his grandson.

Not a word was spoken as John lifted Bradley carefully from Nick’s arms and returned to his seat next to Harriet. Once he was seated comfortably as possible with Harriet hanging over his shoulder to coo at Bradley, John happened to glance our way again.

I caught his eye and smiled at him.

He cleared his throat. “Mom, dad, what was it you wanted to tell us?”

As if he reminded her, his mother reached into her purse and pulled out a small handful of envelopes. Flipping through them, she smiled when she came across the one she was looking for. “There you go Johnny,” she held out the envelope to her son.

“What is this?” John asked as he took the envelope.

“Open it,” his mother replied as she stood, flipping through the rest of the envelopes as she went. “You father will explain it.” Glancing up from the envelopes, she smiled and headed for Mike and Eric. “Here you go Michael,” she said as she handed him a similar envelope before moving on to Nick.

“Nicholas,” she read off as she handed him one. “And Bradley,” she handed that one to Amy.

Curiosity and confusion, that’s the look that most of his family had on their faces as she crossed the room to where Jordan and I were seated. “Jordan,” she held out the last two envelopes to him. “One is for you and the other is for Jenna.”

“What is it Nan?” Jordan asked as he stared up at her.

“Why,” she smiled at him. “It’s a gift.”

No one made a move to open the envelopes. “Go on,” she prompted them. “Open the envelopes.”

“Yes,” her husband jumped in. “Open them up.”

They waited and waited but still no one moved. “Oh my,” Jordan’s grandmother turned to her husband. “Maybe you should tell them now so they will open it.”

“Oh of course,” Jordan’s grandfather grinned as he glanced around the room at his family and announced, “We sold the farm.”

Jaws hit the floor and John hit the roof. He demanded to know why they sold and why he wasn’t aware of it. He had so many questions, all of which he fired off immediately but his parents weren’t shaken, they told him that they thought long and hard about it and it was the right choice for them. “We didn’t sell it all,” they explained when John demanded to know where they were going to live. “We kept the house and a couple acres. We didn’t need all that land Johnny.”

We watched in shock and horror as John continued to rant and rave about them selling the land without letting him or the rest of the family know. “Calm down Johnny,” his mother snapped. “Your father and I had been talking for years about selling the land and giving a little something to our kids and their families. We aren’t getting any younger and we wanted to do this now instead of burdening our children with it after we passed on.”

“Brian and Meredith already know about this?”

“No, they don’t know. We decided to tell you and your family first, since you are the oldest Johnny.” Noticing that no one had opened the envelopes still, Jordan’s grandmother ordered her grandkids to open them.

Jordan and Mike didn’t make a move to open it but Nick, after being poked in the ribs by Amy, turned the envelope over and ripped the flap open. Amy leaned in over his shoulder as he pulled out the cheque inside. Amy’s eyes popped out of her head and Nick went pale as she shrieked, “$50,000?”

“That’s right,” Nan replied. “$50,000 for each of the grandkids and $25,000 for our little great grandkids.”

A Little Something

Mornings seemed to come long before I was ready for them. That Sunday morning, seemed to come a lot earlier than most. Or maybe it was all because of the man sleeping soundly beside me and his almost insatiable hunger the night before.

Every single inch of my body was aching as I attempted to roll onto my side. “You better be as sore as me,” I muttered when I finally managed to make it over. As I lowered my to his chest, I noticed a small smirk on his lips. “You aren’t sore, are you?”


His smirk widened into a huge grin as he rolled onto his side. “I have an ache,” he whispered while lowering his mouth to my neck. “Help me with it, Babe. Please?”

Normally, I wouldn’t hesitate to ease his ‘ache’ – sex with Jordan was amazing and I enjoyed it greatly – but while he kissed my neck, I couldn’t do anything. It took all my energy just to slip my hand around his bare back. “Jordy…” I sighed.

He groaned softly and rubbed my back. Chuckling, I told him that it didn’t matter how gently he caressed my back, he wasn’t getting any. “Wasn’t the three times last night…?” Jordan started to shake his head before I even finished my question. I smiled, “Can’t get enough of me Jordy?”

Once again, he shook his head. “No,” he smiled. “I can’t. I wake up every morning and I reach for you. I find I can’t fall asleep unless you’re pressed up against me. At work, something’ll happen, I’ll think of you and I can barely concentrate on the job at hand.” Taking a deep breath, he shrugged. “I don’t know what to do anymore, this is so new to me and…” He bit his lip and shifted his position. “I want to talk about the other night. I need to tell you some things Anna.”


Silence settled over the room. I was waiting for him to continue but as he stared down at me, I started to think that he was waiting for me to say something. I said the only thing I could think of, “I’m listening.”

Over the next hour, Jordan talked to me about everything from our childhood friendship to our adult relationship. I found out a lot of stuff that I didn’t know before, like I was the ‘star’ of his first ‘wet’ dream. “Do you remember the summer after Nick and I turned 12? You went with us to our grandparents’ acreage for two months.”


I nodded. “It was the first time your parents let us stay there without them.”

“Yeah, it was the best summer ever – no dad for two whole months.” He paused as if reflecting on that first summer of freedom. “Not only was it the first summer without my parents’, it was also the first summer I realized that you were a girl.”


“What?” I snorted. “You knew I was a girl long before that summer.”

“Well…” he nodded hesitantly. “Yes, I knew you were a chick but it wasn’t until that summer, down by the pond, when I realized that you were a girl.” His eyes widened at whatever memory he was recalling.


I asked him about it. “What was so special about that summer and the pond?”

He opened his mouth to speak but it was his eyes that told the story as they drifted southwards until they came to rest on the swell of my breast. “Those,” he sighed. “I don’t know how it happened but….damn, Babe you seemed to sprout those overnight and that bathing suit you wore did nothing to conceal them.”


I laughed. “Pervert!”

“Yes,” he admitted. “But it made me feel weird. I didn’t know what the hell was going on with me; suddenly I couldn’t be around you without getting excited.” Pushing up on his elbow, he leaned in over me. “Do you have any idea what it was like for me to suddenly have dreams of kissing you? To dream that we were playing around in the water but it wasn’t the same as it’s always been.”


“Hmm, I always wondered why you acted different that summer. Nick told me it was because you were afraid that your parents would show up if you did anything wrong.”

“It felt wrong Anna. The way you made me feel then – the same way you make me feel now – I thought it was wrong because you don’t have those feelings for your best friend.”


“But…” My fingers trailed down his side to his thigh. “You obviously got over that feeling.”

“Obviously,” he kissed my forehead. “It stopped feeling wrong a while ago when I discovered that masturbating made it all better.”


Rolling my eyes, I attempted to turn away from him but he stopped me. “But seriously Anna, things changed that summer and they changed again when we decided to give us a chance. Since then, I’ve been worrying that I’m going to do something to fuck it all up.”

“Jordan you can’t –”


“But I can and I do,” he stated as he fell back against the mattress. “The other night, after we fought, I thought for sure that you wouldn’t be here when I got home – so I didn’t want to come home.”

“I know,” I stroked his cheek. “Nick told me about your visit to his place.” He didn’t say a word; he just laid there, staring up at the ceiling for the longest time. “Jordy, I won’t lie, I did think about leaving because I didn’t want to argue with you and I didn’t know what kind of mood you would be in when you did come home. I wanted to give us both a chance to cool off.”


“You stayed though,” he pulled me close.

“Yeah, I stayed. My nieces talked some sense into me, they told me that we were friends and lovers, and nothing would change that – we just needed to talk it out.”


“Smart kids,” he replied. “Weird ones too because who says ‘lovers’ these days?”

Smiling, I told him Lindsay did. “It’s the historical romance novels she reads.”


****

“I think we were going about this wrong,” he had told me while we were still in bed. “We jumped into looking for a house without really discussing what we wanted beyond my desire for at least three bedrooms and two bathrooms. We need to discuss what else we want and go from there.”


Later that afternoon Jordan and I were curled up on the couch with a copy each of the most recent Realty Guide and my laptop with the MLS option page displayed on the screen. “A finished basement,” Jordan added. “So our children will have a place to play and hang out with it is minus 40 outside.” I agreed it was one thing I loved about my brother’s house; I always had a place to play, no matter what the weather. “What would you like in our house Anna?”

I didn’t have to think too long, I knew a few things I wanted. “I would like a big kitchen,” I told him. “With stainless steel appliances, under the counter microwave and a double oven.” Looking up from my copy of the Realty Guide, I told him that I would like a window over the sink so I could look out over the yard where our children would play.

Jordan put his copy down and gazed at me. “What else would you like Babe?”

“A place for us, to enjoy ourselves once the kids are in bed – a bathroom with a tub big enough for us to both relax it in, or a living room with a fireplace where we could sit together in the glow of the fire.” Closing my eyes, I pictured Jordan and I cuddling on the couch with a cup of hot chocolate each as we talked and watched the snow fall outside our window. “Jordan.” I opened my eyes. “How much do you have your heart set on finding a house in town?”

“What do you mean?” He rubbed his jaw. “You don’t want to live in town?”

“Well…” I shrugged. “Since we are being honest about what we want, I have to admit that the idea of living in town isn’t one I’m opposed to but I do love the idea of living out of town.” I went on to tell him that, as he knew, the best times of my life (and his) happened out of town. “I don’t know, I just feel that our kids would have more room and be safer if we didn’t live in town.”

“Yes, but what about the possibility of getting snowed in? Or some other event that stops us from getting the kids to school or us to work?”

“Jordy,” I smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “We risk that living in town too but you asked what I would like and it’s something I would like us to keep in mind.” Reaching out, I placed my hand on his. “I have no objects about living in town; I just like the idea of being out of town.”

He nodded thoughtfully. “And what about something like this?” He motioned around his living room. “A house that’s on the outer limits of town so it has the benefits of both worlds.”

“Exactly!” I exclaimed with a chuckle. “We’ll have to find something like this.”

With a snort, he glanced around his living room once more before turning towards me. “Do you think I should’ve held on to this house?” Staring him straight in the eyes, I told him I was behind his decision 100%. “Good,” he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “I wanted something ‘new’ for us – something that would make us both happy.”

After a couple hours, we had found a couple houses that met some of our main requirements – 2 were in town and 1 was out of town. “I just hope one looks as good in person as they do on paper.”

****

Jordan’s grandparents were late. Dinner was supposed to be at 6 but at 7:30 we were still sitting in the living room, waiting to hear that they were ok.

“I should’ve gone to get them,” John said as he paced back and forth from the front door to the living room every couple minutes. “I told them that it was supposed to snow but they don’t listen to me.”

Jordan, who had been sitting restlessly beside me, stood up and motioned his brothers to join him. “Dad?” He followed John out of the room. “Why don’t Mike, Nick and I go see if we can find them?”

“No, no.” John stopped, shaking his. “I should go find them, they are my parents. You boys stay with your mother.”

“Dad,” Mike grabbed hold of John’s arm. “You stay with mom and the boys and I will see what’s keeping Nan and Pop.”

A brief, heated discussion John returned to his pacing while snapping at the boys to hurry up. “And call me if you find them!”

Closer

After a long silence, Nick asked me if Jordan told me why he didn’t come home until after midnight. When I said no, that we hadn’t talked about what happened yet, that we would when Jenna was asleep, Nick just said, ‘oh’.

“Was there something I should know?”

“No, nothing really.”

“Oh,” I frowned. “Then why did you ask that Nick?”

“Just wanted to know if he told you how crazy he is, that’s all.”

Jordan came wandering down the hallway with Jenna bundled up in a towel. I raised a brow in his direction. “Crazy? What do you mean Nick?”

“Hold on a minute, ok Nick?” When he said ok, I smiled at Jordy. “What’s up?”

“Kisses?” Jordan held Jenna out to me and she didn’t waste any time leaning forward to wrap her chubby little arms around my neck. “I’m going to read her the ‘Three Little Pigs’ tonight.” He gave me a kiss on the forehead as Jenna slobbered on my cheek.

“Good choice,” I grinned. “She loves your little piggy voice.”

“Nah,” Jordan shook his head. “It’s my big bad wolf.” Pulling Jenna away from me, he held her up over his head and in a deep, gruff voice, he said, “I’ll huff and I’ll puff and…” Lowering Jenna he blew loudly on her belly, making her giggle like mad.

Just watching Jordan laughing with Jenna made me so happy. “Hey Jordy?”

Lowering Jenna to his chest, he raised a brow in my direction. “Yeah Babe?”

With a smile, I grabbed a handful of his shirt and pulled him near. “I love you Jordan Randall Pollett.” At the mere mention of his middle name, Jordy screwed up his face, he hated it but it was his mother’s father’s name so he was stuck with it. Besides, I kinda liked it but I would never tell him that.

“Love you too.” He kissed my cheek and started to turn away but stopped. Turning back, he gave me a once over before his eyes locked on mine. As I glazed into his eyes, there was something in them that just took my breath away. “I’ve always loved you Anna, for as long as I can remember.”

Yeah, I couldn’t speak a word, that got to me.

Jordan turned and wandered off down the hallway with Jenna half hanging over his shoulder, grinning at me.

I couldn’t wipe the grin off my face until a voice in my ear said, “Once again she forgets about me when Jordan Randall is around.”

“Whatever Nicholas –“

“Don’t even!”

“What?” I laughed. “You don’t like your middle name either, do you Clyde?”

“ANNA! Why do you …. Argh! Women!”

“Love you Nicky.”

“Yeah, yeah. Shithead.”

Smiling, I asked him how he was doing. “How is Bradley and Amy? Jordan said that Bradley wasn’t feeling that great, does he have a cold?”

Nick told me that Bradley had a fever so they took him to the ER. “Amy was so upset. I told her he just had a cold but she wouldn’t listen to a word I said, she told me that I didn’t know anything because I wasn’t a doctor or a woman.”

“Come on Nick, it’s your first baby, of course Amy’s going to be worried. Besides, it’s never a good thing for a baby to have a fever.”

“Yeah but she doesn’t have to assume that I know nothing because I’m just a dad. I read the same damn books she did and I have both our mom’s telling me the same stuff they tell her. So what I didn’t give birth to him, he’s still my son and I’m just as capable of figuring out when something is wrong with him.”

“Sounds like something you should talk to Amy about Nick. You know, when you both are calm.”

“I tried to talk to her,” he admitted. “But Jordan showed up with a screaming Jenna and that pissed Amy off even more because she had just gotten Bradley to sleep.”

“I’m sorry Nick.”

Nick sighed. “Not your fault my brother is a moron and Amy’s moody.”

“It kind of was my fault, the whole reason Jordan showed up at your place.”

“No,” Nick replied. “Jordan showed up at my place because he was too chicken shit to go home.”

“Because he didn’t want to fight.”

“No, because he didn’t want to go home to an empty house – he was so certain that he ruined everything with you, he thought you wouldn’t be there when he went home. He stayed here as long as he could before Amy told him to grow up and go deal with his problems like a man.”

Nick went on to tell me how much of a wreck Jordan was when he showed up at his place. “I thought something bad happened because I’ve never seen him like that before. Plus, Jenna crying and calling out to you didn’t help him at all, he kept telling her that he screwed up and you might not be there anymore.”

“Oh…” I sighed. “It was our first real fight Nick and yeah, I guess, with my past behaviour in similar situations Jordan would have ever reason to think I would leave.”

“You didn’t leave, obviously.”

“No, but I thought about it. Just to give him time to think about what he said and why it upset me.”

“But you didn’t leave,” he repeated.

“I couldn’t, not really.”

****

“Jordan?” I had finished my conversation with Nick moments before and I realized that I hadn’t heard a peep from Jordan since he went to read Jenna a story. “Honey?” I wandered down the hallway towards Jenna’s room but when I got to her door, the lights were all off except for her Dora nightlight and Jordan wasn’t anywhere to be found.

From Jenna’s room, I made my way to his room, thinking that maybe he decided to change before coming out to join me in the living room but once again I came to a dark room with no Jordan. "Jordy?” I started to think I was losing it, thinking that he must’ve slipped by me while I was on the phone. I started back down the hallway towards the kitchen.

“Jordy?” I glanced around the kitchen and felt my heart sink when I found another empty room. Disappointed, I turned to head back to the living room and damn near ran over Jordan. “I was looking….” The look in his eyes made me forget what I was saying, he looked hungry.

Moments later, I knew just how hungry when his mouth came crashing down on mine.