The End Of An Evening

We went back inside the pub not long after Josh said that. Jordan and Bella were lost in whatever they were talking about that they didn’t even see us until we sat down. Then the look on both of their faces told me that they were wondering what the hell I would do next, I felt like a complete dumb ass. And although I apologized to both of them, I still felt that they were waiting for me to do something stupid again.

The waitress had brought our food just after we sat down, so that gave us something to do without having to talk too much, well they all were talking but I was relatively quiet. Not because of what I did tonight but because of the last words Josh spoke to me outside, before the ‘let’s go back inside’ that is; “it’s the being without you I can’t handle,” I smiled as I remembered those words. There are no words to describe the feeling I got when I heard him say that, even as I sat there with this goofy grin on my I couldn’t even begin to think of how I could’ve responded to that.

When I glanced over at him, he was telling some story about one of the times he went to a tournament with his team; I wasn’t sure what it was because I wasn’t really paying attention. I watched his lips move as he spoke, I don’t know why I was staring at his mouth but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from them. It was like I was in a trance; all the noise and people around me seemed to disappear until there seemed to be only us in the room. I closed my eyes as my mind started to flash images of the many times those lips were doing other things besides talking.

I don’t know how long I was staring at him before he turned towards me. He said something but all I heard was the words he spoke earlier but the words came long after his mouth stopped moving, so I knew that he wasn’t saying that again. I shook my head, trying to snap out of the trance that engulfed me. “Anna? Honey are you ok?” His voice was full of concern when I finally heard him again.

“Yes,” I smiled up at him. “I was just…” I frowned, what was I? Lost in thoughts of him? I giggled and shrugged. “I’m fine.” He didn’t seem to believe me though; he was still giving me that look of concern. “I was just thinking,” I told him. “About you.” He didn’t ask me what I was thinking, I don’t think he really needed to, I was pretty sure the look in my eyes gave him a good idea.

He seemed to shift a little in his chair and gave me this look that told me he was thinking about the same stuff I was. Josh slid his chair closer to mine and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. When he smiled down at me, I gave him a kiss on the lips.

We sat like that for the remainder of the time we were there with Jordan and Bella, which was only about an hour more. I wish I could say what we were talking about but it seems to escape me at the moment.

When we left the pub that night, I asked Josh to come over to the house but he hesitated. I asked him what was wrong and he told me that he had to work in the morning so he didn’t think he should stay at the house. “Besides, what happens if Jordan brought Bella back there? Do you really want to interrupt their night?”

“It wouldn’t be an interruption, it’s not like I’m expecting them to entertain me,” I told him. “I live there too Josh.”

“Maybe tomorrow Anna,” he said as he pulled to a stop by his place.

I shook my head, “We both know that won’t happen you have Jesse tomorrow.”

Josh sighed, “Well what do you want me to do Anna?”

“Nothing,” I replied. “Just take me home.”

“Anna come on,” he reached out to touch my arm but I pulled away from him.

“I just want to go home Josh.” I have no idea why it suddenly mattered to me where I slept that night. I loved being at Josh’s place because I felt more like our relationship was actually going somewhere, I was comfortable being with him and it was easy to picture us being together forever. But as much as I could picture us together, I didn’t feel that his place was ‘ours’ and for some reason that made me feel out of sorts that night.

Josh drove me home like I asked him but the second he drove away; I wondered what the hell was wrong with me. Sure I wanted him to come back here and when he didn’t want to, I got upset. But the moment I walked into the house I felt so stupid, all I wanted was to be with him. I grabbed the phone, I was going to call him and tell him I was being silly. I was in the middle of dialing his number when Jordan walked into the house.

“Hey!” He seemed surprised to see me. “What are you doing here? I thought you were going to be spending the night with Josh, especially after the looks you were giving him.”

And that made me feel even more like an idiot, I stared down at the phone in my hand, Josh’s number half punched into it. “Hey,” Jordan’s tone changed, he seems to be concerned now. “What happened?” He asked as he stood in front of me. “Did you and Josh have a fight?”

I told him I didn’t want to talk about it. “Come on,” he took my hand in his and led me to the living room. “Tell Jordy all about it,” he said once we were seated on the couch.

I’m not sure how long we sat there, I didn’t want to talk about it but he wouldn’t let me change the subject. So we sat there in silence. When I went to grab the remote to turn on the TV, he stopped me. “No, there’s something bothering you and I want to know what it is.”

“Jordan,” I sighed, I didn’t know what was wrong, so how could I talk about it?

He gave my shoulder a squeeze, “Babe I have a feeling that this is linked to whatever was bothering you before we went out.” He looked down at me. “What’s going on Anna? Are you having second thoughts about your relationship with Josh?”