Night Cap

I knew that wasn’t the case, I knew that I was sure about my feelings for Josh. I was happy in the relationship but there were times that I wanted…more. When I told Jordan this he looked even more confused. “I’m not sure I follow Babe. What do you mean you want more? What more is there?”

I shrugged, “I don’t know. I just feel that our relationship has already hit a brick wall. I barely see him during the week, unless I go over there. Tonight was an exception, I honestly didn’t think he would show up, that’s part of the reason I wasn’t too excited about going out.”

“What’s wrong with going over there?” He asked.

“I normally work evenings during the week Jordy, so by the time I get there he’s half asleep or already snoring away. I don’t get to spend anymore time with him if I go there. The only time I really see him now is the weekends that he don’t have Jesse.”

“Well then, make those count, do something on those weekends.”

I shook my head, “They are no more remember? He has Jesse every weekend now, that’s his part of what he was out ‘celebrating’ tonight.” I sighed, “I just wanted him to spend the night here with me, I just wanted to be out of his apartment for once but he said he couldn’t. That maybe he’ll do it tomorrow. He has Jesse tomorrow, so I know he won’t.”

Jordan just sat there watching me, I didn’t know what he was thinking but I was betting it wasn’t good. “I just,” I sighed again. “I don’t feel that I rate very high on his priorities list. I don’t need to be first but I feel like I rate even lower than his work does.”

“Anna, you knew going into this relationship that he was a busy guy. Your brother told you that. Did you really think he would change his life around for you?”

I stared at Jordan, “Yes, I did. I’m sorry I thought I would matter enough to him that he would sleep over here once.”

Jordan went to say something but I told him I wasn’t interested in hearing him tell me I didn’t matter, he told me I was being selfish and I told him that he was a prick.

I ended up leaving him sitting there in the living room as I stormed off to my room. I didn’t even bother to undress or anything; I just crawled into bed and curled up.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I remember is being jarred awake as my room door opened. “Jordan just go away,” I snapped as I felt myself tense in my bed.

I listened and heard my room door close, I relaxed a little. Then I heard footsteps coming closer, “I really don’t want to hear it again, I heard you the first time you said I didn’t matter.” I felt the bed shift, “Just go away please?”

A cool breeze against my back as the covers lifted, I went to ask him what the hell he thought he was doing when he spoke. “I would never tell you that you didn’t matter.”

I turned around quickly, “Josh?” I reached out my hands and felt his chest. “What are you…?”

“I told you,” he said as his arms slipped around me, pulling me to his body. “It’s the being without you I can’t handle.”

And like the baby I am, I cried when he spoke those words.