Talk About A Conversation Stopper

All conversation seemed to stall at that moment, the room went from being so noisy that you couldn’t hear yourself think, to dead quiet. Everyone’s attention was on Josh and Walter; everyone was wondering the same thing, is he bringing Josh good news or bad news?

Josh looked unsure of what to do as he glanced back and forth between his mom and Walter.

“Do see what Walter wants Joshua,” His mother reached up to touch his arm. “We can talk after.” Helen didn’t have to tell him twice, Josh left his mother’s side and disappeared from the room with Walter.

The moment they left the room erupted in conversation again; everyone seemed to be talking about the custody situation. I tried to block it all out, not because I didn’t want to hear what they had to say, I was more concerned about how Josh was doing. And Jesse, I turned my attention to Jesse who was looking very confused as he heard his parents names in everyone’s conversations. I stood up and excused myself from the table, not that anyone was really paying any attention to me, and went over to where Jesse was.

“Hey sweetie,” I knelt by his chair. “How is your lunch? Did you need anything?”

“Ama?” Jess turned to me, “Where daddy?” Smiling, I told him that his dad had to go talk to the man that was just here. “Is daddy bad?”

“No sweetie, they just have to talk about some stuff that can’t wait.”

Jess thought about this for a second before he motioned for me to come closer. When I leaned in so he could speak in my ear he asked me if the man was here to take him away.

I sat back on my heels; I was surprised at his question. “Of course not Jesse!” Once I got over the initial shock, I gathered him in my arms and gave him a tight squeeze, “No one here wants to take you away, everyone wishes you were around all the time.”

Jesse gave me a little kiss on the cheek and returned to his lunch like nothing had happened.

Not long after I returned to my chair, Josh came back into the dining room and sat down next to me. I wanted to ask him if everything was ok but by the way he was sitting I knew that something was wrong and he didn’t want to talk about it. So I did all I could do without questioning him and possibly upsetting him. Moving closer to his side, I laid my hand on his back, lovingly stroking up and down his spine as I continued to eat my lunch.

“Did Walter leave Joshua?” His mother inquired.

Josh nodded but didn’t look up from his plate, “Yes mom he did. He said something about having plans to go visit his daughter.”

He didn’t say anything else and I got the feeling that everyone was expecting him to just blurt out what happened. What the hell is wrong with these people? Don’t they know that he needs some time to think about what was said before he talks about it? I knew it was wrong of me to think like that but it was obvious that whatever Walter said wasn’t good, and Josh would talk about it when he was ready.

The conversation around the table stuck to light subjects and as time slowly went by I could feel Josh start to relax under my hand. We were waiting for dessert when Josh reached out his hand to slide it around me. “Thank you,” he whispered against my ear.

“You’re welcome,” I smiled up at him. “You were pretty tense.”

He nodded as he pulled my chair closer to his. “I was hoping for something better than what he had to tell me,” he said in a low voice that I could barely even hear.

“Oh,” I frowned. “Walter had some bad news?”

Josh shook his head slightly, “No not really. He wanted to know if I really fired Roy. I told him I did, I told him that I didn’t trust Roy at all, that he wasn’t giving me anything I didn’t already know.”

“Was Walter upset with this?” I couldn’t figure out why he would make a trip here just to talk about the private investigator.

“No, he was actually relieved. He told me that he advised my father that hiring him wouldn’t help us out any but dad was so certain it would help.”

“So that’s all he came here for? To talk about Roy?”

“Well,” Josh glanced around the room, his gaze fell upon Jesse and that’s where it stayed. “He had some papers for me to sign. I told him today that I want an investigation into Jesse’s life with Carol; there is no reason my son should be that afraid to go home every single time. I’m tired of it and I’m so worried about what it’s doing to him mentally; it can’t be good Anna. Hell I can’t even handle it when he cries out like that; it rips me to shreds to hear it. And just knowing that I can’t do anything to stop it?” A low growl came from deep in his throat. “If I even try to keep him with me, I could have criminal charges pressed against me and I can’t have that; I can’t do anything to risk losing him.” Josh was shaking as he finished.

“Honey,” I caressed his cheek. “This will work out, they will do an investigation and find that his home life with Carol isn’t healthy, you will get full custody.”

He closed his eyes, “There’s something else Anna. Something Walter said that had me worried.”

“What is it Josh?”

Sighing, he opened his eyes again. “Walter told me that he came over here because he wanted to tell me something,” he paused once again look in Jesse’s direction. “He got a call from Carol’s lawyer, a curtsey call I guess so he knows what’s going to happen.”

“What did he say?”

“He said that Carol’s lawyer said that she is talking about changing the custody agreement. Walter said that Don, Carol’s lawyer, told him that he advised Carol not to go ahead with what she was planning.” Josh groaned as he lifted his hand to his temple.

“Did he say what she was planning on doing?” Josh shook his head. “Well maybe it’s not so bad?” I asked hopefully.

“Not so bad?” Josh chuckled, “Obviously you have no idea just how bad it can be Anna. I’m talking about my son here, there’s no way I’m going to let that bitch take anymore time away from me.” He chuckled again, muttering under his breath. “Not so bad? Maybe if you have no feelings at all and it doesn’t disrupt your world, it isn’t so bad.”

I sat back in my chair and stared at him. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing,” he went to reach for me but I moved away from his hands.

“No, tell me what you meant.” I took a deep breath to try and stop from showing how upset I was at that comment. “I’ll have you know I do have feelings. It kills me to see Jesse that upset when he leaves you, and to see you hurting like that as well.”

“Anna,” Josh reached for me again but this time I jumped up from the table.

“You may be his father and it may seem like no one knows what you are going through. But do you honestly think you are the only one who is frustrated by this?” I asked him but I didn’t stop to let him reply. “You have how many people in this room who would give anything to change this for you? Anyone in here would bleed if it meant you’d gain full custody.” I could feel everyone’s attention on me but that didn’t stop me from continuing my rant. “I didn’t realize that trying to be optimistic and hoping for the best until you found out what was going on was such a bad thing. But you can be damn sure I won’t make that mistake again.” I turned on my heel and stormed out of the dining room.

I didn’t stop when I heard Josh call out to me, nor did I stop when I got to the living room. I continued on down the hall to the front door. I was in the middle of putting on my jacket when Josh spun me around to face him.

He stared down at me, his eyes darkened by his anger. “Don’t do that!” He yelled at me.

“Don’t yell at me!” I yelled back at him.

His lip started to twitch as a smile threatened to take over; his anger seemed to melt away enough that his eyes weren’t so icy anymore. “Please don’t walk out on me,” he begged.