Same Old Questions, Where Are The Answers?

The need to use the bathroom was the reason I woke up from my sleep. It was the reason I crawled out of my nice warm bed. But needing to use the bathroom wasn’t the reason I left my incredibly handsome boyfriend sleeping soundly all by his lonesome.

It was almost 5 in the morning, the sun was still no where close to rising but by the look of the light coming from the kitchen, someone was up. I made my way to the kitchen but I wasn’t all that surprised to see Jordan sitting at the table. I stood there and watched him for a while, he had the picture I mentioned earlier, the one I used when I tried to tell him what Jenna looked like, in his left hand and he was picking through the rest of the pictures. “Hey Jordy,” I moved further into the room.

Jordan looked up and me and sighed, “I keep looking for a picture that looks similar to this one, to bring to you and find out if it’s any closer to what she looks like.” He shook his head sadly, “I don’t even have a picture of her.”

“I’m so sorry Jordan,” I pulled a chair up to his and sat down. “I wish I had a picture to show you. No,” I shook my head, “I wish I figured it out sooner. You know the day we went ‘shopping’ with Nick?” Jordan nodded, “Well Hank was there with Jenna, that’s where I was when you guys paged me.”

Jordan pushed back his chair and stared at me. “I was that close? She was only a few feet away from me?” It was my turn to nod, “Argh! I probably passed them in one of the aisles and not even realized it. Anna,” he grabbed hold of my shoulders, stood up and pulled me out of my chair. “You have no idea how much this sucks.”

I didn’t know what to say to him, he was right I didn’t know. Unlike Josh, I wouldn’t be able to tell him my own struggles to see my child. So I did the only thing I could do, I hugged him and told him I would do anything I could to help him see his daughter.

We stood like that for a while, locked in the hug that I initiated and he returned. It was a little weird at first, only because with all the tension that’s been floating around lately, Jordan and I haven’t really just stopped to take the time to be friends. It wasn’t until I started to giggle at the fact that I had found it a little weird to hug him at first, that Jordan pulled back from me. “What?” He asked with his eyebrow raised.

I shook my head, still giggling. “I love you Jordy,” I stretched up and kissed his cheek.

Jordan rolled his eyes, “Yeah, I love you too Babe.”

And then it was like old times again, he motioned towards the living room and I followed him there. We were sitting side-by-side on the couch, he had pulled the foot stool close enough to the couch so that I could rest my feet on it too. “So,” Jordan threw his arm around my shoulders. “What can you tell me about Jenna? Does she talk? Do funny things? I know I probably asked this before but humor me Anna.”

I smiled, “I don’t mind telling you again.” I told him everything I could remember about Jenna, any little noises she made while I was talking to Hank, the looks she gave me, the smiles and giggles and most importantly how she held onto my finger and tried to shove her cookie into my mouth.

“That’s my girl!” Jordan beamed.

We talked for a little while longer about Jenna before we heard one of the bedroom doors open. We both stopped talking and turned to look over the back of the couch to see if someone was coming out towards the living room. It was like we were little kids again and at a sleepover where we never did much sleeping. I glanced at Jordan when the footsteps started to come our way, “Uh-oh! We’re in trouble now!” I whispered.

Jordan looked at me and just started to laugh, “That’s the same expression you had on your face the time you got caught digging into your birthday cake when we were 7!”

I batted at him, “Shhhhhh!”

The footsteps had stopped now and slowly we both looked back over the couch. “Hey Josh,” we both said at the same time and then we started to laugh even harder.

Josh pushed off the wall and made his way over to us, “What’s so funny?”

Between the laughter Jordan cried out, “Anna got caught eating cake!” I gave him a funny look and he damn near fell off the couch because he was laughing so hard.

“What is that about?” Josh asked me.

I had sobered up a little, I wasn’t laughing as much. “I don’t know, I think someone is tired. Jordy?” I grabbed him by the shoulders and tried to sit him back against the couch again but he came towards me, throwing his arms around my shoulders and then I realized he wasn’t laughing anymore.

“Why didn’t she tell me Anna? How much does a person have to hate to keep a child from their father?” Jordan moved back to look into my eyes. “I loved her Anna, you know I did. I still do. Was I too busy planning our future together to see that she had grown to hate me? Did I miss some sign?”