Moments You Can Live Without

Jesse ran down the hall past us, he looked around the kitchen and then turned to face us with a huge smile on his face. “I stay daddy!” He began to jump around; it was so adorable to watch.

Josh went over to him and picked him up, “Mommy will be back in a couple hours to get you.”

“No! I stay daddy.” He pouted. Josh tried to explain to him why he had to go back with his mom, stating that there would be no one to play with him here. “Ama play with me.” He told his dad.

When Josh told him that I had to work too, Jesse lowered his head, “Oh.”

I moved in closer to the two of them and lifted my hand to Jesse’s arm which was around Josh’s shoulder, “We can play right now Jesse.”

“Ok,” he replied sadly as Josh put him down on the floor again. With his head lowered still he walked over to where he dropped Mister Bear earlier. “What we play Ama?” He wrapped his little arms around his bear and looked up at me expectantly.

I didn’t know what we could do and Josh wasn’t any help, he had wandered off just after he put Jesse down. “Ummm,” I looked around the room for something to do and my eyes fell on the case for the ‘Cars’ DVD. “You want to watch ‘Cars’?” I groaned as I said it, thinking it was taking the easy way out.

Jesse on the other hand thought it was a great idea, his tiny face lit right up as he ran towards me. “We watch ‘Cars’!” He grabbed me by the hand over to the TV stand, “Jesse no touch.” He said as he pointed to the TV. “Daddy play movie?” He glanced around and then looked up at me, “Where daddy?” He asked spreading out his hands, with the palms facing up, as he gave me confused look.

Jesse called out to Josh a couple times before he came out from his bedroom and set up the movie for us. He didn’t say much at all, and he didn’t look at me so I didn’t think he was going to join us on the couch to watch the movie. But he did, he just sat on the other side of Jesse.

Half way through the movie, Jesse crawled onto his dad’s lap and curled up. I knew it was unreasonable but I was so jealous at that moment. As far as Josh was concerned, it didn’t seem to matter if I was there or not, he didn’t look at me, he didn’t talk to me and he certainly didn’t try to touch me. I couldn’t help but wonder if he was mad at me, until I realized that he wasn’t really paying much attention to Jesse either.

Despite every wish I had that Carol and Phil wouldn’t come back for Jess, just as ‘Cars’ was ending, a knock sounded on the door. All at once the three of us looked towards the front door and froze. When the knock came again, Josh looked down at Jesse who was clinging to him. “That would be your mom.”

Jesse’s bottom lip started to quiver, “Daddy I stay with you,” he whispered.

Finally Josh turned to me, “could you get the door while I get Jesse ready?” I nodded reluctantly and pushed off the couch. Josh also stood up with Jess in his arms, “We’ll need a couple minutes,” he informed me before disappearing down the hall towards the bedrooms.

I answered the door in mid third knock. “They’ll be a minute,” I told Carol and went to close the door again.

“Wait,” Carol threw out her hand and stopped me from closing the door.

I raised a brow and leaned against the door, not really wanting to hear anything she had to say but knowing that if she was talking, it would give Josh more time with Jess. “What do you want?”

Carol took a step towards me, “I don’t care who your brother is, there is no way Josh is getting custody of Jesse.”

In confusion, I took a step back. “What would my brother have to do with Josh getting custody?” I didn’t want to tell her that Josh was for sure trying to full custody, just in case he didn’t want her to know. I didn’t want him to be more upset with me.

“Oh please!” Carol scoffed, “You think I don’t know why he’s hanging around you? He wants custody of Jesse and he thinks that by pretending to be interested in you, your brother will help him out.”

I laughed, “You don’t know my brother if you think he’s that easily persuaded. And besides, Josh has known Zach for a lot longer than you think.”

She was visibly surprised by that and I couldn’t help but wonder what she was thinking. “He won’t get Jesse and he better not cause any problems for Phil either.”

What? I stared at her, and then suddenly the pieces were starting to fall into place. “Phil is afraid of my brother.” I said out loud.

“Of course not!” She snapped, but I could see that she was worried she said too much. “Just go get Jesse, I have to go.”

“Josh said he’ll be out in a couple minutes. So what does Phil have to hide?” I asked.

Carol glared at me and grabbed my arm. “Listen here you little tramp. My husband is nothing but a respected businessman who is running for mayor at home. He fears no one and isn’t hiding a damn thing.” She released my arm, “Josh and your brother better not try to smear Phil’s good name because they will fail. And I would hate to see your brother be dishonorably released from his duties.”

I was about to laugh in her face and tell her that if her husband was as respected as she said then he wouldn’t have anything to worry about but Josh and Jesse appeared at my side. “Oh!” I looked up at Josh but he was avoiding any eye contact at all.

“It’s about time!” Carol snapped and pulled Jesse from the warmth of Josh’s arms.

“No!” Jesse screamed as he tried to kick his way free. “Mommy no, I stay here!”

“Jesse stop it, you’ll hurt the baby.” Carol tried to calm him down.

Jesse stopped kicking when she mentioned the baby. “Mommy I stay with daddy and Ama!”

Carol started to walk away and Jesse began to bawl. “Daddy!” He stretched his arms out over his mom’s shoulders to Josh. “Daddy!” He screamed again, “I a good boy daddy!”

I glanced up at Josh. He was standing with his right hand across his chest and his left hand was balled into a fist pressed against his mouth, he stood so rigidly still as his eyes remained transfixed on Jesse. I could tell that he was so torn up about watching Carol walk away with Jesse and not being able to stop it.

“Daddy help!” Jesse cried as his mom took the first step downwards. “Daddy no love me?” My eyes began to tear up when Jesse said that, and by Josh’s deep intake of breath, I knew he was barely holding it together.

As Carol took another step down, Jesse’s eyes frantically turned my way. “Ama help! Ama! Daddy! I no go! Mommy, I no go!”

Tears were free flowing down my cheeks, I brushed them away and watched as Jesse’s head disappeared. “DADDY!” His wail came up through the hallway, he was sobbing so uncontrollably that he couldn’t speak anymore.

We stood in the hall and listened to his heart wrenching sobs, not moving, not speaking. It wasn’t until the outer door closed that Josh showed any signs of life. With the bang of the door, Josh took off down the hall, missing every step down on his way to the window that overlooked the street. When I caught up with him, he was watching Carol cross the street and even though the door was closed you could still hear Jesse calling out to him.

We watched Phil get out of the car and take Jesse from Carol.

We watched him open the back door of the car and lean down to put Jess inside.

We watched Jesse looked up at the window we were standing at and could hear him call out to his dad.

We watched as Jesse started to kick Phil and try to get out of the car.

We watched as Phil finally got Jesse strapped in.

But we couldn’t watch them drive away.