Getting All The Facts

Josh’s mom didn’t say anything for a while after he poured his fears out for her, I don’t know if she was just plain shocked about what he had to go through every time or if she just didn’t know what to say. Hell I know what it’s like because I was there and I still don’t know what to say to him.

He looked up at me and then he stood up, slipping his arms around my waist as he held me tight. “Umm, I came out here because Roy and Walter wanted to talk to you about the incidents with Carol and to find out more about Zach’s knowledge of Phil.”

“I don’t know if Zach really knows him Josh, I get the feeling that they are more scared of him because of his reputation than any run-ins they might have had with him. I mean, Josh he would’ve told you if he knew Phil, or warned you somehow.”

Josh closed his eyes for a moment, “You’re right, he would’ve told me when I spoke to him about the situation. But,” he tugged on my arm, “I think they will still want to talk to you about your run ins with Carol and the conversations that you had with Jess.”

I nodded slowly and slipped my hand in his as he moved towards the door. I’m not sure if Helen made a noise or if I just thought she did but before I exited the kitchen I looked back over my shoulder at her. She was still standing in the same place she was when Josh told her everything; she was staring at her hands, lost in deep thought it seemed. “Josh?” I whispered his name and when he turned to me I nodded in his mom’s direction.

He stood there staring at her for a moment, “I didn’t want to tell her, I knew she would think it’s partly her fault. She tried to stop me from marrying Carol, she tried to tell me that she wasn’t good for me but I didn’t listen. I think she believes she didn’t try hard enough and now this whole situation is her fault.” He shook his head, “My mom is crazy!”

I slapped his arm when he said that, “She’s not crazy Josh! You should be grateful that she cares enough to try to keep you from getting hurt.”

“Anna, I’m 32 years old, I think I can look out for myself.”

“So you can,” I pulled away from him. “But it must be nice to have a mother who also looks out for you.”

“Honey,” Josh went to take hold of my hand again but I pulled back.

“Your mother has just spent the last hour or so making dinner and I think it would be nice if everyone came and ate it while it was still hot.” I turned to walk back to the counter, “We can talk about everything over dinner, or afterwards.” I said over my shoulder.

I didn’t bother to look at him again, I was probably over reacting but I’ve always been oversensitive when it comes to someone putting their mom down when there really isn’t anything wrong with them. Sure Helen may have tried to get rid of me earlier but I don’t think she really wanted me gone; it was just her way of finding out if I was truly here for Josh.

I walked over to where Helen stood and wrapped my arm around her shoulder. “It’s ok if you don’t know how to react to what you heard,” I told her.

She looked up at me; tears were still streaming down her cheeks. “He’s in so much pain, they both are and there’s nothing I can do to fix it. No band aids or mommy’s kisses can mend the hurt he feels. I never thought I’d be so useless to my own child.”

I hated to hear how helpless she felt, “Helen listen to me. You might not be able to fix Josh’s problems now like you could when he was younger but that doesn’t mean you are useless to him. I wish I could tell you how to help him, or what to say to him but I don’t even know that myself. But I know this for sure, he’s only been able to be as strong as he’s been because of the love and support that you give him. Josh will get full custody of Jesse, I’m certain of that and when he does you’ll see the difference you actually made just by being here for him when he needs you.”

“Oh Anna,” she threw her arms around me and hugged me tight. “You’ll be good for Joshua, I can see that now.”

I couldn’t help but smile.

That’s how Josh and his father found us a few minutes later. Helen was still hugging me and I was grinning like a fool. “Darling is everything alright?” Frank was instantly at our side, his hand gently rubbing Helen’s back.

Josh took me aside when his mom finally let me go, “What was that smile for?”

I just grinned and kissed his chin, “Your mom thinks I’m good for you.”

“You are, in more ways than one,” he winked.

“Why Joshua Baker, I don’t know what you are talking about.” He pulled me into his arms and chuckled, “I don’t believe you,” he mumbled against my neck.

Ten minutes later we were all seated at the dining room table. Josh’s parents were on either end, Josh and I were on one side and Walter and Roy were on the other. Soon the conversation turned to my run-ins with Carol. I didn’t really want to talk about this stuff at the table but I had no choice. I told them about Carol showing up at work, how she acted and what she said. When I told them about her pushing me Walter asked if I had went to the doctor and if I told them what happened, and he also asked if there was camera surveillance in the area that it took place at work. After I told him there was and I did go to the doctor, he asked for the name of the doctor I saw and a contact number for someone at work. It wasn’t until he told me that those incidents with me, both at work and at Josh’s apartment, could help them prove to a judge that Carol was unfit to have custody, that I started to wonder if I should’ve told my brother about what happened and filled a report against her.

“I’m also under the understanding that you’ve had several conversations with Jesse this past weekend about his mother?” Walter leaned in over the table. “What could you tell me about those conversations?”

I glanced at Josh and he reached for my hand, giving it a squeeze. I took a deep breath and sighed, “Jesse keeps saying he wants to be with his dad because he’s not mean like his mom is. He keeps worrying that Josh is mad at him because he’s a bad boy. He freaks every time he leaves Josh, and not only when his mom come for him. He freaked the other day when I was watching him for a couple hours while Josh was helping Matt, he thought I was taking him back to his mom when we were going to my brother’s house so he could play with my 4 year old nephew. Jesse’s behavior honestly scares me, he reminds me of a friend of mine whose parent was mentally and physically abusing him. In fact that friend has said the same thing when he saw Jesse’s reaction to Josh after Jess slapped him across the face to wake him up the other day.”

I knew I was rambling, and by the look on everyone’s faces they didn’t like what I was telling them. I didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. “I don’t know,” I told them. “I’m worried about Jesse’s well being when he’s not with Josh. What I’ve seen of Carol and Phil, I honestly don’t know how Josh does it.” I glanced at my half empty plate and then at Josh, “I don’t know what I should say, but the other day when I had Jesse at my brother’s house, Cassie over heard Jesse and Conner talking. Conner was bugging him about calling me ‘Ama’; he told Jesse that my name was ‘Anna’. Jesse told him he knew that and he said my name correctly. When Conner asked him why he didn’t call me ‘Anna’ he told him that it’s because he wanted me to be his mom, that he wanted us to get married so that he didn’t have to be with his mom anymore,” I found I couldn’t look at Josh because I wasn’t sure I wanted to see his reaction to that.

No one said anything for a while; the silence was starting to get to me. I got up from the table and left the room. I felt kind of stupid having mentioned what Cassie told me, I thought that maybe Josh would think that I had made that up. I wandered into the living room and I headed for the window, like I do whenever I have anything I want to think about. Looking out over the landscape always seems to put things into perspective for me. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t hear Josh come up behind me; I didn’t even know he was close until his arms wrapped around my waist. At first I was tense, not relaxing in his arms but soon I felt all my tension melt away and my body went almost limp against his. That’s when he spoke, “I knew Jesse said that, I knew he felt that way.”