When Does It Get Easier?

After I explained to Jordan the conversation I had with my brother the day I ran out of there, he stood silent for quite some time. I could tell that he wasn’t too happy about what I told him.

“So that’s why Josh…” I sighed, lowering my head; the stabbing pain in my chest almost took my breath away as I thought about him and what I did again. “He was going to help me pack.”

“I bet he was happy about that, anything to get you out of here and away from me,” Jordan mumbled.

“That’s not true Jordan and you know it!” I snapped at him. I was starting to wonder why I spent so much time defending my friendship with him to Josh.

“Of course it’s true Anna!” Jordan grabbed me by the shoulders, “He hated me from the beginning and he didn’t care if anyone knew! He only asked you to move in with him to get you away from me!”

“NO!” I pulled my shoulders out of his grip. “Josh asked me to move in with him for the same reason he asked me to marry him! He loves me Jordan! I’m tired of you always putting my relationship down!”

Jordan stepped back a little and crossed his arms over his chest. He glared down at me, “What relationship?” He raised a brow, “Correct me if I’m wrong,” he said with a smirk. “But Josh just told you he didn’t want to see you again.” He leaned over; his face was so close to mine. “He doesn’t love you Anna and he probably never did. It’s amazing how easily you believed he did, he played you Anna.”

I watched Jordan as he said all this and all I could think of was how this guy was supposed to be my best friend, yet he seemed to take pleasure in the fact that I was hurting; a hurt that he helped cause. Who is this guy?

“If you had only listened to me in the beginning,” he continued. “You would never be in this situation. Josh wouldn’t have conned his way into your bed.”

“Josh didn’t con his way anywhere!” I glared at him. “I love him Jordan.”

Jordan laughed, “Love? What do you know about love?”

“I know a hell of a lot more than you do about it!”

“You know nothing! Love!” He scoffed, “Josh didn’t love you, he just wanted someone to screw. And look who jumped right on that one!”

“How dare you?” I punched him in the chest. “You have no idea what went on between Josh and I. You have no idea how it felt to be with him. You know nothing so why don’t you just shut up and leave me alone!”

“You are right, I don’t know. It must have been something special Babe for it took you all of two seconds to forget about him when you were in my bed.”

“Bastard!” I screamed as I swung my balled up hand and stuck him in the jaw. “I don’t care what you think Jordan, it means nothing to me. You mean nothing to me!”

“Anna!” Jordan was shocked…

…but I didn’t care.

I slowly backed away from him, tears streaming down my face. He tried to stop me but I wouldn’t let him. “I’ve spent the last month defending our friendship to Josh. I told him you were harmless and there was nothing between us. I told him I felt nothing for you besides friendship. He believed me and even tried to be friends with you because I wanted him too. But you did everything you could to come between us!”

“He knew how much I cared about you, you were my best friend, we’ve been through everything together! Even though he had his doubts and hesitations, he didn’t try to stop me from hanging out with you! In fact when I told him I wasn’t sure if we could be friends anymore after the other day, he encouraged me to try and work it out with you.”

“But that means nothing to you does it? When did you become this guy Jordan? When did you stop being my friend?”

“I never stopped Anna, Josh was just –

“No!” I held up my hand cutting him off. “Josh wasn’t doing anything! He didn’t want anything but for me to be happy! Even if that meant without him!” Jordan frowned. “You didn’t know that did you? He told me he’d step back if you were who I wanted to be with, I told him you weren’t because I didn’t love you like that.”

“But the kiss –

“I still don’t love you like that Jordan! I will never love you like that!” I sighed, even though it probably wasn't the nicest way to say it, I was glad that I finally said it. I didn't love Jordan like that, sure it felt nice to kiss him but there wasn't the same spark, the same energy jolt as when Josh would kiss me.

“Now if you’ll excuse me I have to pack.” I went to turn from him to walk into the kitchen when he grabbed me and tried to kiss me. “No!” I struggled against his grip. “I told you I didn’t want you to do that!” He wouldn’t let me go. “Jordan,” I cried as I continued to struggle. “Please stop!”

I managed to slap him and finally he released me. I knew what I had to do and it was probably the hardest thing I ever said.

“I hope you enjoyed the last 23 years Jordan because our friendship is over!”

I didn’t stick around for him to say anything; I took off running and didn’t stop until I was safely locked in my room. He had come after me, he was at my door knocking and asking me to let him in. “Anna don’t do this!” His voice was cracking as he spoke. “Please babe! I can’t lose you, I don’t know what I’ll do if you aren’t around.”

“Jordan go away!” I yelled through the door as I dialed a very familiar number. “I can’t be friends with you anymore, it hurts too much!”

“Anna please!” His knocking ceased and I heard a loud thump. I wasn’t sure what it was but it sounded like he fell against the door and slid to the floor. I could hear his sobs and mumblings of ‘babe please’ and ‘don’t leave me’ as a voice in my ear repeated ‘hello’ for the third time.