Take The Good With The Bad

I felt this crushing sense of disappointment when he asked me where I thought I was going to sleep. I can’t do this, I thought to myself. There’s no way I can ever share a bed with him again, it’s just not worth risking any potential relationship with Josh.

“Jordan I can’t sleep there,” I met his gaze. “I just can’t.”

The crease between his brows deepened as he seemed to frown harder. “What do you mean you can’t? You’ve slept there for the last couple years, why can’t you now?”

“Couple years?” I shook my head, I was so confused. “What are you talking about?”

Jordan stepped pass me, I turned to watch him as he walked towards my old room. He opened the door and flipped on the light. Everything was the same as I left it, except for the bed that was in the guest room. “Why can’t you sleep here?” He asked me, looking around inside the room.

I could feel my cheeks getting really hot, “No reason,” I mumbled. “Thanks,” I tried to walk into the room but he stopped me.

“You know Anna, I may like for you to share my bed but I’m not stupid enough to tell you that you are sleeping with me. “

“Jordan,” my face got even warmer. “I didn’t know you moved the bed in here, I’m sorry.”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “There are a lot of things that have happened in the past month that you don’t know. But,” He gave me a smile, “You are back, we are friends again and it’s only a matter of time before I talk your ear off about everything.”

“I can’t wait,” I told him. “I really can’t but I need to get some sleep.”

Jordan told me that he should be getting to bed too. “I guess I do have to work tomorrow,” he joked. “But hey, maybe we can get together some time soon and catch up?”

I told him that would be nice. “Good night Jordy,” I gave him a hug.

“Good night Babe,” he kissed my cheek before turning to head into his room.

I went to bed that night feeling really great about my friendship with Jordan and I started to think about how things would work out with Josh now. I know that we are defiantly going to have to take things slow this time; I don’t want to have to go through this ‘separation’ thing again. I don’t want to get so lost in what’s going on and miss out on the important things.

About an hour after I said goodnight to Jordan, I was just getting to the point where the pain had lessened enough to get comfortable. I was half asleep when my cell phone rang; I rolled over and answered it, not really looking that hard to see who it was.

“Hey Anna.” It was Josh.

Sitting up, I smiled. “Hey Josh, it’s so good to hear your voice.”

We made small talk for a few minutes before he got to the reason he called. “So how did your dinner go with Jordan?” He seemed to be a little hesitant when he asked.

“Great!” I exclaimed. “We talked, we argued, we had a moment and now we are friends again.”

“Had a moment?”

“Mmhmm,” I cringed as pain stabbed through my side.

“What does that mean?”

Starting from the beginning when I showed up at Jordan’s door, I told Josh how the night went. When I got to Jordan asking about the ‘losing my best friend and the man of my dreams’ and the conversation that followed, I could hear a little sigh of relief come through the line. And even though I didn’t need too I went on and told him about the reason of the night, including the whole ‘feminine’ thing and Jordan’s thoughtfulness.

“Ok, I didn’t really need to know that part Anna,” he said with a nervous chuckle.

I laughed, “I know but if I’m going to tell you everything, then I’m going to tell you everything!”

“I do appreciate that honey but it’s ok to edit some things out from time to time.”

I told him I’d remember that for next time. “So?”

He was silent for a while. “So what? What’s on your mind?”

“Well,” I hesitated briefly. “I was wondering when we were going to had the talk we need to have?” I wanted to get the talk with him out of the way because I wasn’t so sure it would be a good one. I mean, I knew that he seemed ok when I saw him at the restaurant but I didn’t think that he was showing me everything. I still think that there is a lot that he wants to say and that there maybe some things that I won’t like. I guess I was still nervous that he would say that he wasn’t that in love with me after all or that he couldn’t forgive me for what I did with Jordan. “Josh?” He hadn’t answered me. “You did want to talk still right?”

“Of course,” he replied. “I was just thinking about something. Umm, what nights are you off this week?” I told him I was off on Wednesday and then again on Saturday. “Hmm Saturday isn’t a good time and I believe I’m at the school until 7 on Wednesday.”

Without thinking I asked, “Why isn’t Saturday a good time?”

“I have Jesse on the weekends Anna, you know that.”

I almost told him that wouldn’t be a problem when I had a thought that I didn’t stop myself from saying in time, “You don’t want me to be around him anymore?”

Josh sighed, “No Anna it’s not that at all. I just have to think about his wellbeing. When we left your place that morning, he was heartbroken he didn’t understand what was going on all he knew was that I was upset with you; he cried the whole weekend Anna. Every time that I spoke to him since then and when he visited he kept asking for you; he wanted to know when you were going to come see him and when I told him you weren’t going to be coming over anymore, he wanted to know why you didn’t love him.” Josh took a deep breath, “He cried all the time Anna, he missed you so much and he thought you stopped coming around because he was a bad boy. It didn’t matter what I told him, he kept saying it was his fault. I can’t have that happen again Anna; I can’t put him through that again.”

I felt like crap, I knew that Jesse was attached to me and I knew that he wouldn’t take our break up that easily. “I’m sorry Josh; I didn’t mean to hurt you or Jesse.”

“I know you didn’t Anna but you did all the same.”

I went to tell him I was sorry again but I knew that wouldn’t change what happened. “So it will be a while before you feel comfortable having me around him again?”

“Yes,” Josh told me without hesitation. “While we are working things out between us, I think it would be best for Jesse to not be around you.” He groaned, “God I feel like I’m being a bad guy by saying that, but I just don’t want him to get his hopes up again.”

Even though it hurt, I knew what Josh was saying was the right thing to do. “I understand Josh, I really do.”

“So if you want, we can get together after I’m done work on Wednesday.”

“Yeah, that would be great.” I tried to sound happy but I was still disappointed that I wouldn’t get to see Jesse and truly be a part of Josh’s life.

We spoke for a few more minutes before he started to yawn and said that he had to get some sleep.

Once I hung up the phone, I rolled back over and started to fall asleep.

It was about 3 in the morning when I woke up suddenly. My eyes just popped open; I sat up straight in bed…

The caller ID said ‘blocked call’!