Forget About The Food

I stared up at Josh, tears were streaming down my cheeks but I didn’t care. I couldn’t begin to explain how much I had hoped that the phone calls were him but to find out that the flowers were from him too? And that he carried around the note he wanted to send with them in his wallet? I couldn’t believe how much this man still loved me after what I did, I started to feel that I didn’t deserve his love, that I wasn’t worthy of it.

“Anna tell me what you are thinking?” Josh’s blue eyes were clouded with concern. “You’ve been so quiet, it’s not normal for you.”

I laughed through my tears, “I don’t know how I got so lucky to have you love me so much Josh.”

“It has nothing to do with lucky Anna,” Josh told me between teasing kisses on my lips. “It has everything to do with the woman you are deep inside, the woman that you let yourself be when you are with me.” He kissed the tip of my nose, “And of course, it has a lot to do with how incredible you make me feel, even when you aren’t around.”

“How incredible is that?” I asked him as I wrapped my arms around his waist.

Josh didn’t get a chance to answer, our waiter came back and asked us if there was anything wrong with the food, we didn’t really eat much of the soup. “No,” Josh reassured him. “We got distracted,” he admitted, his cheek’s turning bright red.

The waiter told us that our main course would be out in a couple minutes and then he left. Josh and I agreed that we would keep the conversation less distracting through out the rest of dinner, so we talked about work, my nieces and nephew and he told me some stories about Jesse that made me laugh and want to cry at the same time. I don’t know if he realized it or not but at one point he did stop in mid story and told me he was sorry.

“I know you want to see him.”

“I do,” I told him. “But I know that you are only looking out for him, you don’t want him to get hurt again. I understand that.”

Josh nodded, “But the thing is Anna, I’m not sure if I really want to keep him away from you.” When I asked him what he meant, he sighed. “Yes Jesse was upset when he couldn’t see you like he did before but those moments when he was with you; he was a happy little kid. I want him to be happy and he loves you, probably as much as I do. I just…” his voice trailed off.

“You just what Josh? You know I won’t force the issue if you think it would be best that we saw each other without me seeing Jesse.”

“Well, the thing is, his birthday is next Saturday and I’m having a party for him. When ever I ask him what he wants for his birthday, he tells me that he wants you to be there.” Josh smiled, “You and Conner and the baby.”

I laughed, “He still calls Jenna ‘baby’?”

Josh nodded, “I tried to tell him her name was Jenna but he insists on calling her ‘baby’. I’m wondering if I should be worried he’s crushing on her?” Josh made a face, “I’m not sure if I’m ready for that yet.”

“I don’t think you have to worry about that yet,” I told him.

“No,” he agreed. “Jess already told me that he was in love with you.” I laughed and asked him how he felt about that. “Well, I told him that you were my girlfriend and he couldn’t have you.” Josh grinned but then frowned a little, “He just laughed at me though, why do you suppose he laughed?”

I told him I didn’t know. “But I can promise you that you don’t have to worry about him threatening your place in my life,” I paused before adding. “I like my men older, not younger.”

“Men huh?” Josh reached out and pulled me close. “I think I could make you forget about the others.”

“What others?” I asked as his lips descended on mine.

“Exactly,” he whispered and then kissed me.

By the time we finished our dinner and got on the road it was almost 9. I wasn’t ready to end the night but I didn’t know how long he would want to stay out when he had to work in the morning. So when he turned into my brother’s drive not long after, I felt really disappointed, I had hoped that we would talk more.

Josh pulled up by the house and slipped the car into park before he turned towards me. “I had the best time tonight,” he told me. “I felt like the past month hadn’t happened.”

I told him I knew what he meant, it was surprising how easily we slipped back into the roles we had before everything happened.

“Well,” Josh turned off his car and opened his door. “I guess I should get you inside.”

I tried not to be upset that the night was over but I felt a little cheated as he walked me to the basement entrance of Zack’s house. “I had a great time,” I told him as we stood before the closed door. “It was so nice to spend time with you again.” Josh frowned. “What?” I asked him. “Did I do something wrong?”

He shook his head, “No it just sounds like you are sending me on my way when I thought we were going to talk some more?”

“Oh!” I chuckled, “I thought that you wanted to head home to bed, it is getting late for you.”

“Sometimes Anna,” he moved in close to me, his arms wrapped around my waist. “You have to go without sleep when important matters come up. I think we need to talk about the kiss, your friendship with Jordan and our expectations in this relationship.”