A Quiet Dinner With The Girls?

Once we were in the car, I asked the girls where they wanted to go for dinner. Both Natalie and Lindsay jumped in with suggestions.

“McDonalds” Natalie called out. “I want a cheeseburger Happy meal Aunt Anna, with Fries and chocolate milk.”

“Noooo,” Lindsay groaned. “We go to McDonalds all the time! I want to go to a restaurant Aunt Anna, like real people do.”

“Hey!” Natalie hit the back of Lindsay’s seat. “I am a real person! And I want McDonalds!”

Lindsay turned around in her seat and tried to smack Natalie. “Don’t kick my seat munchkin!”

“Girls!” I grabbed Lindsay’s arm before she could strike Natalie. “How about we don’t fight tonight? Please?” I glanced back and forth between the two of them, giving them a silly grin. “I’ll love you forever if you don’t.”

Both of the girls agreed, mumbling ‘sorry’ as they sat properly in their seats again.

“So,” I started my car. “Cassie, where did you want to go for dinner?” I glanced in my rear view mirror at my oldest niece who seemed hell bent on ignoring me as she stared out the side window. “Cassie?” She didn’t respond so I did the one thing that I thought would make her laugh and talk to me; I hit the button to lower her window just a little.

She jumped and turned to glare at me through the rear view mirror. “Where did you want to eat?” I asked her with a smile.

“I don’t care!” She yelled. “Just pick something! You can do that can’t you?”

“Don’t yell at me,” I said as I slipped the car into drive and stepped on the gas pedal.

“Sorry,” she mumbled as she turned back to stare out the window. But I got the feeling that she didn’t really mean it.

A silence settled over the car as we made our way towards town, it was am uneasy silence. Every now and then I could see the girls looking at Cassie and me confused as to what was going on between us.

I wasn’t so sure myself what it was but I was betting it had something to do with my currant single status. You would think she’d be happy; she didn’t want me dating Josh anyway. Unless, I glanced at her in the mirror again, could Josh be miserable and taking it out on the kids? On Cassie? I wanted to ask her then and there but I didn’t want to have that conversation in front of the other two. I’ll talk to her when we get back home tonight, if Josh is being a jerk to her, I’ll kick his ass.

“Ok girls,” I quickly looked at Natalie and Lindsay. “I’m thinking of a number between zero and ten, whoever guessing it first gets to pick where we eat. Ok?”

Both girls agreed and once they were certain I had a number ready, they started guessing. Cassie rolled her eyes at us as we started and once the girls had three tries in each she blurts out, “Seven, it’s always seven! I win.”

“That’s not fair!” Natalie whined when I told them seven was right. “Cassie wasn’t supposed to guess Aunt Anna, just me and Lindsay were!”

“Well too bad munchkin,” Cassie snapped at Natalie. “I won and I say we are going to Humpty’s for dinner.” She turned her head my way, “So can we go and get this night over with already?”

“Yes!” Lindsay exclaimed. “Real people food!”

Natalie looked so disappointed, “I wanted McDonalds,” she said sadly.

And I wanted to turn around and bring them all home again; they were giving me a headache.

With the place we were eating at picked, Cassie turned back to the window and the other two started to chat about everything they could think of; I sort of tuned them out as I concentrated on driving.

We got to the restaurant without any major fights which was good. We actually made it through drink and food orders without any problems. Even Natalie was happy because she could still get her cheeseburger, even if she didn’t get a toy with it; I told them if they finished all their dinner I would get them something for dessert.

It wasn’t until the waitress brought us our food that things started to take a turn for the worst; it was over something stupid too. Natalie asked Cassie to pass her the ketchup; Cassie offered to put some on her plate for her and proceeded to do so after Natalie said ok.

“Thank you Cassie,” Natalie grinned at her oldest sister. “I like the red stuff,” she said as she dipped her fry into the ketchup.

Red stuff, I closed my eyes to fight the image of Jesse as he did the exact same thing when I was looking after him for Josh that day. But closing my eyes didn’t help, I could picture him even more when I did that. “Natalie, let me out,” I moved towards her as she scrambled out of the booth.

“Aunt Anna, are you ok?” She called after me and I nodded but I don’t think she believed me because she turned to her sisters and said, “She looked like that when I was watching ‘Cars’ too.”

I managed to make it to the bathroom without any tears falling this time. I felt like I wanted to cry but I just couldn’t. Maybe I’ve used up all my tears? I wondered as the pain that stabbed me in the chest every time I thought about Josh and Jesse, intensified. You’ll be ok, you’ll get through this. It’s not going to be easy but you are strong. I tried to look up at myself in the mirror but I couldn’t stand to see me, I hated myself for what I did to Josh.

Taking a deep breath, I bent over and lowered my head to my arms that were resting on the counter. You know you have to see him again, don’t you? You have to give him back his grandmother’s jewelry some time. You have to do it yourself because you need to know if he truly despises you or not; you need closure if he does.

I was almost in control of myself when the bathroom door swung open and banged against the wall. My head snapped to the side and I stared opened mouthed at the person who barged into the room.

“Why don’t you give it up? You and I both know that you aren’t the least bit sorry for what you did!”