If Now Was Then Would It Still Be The Same?

Jordan and I sat together on the couch, neither one of us really said anything; I was trying to figure out exactly what it was I wanted to say to him. Well, what do you want? I asked myself. Once you know what you want it’s easy to tell him what you expect from him. So what do you want?

When I turned to look at him, he lifted his head from my shoulder, staring back at me with a content smile on his face. Closing my eyes, I turned my head back again I want things to be like they used to be with us, I don’t want to fight with him all the time, I want… I sighed; I wanted my best friend back. But will it ever be the same?

“Babe what’s wrong?” Jordan nudged my shoulder with his chin, “Come on tell me what’s on your mind.”

Sighing once more, I turned to him again, he still had that smile on his face but there was an underlining of concern in his green eyes.

“Do you know why I came over here today?” I asked him, I wanted to know what he thought I was here for, that would make it easier to figure out where to go after that.

“You missed me so much that you couldn’t take it anymore,” he said with a smile. “You didn’t realize how much you missed me though, until you saw me and I was respecting your wishes and keeping my distance.”

When I didn’t say anything, he sighed. “You want to be friends again, you have missed me but it’s only because you miss having someone to be stupid with.”

His words sounded so familiar, I don’t know why it surprised me, but it did. “You’ve been talking about me with Cassie! She’s been telling you everything, hasn’t she?” I jumped off the couch and stared down at him. “What else has she told you? How could you use my niece like that?”

“Whoa!” Jordan jumped up next to me. “First of all, I didn’t use Cassie for anything! She started to call me after you moved back home, she told me how miserable and self centered you were being.” I started to say something but he stopped me. “Those were her words, not mine! She was mad that you refused to talk to her about what was going on, she felt that you didn’t trust her and she wanted to help you.”

“What did you tell her?” I demanded.

“I didn’t tell her anything,” he told me calmly. “I told her that she would have to try to talk to you and find out what was going on. I told her that you wouldn’t be happy when you found out that she was calling me. She told me that she didn’t think it was fair that I wasn’t able to come over when I was damn near family.”

“She told you I was coming over, didn’t she?” He nodded, “I can’t believe this!” I laughed, “My own niece stabbing me in the back like this? What the hell happened to family loyalty?” I turned towards the window and stared out. “How could she do that?”

“Come on Anna,” Jordan came up behind me, “Cassie didn’t betray you, she didn’t stab you in the back either; she was just trying to help you out. She told me that you were unhappy, she said she wanted to help make you happy again, she wanted me to go over and make you talk to me again because she was so certain that would make get you back to your old self.”

I spun around to face him, “I was heart broken Jordan! I lost my best friend and the man of my dreams the same day.” Jordan raised a brow; he seemed a little surprised by something. “What?” I asked him, not sure what his problem was.

“You might want to clarify that statement a little better than that,” he told me.

I thought about it for a brief moment but I couldn’t figure out what he was talking about, so I asked him.

“Well you said, ‘I lost my best friend and the man of my dreams the same day’, I just think that could be taken two ways. Either it’s the same guy, or two different ones. Now,” he closed the distance between us, “I know I’m your best friend, so there’s no question about that part but…” his voice trailed off as he gazed down at me.

“Jordan,” I sighed and stepped back from him. “You know exactly what I meant.”

He continued to gaze down at me, his eyes searching my face as if he was hoping for something he didn’t think he would find there. “Yeah,” he said finally. “I know what you mean; I’ll never be the man of your dreams.”

I closed my eyes and lowered my head, “I’m sorry Jordan, I wish I could feel that way for you but I don’t.”

“That’s ok Anna,” I felt his hands on my arms moments before he wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight. “I still get to be the best friend and in some ways that’s even better than the dream guy,” I shot him a questioning look and he laughed, “I don’t have to fit into a mould; I can go out with and kiss other girls and you’ll still want to hang out with me.”

I rolled my eyes, laughing with him.

And for that moment in time, everything felt like it would be ok.