Christmas Past, Present and Future

By now Christmas has come and gone. Like so many other people, I always have had mixed feelings around this time of year. Yes, I believe that the true meaning of Christmas is often forgotten in the commercialized crazy that swoops down on us every year; but that doesn't stop me from driving myself crazy trying to find the 'perfect' gift for my friends and family.

The way I celebrate Christmas has changed over the years, often they were unexpected changes. My first Christmas without my parents was horrible. Zach went out of his way to try to make the holidays the same for Chad and me but he spent more time running around and stressed about how it was going that we didn't have time to just be together; the one thing we needed the most at that time.

When I was 16 another change happened, that was the year that Zach bought me a car for my birthday and all hell broke loose. See, my birthday is very close to Christmas - 10 days before to be exact. My brother and his wife had always treated me the same as their three daughters, many times I've overheard the two of them say they had four children. As I got older, Zach tried to give me everything that our parents would've given me if they were still around; Mary started to feel that he was neglecting their girls in the process. They never really argued about it, they've discussed it and everything was fine again. But this time, Mary flipped out over the car - it was just as much as a surprise to her as it was to me - because they had bought me a computer for Christmas; spending more money on me than on the girls combined. They didn't talk for days, it was so uncomfortable and I felt like crap, I never wanted to come between them. By the time Christmas Day rolled around, they were talking a little so things seemed to be getting better. That day we went to Mary's parents for dinner, like normal. After dinner, Mary and her mom were in the kitchen cleaning up and talking. One of the girls had asked Zach for a drink so he went into the kitchen and not even a minute later he and Mary were arguing again. Cassie went to go into the kitchen; I jumped up to stop her as she reached for the door. "...dammit Zach! What do you expect me to do? Stand by and watch you put us deeper in debt so you can give her the moon? She's not your daughter Zach..." I don't know what else was said, I was too shocked to listen anymore. I walked back into the living room and sat down. I was still sitting there, shocked when they finally came out of the kitchen. We left Mary's parents house not long after that. I went straight to my room when we got home, I didn't know what else to do, and I figured that Mary was upset with me.

I waited until they had put the girls to bed before I ventured out of my room. They were in the kitchen, Zach was at the table putting together one of the kids toys and Mary was cleaning up from the girls’ bedtime snack. I pulled out the chair closest to Zach, sat down and watched him for a while. Mary had asked me if I wanted something to eat; I had pretended to be asleep when they told me it was suppertime. I shook my head and said no, then turned my eyes to my lap where my hand was clenched. Sighing, I lifted my hand from my lap and slid the object I held across the table to Zach. He looked up from the toy, first at my hand then at me, a questioning look in his eyes. I removed my hand from the object and returned it to my lap. He looked confused as he stared at the car keys. I took a deep breath as the tears started to roll down my cheeks, "I don't need the car or the computer to feel like I belong. I...umm..." My fingers played with the hem of my shirt as I tried to get out my thoughts. "I never meant to cause problems for you. You're the best brother a girl could ask for; I never had to worry because I knew you'd always be there." I looked at him, "I don't want to lose you guys too." I coughed, barely able to get the words out.

"Anna," Zach started but he didn't say anything else, he didn't look at me. Mary pulled up a chair next to him and wrapped her arms around him. He shook his head and took a deep breath. As he turned back to me, I realized he was crying some thing I hadn't seen since our parents died. He took my hand, squeezed it. "You're stuck with us kid, there's no way out." I laughed, and then leaned over to hug him too. The three of us talked for hours that night, it felt good to sit there and share with them on a totally different level then before. I got to keep the car and the computer; I'll admit I was thrilled with that.

That night changed Christmas for me, I still got presents from them but not on the scale that I used to get. Zach sorta stepped back and listened more to Mary when it came to me. I also got out of going to Mary's parents for Christmas; I was still invited, but I didn't have to go. I don't get that one but I didn't mind either. It led to Christmas as I know it today.

Ever since Jordan and I moved in together, Christmas has been more for my friends than my family. With Zach and Mary at her parents and Chad with his wife's family, I was free to do whatever I wanted. Jordan's family commitments were Christmas Day supper at his grandparent's house, so he was mine for Christmas Eve and most of Christmas Day.

This Christmas Eve, after I had gotten off work, Jordan, Nicky (his twin brother) and Amy (Nicky's wife) met up at my house. Christmas Eve has become Christmas movie night; 'Miracle on 34th Street", "The Muppets Christmas Carol", "Babes in Toyland", and lots of children's Christmas movies are a given for this night. We order pizza before the restaurants close and settle in for a couple hours of movie time. When we get tired of movies, we make hot chocolate, talk and play a couple of the many different board games that we own. More movies follow as we change into our pjs and wait for my brother to come over. Zach normally shows up around midnight, sometimes Mary comes with him, sometimes he's by himself. He sits with us for a couple minutes, and then he kicks us from the living room, and goes to work putting out our presents and filling our stockings with little things that Mary buys for us. I know it sounds strange but I think my brother misses having me around so this is his excuse to see me, and my friends have been in my life so long, he considers them family. Plus it's so cool, gets us all excited about Christmas like we are little kids again! We aren't allowed to go into the living room after he's done but we always peek at what he's left behind for us. We normally head off to bed by this time, Nicky and Amy sleepover.

Christmas morning starts with Jordan and Nicky running into my room at 6, screaming about Santa coming as they jump on my bed. Amy takes pictures of the day as it progresses. We all run into the living room and dig into our stockings. The boys clown around and try to steal every one's chocolate. After the stockings we open presents. Our presents aren't just from each other; they are everything that we get from everyone we know. When we first started to do our own Christmas, our families were a little upset that we didn't open their presents around them but they soon got over that.

After we had played with or set up anything that we could, Jordan and Nicky head off to the kitchen to make breakfast as Amy and I clean up the living room.

We were sitting at the table enjoying a spread of all things breakfast that you can think of - bacon, sausages, ham, eggs, French toast, pancakes, toast and rolls - everything so hot and mouthwatering, we barely roll away from the table when we're done. Nicky and Jordan decided to have an OJ chugging contest and despite Jordan's efforts Nicky beat him hands down. When Amy leaned over to give Nicky a congratulatory kiss on the cheek, she commented. "That's one skill I hope our baby doesn't inherit."

Jordan's jaw dropped and he jumped out of his chair. "What the hell did you do to my woman?"

Amy laughed and threw a roll at Jordan. "I knocked her up!" Nicky exclaimed, grinning ear to ear.

Jordan grabbed Nicky by the shirt pulling him out of his chair, "Why you, I ought to..." He pulled Nick into a bear hug. "Congratulations bro."

I hugged them both, congratulating them, and then in my excitement I fired off questions. "How far along are you? Do your parents know? Are you gonna find out the sex? What are the chances of having twins? What are..." Nicky covered my mouth and told me take a deep breath.

The door bell rang, Jordan went to see who it was and Nicky removed his hand. "I can't believe you are having a baby!" I exclaimed.

"I know!" Amy cried, "I'm so excited right now." Nicky, still grinning, wrapped his arms around the two of us.

"No, Nicky you can't have both of my women." Jordan joked as he came back to the kitchen.

"Who was at the door?" I asked as Amy pulled him into the group hug. I felt a tug on my pj pants as he went to answer me. In unison the four of us looked down.

"Ama, I hug!"