And Bad Mistakes, I've Made a Few

Jordan sunk down onto the couch, his head in his hands. “I wish it never happened. I wish that I didn’t have to see the look on your face when you found out. I’m so sorry you were hurt Anna. I would’ve done everything in my power to stop that from happening, but I didn’t know.” He looked up at me, “You got to believe me.”

Sighing, I sat next to him and rubbed his back, reassuringly. “Jordy, I told you I believed you then and I still do.”

Jordan sat there not saying anything, staring at his hands. I knew it was wrong for me to blame him for what had happened two years ago but I wanted to say something, anything that would make him shut up about Josh. But as I watched him, I knew he wasn’t over what had happened; he stilled felt guilty about unknowingly being a part of my pain.

Two years ago Jordan was working at one of the garages here in town, Jordan had knew he wanted to be a mechanic since we was 8 years old. That spring a new tire guy started at his work and they became friends really quick. There were many times that Jordan would blow off his brother and me to hang out with Will, which you can imagine with over really well.

I hadn’t seen Jordan most of that spring despite the fact that we were living together. So when Jordan wanted me to meet Will, I jumped at the chance. We all went out for drinks and everything was going so smoothly, Will and I were getting along and everyone was having fun.

The next day when Jordan got home from work, he told me that Will couldn’t stop talking about me and kept asking if Jordan thought he had a chance with me. With Jordan’s approval, Will and I started dating. And everything was going great; I couldn’t believe that I was so lucky. He was good looking, smart, funny and a good kisser, what else could a girl ask for?

A couple months into out relationship, Will started to get distant. We saw each other very little and didn’t really speak that much on the phone, it was like he didn’t have time for me, or he realized that I wasn’t what he wanted. Everyday Jordan saw him and everyday he swore that he still felt the same for me; he was just going through a difficult time. He didn’t have time for me but he had time for Jordan and the rest of his friends. Whenever I tried to talk to Jordan, he would tell me I was silly that there was nothing wrong and I was worrying over nothing. As it got closer to December, Will came around more and everything was back to normal.

That winter their work had their Christmas party at the dinner theater in the next town. The company paid for everything; the food, drinks and the hotel room for the night so no one would drive home intoxicated. Will, Jordan and I were sharing a room, along with Jordan’s date, April, who was someone that Will set him up with. April was so not Jordan’s type, and it was easy to see that she had no interest in him. They barely spoke to each other all night; whenever Jordan would say something, she’d look at him like he was speaking gibberish. She didn’t laugh at any of his jokes and made snide comments when he told stories. Jordan was miserable and I felt bad for him.

Halfway through the evening, the actors took a break and people started to get up and go for bathroom breaks or smoke breaks. Will excused himself and went for a smoke; I went to the bathroom, leaving Jordan and April all by themselves. I had hoped that giving them some time alone would maybe help but I highly doubted it. When I returned from the bathroom April was gone. “She just got up and left after you. I thought she might have gone to the bathroom.” Jordan told me when I asked.

The intermission lasted about 20 minutes, the actors were getting ready to go back on and neither one of our dates had returned to the table so we decided to go look for them. We ran into one of Jordan’s co-workers and he said he saw Will heading back towards the bathrooms, so Jordan went in to see if he was there. While he was in the bathroom, I heard Will’s laugh coming from further down the hallway. “He wasn’t in there.” Jordan said as he reappeared by my side.

“I swear I heard his laugh coming from down there.” We headed down the hall in the direction of the laugh.

“Mmm, I’ve missed you.” A voice came from around the corner. Jordan and I looked at each other, that’s Will’s voice, I mouthed. Jordan nodded. We turned the corner and froze. There’s this moment when you see something you don’t want too and you think, I’m not seeing this, it’s an illusion. You look, and then you look away and shake your head, then look back again. That’s what I did. And even then my mind told me that there was no way I was standing here watching my boyfriend screw another woman. But my eyes weren’t lying, Will had April up against the wall, her legs were wrapped around his waist and he was giving it to her, hard.

I turned and walked towards the lobby with Jordan on my heel. I told him I was going home but he managed to convince me to go back to the hotel with him. He checked to see if they had another room while I went upstairs and packed up our things. As I opened the hotel room door to leave, I was tempted to grab all Will and April’s things, throw them in the bathtub and turn the water on. Lucky for them, Jordan had come up from checking us into another room. I spent the night in Jordan’s arms, crying. He kept telling me he was sorry but I didn’t want to hear it. In the wee hours of the morning, we had finally fallen asleep.

The next day Jordan ran into Will as he picked up breakfast for us. Will asked him where I was and Jordan almost lost it on him. They got into an argument and in the end Will admitted that he had been sleeping with April, who was his ex girlfriend, since the middle of the summer. That April had told him to set her up with Jordan for that night or she would tell me what was going on. Jordan told him if he ever came around me, he’d kill him.

Jordan had blamed himself for what had happened since that night, I tried to tell him it wasn’t his fault, he didn’t know but it never made a difference. A couple months later, he confided in me that he thought that he had lost me as a friend that night.

I rested my head against his arm and looked up at him. He turned his head towards me, resting his chin on his hands. “I hate fighting with you.”

He nodded, “Me too.” He slid his arm around my waist and pressed his lips against my temple. “How about we never fight again?”

I laughed, “I can’t make any promises. You can be irritating sometimes.”

He smiled, “I just want what’s best for you.” He lifted his hand to my face. “Babe, I want to make you happy.” He closed the distance between us, he kissed me. On the lips. He pulled back slightly and gazed down at me, I’ve never seen the look that was in his eyes before. Or at least I’ve never seen it when I’ve looked in his eyes. Then it hit me, the comments Mike made last night, the little things he as said and the reaction to Josh; oh my god! I went to say something but he pressed his finger against my lips. I’m not sure what he saw when he looked into my eyes, for I wasn’t sure what I thought about this sudden realization but whatever it was he must’ve found it encouraging for he lowered his head and kissed me again. It was weird, part of me was thinking, oh my god, you are kissing Jordan! And the other part was thinking, mmmmmmm. Ok, that part wasn’t really thinking, it was feeling; his lips on mine, his hands around my waist pulling me across his lap and then his hand gripping my bottom.

I heard running footsteps moments before I heard my name being called. I pushed Jordan away from me and bolted into my room. What the hell am I doing?