These Are My Confessions

I almost made it to the stairs but Josh’s hand caught hold of my arm. “Anna, is everything ok?” He asked as he turned me around to face him.

“No.” I shook my head. “I mean yes.” I shrugged and looked up at the confused expression on his face. “I don’t know. I wanted to talk to you about something but I find that every time I see you, I start thinking it doesn’t matter because it wouldn’t really change how I feel.”

“Well,” He slipped his arm around my waist and motioned to his still opened door. “Why don’t we go inside and talk about it? It’s better to say it and get it out than to stress about it.” I nodded and let him lead me to his apartment.

Once inside, he closed the door and then he walked towards the living room, looked in then turned to smile at me. “What was that?” I asked him as I took off my boots.

“Just now?” He asked he looked a little embarrassed. When I nodded, he ran his hand through his hair and smiled. “I was double checking.”

“Double checking what?” I asked as I joined him, peeking around him at the living room.

He chuckled, “I wasn’t sure I cleaned up before I went to bed last night. Jess had made a mess the other day and I didn’t want you to think I was a pig.”

I stared at him for a moment. “Are you serious?” He nodded again, and there was a definite red tinge to his cheeks. I glanced around the living room, “Well, it looks like a kid lives here.” The place wasn’t messy, it looked lived in, and I had no problems with that. I made my way over to his couch and sat down; he started to come over to me but stopped, said he’d be right back and went to the bathroom.

While he was in the bathroom, I did a quick look around but didn’t get that far. When you come in the front door, there was a closet on one side and on the right was the kitchen. You could walk through the kitchen into the dining area which opened into the living room. There was a door between the dining area and the living room which leads out onto the balcony, glancing out the window in the door told me that no one had been out there for a while; there was a foot of snow covering the entire thing. If you came straight in the front door, next to the closet was a storage room, which was fairly full of unopened moving boxes. Damn, I’m nosy, I thought as I closed the door. Across from the living room was the bathroom, the door faced the wall of the storage room, not the living room. Down the hall there was a closed door, and there was light coming from the right, maybe his bedroom? I went to start down the hall when I noticed one of the toys that were on the floor, it was one that I saw every day at work, a trailer with farm animals in it. I was pressing the different animals making them make their noises when Josh came out of the bathroom.

“Playing with Jesse’s toys?” He came up beside me, slid his arm around my waist and kissed my cheek. Hmm minty, I thought as I smiled up at him.

“He won’t mind, will he?” I pressed the cow’s head and grinned as it mooed.

He shook his head, “No, he’ll just be upset that he wasn’t here to play with you.” Josh took the toy from my hand and placed it on the little play table nearby. Taking my hand in his he led me to the couch and pulled me down next to him.

I turned to him, frowning. “Where is Jess?”

While I was asking the question, he had lifted my hand to his lips; he kissed my palm before he answered. “He’s with his mom. I don’t get him until tomorrow.” He sighed, “That’s what I hate about joint custody; its great when I have him but when I don’t it really sucks.” He was quiet for a moment, then he smiled, “But I get him for Easter holidays and for the summer, so I’m really looking forward to that.” I must have sat there staring at him for too long, because he frowned, “Anna what’s wrong?”

I couldn’t believe it, in one sentence he totally banished all my fears, and I didn’t even have to ask him about it. “I didn’t know.” He asked me what I didn’t know and I told him how I didn’t know he was divorced.

He gave me a funny look, “Anna I wouldn’t be here with you now, if I was still married. I’m not that kind of guy.” He held up his bare left hand. “I would still be wearing the ring.” He looked at his hand, and then looked back at me. “I thought you knew.”

“No, I didn’t know for sure. I mean, I didn’t think you were that kind of guy, there were just things that sometimes made me wonder if I was being stupid.” I knew what I was saying wasn’t making sense. “Josh, you kept leaving abruptly and Carol visiting me at work yesterday didn’t help.”

I’m not sure which made me madder, the fact that I thought he was still married and fooling around with me or the mention of Carol coming to see me. “What did she want?”

I told him everything that she said, including the name calling, I told him how she grabbed my arm and showed him the bruises she left. I also told him that she pushed me, how I fell and about being off work for a couple days because of it. Then finally I told him about seeing her pregnant belly and how she made it seem like the baby was his. And that’s when he finally lost it. “Son of a -” His hands balled up into fists, he was shaking.

“Josh?” I went to touch his shoulder, but he jumped off the couch and started to pace the room, mumbling to himself. I watched him for a couple minutes then called his name. “Josh?”

He stopped pacing and stopped mumbling. He looked at me and started to laugh, “You know, I knew she hated me but never did I think she would…argh!” He fell down on the couch next to me, leaning forward he rested his forehead against his fist and shook his head. “She’s the one who left me, she’s the one who found someone else and didn’t want to be with me anymore. I never did anything to hurt her, not even when we were going through the divorce and she was trying to say that the baby wasn’t mine.” He turned to me, “She was 4 months pregnant with Jess when she left.” My jaw dropped when I heard that. He sighed, “Yeah, it wasn’t pretty and I don’t like to talk about it that much. Jess is obviously mine; he looked like me when I was a baby from the day he was born.”

I lifted my hand to his shoulder, and leaned against him. “He looks more and more like you every day.”

Josh grinned, “Yeah.” He turned to me and pulled me into his arms, “Honey I’m so sorry that I brought this on you. I never thought that anything like that would happen. I promise you, it won’t happen again.”

“Josh you can’t control what she does. I’m just glad that she’s full of it.” I kissed his cheek. “Because I have to tell you, the thought that you might be married didn’t really stop me.”

He laughed, “No, it didn’t, you little minx.” He lowered his head to kiss me and I met him halfway.

We were laying in each others arms talking and kissing when his stomach started to growl. Laughing, we decided to make some grill cheese sandwiches for breakfast. Josh was at the fridge pulling out margarine and cheese slices when there was a knock on his door. He glanced at me and frowned, “Were you expecting anyone?”

I gave him a funny look and laughed, “Josh this is your apartment, who would be looking for me?”

He shook his head, “Oh right. Here,” He passed me the margarine and the cheese then kissed me on the lips. “You get started and I’ll get rid of whoever’s at the door.”

Facing My Fear

Fingers gently stroking my cheek woke me from my crazy dream of running around to find a bathroom that is working and has all its doors in the proper places. Opening my eyes, I stared sleepily up at Jordan, his features barely visible in the early light. “Hey.”

He kissed my cheek and fell to the bed next to me, his arm slipped around my waist. When he spoke, his voice was almost a whisper against my ear. “So how are you feeling?”

I grinned and pulled the blankets tighter to my body, “I feel great.” I glanced at him, “How about you?”

He rolled onto his back and stretched out beside me, pulling the blankets down around his hips in the process. “Wonderful.”

Laughing, I raised myself up on my elbow and leaned in over him, my hand resting against his bare chest. “I think I’m going to go get something to eat and then shower.”

He turned his head and glanced at the clock. “Babe it’s only 6 am, you can stay here for a while longer.”

“I could,” I agreed as I moved back towards the edge of the bed. “But I think today is going to be emotionally draining so I’d like to get that over with early.”

“Wouldn’t you rather stay here in my nice warm bed than go out in the freezing cold and snow?” He lifted the blankets and patted the bed in front of him.

“As tempting as that offer is I think I better get my day started.” I picked up one of his sweatshirts. “Can I borrow this? I’ll bring it back later.” He shrugged as he watched me pull the shirt on over my normal pjs.

“I might as well get up too.” He pushed back the sheets and rolled out of bed, onto the floor.

I laughed at him, “Stop peddling crack!” I threw his pillow at him as he reached back to grip the waist band of his pj pants, looking over his shoulder; he tugged them down further instead of up, mooning me.

“Ohhh, come on! No one wants to see that!” I shook my head and left his room.

After a quick stop in the bathroom, I continued on my way down the hall into the kitchen. Flipping the switch on the wall, I blinked as my eyes tried to get used to the light. I was making toast when Jordan joined me. “Hey Babe?” He had his back against the counter; his hands were resting on the edge. I smiled at him but he wasn’t looking at me, he was focused on the floor in front of him. “Are you going to tell Josh about last night?”
“I don’t see why not.” I replied as I pulled my toast from the toaster.

“I don’t think you really need to tell him. It wouldn’t harm anything if you didn’t.” He stole one of my toast and started to eat it as he headed for the table.

“Jordy, nothing happened.” I lowered myself into the chair next to him, “Sure we kissed, but that’s all.”

“And you woke up in my arms this morning.”

I sighed, “So? If he doesn’t like it then too bad but I’m not going to hide it, like I’m ashamed that it happened. If I didn’t say anything and he found out, I don’t think it would go over all that well.”

Jordan looked thoughtful for a moment; I thought that he was going to have something important to say when he finally opened his mouth. “Are you going to eat that?” He pointed at my toast and grinned.

“Get your own!” I answered as I sunk my teeth into the thick layer of peanut butter and jam.

It was 7 by the time I had finished breakfast, had my shower and gotten dressed. I was on my way out the door when I realized that I didn’t know where Josh lived. Grabbing the phone book that rested under my phone, I quickly looked through the B’s trying to find his number to see if they listed his address but his number wasn’t even listed. “Great.” I sighed, tossing the phone book aside.

I had two choices; I could call him and tell him I’m coming over, warning him. Or I could call my brother and ask him for his address. Neither choice was one that I really wanted to take, they both had their own set of drawbacks, but seeing that I wanted to surprise Josh, I picked up the phone and called my brother.

“Anna, is everything ok?” Zach’s worried voice came over the line after the second ring. I reassured him that everything was fine. “Then why the hell are you calling me at 7 in the morning? You never call me this early.”

“I needed some information Zach.” I paused for a moment, “About Josh.”

I could hear him sigh, “Anna I’ll tell you the same thing I told him. I don’t want to know. And don’t get me involved.”

“Come on Zach, I only need you to tell me where he lives.”

“Why not just call him and ask? Anna, really leave me out of it.” Zach’s voice took on that ‘authoritative’ tone that he used when working and I hated it.

“Fine, I’ll leave you out of it! Funny though, he knew where I lived.” There wasn’t that many that could’ve told him where that was. He relented a bit, asking me why I wanted to know. “I need to talk to him Zach; it’s very important and can’t wait any longer.”

“I’ll tell you but I need you to promise me something first.” My brother’s voice had a hint of concern in it. I couldn’t help but wonder if it was concern for me or for Josh. I asked him what he wanted. “There are things you don’t know about him, I want you to promise me that you’ll be careful. I don’t want anyone hurt.”

Is that a warning to stay away? I couldn’t help but wonder. I asked him what he meant by that but he wouldn’t say anything else but gave me Josh’s address and then said good bye.

I stood there staring at the receiver in my hand, wondering if I should go through with this after all. Jordan had come out of the bathroom and was standing watching me. “Are you sure you want to do this babe?”

I smiled at him over my shoulder and nodded, “It’s about time I found out.” I said as I made my way out the door.

The drive over to Josh’s wasn’t that long, I wasn’t as confident as I sat outside his apartment building. An apartment? I still couldn’t wrap my mind around that one, I figured that he would have a house, the one he had five years ago was really nice and property here was cheaper than where he lived before. I saw his car parked on the street, so I figured that he was home and that made me more nervous. Get to it! I told myself. Taking a couple deep breaths, I turned off my car and jumped out, quickly making my way across the street and up the stairs to his door before I changed my mind.

I stared at the ‘14’ on the door for a moment, lifting my trembling hand I traced the numbers with my fingers, then closed my eyes and knocked on the door.

Listening for sounds of life, I was kind of disappointed when I didn’t hear anything. Glancing at my watch, 7:30, he’s probably still sleeping. I sighed and started to turn away from his door when I hear a lock turn and the door opened.

Josh looked like he was still asleep; his hair was all over the place, he had lines on his face from the wrinkles in the pillow or sheets and his eyes were barely opened. “Anna?” He frowned as he looked at me, then he looked at something behind him before turning back to me. “What are you doing here?”

I wanted to say something, anything but all I could think was oh my god, what am I doing? This is a mistake. The nauseous feeling that I had while sitting in the car returned, only this time it was ten times worst, I have to get out of here. “Sorry.” I mumbled before heading for the stairs.

The Good, The Bad and The...Really Bad?

Coming out of the bathroom, I was still a little confused with Jordan’s reaction to my ‘hey’, I personally didn’t see what was so offensive about a smile that would warrant a glare like that. I hesitated outside his room door, I wanted to bust in their and demand an answer but I was tired and I didn’t know if I could deal with his dramatics. What the hell? I thought as I raised my hand and knocked on his door, “Jordan?” I called out his name then listened for indication of movement behind the closed door. “Jordan?”

“Get lost.” He yelled back.

I stepped back, surprised that he would say that. “Jordan,” I pushed his door open.

He met me at the door, he had one had on the wall beside me and the other was holding the door. “What part of ‘get lost’ don’t you understand?” He demanded.

“The part where ‘get’ and ‘lost’ meet.” I snapped back at him. “What’s your problem?”

“What’s my problem?” He shook his head. “You, you’re my problem. What the hell is wrong with you lately? You have my brother run interference for you? You don’t think I can handle whatever you need to tell me? Damn it Anna, I’m not a kid, don’t try to protect me!”

“Protect you?” I stared at him. “What on earth would I need to protect you from? And I never asked your brother to run interference for me. Whatever he said tonight was all him. Get over yourself!”

He rolled his eyes, his jaw was clenched. “Yeah, right. Mike just pulled it out of his ass that you were feeling pressure from me to make a decision.”

“I never said that!” I was losing my patience, I hated that every time Jordan and I spoke lately all we seemed to do was yell.

“Whatever.” He looked away and attempted to close the door. “I’m going to sleep, good night.”

“No, I want to talk about this.” I crossed my arms over my chest.

“Well too bad!” He snapped, “You can’t always get what you want!”

“Screw you Jordan!” I turned to head back to my room.

“I wish you would but I guess you’ve known me way too long.” He muttered under his breath.

I stopped dead in my tracks, I tried to pretend that he didn’t just say what I thought he said but I knew he did. Tears sprang to my eyes; I couldn’t believe that he would say something like that to me. I saw red as I thought about all the times that I could’ve thrown his many conquests in his face and didn’t. Blinded by rage, I spun around and slapped him soundly across his cheek. His head jerked back, I wasn’t sure if it was because I surprised him or because I actually hit him that hard. “Don’t you ever say anything like that to me again!” To make my point, I started to pound my fists against his chest. “You have no right to judge what I do or who I do it with!”

He grabbed my hands and forced them down behind my back. Towering over me, holding my hands behind my back, it was the first time in my life that he truly scared me. “Jordan?” I tried to keep that fear out of my voice, but it was pretty apparent as my voice trembled when I had spoken.

His hands slipped from my wrists and traveled up my arms. “Babe I’m sorry, I just -” His hands softly rested on my face, his thumbs wiped through the tears that had started to roll down my cheeks. “Oh Babe, there’s no excuse for what I just said, I’m so sorry.” He rested his forehead against mine and his arms slipped around my waist.

“Why Jordy?” I asked through the sobs.

“Babe,” He pulled away from me, taking my hands he lead me to his bed. After I was seated on the bed, he knelt in front of me, his hands held mine as he tried to find the words to say what he was thinking. “Anna, I’ve been trying to be cool with this, I really have been. Babe, I’m so afraid of losing you.” He sighed. “Tonight after you went to bed, Mike and Eric both started in on me. They think I should leave you alone until you figure out this thing with Josh, they don’t think that it’s as bad as we think, that we are missing something. Mike told me that if I wasn’t careful I would lose you completely if I kept pushing for us.”

“I didn’t -”

He held up his hand. “I’ve been crazy jealous and maybe a little insane. Unfortunately, I can’t change that. I hate that I waited so long to tell you how I feel because with Josh in the picture it doesn’t even matter to you.”

“Oh Jordy,” I sighed. “It does matter to me but I -”

“You really care about him?” He asked, but didn’t wait for answer. He shook his head, “Anna you don’t even know him, you only met him two weeks ago and haven’t spent that much time with him. And now this thing with Carol? Babe, I’m scared for you.”

I took a deep breath and nodded. “I know Jordan, it scared me too.”

“But you still didn’t ask him about it, did you? When you were talking to him earlier? It was him on the phone, right?”

“I didn’t want to tell him over the phone! I would rather see his reaction, I want to be able to…Jordy I don’t want him to have an out if the worst is true.”

He thought for a moment, “So you are going to talk about it the next time you see him?” I nodded. “Are you sure you want to do that?”

I frowned, “Of course I’m sure. I have to stop ignoring this issue, I think tonight has proven that to me. I can’t put it off any longer; I’m going to talk to him tomorrow.” I sighed and fell back against his bed. “Oh Jordy, I’ve been so crazy lately.” I glanced at him as he joined me. “Have you ever known me to be such a chicken?”

“Well,” He smiled, “There was that one play we put on for our parents when we were six.” Turning on his side, he reached out and touched my arm. “You remember? Nick and I were the farmers and you were supposed to be the turkey? But you didn’t want to say ‘gobble, gobble’ so you told every one that chicken was the bird of choice for Thanksgiving.”

I laughed, “I don’t know why I had to be the turkey!”

He grinned, “Well,” He leaned in closer to me and whispered. “I wasn’t supposed to tell you, but Nick didn’t want to play Mr. Farmer to your Mrs. Farmer. He told me he only gave you that cookie and asked you to marry him so you’d let him kiss you.”
I gasped. With my hand over my heart, I tried to look hurt. “You mean he played me?” I thought about it and laughed, “I knew I should’ve kicked him when he ignored me for those couple days.”

“Yeah, he’s a real heartbreaker.” Jordan said trying not to laugh but it failed.

I turned towards him, we were inches apart. I slid my arm around his waist and looked up into his eyes. “No, I believe that you are the heartbreaker in the family, Babe.” I laughed at his shocked expression and kissed him on the lips.

He wrapped his arm around my waist, drawing me near. I felt myself being eased onto my back, his body moving over mine as he kissed me back.

Sleep Talking

Ring. I jump in bed as my cell phone, which was sitting on the night stand next to my bed, went off.

Ring. Turning over, I try to grab the phone but my right hand is half asleep.

Ring. Groaning, I lie on my back and try reaching with my left hand.

Ri-. “Hello?” I groaned into the phone, actually it was probably more like “mmlo?” There was silence for a moment, which made me think I actually did say the last one.

“Anna?” Josh’s voice came over the line with a hint of uncertainness.

“Mmmm, hey Josh.” I mumbled, trying to shake myself awake.

“Were you sleeping?” He asked I could hear confusion in his voice. “I thought you worked tonight?”

I groaned and glanced at the time, it was 10:30 and I had told him to call because I’d be just getting home. “Yes and yes.” After Mike and I brought home the food, I ate a little then excused myself and went to lie down.

“Honey, is everything ok?” Concern had replaced the confusion in his voice.

“No,” I sighed, remembering why I was home in the first place. “Everything isn’t ok, we need to talk.” When he didn’t say anything for a while I got worried. “Josh? You ok?”

He sighed; I could picture him running his hand through his hair. “Yeah, I’m ok. Nothing good normally comes after someone says ‘we need to talk’.”

I thought about that and had to agree. I didn’t know what I was going to do at this point, I mean I wanted to talk to him about what happened with Carol but I didn’t want to have things end between us, I can handle being the other woman, can’t I? I know it’s crazy but there was something about Josh that made me throw all reason and logic out the window. It was then that I knew there was no way I could do this over the phone, I needed to see his face and his reactions when I told him, they would give me some idea how to proceed or how to end it. “Josh,” I took a deep breath and let it out before I continued. “I think we need to slow down, I’m finding that I’m confused and unsure of myself lately, like I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.”

I waited for him to say something, anything. He kept me waiting for a couple minutes then finally he said. “Anna, I need you to be honest with me. If don’t want a relationship with me, I need to know now instead of finding out a week or two down the road.”

I frowned, “Josh that’s not it, I have no doubts that I’m interested in you, it’s just…” I sighed, unsure how to end that.

“Jordan?” He asked.

“Somewhat, I never expected him to tell me something like that. Hell he’s been my friend forever, I don’t know if it can be anything else but I don’t want to hurt him either. I know he’s said he’d step back and let he try and figure out my feelings for you but he hasn’t really.” I was rambling I knew it but I couldn’t help myself, I wanted Josh to know how I was feeling, how hard this really was on me.

He scoffed, “How generous of him.”

“Josh!”

“I’m sorry, I just…” He paused and took a deep breath. “Anna do whatever you have to do to be sure of what you want, I don’t want you to rush into a relationship with either of us if your heart’s not truly in it. It wouldn’t be fair to anyone.”

I smiled; maybe it’ll be ok after all. “Are you sure about that?”

“Yes honey I’m sure.” He went quiet again; I could hear him breathing so I knew he was still on the phone. We didn’t say anything for a good five minutes; I was lying in bed on my side with the blankets pulled up to my chin, wishing he was there next to me. “Anna, I should probably go.”

No! I screamed silently, I found that I never wanted him to go, is that weird? “Do you have too?”

“No, I don’t have anything I have to do. We just weren’t saying anything, so I thought you might want to go back to sleep?” The questioning concern in his voice made me smile.

“No, I was just lying here listening to you breath.” I wanted to smack myself the moment I said that, oh yeah, like that won’t creep him out!

He laughed, “Well, I…ummm…”

“Did I make you uncomfortable?” I asked, biting my lip.

“No, it was just unexpected. Hold on for a minute?” I said ok and heard him put down the phone. Moments later I heard some rustling, the phone being dropped and then he came back on the line. “Ok, that’s better.”

I raised a brow, “Ok? What did you do?”

“Oh, I got into bed,” He replied nonchalantly.

I grinned, “So, ummm how are you laying?”

“I’m in the middle of the bed on my left side.” He answered, and when he heard me giggled, he asked, “Why? How are you laying?”

“I’m laying the same way, just more towards the edge of the bed.” I wondered if he would understand what I was thinking, without going into anymore details.

He chuckled, “So if we were together, I’d be holding you tight as we drifted off to sleep?”

I nodded and smiled before I realized that he couldn’t see me. “Sounds about right.” I replied.

“Anna, I…” He groaned, “Ummm, maybe we should talk about something else?”

“Mmmm?” I groaned and then chuckled, “Having some issues there?”

He laughed, “Wouldn’t you love to know but I’m not going to tell you.”

I smiled, “That’s ok, I have a great imagination and oh! My!”

“Trouble, that’s what you are.” He laughed, but his voice was deeper than before.

A shiver went through my body and I could feel myself getting warmer. “Ok, maybe we should talk about something else.”

“I see I’m not the only one having issues.” He teased and then continued, “So what would you like to talk about?”

I thought for a moment, “Oh! So because of the snow today Chad decided that they weren’t going back until Sunday. If you want, and Jesse wants too also, Conner would love to get together and play with him again.”

“I’ll don’t see where that would be a problem, in fact, I know it won’t be, Jesse kept asking me today if he could play with Conner tomorrow.” Josh paused, “Yeah, I’ll call your brother tomorrow and make arrangements. Thanks honey, Jess will be excited when I tell him.”

“So will Conner. He doesn’t have anyone his own age to play with, so he gets lonely. The closest to his age is Natalie, who’s eight and don’t want to play with ‘boys toys’.” I laughed, “Which is funny to me because that’s all I played with when I was growing up.”

“Hey me too!” Josh joked. “But seriously Jess has kind of the same problem, although Megan, my nephew’s little girl, is about the same age, she only wants to play with dolls. I think that’s why Jess carries around Mister Bear all the time, he can play with him instead of the dolls when Megan is around. Karen has twin boys; they are 6 and think that playing with their little cousin is punishment. And Rob’s daughter is only 5 months old, Jess don’t understand that she can’t play like he does.”

“Wait, Robbie has a kid?” I was shocked to say the least. “Wow, I never would’ve expected that seeing his attitude towards children when I knew him.”

“Yeah,” Josh chuckled. “We were too shocked to be surprised, he showed up one day with a very pregnant Sandy in tow, telling us that they just gotten married and they were moving back here. I hadn’t seen or heard from him in two years, I barely recognized him.”

“Wow,” I repeated, “Amazing how people can change, I guess. So that’s all your family back in town again?” It was weird knowing his family, but not really knowing them.

“Yeah neither Tim nor Liz had left. Mom and dad are happy, family gatherings keep growing bigger every year.” You could hear the pride in his voice when he talked about his family, and who could blame him? His family was admired in this town; they were always giving back to the community or volunteering in some way. It was strange to not see one of the Bakers at any of the many fundraisers or community events that happened every year.

We talked a while longer and then my cell phone started to die. Saying good night, I told him I’d call him later.

I hung up the phone and snuggled down in my bed, realizing as I had gotten warm and comfortable that I had to use the bathroom. Crawling out of bed, I plugged my cell in and headed out of my room. Jordan came out of his room as I reached the bathroom door, “Hey,” I gave him smile. He glared at me, turned and disappeared back into his room. What was that about? I wondered as I closed the bathroom door.

Brotherly Love?

“I don’t know about you guys, but I’m starving.” Mike announced, as the TV show we were watching broke for commercial.

After my little outburst in the kitchen when I got home, the three of us joined Eric in the living room and I told them about the incident with Carol. I don’t know what I was expecting from them, neither one of them said a word, but it was a relief to be able to talk to someone about it. Did I feel better? No, I felt just as bad except now I was angry at Josh for not telling me he was still married. Still even when I thought about it, I didn’t feel like it was right, like there was something I was missing. I’ve never misjudged someone that badly before, he didn’t seem like he was hiding anything.

“Anna?” Jordan gently nudged me. When I glanced up at him, he told me they were thinking about ordering out and asked if I’d call the Chinese food place we loved.

I nodded, picked up the phone and dialed. “Hello Mrs. Chung. How are you tonight?” Jordan and I have been going to Schezwan Village for as long as it’s been opened, we’ve come to know the owners of the place very well.

“Ah Anna, I’m good, very very busy. You want to place a takeout order, yes?” Mrs. Chung asked.

“Yes, I do. We’ll have the usual stuff and then we also need,” I glanced at the notepad in front of me where Jordan had written down a couple things that Mike and Eric wanted. “Special Fried Rice, Chicken Chop Suey and Sweet & Sour Pork.”

“You need soup for your company Anna?” I told Mrs. Chung to hold on and asked the boys if they wanted soup, they did. “Your company is Nick and Amy? You tell them I have present for the baby.”

I smiled, “It’s actually Jordan’s other brother, not Nicky.” I could hear the calculator stop. “Mrs. Chung?”

“The gay one?” She asked then went off on a tangent about how unnatural it was and that Mike should be ashamed of him self. I was shocked, I know that there are many people out there who just are against or don’t understand how someone could be attracted to the same sex but they never once have said anything to me or around me about it.

I cleared my throat, “Mrs. Chung.” She stopped in the middle of what she was saying. “Cancel our order.” I said and hung up the phone.

“What the hell?” Jordan looked at me like I was crazy. “Why did you cancel the order? Are they that busy?” I shook my head and told them what she had said.

Mike and Eric looked at each other, and then Mike looked back at me. “We’re unnatural and we are ashamed of ourselves,” He joked. “But we are also freaking hungry.”

“How can you even joke about that? I don’t…she shouldn’t…” I was so surprised at their reaction I didn’t even know what I was trying to say.

“Anna sweetheart, if we hated everyone who didn’t agree with us, our lives would be very lonely. I don’t care if she doesn’t like that I have a boyfriend, I don’t expect her to invite me over to her house to meet the family, hell I don’t even care if she never says a word to me as long as she still sells the amazing Chinese food that I remember.” Mike had gotten up from the couch and was standing in front of me. “I love that you are that protective of us but you can’t change how people think. Now, what’s the number? I need some food.” He picked up the phone and dialed as Jordan told him the number. “It’s ringing,” he whispered. “Oh hello. No, it’s Mike. Yes, that would be me. I want to apologize for Anna; she’s having a bad day. What?” He laughed and looked at me. “Yeah, I’ll tell her that. So you placed our order? Great! We’ll see you then. Bye now.” He placed the phone in its cradle.
“What did she say?” Jordan asked.

Mike laughed and shook his head. “She told me that she has something that will help with the bitchiness during that time.”

My jaw dropped. “I’m not bitchy!” I yelled as the boys all laughed. “I’m not.”

When the time came to go pick up the food, Mike insisted that he go to get it. “Wait,” I said as both he and Eric got up to leave. “Umm, Jordan or I have to go with you. They won’t give you the 20% off if one of us isn’t there.” It was decided that I would go with Mike since I was the less damaged out of the two of us. I could tell that Eric wasn’t too happy that he had to stay with Jordan, again.

Mike and I had returned to his car with the food, he was getting ready to pull out of the parking lot when he pointed to the restaurant across the parking lot. “Hey isn’t that Josh?”

I turned in the direction he was pointing. Josh was sitting alone in a booth in the back of the restaurant. As I watched, the waitress brought him his food and must have asked if he wanted more pop because she took his glass. I sat there staring at him, wanting to go join him and ask him some questions. “You know Anna. I know it’s none of my business but I don’t see it.”

I turned to Mike, blinking back the tears that threatened to spill. “Don’t see what?”

“I don’t see him being that guy, the one that cheats and lies. He just doesn’t fit that type. I mean look at him.” Both of us turned our attention back to Josh. “Didn’t Carol say she was going home to him? If that was the case, why is he in there by himself?”

“Maybe they had a fight? Maybe she confronted him?” I sighed, “I don’t know Mike.”

“If it was me and I was cheating and my partner found out. I damn well wouldn’t be eating alone in a restaurant. I’d be one of two places, trying to mend my relationship with my partner or seeing how the person I was cheating with is handling it. Or maybe I would be drowning my sorrows in the bar. But I wouldn’t be eating at a restaurant, looking lonely and quite frankly, it looks like he’s used to being there alone.” Mike shifted in his seat. “Anna I think there is more to Josh’s situation than you know. I think you should talk to him about Carol and ask him what’s going on.”

I shook my head, “I can’t. What if he is still married?”

“What if he’s not?” Mike sighed. “Ok, I have to tell you something else. About Jordan.”

I frowned, “What about Jordan?”

“I know you know how he feels about you. And I know that now he thinks he has a better chance with you because of this whole Carol thing. But Anna, don’t rush into anything with him.” Mike had crossed his arms over the steering wheel and was looking off into space. “Don’t mistake the love you have for him as your best friend as romantic love.”

“You think Jordan and I getting together would be a mistake?”

“I didn’t say that, I just want to you be sure before you enter into that area with my brother.” He looked at me. “I love him, and I want him to be happy. I just think that you need to find out what’s going on with Josh and sort out your feelings for him before you even think about anyone else.”

Mike slipped the car into reverse and backed out of the parking stall, as we drove away I found myself staring at the spot where Josh was in the window of the restaurant long after I couldn’t see him anymore.

...And The Lightening Strikes

A million thoughts ran through my mind as I stood there in front of Carol. What is she doing here? Does she know? And how will it feel to die? Part of me was also wondering if Josh was with her. I know, stupid but I couldn’t help it. I tried not to react to seeing her, acted like she was just any other customer, until I knew what she wanted, why freak? Right?

I gave her my best ‘customer’ smile. “Hi, can I help you?”

“Don’t get there and pretend that you don’t know who I am you little tramp.” She hissed as she grabbed my arm.

I didn’t expect her to touch me; I gasped and shot her a look of disbelief. “I’m sorry?”

“Don’t play dumb, we both know what I’m talking about.” Her nails dug into my arm. “Do you honestly think I’m going to stand by and let you run around with Josh behind my back?”

I didn’t say anything, I knew that no matter what I said, it wouldn’t make things better and I still had to work there after she left.

She released my arm and scoffed. “I can’t believe Josh would lower himself to sleeping with a common whore like you.” I went to say something and she cut me off, “That’s right whore I know all about you and Josh; it is amazing how much kids will tell for a cookie. Jesse told me all about ‘daddy’s dirty little secret’.” She raised her eyebrow at me and waited. When I didn’t say anything she got more enraged, she grabbed the front of my smock in her fists and yanked me close to her. “Listen here whore, it stops now! Stay away from Josh and maybe I won’t take Jesse away from him. We both know how important his son is to him, Jesse is Josh’s life, and you wouldn’t to take away his life, now would you?” She pushed me backwards and I fell against one of the clothing free standing racks, it tipped and fell over, I landed on top of it.

Upon hearing the commotion, Barb, the duty manager came running over. “Oh my god! Anna are you ok?” She knelt beside me. Tears were rolling down my cheeks as I turned onto my side and rolled off the rack, it hurt like hell. Slowly I got to my knees and with Barb’s help I was able to stand. “Are you ok?” She repeated.

With all the strength I had, I stood tall, staring directly at Carol who now had a frightened look on her face. I tried hard not to winch with every breath I took, “I’m fine.” I said through clenched teeth.

Barb frowned, “What happened here?” She glanced at Carol and then back at me. “Well?”

I waited to see if Carol would own up to what she did, or if she’d lie. I didn’t have to wait long. “She was leaning up putting something away and I accidentally knocked into her.” She gave Barb a weak smile and muttered “I’m sorry.”

“Ok.” I could tell Barb wasn’t buying it. “Next time use a little more caution.” She didn’t direct that at anyone in particular but I knew she was talking to me. “Anna, come back to the first aid room, we’ll see if there was any damage.”

Carol smiled at Barb as she went towards the back, and then turned her icy glare back on me. “Look’s like Josh won’t be out whoring for a few days.”

“If you’ll excuse me, I have to get checked out.” I turned to leave.

“Don’t you dare walk away from me!” When she reached out to grab my arm to stop me, her jacket came open, I stared at her belly, her very pregnant belly. She grinned and placed a hand on her tummy. “Oh you didn’t know? I’m seven months pregnant, and it’s a boy. We are thinking about calling him Travis.”

“Congratulations.” I muttered, dying a thousand deaths as my worst fear was confirmed; Josh was still very much married and about to become a father again.

She rubbed her belly, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get home to my husband and my son.” Turning, she walked away with a satisfied grin on her face. With every step she took the level of guilt and shame I felt doubled until it was so unbearable, I tried to stop the dizziness and the nausea but I couldn’t.

“Anna, I’m waiting.” Barb called from the swinging doors to the back, her voice just barely registering in my ear. “Anna?” She stepped towards me, a concerned look on her face.

I shook my head and with my hand pressed against my mouth I ran for the bathroom. Blowing through the main door, I barely made it to the stall. Falling to my knees in front of the toilet, between the tears of guilt and the stabbing pain in my back, I threw up.

When all that was left in me was dry heaves, Barb came over with a cold cloth and held it against my forehead as I continued to sob uncontrollably. She helped me up from the floor and walked me to the sink, I avoided looking in the mirror because I knew that I looked worst than I ever had before in my life for I felt worst than I ever had. After I washed my face, Barb led me to the first aid room and got me to lie down on the bed. “Is there someone you’d like me to call to come get you? Your brother perhaps?”

“No!” I grabbed her arm, “Don’t call my brother. Call Jordan he’s at home.” I told her the number and she left the room to go call him, closing the door behind her. I couldn’t face my brother; I knew that he would want to know what happened, how do you tell your brother than you slept with his married best friend?

Barb had peeked her head back in to tell me that Jordan was coming for me, and she asked if I needed anything. I shook my head and she left.

I was almost asleep when the door opened again, “Jordan, I -” The words died on my lips as the person who came in my line of vision wasn’t Jordan. “Mike?” I looked past him, searching for Jordan.

“Jordan’s at home with Eric, not that he wants to be. But I didn’t think he was in any shape to come and get you.” Mike sat on the bed next to me; his eyes scanned my body then came to rest on my face. “So are you ok? They wouldn’t tell Jordan anything other than you fell and you weren’t feeling good.”

Tears came to my eyes again, “I just want to go home.” I whispered. Mike nodded and went off to find Barb and to get my stuff from the staffroom. He returned 10 minutes later with Barb in tow.

“Now Anna, make sure you get this paperwork filled out when you see the doctor.” She glanced up at Mike, “You’ll make sure she sees a doctor?” Mike nodded. “Good.” Barb handed him the papers and she left again.

“You know, I feel like I already did this once this week.” He joked as he was helping me to my feet. “Could you and Jordy be any more alike?”

After we left work, he took me to the hospital. The doctor that looked me over told me that there wasn’t any serious damage, just a lot of bruising. He told me that I was going to me very sore for a couple days and then he wrote a note for me to take the next week off work.

Almost two hours after my run in with Carol, I finally walked up the front steps of the house. Jordan was waiting for me, he yanked the door open just as I was about to reach for the handle. “Babe! Are you ok? I was worried, why didn’t you call me?” He glared at Mike, who just pushed his way into the house.

“Jordan, I was at the hospital with her, and she’s fine. She’s just going to be sore for a while and off work for a couple days too.”

Jordan frowned, “What happened? They said you fell? Was it from a ladder? I’ve told you to be careful…” I stared at him, I could see his mouth moving but I stopped listening. Finally I had enough.

“I was pushed!” I yelled at him.

Mike and Jordan glanced at each other and then back at me. “What?” They asked in unison.

Tears began to roll down my cheeks again, “I was pushed.”
Jordan stared at me in disbelief. “By who? Why would they push you?”

“Carol.” I whispered my bottom lip was trembling. “He’s still married. She’s seven months pregnant.” I sank to the floor and drew my knees up to my chest despite the pain shooting through my back. “And I’m a whore.”

Jordan dropped to his knees beside me, wrapped his arms around me and drew me near. “No, you’re not.” He whispered, rubbing my back gently. “No, you’re not babe.”

The Thunder Rolls...

I was sleeping on my back when I felt the mattress shift and moments later his arm wrapped its way around my waist. I smiled, turned over and put my arm around him, squeezing him tight. “Good morning,” I said, my words muffled against the shirt he was wearing.

He raised himself up on his elbow, his hand brushed against my cheek as he tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear. His fingers trailed softly down my jaw to my chin, he turned my face to his, his lips where soft and gentle on mine. His kiss felt different. Different? I pulled back, finally opening my eyes. “What the hell?” I pushed further away from him and hugged the blankets to me. “What are you doing in my bed Jordan?”

Jordan looked around the room and then turned back to me, “Are you sure it’s your bed?”

I didn’t even need to scan the room to know it was his, I could tell just by the sheets. “Why?”

Jordan shot me a naughty grin, “You need me to remind you about last night? I know I’m injured but I think I made a lasting impression.”

I hit his arm, “Shithead! I know that didn’t happen, I would’ve remembered that!” I looked around and recalled what happened as my gaze fell on Conner’s blanket. Around 2 last night, I woke up to Jordan shaking me gently to tell me that Conner had crawled into his bed and he asked that I get him out. When I went to take Conner out, he woke up and was hysterical, talking about monsters and not having his daddy there to protect him. With tears in his eyes, he looked up at Jordan and asked him to protect me and him from the monsters. “Where’s Conner?”

“Out in the living room, we were watching cartoons but we got hungry, so I came to wake you.” He smiled at me. “I think Conner should sleepover more often.”

I raised a brow at him as I got out of bed, “Oh? So you have an excuse to watch cartoons?”

He opened the door, letting me pass through it before he replied. “No, so I get to wake up next to you.”

Without looking back, I told him I was going to make French toast for breakfast. I didn’t know what to say to that, what could I say?

After breakfast was done and the dishes were put away, Conner and I packed up his stuff and went to my brother’s house. On the way there, it had started to lightly snow. Conner was talking a mile a minute in the back about all the things he does with Chad when it snows. “Daddy lets me shovel the steps; I have my own shovel Aunt Anna.” I glanced in the rear view mirror at him and smiled, I never seen someone so excited about shoveling before in my life. I knew it had more to do with the fact that he was did it with his dad and his sister didn’t, that made it so important to him.

I spent most of the afternoon at Zach’s; the snow had gotten worst as the afternoon went on. Chad was still going to go home, until he heard that the roads further out were almost impossible to drive on, according to the last report on the news, there were cars in the ditches everywhere the closer you go to his town.

When I went to leave to go into work, Zach kept telling me to drive safe, to come back if it was too bad and to call when I got to work. It was slow going as I drove into town, I couldn’t go any faster than 30kms for fear of going in the ditch. As I was driving, my cell phone rang a couple times but I didn’t even try to answer it, so when I finally got to work, after calling Zach and letting him know I was ok, I checked my messages.

The first one was from Josh. “Hey honey, I just wanted to apologize for the way I left last night, I wish I could’ve stayed there a little longer. I've been wondering about that question that you didn't get to ask me, maybe we can talk about that tonight? Jess had a great time with Conner, he was wondering if they could play together again soon. I told him I didn’t know because Conner was only visiting. I’ll call you later, bye Anna.”

The second, third and fourth were from Jordan.

“Babe, it’s snowing, be careful out there!”

“Babe, do we have anymore laundry soap? I can’t find it.” Pause. “Oh, wait never mind, I found it.”

“Hey it’s me again, I never thought to ask, did you need anything washed?” Rustling. “Hot damn! Babe, the purple lingerie, I like. Maybe you’d model them for me later?”

My face turned 10 shades of red as I listened to the last message. I quickly dialed my home number, Jordan answered on the second ring. “Hey girl, what’s up?”

“Stay the hell out of my room!” I yelled into the phone.

He chuckled, “Oh come on, you’ve been holding out on me, I insist you model that for me.”

“The hell I will, what were you doing going through my drawers anyway?”

“Come on, I’m a single, lonely guy with a hot roommate, what do you think I do when you aren’t home?” There was a hint of laughter in his voice.

“Jordan, stay out of my room.”

“Is there more revealing items in there that I haven’t found?”

“Jordan!”

“Ok babe, I’ll stay out of your room.” He chuckled, and then mumbled, “I have what I need in my hand already” before he hung up. I stood in the parking lot, staring at the phone as customers and snow whizzed by me. God, I hope he was kidding.

Work was slow due to the snow, not many people ventured out. Those that did, didn’t seem to be lingering around any departments for very long. With the exception of this one guy, who was wandering in and out of my department for a good 20 minutes talking to the little girl that he was pushing around in the cart. Every once in a while, he would stop and let her play with some of the toys, or he’d pick up something and look at it, only to put it back again.

I had been keeping an eye on his progress for a while; a couple times he caught my eye and smiled. Finally I decided to go see if he needed anything, his circling was making me nervous. “Hi there, is there anything I can help you with today?”

He shook his head, “No I’m just trying to kill time until my girlfriend gets off work.”

“Oh? She works here?” I ran through all the girls I knew that were working tonight and neither of them had a baby.

Again, he shook his head. “No, she works next door at Tim Horton’s, Jenna and I decided to come here and browse the baby section to see if we wanted anything.” He brushed hair out of the little girl’s eyes when he said that.

I glanced at the little girl as she looked up at me with a smile on her chubby little face. She had blond curly hair and bluish green eyes, there was something about her that seemed familiar but I couldn’t put my finger on it. She reached out her hand, and when I held out mine, she wrapped her fingers around my pinky and pulled my hand to her mouth. “Your daughter is so adorable.”

“She’s not my daughter.” He blurted out, and then shifted uncomfortably when I gave him a confused look. “She’s my girlfriend’s little girl. I’m sorry, I got crap from Jenna’s grandfather earlier for saying she was my daughter, I’m a little uneasy about it still. The old man doesn’t seem to like me but manages to hold her lying, cheating ex up on this pedestal.” He forced a smile, “I’m sorry, you don’t need to know my problems.” He held out his hand. “I’m Hank.”

“Anna.” I slipped my hand in his and shook it. “I guess you knew that already thought.” I laughed, pointing to my name badge.

“Well,” He glanced at his watch. “Jenna and I better go get her mom. It was nice meeting you Anna.” Turning the cart around, he pushed it out of the department. Jenna peeked around his arm, she held her hand out and waved ‘bye’. Grinning, I waved back.

I didn’t even have time to think about how weird it was that Hank just spilled his life story to me, well almost his life story. I turned around and came face to face with Carol.

Calm Before The Storm

The front door opened with a bang, I put Conner down and helped him with his boots. “Jordan?” I called out as I made my way through the kitchen. “Jor-” I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw him lying on the couch. “Oh my God what the hell happened to you?”

“Aunt Anna you said a bad word.” Conner came up beside me and peeked in the living room. “Uncle Jordy!” He ran over and jumped onto the couch, on top of Jordan. I saw Jordan wince and bit his lip to stop from cursing.

“Hey buddy.” Jordan managed to say through his clenched teeth as he gave me a look that said to get Conner off now. In no time I was by his side, removing Conner from the couch. “So what happened to you?” I asked as I knelt by the couch, my hand reached out to touch his swollen face. “That’s a nice shiner there Jordy.”

“Don’t,” He said smacking my hand away. He nodded to his foot, which I didn’t notice was wrapped up. “I stepped back from a car, I must have stepped on something because the next thing I knew I was on my back. I hit my head on something too, I don’t remember what but damn it hurt.”

“Did you go to the doctor?” I leaned in over him to check out his face, besides the black eye, there was a big bruise down his cheek and a cut along by his ear, which I noticed was stitched.

He nodded, “They made me go. They tried getting you but you didn’t answer your cell, so they call my parents. Mike came to get me and took me to the hospital, he left not that long ago, went to try and find the crutches that Nick used when he broke his leg a couple years ago.” He glanced at Conner, who was pulling toys out of his backpack in the corner. “Babysitting?”

“Not really.” I explained to Jordan why Conner was here and told him that he was spending the night. “Oh and there’s something else.”

“What?” He asked half watching TV and half listening to me.

“I invited Josh and Jesse over for supper so the boys could play together.” I gave Jordan a big grin and hoped that he wouldn’t say anything.

Jordan shook his head, “Anna I can’t deal with him tonight.”

The smile disappeared from my face, “Well too bad, they are on their way. And I expect you to be nice.” I went to get up but Jordan grabbed my hand. “Let go Jordan, I have to get the groceries.”

“It can wait,” He let go of my arm and pushed himself up into a sitting position. “Ok listen; just keep him away from me.”

“You know, you are going to have to get used to him being around Jordan.” Before he could say anything else, I left the room and went outside to my car.

Josh and Jesse arrived right on time; Jesse quickly gave me a hug then ran off into the living room with Conner. “Everything ok?” Josh asked as he put away their jackets and boots. Nodding, I continued to put away the groceries. “Is Jordan home?”

I turned to him, started to say something but changed my mind so I nodded again. Josh stood there watching me for a moment, and then he sighed, “He’s not happy we are here, is he?”

I shook my head and walked into Josh’s open arms. “I don’t know what to do.” My voice was muffled against his chest. “I want you guys to get along but it’s never going to happen.” I glanced up at him. “He’s home early because he got hurt at work, so he’s already in a bad mood.”

Josh lowered his head and kissed me softly, “I’ll try to stay out of his way.”

I sighed, “I don’t want you to have to do that, I don’t want him to mad whenever you are here. You two can’t avoid each other forever, not if you both want to be in my life.” Josh promised me that he’d try to get along with Jordan. “Now is a good time to start,” I pushed him towards the living room. “I’m going to start supper.” I turned and started pulling various ingredients out of the fridge and cupboards. I glanced over my shoulder and Josh was still standing near the entrance to the living room, he turned to me and smiled. “Would you like some help?” I laughed and accepted his help, telling him I still expected him to try with Jordan today.

Josh had just finished cutting up the vegetables for me when Jordan called out. “Anna, get in here.” Josh raised his brow at me as I headed towards the living room. I almost laughed when I saw the scene in from of me. Conner had gotten up on Jordan’s chest and looked like he was holding him down while Jesse stood in front of the TV with the remote in his hand, backwards, trying to change the channel. “Mutiny?” I asked, chuckling.

Jordan shot me a dirty look, “A little help here?” Once again, I picked Conner off Jordan and set him on the floor. Jesse had run to his dad and was holding out the remote. “Cartoons daddy?”

Josh looked at Jesse then at Jordan, “How did you get this Jess?”

Jess pointed at Jordan, “He was sleeeeping daddy.”

Kneeling down in front of him, Josh held the remote out to Jess. “I think you should give this back and ask if you can watch cartoons.”

Jesse reluctantly took the remote back to Jordan. “I sorry, I bad. We watch cartoons?” He gave Jordan a sad grin. Jordan glanced at me, and then sighed, “Whatever.” Both the boys jumped up and down cheering then sat in front of the TV as Jordan searched for a kid’s channel.

I returned to the kitchen by myself, Josh said that he should stay behind just in case the boys ganged up on Jordan again. A good half hour went by before I realized that I didn’t hear anything from the other room. As quietly as I could, I peeked around the corner and smiled. The TV was still on cartoons and the boys were still watching them, only they weren’t in front of the TV anymore, Jesse was up in Josh’s arms on the couch and Conner was sitting between Josh and Jordan. Every once in a while, Jordan would turn and say something to Josh, and he’d reply. They were actually talking, I couldn’t believe it. I returned to the kitchen and finished putting the lasagna together.

Supper went off without incident, I didn’t know why Jordan and Josh had called a truce, all I knew is that I was extremely happy that they did.

Josh was helping me with the dishes, and I was about to ask him what had happened with him and Jordan when his cell rang. He pulled it out of its case, looked at the number and his face fell. He turned his back to me and answered the phone. “Hello?” His voice was colder than I ever heard. “What do you want?” He snapped. “No, I’m not. Well, I don’t think that’s really any of your business.” He paused, his whole body seemed tense. “Carol, I said, it’s none of your business, just drop it.” He paused again. “Fine! We’ll be there in a few minutes.” He snapped the phone together with a force that made me jump; I couldn’t help but wonder what was none of her business? I found myself wondering again, if he was in fact still married or not.

“Ummm, Josh?” I bit my lip, trying to figure out how to ask. He turned to me, an icy look in his eyes, I flinched and he frowned.

“Sorry about that.” He laid down the dish towel and gave me a quick kiss. “I have to go.” He headed to the living room and told Jess it was time to go, Jesse started to whine saying he wasn’t ready to go but he followed Josh to the porch anyway.

They had their jackets and boots on, Josh had Jesse up in his arms and had one hand on the doorknob. “Josh wait, I wanted to ask you something.” He glanced at me and gave me a small smile. “Honey, can it wait? I really have to go.” Without waiting for me to answer, he kissed me quickly again and walked out the door.

I stood there staring at the closed door, “Don’t break my heart Josh.”

Taking It Easy

It’s needless to say that I was floating on cloud nine all while I was at work. Normally, I wouldn’t sleep with a guy that I just started to get to know but there is something about Josh that makes me feel so comfortable, I feel like I’ve known him forever. During my shift, I kept remembering what had happened earlier and I’d blush something fierce just thinking about it. I didn’t know how I would ever be able to look at Josh again, without wanting to jump his bones.

The only thing that made my day a little sucky was Jordan’s attitude with me. How am I going to live with him, if he keeps getting mad at me for wanting Josh? How can I be a friend to someone who is making my life difficult right now? I can’t just stop being his friend, he’s too important to me for that. And the main thing I wondered is why the hell did he wait until now to tell me he thought he loved me? He’s known me forever! Why couldn’t he have been in love with me back in high school when I wanted to date him?

I was sitting in the lunchroom, asking myself those questions when my cell phone rang. “Hello?” I answered it on the second ring, hoping it was Josh but it was the other man in my life, one who doesn’t make me want to scream.

“Hi Aunt Anna, what are you doing?” Conner’s call was a welcomed interruption of my thoughts.

“I’m taking a break from work. What are you doing?” I took a sip if my juice as I waited for him to reply, one of the girls had come up to him and was telling him he wasn’t supposed to be on the phone. When he finally came back on the line he told me that he wanted to come over to my house and play. I ended up talking to Chad and offered to take Conner after I got off work and let him spend the night with me, before he had to leave tomorrow. My brother was hesitant but in the end he agreed. When I asked Conner if he wanted to spend the night at my house, he got really happy and asked if I was coming to get him right now. God, don’t you love how easy it is to make a kid happy? I do.

After I got off work at 2, I went directly to my brother’s house. When I walked in the front door Conner was sitting in the hallway with his backpack and his jacket, his shoes were already on his feet. He jumped up and ran to me when I closed the door, dragging his bad behind him. “We go now Aunt Anna.” He struggled to get his hand into his jacket; I knelt down and straightened it out for him. A shadow fell over us, I glanced up and saw his dad standing there, laughing. “Not even going to say bye to your mom and me?”

Conner looked up at Chad and grinned. He ran over to him and hugged his legs, “Bye Daddy.” He looked in the living room, the called out “Mommy, I going with Aunt Anna, bye!” He turned on his heel and ran back to me. “Ok I’m ready.” He held his arms up to me and waited for me to pick him up but Chad scooped him up first.

Chad rested his forehead against Conner’s. “Be good for Aunt Anna, do whatever she tells you too. I don’t want to have to come get you because you were bad. Understand?” Conner nodded. “Good now,” Chad looked over his shoulder as Susan came up behind him, turning to her, he held Conner out and Susan took him in her arms, hugging him tight and whispered something in his ear. She handed him back to Chad, who had gotten on his boots and Jacket. “Ok, let’s roll.” He picked up Conner’s bag and followed me out to my car giving me last minute instructions, like I never watched a child before.

As we were driving into town, I told Conner that I had to stop at the store to pick up some groceries and that I would be making lasagna for supper, then asked if he wanted to help. He seemed really excited about my plans, he told me that he didn’t get to go with his mom when she went shopping, “I have to stay with Daddy.” He asked me if we’d play trucks and I told him we would.

At the grocery store, I got a cart and he wanted to get in. I told him he was too big for the child seat and he pouted saying he didn’t want to walk, so I picked him up and put him in the basket. He sat down and played with the truck that I let him bring in.

I was picking through the peppers when arms came around my waist, “Hey Beautiful.” I turned my head, smiling as I went to say ‘hello’ but Josh’s lips captured mine for a brief toe-curling kiss instead. Pulling back from him, I heard snickering, I looked around and there sat Jesse, his gloved hands over his mouth as he laughed.

“Ama!” His face lit up and he threw his arms out to me.

I leaned down to give him a hug. “Hey Jesse it’s good to see you. And you.” I said, looking Josh over as I straightened up.

I felt a tug on my sleeve. “Ama, who that?” Jesse pointed at Conner. I introduced Conner to Jesse; they looked at each other, almost like they were sizing the other up. Oh lord, I thought, what is it with guys lately?

Conner glanced up at me, “Aunt Anna can Jesse come over and play?”

“Can I daddy?” Jesse begged.

I glanced at Josh; he ran a hand through his hair. “Jess I don’t know.” He gave me a questioning look. I smiled then proceeded to tell him what Conner and I had planned, when I got to making lasagna for supper they both looked at each other. “What?” I asked cautiously.

“Oh I just think that it would be a good idea for Jess and Conner to play tonight, around suppertime, you know.” Josh grinned and shrugged his shoulders.

Laughing, I wrapped my arms around his waist, “Would you like to come over for supper?” He nodded, saying that he’d love too. We made plans for them to come over around 4; that way I could finish the running around I had to do. When we were on our way to my house Conner asked me if Jesse’s dad was my boyfriend. I glanced in the rearview mirror at him, smiled and told him that he was.

I was extremely excited about the night ahead; I couldn’t wait for Josh to come over. Pulling into my driveway, my mood dipped a little as I stared at Jordan’s truck. What is he doing home? I glanced at the time, it was only 3:30, and he normally worked until 6. Jumping out of my car and quickly grabbing Conner, I ran inside hoping that nothing was wrong.

Drowning In The Flood

Sometime during the night, the blankets had been pushed down around my hips, half wake and shivering, I reached for the blankets to pull them up but they wouldn’t budge. I tried a second time with the same result. Frowning, I crossed my arms over my chest and tried to curl up to warm myself when I heard him chuckle. Opening one eye, I peeked at him as he pulled the blankets up to my shoulder. “Good morning Beautiful.” He whispered. Grinning, I turned on my side, throwing my arm around his body, snuggling close to his warmth. “Good morning.” I mumbled against his chest.

He brushed a couple stray strands of hair away from my face. “Honey, I have to go.”

I groaned, tightening my grip around him. “No,” I pouted. “Do you really have too?”

He sighed, “I wish I didn’t but you know…” His voice trailed off. I knew this was the perfect opportunity to ask him what was going on, was he stilled married but I chickened out. I was afraid that he would say ‘yes’ and that would be the end of what we had. I know I’m such a chicken. Besides, I checked last night, he wasn’t wearing or carrying a wedding band, so that had to mean something, right?

To my dismay he kissed my forehead and slipped out of bed. I watched him as he stepped into his pants and pulled them up over his bum. When he sat on the bed to put on his socks, I sat up and moved closer to him. Smiling, over his shoulder at me, he lifted one leg, sliding his foot into his sock. I wrapped my arm around his waist, resting my face against his shoulder; he slipped on his other sock. My hand was stroking his chest when his hand engulfed it, pulling it upwards to his lips. After pressing a couple kisses to my palm, he moved my hand aside and stood up. “Were you going to show me out?” He asked, picking his shirt off the floor.

“No,” I shook my head and fell back against the bed. I glanced at my alarm clock, it’s not even 6!

He tugged his shirt on over his head, and then sat next to me on the bed. “Honey, don’t be mad at me please.” Bending over he gave me a kiss on the cheek, “Come show me out.”

I glanced up at him; he had stood up again and was holding out my robe for me. Sighing, I pushed the blankets back and stretched out. I felt his eyes as they traveled down over my body, over the cami and panties that I was wearing. I pushed myself off the bed and stood before him.

Motioning for me to turn around, he helped me slip the robe up my arms and over one shoulder, before he paused. His right hand moved down my robed shoulder and snaked its way around my waist, pulling me back against his body; his left hand remained on my shoulder, his fingers brushing lightly over my warm skin. Instinctively, I tilted my head to the right, opening up my neck for his mouth; he bowed his head, kissing along my shoulder. I lifted my left arm and winded my hand back around his neck, my fingers playing along his hairline; I felt his breath against my ear moments before he sucked the lobe in his mouth, muffling his groan as I wiggled against him. His left hand which had joined his right at my waist when I slipped my hand around his neck, now teased along my ribs as it slipped under my cami and upwards to my breast. Half turning to him, I gazed up into his eyes. His blue eyes, darker than I’ve ever seen them, returned my gaze. His eyes flicked to my parted lips as the tip of my tongue ran along them, making them moist.

Josh lowered his head again, his lips capturing mine, hungrily tasting my mouth as his hand cupped my bare breast, his fingers teasing my already harden nipple. I shivered and wiggled back against him, trying to feel him all over. His hand at my waist, moved lower as it tried to hold me still. I slipped my hand over his, entwining my fingers with his.

He pulled his lips from mine; his breath was on my neck, sending more shivers through my body. I groaned, my hand tightening on his at my waist. “Anna.” My name was but a whisper on his lips. I turned a little more, nudging his cheek with my nose until his lips came down on mine again.

My fingers on his hand loosened their grip and straightened out; I found my fingertips brushing against the waist of my panties, without thinking about it my fingers slipped under the elastic. I pulled back from his kiss and biting my lip, I looked into his eyes again. His desire clouded eyes seemed a little confused as he gazed down at me. I watched his expression as I guided his hand lower. He sucked in a breath, his eyes widening a bit as his fingers brushed against bare skin. “You like?” I asked. He raised a brow and smiled, his groan and half nod telling me everything I needed to know. My legs parted as his hand went lower still. Releasing his hand, I removed mine from my panties, letting him explore as he wanted too. His hand cupped me for a moment, pressing firmly against me. I rocked my hips against him, until he slipped a finger upwards into my….moist center? I thought and giggled.

His hand stilled. “What’s so funny?” He asked in a husky voice with a hint of annoyance, like he thought I was laughing at him. I took a deep breath and shakily told him that when he touched me like that the words ‘moist center’ popped into my head and I laughed because I instantly thought, ‘what am I, a damn cake.’ His hands slipped off my body, he stepped back a little. “Josh?” I turned to him, he was gave me this crazy look before he looked away. “Josh?” I repeated, closing the distance between us. I thought it was mad, he didn’t look at me but he ran his hand through his hair and shook his head. I lifted my hands to his chest, about to apologize when I saw he was laughing! I playfully smacked his chest. “I thought you were mad!”

He pulled me against his body, lifting his smiling mouth to mine. “You say the craziest things, I love it.” He kissed me softly, the pressure of his lips intensifying as I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him back passionately. I could feel his erection against my belly; I ached to feel it elsewhere. As if he was reading my mind, Josh’s hands gripped my bum as he bent his knees and lifted me up in his arms. He made his way over to my bed, lowering me on to it before moving above me. Holding myself up on one elbow, his other hand brushed down over my body until it came to the hem of my cami, leaning down to kiss me, he slid his hand up my ribs. His lips left mine trailing kisses down my neck and chest as his fingers brushed over my nipple. He watched as his fingers traced circles around my nipple under the material. With every pass of his fingers, I found myself rocking against him as he lay between my thighs. He groaned, lowering his head, taking my aching peak into his mouth, sucking on it, sending shockwaves through my body. I sighed, I found myself becoming impatient, and I wanted his lips on my bare flesh. Slipping my hand from his shoulders, I grasp the hem of my cami and tugged it upwards as my other hand tugged on his shirt. He released my nipple and knelt before me, as I pulled my shirt over my head, he tugged his off, tossing it across the room.

Turning his attention back to me, Josh smiled. After I had taken my shirt off, while I was waiting for him, I had covered my breasts with my hands. He reached out with a shaky hand and ran finger over one of my hands. He moved over me again, laying his body down between my thighs, his abdomen applying pressure against me, I rocked my hips against him. He didn’t say anything about my hands; he slowly trailed his fingers down my chest, between my breasts and down my abdomen; his lips following very close behind, ensuring that every inch of skin he stroked was also kissed. His fingers stopped at my panties, looking up at me, he lowered his head and pressed a kiss against my burning flesh. He smiled as my hips came off the bed, his hand slipped under my bum, holding me like that as he kissed me there again. Biting my lip, my body shivering with his every touch, I turned my head to the side and groaned in frustration.

He shifted his weight, and moved upwards a little, I turned to gaze down at him again, wanting to see what he was doing as well as feel it. With his eyes still on me, his tongue poked out of his mouth and slid along the waistline of my panties. My body bucked against him as he teased my skin. His eyes turned to my hands on my breasts, they were no longer just covering my breasts; they were also cupping them, squeezing them as my middle fingers rubbed over my nipples. He stared at my hands; his mouth hovering above my skin, there seemed to be a hint of jealousy in his eyes, it was only there for a moment before it was gone again. Still watching my hands, he lowered his mouth to my side, biting gently. My body twitched, it seemed like everything inside me was shocked. It felt so good and so bad at the same time. He must’ve felt it because he moved back, a surprised look on his face. He lowered his mouth to my side again, kissing the spot me bit, again my whole body twitched and I groaned. He kissed his way over to my other side, flicking his tongue against my skin getting the same result as he did on the other side.

“Josh.” His name came out breathlessly, I reached for him. He grinned, triumphantly as he spied my bare breasts. Moving up my body quickly, his lips brushed against mine before he lowered his face to my breasts. He kissed the tip of my nipple softly as his hand cupped my breast. My hand was on the back of his head, my fingers twined in his hair, massaging his scalp as his tongue flicked across my nipple. I wanted to lay back and let him touch me forever; I wanted to never move from this bed. I wanted…him. I started to wiggle impatiently under him; my leg had come up and was now rubbing against his hip. I tried to reach his pants, I wanted to feel him against me, but I couldn’t. I sighed in frustration and fell back against the bed. He lifted his head and gazed up at me, confusion in his eyes. He moved up until he was face to face with me. “Honey, what’s wrong?”

“I need you to get off me.” I told him. He stared at me for a moment then rolled onto his side, his arm still around me. I turned to face him, slipping my arm around his waist.

“Did I do something wrong?” He searched my face, trying to figure out his mistake.

I kissed him. “No, you did everything right.” I slid my hand up to his chest and pushed him onto his back, getting up on one elbow I looked down at him. I kissed his shoulder and smiled.

He still looked confused, “Then why did you…mmmm.”

I chuckled, “What was that?” I whispered against his ear as my hand slipped under his clothes, stroking his erection without barriers this time. I have no idea what he said next, he made incoherent noises that I couldn’t make out. I sucked his earlobe into my mouth and sighed, “You have way too much on.” He nodded, lifting his hips off the bed he quickly kicked off his clothes. Laying there in all his glory, I raised myself up on my elbow again and appreciated the man he was, for all of the two seconds he allowed me before he turned me onto my back and roughly told me I was overdressed before he proceeded to kiss his way down my body.

When he stopped at my panties, I lifted my hips and his fingers slid under the waistband and pulled them down, his lips nibbling on the skin he just revealed. He moved back just enough to slip my panties off my legs, taking one leg in his hands; he started to kiss his way back again. Nudging my thighs apart, he bit gently at the sensitive skin on my upper thigh. Moving once again, he pressed his lips against my wetness; I bucked and groaned as I reached for him. He gripped my hands, parted his lips and pressed his tongue into me. Squeezing his hands, I tugged on them but he ignored it. As his tongue slid slowly upwards, my back arched and I raised my hips of the bed. I felt every nerve in my body tense, when he flicked his tongue against my clit I thought I was going to die. “Josh, please…” I tugged on his hands again. “I can’t…” I let go of his hands, he raised his head watching me as my hands slid up to caress my breasts. He lowered his head once more, kissing me before moving up my body.

Josh smiled as he observed my hands on my breasts, lowering his head, he kissed my hand. His tongue slid along my fingers as they moved, he lifted his hand to mine, stroking along the back of it as he sucked one of my fingers into his mouth. Dying, I thought. “Josh….please…”

He released my finger, moving once more until he was staring down into my eyes. He lifted his body over mine, I opened up for him, he started to lower his body when he froze and cursed.

“What?” I panicked; this wouldn’t be the time for him to remember he was married!
He dropped to on elbow over me, “I don’t…” He groaned, taking a deep breath. “I can’t..”

NO! Don’t say that! My mind screamed. I looked down between our bodies; he was oh so close to being in me, just another inch and his tip would be covered in my moisture. I slipped my hand between our bodies, lifting my hips I grasped his shaft and held him at my entrance. “Why not?” I asked scared at what the answer would be.

His eyes closed, he was biting his lip. “Mmmm…” He kissed my neck. I took that to be encouraging, I gripped him firmer and slid his cock up to my clit and back down again. “Baby….don’t…” He groaned against my ear. “I can’t…I’m not…” He gripped a handful of the sheet.

“You’re not what?” Tears came to my eyes, this is it, I thought. And I found I didn’t care about that at the moment, I needed him. Pressure built as I lifted my hips further off the bed, I had done this before but he was bigger than that guy was, I was hoping it wouldn’t hurt too much.

The breath escaped his throat in a hiss. “Protected…” He gasped.

I stared at him for a moment, and then wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him passionately. My tongue slipped past his lips to find his, he returned my kiss with just as much intensity.

“Oh my God!” I screamed out. In passion of our kiss, he had rammed his hips down against me. He froze; a look of terror on his handsome face. “Stop and I’ll kill you!” I was pass the point of no return, I could feel very nerve in my body tensing, the pressure built up inside me was unbelievable, I never felt that way before, not even when I was…alone.

Our bodies moved in time, beads of sweat covered our skin. He was muttering incoherently in my ear, his voice seeming to get huskier with every stroke. My hands were on his back, gripping tighter as I came closer and closer to the edge. I heard him say he couldn’t hold out any longer, I heard him beg me to cum with him. I suddenly felt like I was hovering, everything seemed to stop, and then every muscle in my body contracted, I bit his shoulder, unintentionally. My body bucked under his and he cried out his release as he collapsed on top of me. It seemed to go on forever; every breath he took seemed to make my body spasm again.

We laid like that for a couple minutes, until our breathing returned to semi-normal. He slipped off me, his arm staying around my waist. He rolled onto his side, and positioned me back on to him so he could hold me tight. I glanced over my shoulder at him, his eyes were closed and he had a big satisfied grin on his face.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

We both jumped as my alarm clock went off. Turning around, half crawling over him, I turned it off. I kissed his cheek as I settled myself in next to him. “I don’t want to go to work.” I muttered against his chest.

“I know. I don’t want you to go either.” He hugged me tight. “But unfortunately…”

I rolled my eyes, “You have to go.” I pushed him away. “Go, you got what you wanted here.” I turned my back to him, pulling the blankets tight around me.

Josh pulled me back against his body. “Honey it’s not like that. If I didn’t have to go, trust me I’d spend all day doing whatever you wanted. I don’t want to go.”

I turned to him, I believed him. I saw the reluctance in his eyes and I knew I had to go to work anyway. “I guess we could get you dressed.” I gave him a naughty grin and he chuckled.

“I think I better dress myself.” We both crawled out of bed; I tossed him his shirt as he slipped his pants on. We both grabbed my robe at the same time; he tugged on it pulling me to him. Wrapping his arms around my naked body, he smiled down at me. “I love you Beautiful.” He lowered his head, brushing his lips against mine.

I was still smiling as we left my room and heading for the kitchen. Jordan was up making breakfast; he glanced up at us when we walked in. “Good morning, I made enough for you two, interested?” He smiled, but I could tell it was a fake.

Josh shook his head as we walked by. Leaning against the doorjamb, I watched him put in his boots and jacket. I stepped up to him and brushed his hands away when he went to zip his jacket. “I’ll call you later honey.” He promised before he kissed me.

He wrapped his hand around the doorknob and glanced back at me, and then he looked over my shoulder. “Bye Jordan.”

“Yeah, sure. Later.” Jordan replied as the door closed behind Josh. “So?” He looked down at me, “Hungry?”

I followed him back to the kitchen and got the orange juice from the fridge. When I turned around, Jordan was giving me a funny look. “What?” I wasn’t really in the mood for any of his crap this morning.

He shrugged, closed the distance between us. “Well,” he lifted his hand to my shoulder; the robe had slipped a little when I got out the juice. He shook his head and turned away, “Never mind.”

I watched him, wondering what he was going to say when he sang a line from a song under his breath. “…Hey, wontcha play another somebody done somebody wrong song?” He glanced over his shoulder at me, “Next time don’t scream so loud.” He left the kitchen and went to his room, slamming the door behind him.

Everyone Needs a Little Tenderness Sometime

“Why won’t you just tell me? I thought we told each other everything?” Jordan stood in front of me; his hands were on my upper arms.

I shook my head. “What difference would it make? You decided that you just want to be my friend, so I don’t see the point in going into it.”

“Argh!” He pulled his hands from my arms. “You are so bloody stubborn, you know that?” I agreed.

Ring. Ring. Rin – Jordan snatched up the receiver. “Hello?” He snapped. He held out the phone to me, “Stalker boy.”

Rolling my eyes, I grabbed the phone from him. “Stop calling him that, his name is Josh.” I hissed at him. “Hey Josh.” I turned away from Jordan but I saw him mimicking me.

“Hello Beautiful, did I interrupt something?” He sounded so good on the phone, just hearing his voice in my ear made me wish he was here.

I glanced over my shoulder at Jordan, who was sitting on the couch giving me dirty looks. “No, you didn’t interrupt anything. I had just finished eating.” So much for his plan to just be a friend, I thought. Men are such liars sometimes. I headed down the hall to my room with the phone. “So how are you doing?” I asked as I closed my door.

We talked for a while, about everything from work, to family and a lot of little things in between. I was surprised when I looked up at the clock, it read 11: 23, two hours had gone by and we were working on the third one.

He yawned, “Oh sorry.” I chuckled and asked if I was boring him. “No, I haven’t slept enough in the last couple days and I’m normally in bed by now.”

“Oh, so why don’t you go to bed?” I smiled at the memory of him in bed with me.

“No, it’s ok.” He tried to hide his yawn but I could hear it in his voice.

I laughed, “I heard that! Go to bed Josh.”

“Yes mom.” He jokingly replied.

“Did you need me to come tuck you in?” I bit my lip and regretted saying it when he didn’t say anything. “Josh?”

“Would you?” His voice was low; the laughter had gone out of it.

“I would, but I’m already in bed.” I hugged the blankets tighter around me, wishing I wasn’t so quick to have gotten into bed when he called.

A small groan came through the line. “Can I come over?”

I thought about it for oh, 2 seconds. “Yes, I’d love that.” He said he’d be over in a couple minutes. After I hung up the phone I laid there, with my eyes closed smiling. He’s coming over! Suddenly I sat up in bed, crap! Jordan.

I jumped out of bed and grabbed my robe, wrapping it around me and returned to the living room. “Stalker boy finally shut up?”

“Jordan, don’t be like that.” I placed the receiver in its cradle. “He’s coming over.”

“What? It’s almost midnight!” He jumped off the couch and was at my side in a flash. “Why is he coming over? This isn’t some kind of booty call, is it?”

I hit him, hard. “Don’t you dare say anything like that to me again! You wanted to be my friend, so be one! Don’t go acting like a jealous prick.” The doorbell rang and he grabbed hold of my arms. “Jordan let me go.”

“Anna, please give me a chance. Send him home and spend the night with me.” He leaned closer and pressed his lips against mine. “Please Babe?”

There was a soft knocking on the door. “Jordan,” I pushed him off me. “I’m not going to send him home.” I headed towards the door, “Make up your mind on what you want to be to me because I’m not having you play this game every time Josh comes around.”

Walking through the kitchen, I took a deep breath and tried to smile. “Hey,” I swung the door open and held out my hand to Josh. “Come in, it’s cold out there.”

He stepped through the doorway, unzipping his jacket. “I thought you changed your mind there for a minute.” Frowning, he looked down at me. “Honey what’s wrong?”

I shook my head, “Nothing.” My hands slipped around his waist and I held him tight. We stood in the dark kitchen like that for a while, just holding each other. It felt so right being with him. I turned my face up to him; he smiled down at me his fingers softly brushing my cheek as his thumb ran over my lips. “Josh?”

“Mmm?”

“You’re poking me.” I whispered.

He started to laugh, a deep chuckle that shook his whole body. “Yes, yes I am.” He kissed my lips. “It’s all your fault.”

I grinned, took his hand and lead him out of the kitchen, down the hall to my room. Before we got to the door though, Jordan come out of the bathroom and was kind of blocking our way.

“Night Jordan,” I said as I tried to go pass him but he wouldn’t move. Josh’s hand tightened around mine and I looked back at him, then at Jordan. The tension in the room seemed to quadruple; they were locked in a stare down of sorts. “Jordan, please move.”

Jordan’s head slowly turned towards me, he studied my face for a moment, and then turned back to Josh. Out of nowhere, his hand wrapped around my neck, he lowered his head and kissed me, hard and firm then released me. I could feel Josh’s anger rising, his body became rigid and his hand squeezed mine harder, it seemed to take all his will power not to deck Jordan. I turned to him as Jordan moved to let us by. I started to move towards my door but Jordan stopped Josh, he had his hand pressed against Josh’s chest. Josh glanced at Jordan’s hand and then me, he finally looked at Jordan. “Get your hand off me.” He said through clenched teeth.

Jordan kept his hand where it was, glanced at me and then lowered it. “This isn’t over, not by a long shot.” He made his way down the hall and disappeared into the living room.

Josh’s grip relaxed on my hand, he took a deep breath as he ran his hand through his hair. Gazing into my eyes, he sighed, “Honey, I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.” He held me in his arms as the tears streamed down my face.

“Please, let’s go in my room.” I whispered against his chest. Without a word, he scooped me up in his arms, carrying me through my door and gently laying me down on my bed. I tried to undo the sash of my bathrobe but my fingers trembled. He had returned from closing my door, kneeling on the bed next to me, his hands brushed mine aside as he helped me remove the robe. He laid me back against the mattress, his body moved above mine, my hands reached for him and he let himself be pulled down to me. His lips were soft and gentle on my face as they kissed away the tears.

“I never want to make you cry.” He whispered as his lips captured mine.

Unexpected

My first day of work for the New Year and I slept in. I was shaken awake by Conner a half hour after I was planning on getting up. “Aunt Anna, you want to play trucks with me?” He was kneeling on my bed pushing two trucks over the blankets on my legs.

“Sure.” I sat up and held my hand out for one of the trucks when I noticed the time. “Oh my god!” I leapt out of bed, nearly knocking him on the floor. “Sorry, I’m going to have to take a rain check; I have to go to work.” I kissed his cheek before lifting him onto the floor.

He pouted, “No one plays with me.” I watched as he sullenly walked out of my room. Being the only boy had to be hard on him; whenever everyone was together he was always left out, playing in the corner by himself because the girls didn’t want to play with trucks and stuff. Most times I ended up playing with him, or my brothers do but he wanted someone his own age to play with. I thought about Jesse then, and wondered if he and Conner would get along, if Josh would bring him by sometime before Chad leaves in a couple days. I made a mental note to ask him when I talk to him again.

Glancing at the clock again, I quickly got dressed and threw all of stuff into my bag. I was going home after work tonight, and hopefully I’ll work things out with Jordan.

Time seemed to drag at work, maybe it was because I wasn’t in the mood to be there. I tried to keep busy in hopes that time would fly by but after helping the department manager setup the new MODs there wasn’t really anything to do but wait for someone to come by and need help, or need something from the risers. This was one day that I wished for the needy customers and they were no where in sight.

On my break, I tried calling Jordan. He wasn’t answering his cell and when I called his work, they told me he was too busy to talk, even though I swear I heard him in the background. I had no idea what I was going to say to him when I got home, hell, I didn’t even know if he would be home when I got there.

Before I had left work, I called our favorite pizza place and ordered a couple pizzas to be delivered. Jordan can’t resist pizza so I figured this would be a good way to break the ice and get him to at least give me a chance to explain, apologize and beg for forgiveness.

The house was dark when I pulled into the driveway, if I didn’t see the flicker of the TV through the living room window; I would’ve thought he wasn’t home. I let myself in the front door, flipping on the outside light so the delivery guy wouldn’t think we weren’t home. Dropping my bag on the floor, I walked into the living room. Jordan was lying on the couch covered from the waist down in a blanket flipping through the channels, stopping every once in a while. I had hoped that he would look up when I walked in but he didn’t, he didn’t acknowledge that I was there at all. I put on a smile and tried to sound cheerful. “Hey, I didn’t feel like cooking so I ord-” My words trailed off when I noticed the dirty dishes on the table. “You already ate?” I was shocked, and a little upset. I know it may not seem like a big deal to anyone else but it was to me. As long as Jordan and I have lived together, if the other was going to be home close to meal time, we’d always wait for them. I stared at him but I might as well have not even been in the house for all he noticed. I started to say something when the doorbell rang. “More for me I guess.”

After paying the delivery guy, I grabbed some napkins and two plates; just in case he decided he wanted some. The pizza boxes were hot to the touch, and the aroma was making my stomach growl in anticipation. Laying the boxes on the table, I slid down on the floor with my back against the couch. Jordan propped himself up on his elbows as I opened the top box – pepperoni, bacon and mushrooms with both mozza and cheddar cheeses – and picked out a slice.

“Oh hot!” I exclaimed as I laid the slice on my plate and blew on my fingers. Picking up the slice again, I opened my mouth and bit into it, the cheese was stringing from my mouth to the pizza as I pulled it away. “Ohhhh! Mmmmm!” I groaned as I chewed the piece slowly, savoring every flavor. I knew I was laying it on thick, but it seemed to be working Jordan was eyeing the pizza like it was about to be his last meal. He sat up, I thought he was going to reach for a slice but instead he stood up. I don’t know why it is, but it seems that when you find out that someone likes you, you tend to look at them a little differently. Normally, if Jordan were to get up I wouldn’t really pay much attention to him but this time out of the corner of my eye I found myself checking him out. He was 6 feet and weighed about 170 pounds; he wasn’t a big guy but he was in good shape. Wearing a raggedy old t-shirt and boxer shorts, with his hair all messed up from laying down he looked good, comfortable. And ready for bed, I found myself thinking as my eyes slid down his body. Absently, he slid his arm under his shirt and scratched his chest while he watched something on TV and then he walked out of the room. Sighing, I dropped my pizza on the plate and stared at it, cursing it for not working the way I had expected it too. He should’ve gone for some, he never turned down pizza. It was supposed to be the ice breaker! I jumped when Jordan stepped over my legs and sat on the couch next to me. When he leaned over to hand me a can of Pepsi, his leg brushed against my shoulder.

“So ummm,” He picked up the other plate and nodded to the other box. “Is that one what I think it is?”

I smiled, “Yes, beef, onions and mushrooms with both cheeses.” I lifted the cover and showed it to him. He grinned, pulled a slice from the box and started to eat it. He took a second bite and stopped in mid chew. “What?” He asked, looking down at me.

I turned away; I didn’t realize I was staring. “Nothing.”

Jordan slid off the couch and sat next to me and elbowed me until I looked at him again. “You can admire me when I’m done eating.” He joked and I smiled.

We didn’t say too much while we were eating, he asked me about my day and we talked about his. Finally, he had laid down his plate and rubbed his stomach, “I think you are trying to fatten me up.” He brought his can of Pepsi to his lips and finished it off.

“You have some sauce on your lip.” I told him as I passed him a napkin.

He held the napkin for a moment, staring at it. I asked him what was wrong and he smiled at me. “Nothing, just thinking of another way to remove the sauce. Wanna try?” He asked as he wiped at his mouth with the napkin.

I didn’t say anything; I stared at the uneaten crust on my plate, trying to think of what I wanted to say about yesterday. I wanted to talk about it now when he was in a good mood. He stood up before I could say anything, “Jordan?”

He held out his hand to me, hesitantly I took it. He pulled me off the floor and wrapped his arms around my waist. “Babe, what you did yesterday was so wrong.” I nodded in agreement. “Calling my brother to get me to leave? Was totally unnecessary, all you had to do was ask me to go. Sure, I would’ve been upset but it wouldn’t have been so bad if you just told me what you were thinking.” He pulled back and looked down at me. “I know I took you by surprise and my timing probably isn’t that great seeing Stalker boy is in the picture, I was tired of hiding it and seeing you with him freaked me out. I’m sorry.”

I was confused to say the least, he didn’t do anything wrong, I was the one who messed up. “Why are you apologizing to me?”

“When you didn’t come home last night, I realized that I was unfair to you. I know you are interested in Josh, and I know you are very confused about what to do about the fact that he’s married. I wasn’t thinking about you when I told you, I was thinking about myself and how jealous I am that he can swoop in here, take you away and I can’t do a damn thing about it.” He took a deep breath. “Babe, I love you and I want you to be happy.”

“Jordan what are you saying? You didn’t mean what you said?”

He shook his head, “No, I meant everything I said I do care about you, I do love you and I do want to make you happy.”

“But?”

“But I think that the best way for me to ensure that you are happy is to be your friend and be there for you whenever you need me.”

I saw red, be my friend? I punched him in the arm. “You got to be freaking kidding me!” I pushed him away. “You tell me you love me, kiss me and have me worrying about what will happy to our friendship if we get together or not and now you are telling me to forget it and you just want to be friends? What the hell kinda game are you playing Jordan?”

“Neither one!” He grabbed me by the shoulders forcing me to looking into his eyes. “You don’t seem to be too keen on the idea of being with me, so I figured I’d save you the trouble of worrying about our relationship if you told me no.”

“Damn it Jordan!” I twisted out of his grip. “Don’t do this to me, don’t get there and think you know what I’m thinking! Hell! I don’t even know what I’m thinking.” I turned to look out the living room window, wiping away the tears that trailed down my cheeks. “Funny, about 7 years ago, I would’ve jumped at the chance to be with you but you weren’t interested in me then either.”

“What do you mean?” Jordan came up behind me and turned me to face him.

I shook my head, “It doesn’t matter Jordan once again you decided that it won’t happen, without even thinking to talk to me.”