Jordy's Babes

“I don’t want to talk about her ever,” Jordan snapped when I asked what he meant when he said that Bella wasn’t who she said she was. “I don’t even want to hear that name ever again. In fact, I don’t even wish to hear about bells for the rest of my life.”

Jordan, like me, had a tendency to lean towards the dramatic but this - wishing never to hear about bells ever again, was a little drastic, even for him. “Jordy please? Tell me what happened?”

“Anna,” he sighed. “What does it matter? We are through, I don’t wish to ever see her face again and I’m sure she feels the same way about me after I told her exactly what I thought of her.”

“You told her that you never wanted to see her again?”

“Yeah,” he rubbed the back of his head. “That and she was a whore and I wished she’d die in a horrible, fiery crash.”

“Jordy!” I gasped.

“What?”

“Die in a horrible, fiery crash?” I shook my head. “Surely what she did wasn’t that back Jordy.”

“No?” Jordy scoffed. “How would you feel is you found wedding pictures of Josh with a woman he claimed to be his sister?”

My eyes bugged out of my head. “What? Wedding pictures? Of Bella and…”

“Wade.”

“WHAT?”

“Yeah,” he sunk back against the couch.

“But she…he…What?”

Jordan sighed, “Good lord Anna, keep up. Bella lied about who she was, she lied about Wade.”

“But…but…”

“Yeah, imagine my surprise when I came across those photos of the ‘happy’ couple.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yea Anna, I’m sure. There’s no mistaking it when she’s wearing the dress standing with him at the alter.”

“But….why?”

“Well…” he shrugged. “I don’t know Anna, I really didn’t stick around to hear the sob story.”
I couldn’t believe him, “Didn’t stick around to hear the story? What if it wasn’t like you thought it was?”

“Oh?” He raised a brow. “How do you think it was Anna? She invited him here. He stayed at her place, he was around her all the time, he passed judgement on me and if that isn’t not back enough, she set him on you when she thought you were actually interested in me - like that would ever happen." He glanced at me, as if he was waiting for me to say something. I guess I didn’t say what he was hoping, he sighed again. "She moved him here Anna, he’s living with her now. What do you think that means? That she wants to set up a bed and breakfast?”

“Jordy,” I rolled my eyes. He brought his feet up on the couch and drew the blanket up to his chin, he laid back and gazed at me. He looked sad. “What’s wrong Jordan?”

“I thought…” he shrugged dejectedly. “I liked her Anna, I thought that maybe she was enough to help me get over…” he trailed off.

There was something about the way he looked at me when he said it, something about the way he shifted uncomfortably after he trailed off that led me to believe that it would be better if I didn’t ask what he was about to say. Could Zack be right? Could Jordan still have - No! I gave my self a mental shake. No.

“But now you have Olive,” I said cheerfully.

Jordan laughed out loud. “Olivia, Anna. Her name is Olivia, not Olive.”

“Oh,” I shrugged apolitically. “So, tell me about her.”

All the excitement that Jordan had earlier about Olivia seemed to have faded a little as he told me how they chat on line and he calls her at least twice a week. “She’s fun and I like her so I’m really looking forward to hanging out with her. I’m just…” he groaned. “What am I doing Anna? Do I honestly think that this is going to go anywhere? She lives in California! I can’t live there, I need seasons! And Jenna! I can’t just leave her, I don’t even like not being around her during the week but I’m thinking about…”

“Wait a minute,” I shifted forward on the couch. “Why are you talking like you are mov-” I grabbed his arm. “You can’t move! What will I -”

“You?”

I shook my head. “No, I meant…” He raised a brow. “Whatever,” I laughed. “So I don’t want you to move, is that so wrong? You are my best friend and we’ve never been apart for any real length of time. I would miss you,” I smiled. “Jordy everyone would miss you.”

“Uh huh,” Jordan nodded as he slid down the couch to sit next to me. “I’m glad you’d miss me Anna…” He lowered his head as his fingers brushed over the back of my hand. “I need to tell you something Babe…”

For My Day In The Sun

Jordan didn’t answer me right away; he turned back to the TV and watched a couple minutes of the movie before picking up the remote to pause the movie. “Why is it important Anna? What did Zack say? Did he tell you why I stopped by?”

I debated pretending Zack said something but I really didn’t wish to lie, I hated lies and I wasn’t about to lie to him to get him to tell me something. “No, he didn’t tell me why. We mostly talked about Josh.”

Jordan shifted around until he was sitting with his legs crossed and facing me. “He asked Zack for your hand, didn’t he?”

“What difference does it make if that’s what he wanted Jordan? You know how we feel about each other, would it really surprise you?” I knew I sounded a little snippy but I couldn’t help it, I didn’t want to talk about that, I wanted to know what he wanted with Zack. “Well?” I raised a brow. “Why did you come to see Zack?”

He sighed, “Anna it’s not really that big a deal, I just needed him to fill out some paperwork for me.”

“Paperwork?” I frowned. “What kind of paperwork? Is everything ok Jordy?”

“Yeah,” he lowered his eyes, “I needed him to verify that I am who I claim to be.”

“What?” My eyes narrowed as I looked at him. “Verify who you claim to be? Why do you need to prove who you are Jordan?”

“Well they aren’t just going to take my word on it Anna!”

“Who won’t Jordy?”

“The government,” he said as he stretched to the side in an attempt to grab the papers I saw him carrying earlier – they were sitting on the coffee table. “Damn,” he grunted, he couldn’t reach the table by stretching, he had to get out from under the blanket he was covered with to grab the papers. “They want to know all sorts of stuff,” he handed me the folded papers. “They want to know where I lived, where I worked, who I been in contact with – I had to deny knowing you, they said you were a wanted criminal, sorry babe.”

“Whatever!” I scoffed as I unfolded the papers in my hand. It took me a moment to realize exactly what it was I was looking at. “You are applying for a passport?” I gave him a questioning glance before continuing to read his application. “And you didn’t deny knowing me! You listed me as someone who could be contacted about you!”

“Well you know,” he grinned as he shrugged his shoulders. “I’m hoping that they don’t call you, I’ll never get one if you start telling them my past!”

“Uh huh!” I started to refold the papers when I noticed the little envelope. “What’s this?” I asked as I opened it to look inside.

“Oh!” He jumped to grab it from me. “You don’t need to –”

“Oh my God!” I laughed out loud as I pulled out the passport photo. “You look…” I laughed.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah…” He reached for the photo. “I wasn’t allowed to smile –”

“Or look remotely human?”

“Oh shut it!” He grabbed the cushion between us and make like he was going to smack me with it.

“Do that and you’ll have a ‘domestic disturbance’ on your record,” I laughed. “No romantic foreign getaways for you then!”

He took a moment to think about that, I thought he would drop the cushion but he didn’t, he whacked me with it. “Oh well,” he said with a laugh when I cried abuse. “You know you like it.”

“That’s beside the point,” I exclaimed. We sat together and laughed about his terrible passport photo. “I know they don’t want you to smile because that’s not how they’ll find you if you turned up dead somewhere but, I’m sorry, this doesn’t look like you! You look better than that!”

He snatched the photo from me, studied it for a moment. “I do?” He smirked, “What exactly are you saying Anna? You think I’m…hot?” He lowered his eyelids, stroked his fingers along my forearm and asked, in what had to be his ‘bedroom’ voice. “I think…” he chuckled softly when my eyes widen in shock. “I think…” he repeated as he gazed into my eyes. “…that I’m damn sexy too.”

“Jordy!” I rolled my eyes and turned away from him. “You are a pain in the ass, that’s what you are.”

He just laughed as he took the passport form from me to return them to the coffee table. When he sat back on the couch, he picked up the remote to play the movie again and I remembered that he didn’t really tell me why he wanted a passport.

“So why are you getting a passport?” I was very curious; he had never seemed that interested in going outside of Canada before so this was a little bit of a surprise.

“Well,” he chuckled nervously.

“Well what?” I peered at him. “Where are you going? And why?”

He shrugged, “I just thought I would take a trip to California sometime this year,” he sounded nonchalant but there was something in his eyes that made me think there was way more to this than he was letting on. This wasn’t a ‘maybe’ trip he was talking about but one that he had been thinking about for a while.

“What’s in California?” I asked cautiously.

“Disneyland...Golden Gate Bridge…Alcatraz…Grauman’s Chinese Theatre…Olivia…the Winchester Mansion –”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” I stared at him.

“I know…the Winchester Mansion! That has to be something to see. Do you think she was crazy? The owner? To have -”

“Jordy!” I lunged forward and gripped his shoulders. “You know damn well I wasn’t talking about the mansion – although, I would love to see it!”

“Me too,” he said. “I hear that no one knows just how many rooms that place actually has and –”

“Jordy!” I groaned. “Stop just stop! I don’t want to hear about the house, I want to know who Olivia is and why I never heard of her before now.”

“Oh!” He acted like he was surprised that was what I wanted to hear about. “Olivia,” he smiled. “She’s someone I met about a month ago when she came into the shop, her engine light was on, she was freaking out a little, it was cute. She rambled on and on about her friend’s wild idea to take a trip this way to met some guy she met online as I checked her car over. Apparently the guy wasn’t anything like he said he was a total dirt bag according to Olivia.”

“Oh, sorry for her friend. But…” I frowned, “You like her? Did you go out with her while she was here?”

He nodded, “Yeah I went out for drinks with her and her friend – Leslie. They are pretty funny.”

“But…”

“But what?”

“But how?” I scratched my forehead. “Why would you go out with her when…where was Bella? She couldn’t have been happy about that!”

Jordan’s smile disappeared, his whole body seemed to go ridged the moment I said Bella’s name. “She can go to hell as far as I’m concerned,” his tone was capable of freezing a raging river in the middle of summer.

“Why Jordy? What happened?”

He glared at me, his eyes were just as cold as his voice, I shivered. “She’s not who she says she is."

He Knows More Than I Thought

I thought that I should feel upset that Zack pretty much said that having a relationship with Josh was pointless and a big mistake but I wasn’t. I understood why he would feel that way considering all the stuff that has happened in the short time that Josh and I have known each other.

“Anna?” I looked up at Zack, he seemed concerned. I guess he took my silence as me being pissed at him for not giving Josh his blessing. “I could be wrong,” he offered. “Marriage to Josh could very well be the best thing that ever happened to you…”

“You don’t believe it,” I pointed out.

“No,” he sighed. “I really don’t believe that Josh can make you happy at this moment. I’m not sure if he ever could. As it stands right now, I don’t believe it would be wise to consider marriage.” I didn’t say anything right away so he continued to speak. “I’m sorry sis; I wish I didn’t feel that way. I wish for your sake I was wrong, I know how much you wanted this relationship to work out.”

“Zack,” I rubbed my hands over my face and groaned before I spoke again. “Don’t be sorry for how you feel, I don’t really blame you for feeling that way. But…” I shrugged. “I’m not about to give up on my relationship with him just because you don’t think it’ll work out. I don’t want to get there and wonder what could’ve happened if I didn’t give up. Josh promised me that he would really try to work pass the kiss, he swore it was important and he voluntarily said he would do it. He’s spending time with Jordan, getting to know him which I think is great because once he knows that Jordan isn’t more than a friend, it’ll be easier for him to move on from the kiss. This is a good thing, right?”

“Yeah,” Zack nodded slowly. “Unless, of course, Jordan still has feelings for you and he makes that very clear to Josh.”

“What?” I hadn’t even thought about that possibility. “No,” I shook my head. “Jordan wouldn’t get in the way; he told me that he wouldn’t. He promised me that he wouldn’t do anything to ruin my relationship with Josh.”

“And why did he promise that Anna? Was it because he doesn’t really have feelings for you? Or is it because he’s afraid that you will drop him completely if he doesn’t cooperate?” I started to protest but Zack stopped me. “You dropped him once before because you couldn’t handle the fact that he felt something for you.”

“He didn’t though,” I insisted. “He was just being a jerk.”

“Anna come on!” Zack pushed his chair back and stood up. “If you think that Jordan was just faking how he felt about you then you are blind and always have been.”

“Jordan had every chance to make a move, I’ve know him all my life Zack! He could’ve said something before Josh came into the picture but no, he didn’t. He waited until I was happy before he said anything. He didn’t feel anything for me; he lied and caused me unnecessary pain!”

“No Anna!” Zack snapped at me, startling me. “Jordan didn’t tell you about it before because I told him to wait!”

“What?” I shook my head, trying to scramble the words that Zack said to make them make sense. “What are you talking about?”

“Nothing,” Zack turned from me.

“Don’t do that!” I jumped up from my chair and grabbed his arm. “Don’t say something like that and then not explain it to me! What are you talking about? This doesn’t make any sense!”

“Anna,” Zack stared down at me. “Just drop it, I shouldn’t have said anything. Do everyone a favor and pretend that I didn’t say it.”

“I can’t just forget Zack!”

Zack stood with his arms over his chest and a stubborn look on his face.

“Fine!” I snapped. “Don’t tell me, I’ll go ask Jordan.” I turned to leave the room but Zack stopped me.

“You’ll forget about it!” He told me.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?” He asked. “You are in a relationship with Josh, one you obliviously hope will result in marriage, why bring up the past now? Why give Jordan the slightest hope that you might be interested in him when you aren’t? Leave it Anna.”

“You had no right to tell Jordan to wait! You had no right to butt into it at all!”

“No?” Zack grabbed me by the shoulders and forced me to face him. “When Jordan came to me and told me how he thought he was feeling, I told him to wait because it was just after Heather had left town. I didn’t want you to get hurt Anna, I didn’t want you to lose your best friend over what was a rebound crush.”

“How do you know?”

“How do I know what?”

“That Jordan’s feelings were just a rebound thing? What if they weren’t?”

Zack’s hands slipped from my shoulders as he moved away from me. “I…”

I scoffed. “You don’t think they were, do you? You believe that he does love me for real and you rather see me with him than you would with Josh.”

“Anna,” he started to say something but I didn’t wish to hear it.

“No,” I turned towards the door. “I think I listened to you enough tonight. I’m dating Josh; I’m determined to make sure that our relationship works.” I paused at the door to glance back at him. “I hope that you can understand that because I love Josh!”

I left the kitchen and went downstairs to my sanctuary. Jordan was lying on the couch watching ‘Waiting’. The moment he saw me, he smiled and patted the couch in front of him. When I shook my head, he sighed. “I forgot,” he simply said as he sat up and pointed to the opposite side of the couch.

I crossed over in front of him to sit down on the newly vacant couch cushion.

“What did Zack want?” He asked. “Did Josh ask him for your hand in marriage?”

I stared at him for a while, wondering if everything Zack said was true, did Jordan talk to him about his feelings for me after Heather left town. And if so, why didn’t he talk to me instead? Why does everyone go to my brother when they should talk to me?

“Anna? Are you ok?”

I shook my head.

“What’s wrong?”

“I need you to be honest with me.”

He hesitated but agreed.

I really wanted to ask him about the talk he supposedly had with Zack a couple years ago but I needed to make sure that the conversation he had that night with Zack wasn’t about me or Josh. “I need to know why you were talking to Zack tonight.”

The Way I See It

I waited. I hoped that Zack wasn’t going to tell me that Josh asked for his permission to marry me but it never came, he never told me what I wanted to hear.

“Anna, I won’t lie to you,” he started as he leaned forward in his chair, propping his elbows up on the table in front of him. “Josh did come in here with the hope that I would give you two my blessing -”

“What did you do Zack? Josh left here pretty pissed, he said he had a lot to think about, apparently. What did he mean? What did you say?”

“I sat here and listened to what he had to say. He started out telling me how much he cared for you, how happy you make him and how great his life has been since you came into it.”

I blushed, even though I knew how Josh felt, hearing that he said all that to my brother made me feel wonderful. “That was pretty nice, all the stuff he said about me. Surely you thought so too?”

He hesitated for a moment before nodding in agreement. “True, it was good to hear all that about you. Anna I know that he cares about you but still I couldn’t…”

“You didn’t give him your blessing,” I finished for him. “What did you say to him Zack?”

Zack shoved his chair back from the table and stood up. “Did you want something to drink?” He made his way to the fridge to pour himself some more juice.

“No Zack! I want to know what you said to Josh.”

He made a big show out of taking a long drink from his glass as he made his way back to his chair. “It’s simple,” he told me. “I listened to what he had to say and then I told him what I thought.”

“Which was?”

“I told him I didn’t believe that you two were in the right place in life to be thinking about marriage. It’s not something that should be entered into lightly, it’s a lot of hard work.”

“We know it’s hard work Zack.”

“Yeah but do you honestly think that you two can make it? I know that it’s not going that well with the two of you right now, what with the kiss with Jordan coming up in every single argument you have. He’s not over it, and I don’t know if he’ll ever be over it Anna. I don’t think that I’ll be giving you away to him.”

“You won’t give me away?” I gasped. “But you said…”

“Honey listen to me, I never said I wouldn’t give you away. I just don’t think that it’s in either of your best interests to pretend that everything is going swimmingly between you two. Marriage is a big commitment Anna, I don’t believe that either of you are prepared to take that step at this moment in time.”

“I see,” I sat back and sighed.

“Don’t be mad at me Anna, I’m just trying to look out for you, I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I know Zack,” I tried to force a smile but it didn’t work.

He sipped on his juice as he watched me for a minute. “What are you thinking Anna? Are you upset that I refused to tell Josh that he had my blessing?”

I shook my head.

“No?” He raised a brow. “Then what is going on? You look upset.”

“I am,” I told him. “I’m upset that Josh would come to you like this. We aren’t ready to get married, we do have problems, he isn’t over the kiss and it does come up every time I do something he doesn’t like. We were supposed to be working through this not jumping head first into something big like marriage. I just…” I shook my head. “How is this ‘working through’ our issues? Isn’t it just rushing pass them in hopes that it’ll all work out?”

Zack shrugged as if he didn’t have an opinion but I knew better than that, he just didn’t want to tell me something that he didn’t think I wanted to hear. “Just say it,” I told him. “Just be honest with me, tell me what you think.”

He sat there for the longest time just staring at the table top. I wasn’t sure if he was ever going to tell me what he was thinking and that upset me, I needed his opinions, I needed his thoughts on the matter. I needed advice but most of all I needed him to tell me that it was ok that I didn’t want to marry Josh at that moment.

“Zack please just tell me.”

He sighed, “Ok fine but don’t get pissed at me when you don’t like what I have to say.”

“I won’t,” I promised.

“Yeah, right,” he scoffed. “Ok,” he reached out and took my hand in his. “Sis you know I love you and I don’t want to hurt you but I think that he is never going to get pass this kiss, I don’t even think he wants too. I get the feeling that he’s holding onto this just to have something to throw at you when he wants to hurt you.”

“But Zack…”

“Just hear me out,” he told me. “I do believe that he does love you and he does care for you but Anna, I don’t feel that he’s to the point where he can’t live without you. I don’t think that he’ll ever be to that point.”

“Because of the kiss with Jordan,” I said sadly.

“No,” Zack replied. “Because he doesn’t let people in enough to trust them like he should. He hasn’t let his guard down with you Anna. It has nothing to do with the kiss."

“I don’t understand.”

“Anna, Josh doesn’t trust too many people, he told me so himself, he believes that in the end they will all disappoint him. I hoped that it would be different with you, I told him if he hurt you, I would kick his ass and he assured me that he wouldn’t. But he didn’t let you in, did he?”

“Yes he did.”

“Did he?” Zack asked. “Has he been completely forthcoming? Has he given up any part of his life to spend time with you? Has he giving you chances to explain when something goes wrong, like with the kiss? Or has he had to do everything in his own way and on his own terms?”

I didn’t answer, I wanted to tell Zack that he didn’t know what he was talking about but he has been there for the last six months, he knew everything that was going on with us.

“Anna I don’t mean to upset you. It’s certainly not my intention to hurt you.” He paused, squeezed my hand and then dealt his final blow. “Josh is my friend and I like him but I really don’t believe that he’s right for you. I believe marriage to him would be a mistake, one you may not recover from. That’s why I refused to give him my blessing.”

Family Moments

Zack was standing at the counter when I walked into the kitchen. “Would you like something to drink?” He asked me as he got a glass of juice for himself. I told him that I was ok. “Good,” he turned from the counter and took his normal place at the head of the table - I sat to his left, Natalie’s usual place to sit during meals.

“So Zack, why is it my turn?”

“Well,” he paused to take a sip from his glass. “I thought that you might have something to talk to you about too since your best friend and boyfriend have both needed something from me tonight.” He chuckled, “And here I thought I was going to have a nice relaxing evening with my wife.”

“I’m sorry,” I gave him a smile. “I didn’t know that Jordan was going to be here or that Josh would decide that he needed to talk to you tonight.” I sighed, “I don’t even know why either of them needed you.”

Zack nodded, he opened his mouth to speak when the kitchen door swung open and Natalie came flying into the room. “Mommy said to come kiss you good night daddy.” She exclaimed as she launched herself at my brother. “Mommy said that you’ll come up and tuck me in too!” She looked glanced shyly at me. “Aunt Anna can daddy come tuck me in now? I’m very sleepy.” For dramatic effect, Nat rubbed her eyes and yawned.

“Of course he can Nat but first,” I stood up and went to her. “I want kisses and loves!” Natalie wrapped her arms around my neck, giggling as I lifted her off Zack’s lap, hugging her tight before kissing her cheek.

“I love you Aunt Anna,” she whispered as I started to place her on the floor.

“Ohhh,” I sighed and squeezed her tight. “I love you too Natalie. So very much.”

Zack got to his feet, “I’m going to go do my daddy duties,” he told me as he swung Nat up in his arms. “Don’t go anywhere, I have some stuff I wish to say to you.” When I told him that I wasn’t going anywhere, Nat asked him if I was in trouble. Zack laughed, “Daddy doesn’t just talk to those who are in trouble Little Miss.”

“Ok daddy,” Natalie dropped her head onto Zack’s shoulder.

I was still smiling at the image of my brother and his little girl long after the kitchen door stopped swinging. I remembered being that little girl, all sleepy and safe in his arms as he carried me to my room to tuck me in. I envied my nieces, to know the love of their parents. I envied my sister in laws, to have the love of men who would walk through fire for them. But most of all I envied my brothers for having everything they could possibly want in life - a wonderful family.

I jumped as a hand dropped onto my shoulder. “Hey Babe,” Jordan sat down next to me. “I saw Zack leave with Nat, I thought I would check and see how you are doing.” He slipped his arm around my shoulders. “What did he want? Is he mad at something?” Jordan paused, looking at me as a crease appeared on his forehead as he frowned. “Babe are you ok? You look like you lost your best friend.” I chuckled and he poked my side. “I’m right here Anna, I’ll always be here.”

Tilting my head in his direction, my head let his and I sighed. “I know you’ll be there Jordy and no, I’m not in trouble, I don’t even know what it was Zack wanted. Nat came in wanting to be tucked in so he went to be daddy.”

Beside me Jordy chuckled. “What’s so funny?” I turned to him.

“Nothing,” he smiled. “I was just thinking, I know how that feels, to tuck your little girl in. God Anna!” If he was a chick, I swear he would’ve squealed. “I still can’t believe I have a daughter,” he slapped his hand against his chest. “I, Jordan Pollett, am a daddy, something I never thought would ever happen.”

Jordan was telling how he took Jenna to the zoo and how the monkies scared her when Zack came through the kitchen door. “SO Anna…” he stopped short when he saw us sitting together.
“Oh, Jordan, I thought you left a while ago.”

“I thought it would be ok if I hung out,” Jordan stood up and pushed in his chair. “I can disappear for a few minutes if you need to talk?”

Zack gave a quick nod as he sat down. When Jordan left the room, Zack shook his head. “I don’t get it Anna, I really don’t.”

“What don’t you get?”

“I don’t get why you two dance around this -”

“Zack! Don’t! I know what you are going to say and I don’t want to hear it. It’s not going to happen, I love Josh.”

“Yeeah about that.” Zack pulled his chair into the table and gazed thoughtfully at me for a moment.

“What are you thinking?”

“I’m wondering if I should tell you what Josh came to me for.”

I wanted to know, I really did but I wasn’t sure I wanted him to tell me. “I…ummm…hmmm…”

He raised a brow, “So you knew what he wanted to talk about?”

“No,” I shook my head. “I didn’t know. Jordan thinks he was asking for your permission to marry me or something. But I told him that…” I trailed off as Zack turned his head. “Zack?”

My Turn

“You needed to speak to a cop?” I repeated, an utterly confused look on my face. “Why? Are you in trouble? What happened?”

Jordan started to laugh, “Why do you automatically assume that there is something wrong Anna?”

I crossed my arms as I stared him in the eyes. “Because,” I said slowly. “The only time you ever keep stuff from me is when there is something wrong. Please don’t do that Jordan, I hate it when you do.”

He lifted one hand up to his chin, stroking his stubble thoughtfully as he gazed at me. Even though he’s looked at me that way before, many times over the years, this time it seemed a little different. I don’t know what it was though.

“Jordan,” I shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. “Just tell me what’s going on with you, please?”

Dropping his hand to his side, he looked away. “Nothing is going on Anna. I’m not sick, I’m not broke and I’m not about to be arrested. Everything is great.”

“Ok,” I gave in. “I believe you and I won’t ask about it again.” I went to make my way into the living room but Jordan’s hand on my arm stopped me.

“Just like that?”

“Yes, just like that.”

“No begging? No pleading?” I shook my head. “No threats of bodily harm? No promises of good things that are revoked when I spill?”

“No,” I smiled at him. “None of that, you can keep your secret.” I removed his hand from my arm before going to the couch to sit down. “I figure you’ll tell me later if you wish for me to know. If not…” I shrugged and picked up the copy of a tabloid that was sitting on the coffee table.

“Riight!” Jordan chuckled as he plopped down next to me. “You can pretend you aren’t dying to know, I’m still not going to tell you.”

“Suit yourself,” I flipped through the magazine nonchalantly. I really was dying to know what he was doing there but one of the things I decided to change about me was my obsessive need to know everything. I figured that way, I wouldn’t get into trouble because I wouldn’t be butting into situations that I shouldn’t be involved in, in the first place. So far this moment with Jordan was the first test of this new found nonchalance. It was killing me!

The seconds ticked away, each one marked by the clock that hung on the wall near the couch. I could feel Jordan’s eyes on me, I knew he was trying to break me down, make me growl in frustration, toss down the magazine and plead with him to tell me. It’s a dance we did for years, one that I was determined not to slide into at that moment. I don’t even know why, I just knew that I shouldn’t.

The clock chimed the hour – it was nine o’clock. It would be after the last chime when he spoke again. “Anna!” He ripped the magazine from my hands. “What is going on with you? Why are you acting different?”

I frowned at him as I grabbed the magazine back. “Everyone has told me for years that I should mind my own business, so that’s what I’m doing.” I flipped through the pages until I came to the ‘who wore it best’ section I was looking at when he pulled it from me.

“Screw that!” Jordan snapped as he, once again, ripped the magazine from me. “Screw Josh too if he thinks that you need to change. I like you the way you are!”

“This change isn’t for Josh or because of him either Jordan. You, yourself, have told me many times to mind my own business. I’m just taking everyone’s advice.” I smiled sweetly at him and held out my hand. “Can I please read that now? I want to see if Kate or Kelly wore that fugly green dress ‘best’. Although,” I chuckled. “If it were me, I would’ve burnt the damn thing and picked something nicer. Screw spending big bucks to look like a bag lady cave woman!”

When I turned my attention back to the magazine after he handed it back to me, he sighed loudly and sat back hard enough against the couch to make me move from the ‘after shock’. But I ignored him.

Then he started to hum. When that didn’t work, he started to whistle. I smiled at him and turned the page.

I was in the middle of an article about Brad and Angelina - shaking my head at the stuff that those two were reportedly doing (I don’t know what it is, but I really don’t like either one of them, I never did) – when Jordan started to poke me in the side. At first it was soft and I could ignore it but soon he was jabbing me hard.

“Stop that!” I swatted him with the magazine. “That hurts!” I turned to glare at him but I laughed instead, he was pouting. “What do you want?”

He whined like a little puppy for a couple seconds before rubbing his cheek against my shoulder.

“Jordy,” I laughed as I pushed him away. “What do you want?” I repeated.

One more whimper escaped from him before he rested his head against my shoulder and gazed up at me. “I want you to want to know,” he said. “I don’t want you to change because I love you just the way you are.”

I was about to tell him to give it up when I heard the kitchen door hit against the wall and saw Josh stomping along by the living room. “Josh?” I called out and he stopped short. He turned, about to say something but his mouth slammed shut when his eyes zeroed in on me and Jordan on the couch.

I didn’t know what to say, to explain to him that this wasn’t anything.

“Hey Josh,” Jordan seemed to think it was wise to speak. He grabbed the magazine I was holding and smiled at Josh. “Anna was reading me this story of fame, fortune and really stupid ideas and comments.”

Josh looked really upset, I thought he was going to snap but instead his lip twitched and a smile forced its way out. His features seemed to relax a little but his body still looked really tense. “That’s nice,” he said to Jordan and then looked at me. “I think I’m going to take a rain check on seeing those blankets Anna.”

“What?” I shoved Jordan away and jumped up. “Why?” I asked when I stood in front of him. “What’s wrong?”

He closed his eyes and sighed as a hand raked through his hair. “I just think it would be best if I went home right now, I have some stuff I apparently have to think about.”

“Stuff you have to think about?” I was confused. “Josh what went on in the kitchen just now?”

“I got to go honey,” he slipped his hands around my shoulders and kissed my forehead. “I’ll call you tomorrow. Good night.”

He was gone before I could stop him. I stood in the hallway, staring at the front door, wondering what the hell just happened. I even asked Jordan what happened.

“My guess,” Jordan now stood beside me. “Josh asked for Zack’s –“

“Jordan he didn’t ask Zack for my hand in marriage! Now drop it!”

“Anna?” My brother called out from the kitchen door. I turned to him, he motioned towards the kitchen. “I think it’s your turn.” He disappeared back into the kitchen.

I glanced at Jordan, he shrugged. “Only way to find out is to do see what he wants,” he told me. “I’ll be out here catching up on the story.” I watched him walk over to the couch and plop down on it, grabbing the magazine I had been reading just moments ago.

“Anna!” I jumped when Zack called out to me.

“Better get going,” Jordan chuckled.

As I made my way down the hall, I wondered if Jordan was right. Did Josh ask Zack for his permission? Could he have been that stupid considering the state of our relationship at the moment?

I wanted to believe that he didn’t. That there was something about Carol, Phil or Jesse that he wanted to talk to Zack about but that wasn’t the feeling I had.

Everyone Wants Zack

“Isn’t that Jordan’s truck?” Josh asked as we came to a stop in Zack’s driveway. “Why is he here? Did you have plans with him tonight?”

I laughed when he said that. “Oh yes Josh, I made plans with Jordan when I knew I was spending most of the night with you.” I shook my head as I undid my seatbelt. “Back up plans you know, every girl has got to have them.” I threw a smile at him while he opened his door.

“Funny,” he got out and came around to my side to help me out. “I thought you might have plans with him since you knew you would be home fairly early and you don’t work tomorrow morning.”

“Nope,” I kissed his cheek. “I only had plans with you tonight so I don’t know what Jordan is doing here; I haven’t spoken to him for a couple days.”

“Oh? Not since you went to the movies with him?” Even though he was trying, I could still see a hint of jealousy in Josh’s eyes when he said that. Although, he was the one who suggested that Jordan and I hang out that night, he even told me what was playing and helped us pick a movie to go see.

“That’s right,” I linked my arm through his as we walked up the steps to the front porch. “Did you want to sit out here for a while?” I motioned to the swing. “Or did you want to go see the blankets right away.”

“Hmmm,” he slipped his arm from mine, wrapping it around my waist as he pulled me against him. “Do I want to be alone with you or be alone with you?” He grinned. “That’s a difficult choice.”

“It is,” I insisted. “Inside you’ll have other people who will want to talk to us, so we might not be alone.”

“I guess it’s a chance I’ll have to take,” he replied as he opened the door for me.

Josh and I removed our shoes in the front hallway and wondered towards the basement door. I had expected to see at least one of my family members in the living room but the lamp in the corner was the only thing showing any sign of life. “That’s weird,” I commented. “Maybe they are all in the kitchen?”

“Maybe.”

I debated going in there, I really wanted to see what Jordan was doing at my brother’s house but I figured that Josh would get grumpy if I went off in search of Jordan. I turned to lead him down the steps to the basement when the kitchen door swung open.

“Thank you so much,” Jordan was looking back as Zack as he came through the door. “I don’t know who else I could’ve asked to do this for me.”

“No problem,” Zack smiled at him before his gaze shifted to Josh and I. “Hello guys, I didn’t hear you come in.”

Jordan turned to stare at us, he seemed a little surprised to see us and not really happy either. “Hey…” He tried to hide the papers he held in his hand. “How are you guys?”

“We are good,” I told him. “What do you have in your hand?” I wasn’t about to beat around the bush, I was curious. The last time Jordan came to my brother with papers he needed cash to help him keep his house and truck. I started to wonder if he lied to me when he called me up to tell me that the doctor cleared him of any possibility of cancer.

“It’s nothing,” he said quickly but that only made me worry more. “Oh don’t look at me like that Anna, it’s really nothing. I swear.”

“Then tell me what it is,” I walked over to him. “If it’s nothing then you won’t mind if I see those papers.” I went to grab for the paper but Zack’s hand clamped down on my wrist.

“Anna,” he said in his no nonsense cop voice. “Jordan may be your best friend but he is entitled to having some privacy just like everyone else. Don’t be a little brat.”

“Zack!” I gasped.

He ignored me, he glanced at Jordan, “Don’t lose those papers,” he told him. “And let me know when you hear back.” Jordan told him he would and then headed for the door.

As Jordan walked away, Josh asked Zack if he had a minute, “I need to talk to you about something important.”

Zack stared at Josh for a couple seconds. “What did you need to talk about?” He asked cautiously.

“I’d rather speak in private,” Josh told him. “If that’s alright with you.”

“Of course,” Zack nodded slowly as he stepped to the side and motioned to the kitchen door. “Step into my office.”

When Josh had said that he needed to talk to Zack, Jordan stopped in his tracks and watched their interaction. The moment they disappeared he came over to me. “What does Josh need to talk to Zack about?”

I shrugged, “I don’t know, he didn’t tell me.”

“Oh,” he looked at the door and then turned to me. “He’s not asking Zack if he can marry you, is he?”

“What?” I laughed, “I highly doubt that Jordan, we aren’t even close to being in the position where we can enter into marriage and know that everything will be ok. We are working on us right now.”

He nodded, his brow creased as he thought. “So you are saying that you wouldn’t marry him? Right now, if he asked.”

“Jordan,” I shook my head. “Josh isn’t going to ask me to marry him right now; he knows we have so much to deal with still.”

“Ok,” he shrugged. “But what if that’s what he wanted to talk to Zack about? Asking for your hand in marriage?”

I glared at him.

He laughed, “Ok, maybe that’s not what he’s doing but if you think about it, it would make sense. You don’t know what he wants to talk to Zack about.”

Even though what Jordan said rang true, there was no way I could imagine Josh doing something like that when our relationship was far from marriage ready.

So instead of thinking about it further, I changed the subject.

“So what did you want to see Zack for?”

“Not to ask for his permission to make you my wench, that’s for sure!”

I rolled my eyes, “Jordy you couldn’t handle me!” He raised a brow and I blushed for some reason. “Seriously!” I reached for the papers again, only to get his attention off what I just said. “What is this all about? You didn’t lie to me when you said the tests came back negative, did you?”

“No Anna,” he glanced at the papers. “I told you the truth, I don’t have cancer.”

“Ok,” I tilted my head and gazed up at him. “Jordan please tell me what you needed to speak to Zack about. The last time you did, you needed financial help, is that the case now?”

“No,” he shook his head. “I’m very well off Anna, I don’t worry about bills. You know what I make at the garage, I’m sitting pretty – you know that too.”

“Ok,” I agreed, I did know more than I probably should about his financial picture, he didn’t mind sharing that when we lived together. “So if it’s not your health and it’s not money, what else could you need to see Zack about?”

Jordan smiled, “I needed to speak to a cop.”

Baby Blankets And Bestest Friends

Josh had made good on his word, he was shifting the blame of the kiss from me and working on his issues with trust and my friendship with Jordan. Since that morning he had made it a weekly ritual to spend Saturday mornings with Jordan while Jess and Jenna played together. Some mornings I got to go along with them, other mornings I was working so I got the run down on their day when I met up with Josh after work.

Everything seemed to be going wonderful in my life once again as June was coming to an end. I was looking forward to the next month, not only would I have more time with Josh because he wouldn’t be working but I also was starting my new position at work so my nights and weekends would be available for us to go out and do ‘couple’ things together – the first real ‘couple’ time we had since we started dating.

“You took your holidays for this coming week right?” Josh asked one night as we strolled hand in hand around the lake, we had just finished a delicious meal at Oasis, a ‘down home, home cooking’ ma and pa restaurant that was quickly becoming ‘our’ place.

“That’s right,” I nodded, “I’m not sure what I’m doing, I just had to take them now or lose them.” My anniversary date at work was the middle of July.

“Oh ok,” he smiled.

I waited a few minutes but he didn’t say anything else about it. “Josh?” I slowed down as I looked up at him. He raised a brow, still smiling. “Was there a reason you asked? Or were you just curious?”

“I was just curious,” he said and I, according to him, pouted. “Hey now,” he released my hand to curl his arm around my waist. “No pouting honey.”

“I didn’t realize I was,” I flashed him a smile.

“That’s better.” He nudged me forward as he changed the subject. “So how far along are you with the blanket you were making for Nick and Amy’s baby?”

“Oh I finished that one the other day, I was so excited, I wanted to run over and give it to them right away!”

Josh laughed, “Did you?”

I shook my head, “No, instead I called Jordan and talked for about forty minutes about how cute it was!”

“Better him than me,” he joked before asking me if he could see the finished product after our walk.

“Of course,” I told him. “But it’s at Zack’s; we’ll have to go there.”

“No problem,” he gave me a gentle squeeze. “There’s something I need to speak with Zack about anyway.”

“Ok,” I grinned. “Then I can show you the blanket I started for Chad’s baby!”

Josh thought for a moment before nodding. “Did they find out what they were having after? You said they have been flip flopping on that for a while now.”

“No they haven’t. Chad wants to know but Susan wants to wait until she can see with her own eyes, their son or daughter.” I chuckled, “Zack told Chad if he had another boy, he would kick him.”

“Oh God,” Josh laughed.

“Personally,” I continued. “I hope they have a boy, Conner can’t be the only boy in our family, he’s lonely enough as it is!”

“But he’s not the only boy,” Josh jumped in as soon as I finished. “Don’t forget about Jess, he’s a boy – the last time I checked anyway.”

“You check often, do you?” I poked him in the ribs. “I don’t believe it’ll change just like that Josh.”

“Ha ha,” Josh rolled his eyes as he chuckled. “You know what I meant!”

I did know what he meant but it kind of threw me a little when he said it, or at least it threw my heart for moment – it leapt at the thought that he thinks of my family as his. “Conner is excited about this weekend,” I told him. “He just can’t wait to have a ‘sleepover’ with Jess! He asked me just this morning how many sleeps it was before Jess would play with him – he said it was almost more fun than Christmas!”

“Jess is the same way,” Josh informed me. “Last night when I was one the phone with him, all he wanted to talk about was playing cars with his ‘bestest friend in the whole wide world’.” I snickered as Josh glanced at me from the corner of his eye, his lip twitched as he tried not to smile. “He said you said ‘bestest’ was the only way to describe friends, that it’s what you called Jordy and ‘if Baby’s daddy is Ama’s bestest friend, Conner can be Jesse’s bestest friend’.”

I rested my head back against his shoulder as I gazed up at him. “I’m so happy that Jesse has bestest friends,” I giggled.

Josh chuckled and shook his head, “What am I going to do with you?” He pressed his lips against my temple for a moment. “Ok,” he nudged me forward again. “Let’s head back to the car while we still have daylight.”

A half hour later Josh helped me into his car before running around the front and jumping in his side, “I love you,” he said quickly as he leaned over to plant a kiss on my cheek.

“I love you too,” I turned to him hoping to get a little more kissing in but he had already moved back into his seat and started the car.

He shifted the car into drive and stepped on the gas, spinning the tires in the dirt for a second before they took hold and propelled us forward.

“What’s the hurry?” I asked him as we jerked onto the road.

“I really want to see those blankets,” he said with a laugh.

Like This

“I might want to go home?” I repeated his last sentence slowly, as if saying it would make it morph into something totally different and sound better. “Why?” I asked him, “Is there something wrong Josh? Did you decide that –”

“No Anna,” Josh sighed as he lowered himself onto the mattress at my side once again. “I have something to do and ­–”

It was my turn to cut him off. “You mean something that you are ‘really looking forward too’ and something that I ‘don’t really need to know about’ because it’s better that way since it’s between you and whoever you were just on the phone with?” I shook my head at his shocked expression. “Yeah, I overheard you on the phone just now.”

Josh chuckled as he ran a hand through his hair. “Why didn’t you just say so?” He asked me. “Why did you pretend that you were sleeping when I came in just now?”

“I was surprised!” I exclaimed. “I spent the night alone because you wanted time to think and this morning you are kicking me out because you have some thing that you are ‘really looking forward too’!”

“And what?” He raised a brow. “Did you think I was running off to hook up with some chick?”

“I don’t know,” I mumbled. “I don’t know what you are doing, all I know is that just now you made me feel like crap – ‘you might want to go home’?” I stared up at him. “Could you have said it a little nicer than that?”

“How would you like me to say it Anna? I have to go meet with someone, I would rather that you weren’t there, and I don’t think you’d have too much fun sitting around here by yourself, so I suggested that you go home.”

“No, you didn’t Josh. You told me it would be better if I did, that’s not suggesting, that’s telling me to get lost.”

“Oh my God Anna!” He rammed his hands into his hair as he stared at me. “I didn’t mean it that way honey, really I didn’t.” He sighed, his hands fell to cover mine as they rested on my lap. “Ok…” he shifted until he was totally facing me as we sat on the bed.

“Ok what?” I chewed nervously on my lip as I turned my face upwards to gaze at him. “What’s going on Josh?”

“Well,” he gave me a weary smile. “I did a lot of thinking last night, I didn’t even come in from outside until a couple hours ago.”

“Oh,” I gasped in surprise as he continued.

“It bugs me that I can’t move pass this kiss, it really does, I want to move pass it. I don’t want to always bring it up when we argue, I want it dead and buried. I thought that I was over it when we started again but obviously I’m not.”

“What are we going to do about it?” I closed my eyes after I asked, I was getting prepared for him to tell me that he thought it would be best that we get called it quits, he didn’t think he could ever trust me again.

“I was thinking about that,” he admitted. “The easiest course of action for me would be for you to stop being friends with Jordan.” My eyes flew open as my mouth opened to protest but he held a finger to my lips. “It would be easier for me but it wouldn’t be fair to you, I know that but I’ll admit that I was hoping that you would do it.”

“Josh…”I sighed.

“I know,” he groaned. “Completely selfish of me to demand that you give up a friendship that you’ve had your entire life, I know – that finally sunk in last night.” He dropped his eyes to our hands, his fingers stroking my wrist as he gathered his thoughts. “I’m not going to ask you to not see him,” he raised his head and gazed into my eyes. “I’m not going to ask you to see him less either.”

“But you are going to ask me to do something, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” he nodded. “I’m going to ask you to promise me that you’ll never share a bed with him again, no matter what.”

“Ok,” I said without hesitating. “Not a problem. I won’t share a bed with Jordan again, no matter what, I promise. Is there any thing else?”

“Yes,” he smiled slightly. “Promise me that you won’t cuddle with him for any reason, even if it’s to find out what’s biting him when he’s cranky.”

Again, I agreed without hesitation. “I promise Josh.”

He leaned over and kissed my cheek, “Thank you Anna.”

“Was that all?” I asked him. “Was there something else you wanted me to promise?” I tilted my head, “Is there anything you are going to do while I’m not doing those things?”

“Of course,” he said but didn’t expand on it.

“Well?” I poked him gently in the ribs. “What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to relax,” he fell back against the mattress, crossing his arms over his head.

“Josh!” I giggled as I watched him. “Seriously!”

“Ah,” he rolled onto his side and propped his head up on his hand. “I’m going to work on my trust issues and my issues with Jordan, starting this morning.”

I frowned, “What do you mean?”

“Jordan is the one I was talking to on the phone just now, I called him up because I think it’s high time I stop blaming you for everything that happened. He was there, he was putting pressure on you that you didn’t need and he played just a big a role in the kiss as you did. Now,” he reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze. “Since he is your best friend and you wish to remain friends with him, hang out with him and what not, I believe I should get to know him. I’m going over there this morning and I hope to leave with some kind of understanding with him. I’m taking Jesse with me because Jenna is there and having the two of them running around and playing together might make it easier for Jordan and I to become…” Josh trailed off, cringed a little and then shrugged. “…friends.”

Thinking It Over

The moment I stepped out into the hallway, the voice inside my head started to scream. What are you doing? He said he needed some space – let him have this time to think. I won’t kill you!

I didn’t want to listen to the voice but I knew it was right – Josh did ask me to give him some space that night – who knew how he would react if I didn’t respect his request. I didn’t want to fight with him anymore. And to be honest, I really needed to do some thinking of my own.

Oh but to be in his arms… I sighed as the voice told me to just go back to bed. You’ll feel his arms in the morning.

I turned to go back into his room when I stopped, I do feel a little thirsty.

Excuses, the voice scoffed.

“Damn this is crazy!” I said out loud. “I’m talking to myself – no, arguing with myself in my head? I really need some sleep!” I smiled, “After I get something to drink that is.”

I was standing in his kitchen pouring a glass of water from the jug in the fridge when I heard a door open and close, I paused. What the heck? I glanced at the front door but it was still closed. I frowned, thinking that it must have been someone out in the hallway going into their apartment when I heard footsteps coming from the direction of the dining area.

Josh turned the corner, stopping short, apparently surprised that I was standing in his kitchen. “What are you doing up?” He asked. “I thought you would be long asleep.”

I held up my glass of water, smiled and shrugged slightly.

“I see,” he moved into the kitchen, dropping an empty can on the counter before he bent down to the fridge to grab another one. “Well, good night,” he said dismissively as he disappeared the way he came. I heard a door open and close once again. It took me a moment to realize that he had gone out onto his balcony.

Me? I headed back to his room. The way he spoke to me didn’t make me feel that he was all too interested in seeing me anymore that night.

I would be lying if I said that once I was snuggled into his bed again, I fell fast to sleep. I wish I did, I know I was tired enough but I just couldn’t seem to drift off. This constant arguing with Josh was driving me insane, it was starting to eat away at the confidence I felt about our relationship. I started to wonder if there was something wrong with us, if the arguing was really based on the kiss that I shared with Jordan back in January or if there was a deeper issue that Josh didn’t want to touch on.

I wasn’t stupid; I knew that he was sensitive to any sign of cheating. I knew from the beginning that his ex wife cheated on him but I didn’t realize just how much he was still carrying that hurt around with him. It wasn’t fair. At least I didn’t think it was. I wasn’t Carol, I didn’t plan on sleeping with another man, and Josh was more than capable of handling my wants and needs.

So does he not trust you, or…the thought that jumped into my mind caused me to sit up straight in bed. Could it be? Could Josh’s lack of trust have more to do with his own feelings of inadequately than the insignificant kiss that Jordan and I shared? Or did he just see Carol’s betrayal every time he looked at me?

No, I shook my head. I can’t pass the blame of this onto some one else. Even if he was hurting from Carol’s betrayal still, it was your betrayal that caused all this tension and mistrust.

But what do I do to change it? I fell back against the mattress once again. Now that is the biggest question. What do I do? Ignore Jordan? Give up a life long friendship? Is that really what he expects me to do?

I sighed, I didn’t want to give up my friendship with Jordan, that’s one thing I wasn’t willing to do for anyone – even Josh. Maybe I was sending him a message that Jordan is more important than he is but come on! Jordan is my best friend – damn, he’s almost like another brother to me! I can’t just give up ‘family’ because someone doesn’t like my relationship with them.

Yeah, I rolled over onto my stomach. But that’s not true is it? It Jordan was really like another brother, you would never had kissed him in the first place because let’s face it you wouldn’t kiss Zack or Chad like that... I cringed at the thought, ewwwwww!

Ok, so think about it. You kissed him; you let him kiss you – why? Was there something that was lacking in your relationship with Josh at the time? Was it because you had feelings for him? Do you still have those feeling? Is that why giving him up is such a hard thing for you to consider?

Flopping over onto my back, I sighed. This wasn’t getting me anywhere, the same questions ran around in my head but the answers always remained the same. It was frustrating. I was hoping for some answers, for a resolution to the tension between Josh and me.

I was hoping for a miracle but all I did was arrive at the same answers before falling into a dreamless sleep.

Morning came long before I was ready for it. The sun streaming in through the blinds that covered Josh’s bedroom window woke me. I had forgotten for a moment that I went to bed alone but that quickly came back to mind when I rolled over and saw his side of the bed empty still.

I pulled myself out of the comfort of his bed to go off in search of him, to see if he made any progress in his thinking last night. I was almost to the living room when I heard his voice, I thought he was talking to himself but as his words drifted towards me, I realized that he was talking on the phone.

“No, I don’t really think that’s necessary,” he said firmly. “Anna doesn’t need to know that we are meeting, I think it would be better if she didn’t, this is between you and me.”

I have no idea what else he said, the blood rushing to my ears and the voice in my head started to freak out. By the time I had calmed down enough to listen, he was ending the conversation.

“So I’ll be there in an hour,” he told whoever was on the other end. “I’m really looking forward to this,” he said with a laugh before saying ‘bye’ and hanging up.

I listened to him walk around for a second before I realized that he was getting closer. Spinning around as silently and as quickly as I could, I made my way back into his room and his bed – pretending to be asleep - moments before he walked in to his room.

“Hey Anna?” He gave me a gentle shake, I ‘woke’ up. “Hey,” he smiled down at me.

“Hey,” I plastered on a fake smile as I stretched like I just woke up.

“Listen, I have to go some where in a little bit.”

“Oh ok,” I looked up at him. “Did you want me to watch Jess?”

He thought about that for a brief moment but then shook his head. “No, that’s ok.” He pushed off his bed, “I just wanted to let you know I was going to be out for a while this morning…” he trailed off as he reached his door where he stopped and looked back at me. “I don’t know how long I’ll be, you might want to go home.”

Don't Forget Your Bags

A sound I had never heard in my life came from Josh when I threw, ‘Maybe that’s where I should be’, over my shoulder at him. His hand fell away from my arm within seconds and the realization that I was being a complete bitch settled over me.

This isn’t how tonight was supposed to go, I mentally kicked myself. We were supposed to be cuddling on the couch or in his bed now, not fighting about something that happened months ago – something that won’t happen again. I turned to look at him; he was staring at the floor in front of him, his arms over his chest as if he was trying to put up a wall around him.

“I have no desire to go see Jordan,” I told him as I moved towards him. “Josh I only told you the sleeping arrangements last night because I knew if I didn’t - and you found out from someone else - you would be really pissed. If I had a choice, if there was anywhere else I could’ve slept, that’s where I would’ve been.”

“You had a choice,” he said to the carpet at my feet.

I frowned, “How did I have a choice? The only other place I could’ve slept last night was in the bed with Mike and Eric, but that wasn’t an option.”

He finally lifted his head, the hurt and confused look in his eyes made me feel ten times worse than I did. ““You could’ve stayed home,” he told me.

“What?” I stared at him. “Stay home? You told me it was ok if I went!” I turned from him, upset that he was turning this around on me once again. “It’s not a crime to want to hang out with my friends! I’m tired of you making me feel guilty for wanting too. I’m going home,” I threw over my shoulder as I headed for the front door. “You know how to reach me when you want to see me.”

Josh remained in the living room the whole time it took me to pull my sneakers on and grab my jacket. With one hand on the dead bolt to unlock it, I turned to him. “Are you really going to let me walk out of here like this?” I didn’t want to leave; I wanted him to stop me. I wanted things to be good between us again, I hated arguing with him.

But he just stood there, watching me and inside my heart felt like it would explode from the pressure and the pain.

“I guess I’ll see you around,” I didn’t really feel that I would see him again if he let me walk out his door at that moment. I hesitated for a while longer, hoping he would make a move.

He didn’t.

I took a deep breath, wiped the tear that started to fall away from my cheek and turned, unlocking the dead bolt as I did.

“Don’t forget your bags,” he said when I opened his door. I turned to tell him I would get them later but he wasn’t standing in sight anymore.

Instead of quietly going to get the bags that I brought into his apartment with me earlier, I reacted like I always did. I don’t know why but it’s always been that way. “Did you want me to leave my key too?” I snapped at him as I stomped towards the living room where he had crossed over and now stood back on to me as he stared out the window. “And maybe your grandmother’s jewelry too so you can give them to someone you actually love and trust?”

Of course, I didn’t wait for his reply; I made my way to his room, cursing him and his lack of trust. But most of all, I was cursing myself for not being the woman he thought I was. The woman he wanted me to be.

“I can’t be someone I’m not!” I muttered as I grabbed at the stuff Jesse had pulled from the bags early. “I’m not perfect, I screw up but damn it I love you, you jerk.” I wanted to cry, frustration does that to me. “Go to Jordan? Oh please!” I continued my rant. “If I was the least bit interested in Jordan there would be nothing stopping me from being with him.” I shook my head, wiping away the angry tears that rolled down my cheeks as I rammed the last of my shopping back into the bag. “But no! I’m here and all he thinks is that I want to be else where? Grrrrr! Men!” I pushed off my knees and spun around to leave only to stumble backwards when I blindly walked into Josh’s hard body. “I’m going!” I snapped while moving to go around him.

He stopped me. Not by touching me, or by saying anything. No all it took for him to stop me was one look - one look that caused me to freeze in my tracks and stare up at him with a sense of hope.

He moved towards me, his hand sliding down my arm until his fingers grasped the handles of the shopping bags I just scooped up. He took then from me, dropping them onto the floor, spilling some of the items out once again. He didn’t say a word as he moved forward, the unreadable expression in his blue eyes made me back up until the back of my knees came up solid against his bed. He took another step forward, his hands on my shoulders as he forced me to sit down on his bed while he sunk to the floor in front of me and dropped his head in my lap.

I didn’t know what was going on, it didn’t make any sense that one minute he was telling me to leave and the next he was kneeling before me with his head on my lap while his hands were linked together behind me on the bed. There was so much I wanted to say to him, to tell him that he really has nothing to worry about when it came to Jordan but as I stared down at his dark hair all thoughts disappeared. My hand was shaking as I lifted it to his head, my fingers stroking deep through his thick hair. I grinned, my fingers playing with the curls that were starting to form at the base of his neck. “Honey you really need a hair cut,” I started to giggle as I spoke the random thought that I was thinking.

Josh slowly lifted his head off my lap, “I’m here trying to figure out a way to make you understand how I feel and you are thinking about my hair?” He sounded serious but the light in his eyes told another story, he thought it was funny.

“Well,” I smiled, my fingers still on the back of his neck. “It’s not very often that I see the back of your neck honey, I’m way too short for that.”

He laughed, his arms tightened around me. “I think you are perfect.”

I lowered my head when he said the word ‘perfect’. “I’m far from perfect Josh.”

“Yeah,” he agreed and then laughed when my head shot up. “No one is perfect Anna, everyone has their problems.”

I nodded, “True but we seem to have the same one over and over again.”

Josh lowered his head, not far enough to rest it on my lap again though. He stayed that way for a moment, his shoulders moving with every deep breath he took. When he finally looked up at me again, he sighed. “I want you to stay here tonight,” he told me. I went to smile and say ok but there was something in his eyes that stopped me. “You can sleep in here,” he continued. “I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“What?” I frowned. “Why Josh? Why don’t you want to be in the same bed with me?”

“Because I can’t think when you are curled up next to me Anna.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing…”

“It is,” he told me. “When I need to think about what I want and how important it is to me for things to be a certain way, not being about to think is a bad thing.” His arms slipped out from around me and he leaned back on his heels. “I don’t want you to leave,” he told me. “But I need some space to think tonight.”

With that he got up, kissed my forehead and bid me good night.

Despite not having gotten much sleep the night before, I found myself wide awake an couple hours later. He may need space to think, I thought to myself. But I need him here beside me. I wanted to go to him; I needed to go to him. Everything in my mind and body screamed for him.

Screw thinking! I shoved back the covers and hopped out of bed to go be with him. I hope he had enough thinking...

When Doves Cry

It probably wasn’t the smartest thing I ever did, telling Josh that Jordan and I shared the sofa bed with Nick while we were at Mike’s that night. At the time I didn’t think how he would react, all I was thinking was that I wanted to be honest with him, I didn’t want it him to hear about it from some one else and think that I didn’t tell him because I felt something for Jordan. Of course, I guess there could’ve been a better way to tell him.

“Aren’t you going to say something?” We had been locked in the same place, staring at each other pretty intensely for about five minutes.

“I don’t want to fight with you Anna; I just wanted to have a nice relaxing evening with you.” He dropped his arms down to his sides. “Is that too much to ask? That we spend some time together without being interrupted or having Jordan’s name brought up?”

“I’m not the one who mentioned his name,” I pointed out.

Josh rolled his eyes, “No but you certainly brought him into the conversation by telling me that you didn’t miss me or sleep alone last night!”

“What?” I gasped as I watched Josh walk over and plop down on to his couch. “You have got to be kidding me! Didn’t miss you? I already told you that I did! As for not sleeping alone, I told you about that so you wouldn’t make a big deal out of it!” I was standing in front of him but he didn’t even look at me. “Yeah, I shared a pull out with Nick and Jordan, so what? It’s not like I cuddled up to either one of them! It’s not like I screwed either one of them! I slept! That’s all that ever happened and all that ever will!”

Closing his eyes, Josh tilted his head back until it rested against the back of the couch. Sighing deeply, he brought his hands to his face, “You know for someone who is incredibly smart, you can be pretty clueless at times.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Well,” he brought his hands down to the couch cushions and pushed his body off the couch once again. He towered over me, his arms folded over his chest, his words spoken slowly when he finally said what was on his mind. “Do you think that I’m just going to accept the fact that you think sleeping in the same bed with Jordan is ok? I don’t care if there were ten people between the two of you, I don’t like it!”

“Well too damn bad!” I snapped. “I had no choice, if I wanted to get any sleep at all. I was tired and cranky; I just wanted to sleep Josh. Why can’t you understand that? Why do you have to make this about Jordan? Just how long are you going to condemn me for one mistake that happened months ago?”

“As long as it takes for you to realize that it’s not ok for a grown woman to share a bed with a man that she’s admitted to having feelings for when she’s supposedly in love with someone else!”

“Supposedly?” I frowned. “Suppose…JOSH! GOD!” I groaned, I lifted my hands to my head in frustration and literally pulled on my hair. “You are driving me crazy! I can’t do anything right when it comes to you! You tell me to go have fun and then you flip out because of something so small? That’s crazy Josh and I don’t know if I can take this anymore!”

“Small?” Josh scoffed. “Ok if it was small and not such a big deal at all, then you won’t mind if I go and spend all day tomorrow with…” he trailed off, he frowned, a couple seconds passed by but it felt like hours. “Carol!”

“Carol?” I stepped back. “What on earth would you do that? You don’t even like her!”

“That’s not the point,” Josh threw his hands out in frustration.

“Then what’s the point?”

“The point is – you wouldn’t like it one bit if I spent the entire day with Carol and then ended up sleeping in the bed with her all night!”

I lifted my chin stubbornly. “I wouldn’t care Josh, if you were friends with her like I am with the guys, then it wouldn’t matter. YOU WOULD ONLY BE SLEEPING!”

“It would matter!” His control finally slipped as he yelled at me. “I’ve told you that I’m uncomfortable with your friendship with Jordan – and giving the circumstances, I have a damn good reason! But you don’t seem to care, you amuse me for a couple weeks but then it’s the same shit again!”

“I’m not giving up my friends for you Josh! I shouldn’t have too! You knew all about Jordan before we started dating and I’ve done everything I could to make you feel that you can trust me. I haven’t seem Jordan much since we got back together, I’ve only talked to him briefly on the phone and most times you are there so you know what’s being said and I’ve turned down so many of my friends invitations to do stuff that I’m surprised that I have anyone left to talk too!”

“I’m done all this because I love you and I don’t want you to feel like you can’t trust me but it doesn’t matter, does it? You’ll never trust me.”

Josh shook his head, “You don’t know what it’s like to feel this way Anna.”

“Feel what way Josh? I’m not doing anything that would make you doubt me!”

“But you did!” His hand jumped up and he pointed at me. “You know damn will my fear is completely grounded in reality!”

“No!” I scoffed, “Your fear isn’t based in reality, if it were I would be all over Jordan and I’m not! I’m not Josh! I never was!”

“You don’t understand…” he started but I jumped in.

“Oh for God sakes Josh, let it go already!” I snapped, I mean really snapped and I let him have everything I was thinking. “I’m so bloody tired of you throwing that damn kiss back at me whenever you don’t like something I do! I’m so damn tired Josh!”

“What do you mean, you are tired? Of what?”

“Of this!” I motioned between the two of us. “I’m tired of having to justify every movement or decision I make. I’m tired of being treated like a traitor for one mistake that you said we could work through. We haven’t been working through anything Josh! You told me that you wanted to start over, you wanted to be with me but it was all a lie wasn’t it? You aren’t ready to start over, you aren’t ready to be with me again and you certainly aren’t ready to love me.”

Josh started opened mouthed at me, not daring or not able to speak.

“You aren’t ready, are you Josh?” I stared at him, pleading for a miracle to happen, begging for him to tell me some thing – anything – to make me believe that he truly was ready to start over. Tears that were burning my eyes started to fall as I softly asked, “You will never truly trust me again, will you Josh?”

The clock on the wall ticked away the seconds.

The seconds turned into minutes.

The minutes turned into the sound of my heart crying when he couldn’t utter the words I really needed him to say.

“I think I should go,” I turned from him.

“Where are you going to go?” His hand fell onto my arm but I didn’t turn – I couldn’t face him and let him see how devastated I was.

It hurt to even breathe but I took a deep breath anyway, “Where do you think I’m going?”

Without missing a beat, he said. “Where you always go – to Jordan.”

I started to laugh as the tears rolled down my cheeks, I had no intentions of going to Jordan’s, I wanted to go home and curl up in my bed, alone but I didn’t tell him that. I was hurting and it was stupid but I wanted him to hurt as well. “Maybe that’s where I should be.”

My Shadow And His Daddy

I was happy when the time came that Josh and I were cuddling on his couch in the nearly darkened living room – the only light came from the moon and the nightlight that Josh turned on when he put Jesse in bed.

Since the moment Josh ‘freed’ Jesse from the shirt I bought for Jenna, he was my shadow. If I went some where, I turned to find him standing behind me, staring up at me with those big blue eyes like his daddy’s. He didn’t want to play unless I was playing with him and he wouldn’t eat his pizza that Josh cut up for him, I had to take his plate out to the kitchen and pretend that I was getting him a new piece before he would even look at it.

At first, Josh didn’t seem to mind but when Jess refused to let Josh bathe him until I was seated on the floor with him, I could see the irritation in his features. Thankfully, Jesse didn’t insist that I take over his bedtime routine, most importantly reading a story to him; I think Josh would’ve flipped if he did. And I wouldn’t blame him, this was his time with his son and while it was nice that Jess loved me and wanted me around, Josh still wanted his moments.

“What are you thinking?” Josh’s lips brushed against my forehead as he held me against his body as we stretched out on the couch. “You have been pretty quiet since Jesse went to sleep.”

“I was just thinking about him,” I told him. “How excited he gets when he sees me and how he always wants me to do everything with him when we are here.”

“Just like his daddy,” Josh chuckled.

I smiled. “Yes, he is just like his daddy. I love both of them very much.”

“They love you too,” he kissed me. “More than they ever thought possible.”

“Oh?” I gave him a squeeze. “Why more than they thought possible?” Josh was silent for a while, when I looked up at him, he had his eyes closed. “Josh?”

He grinned, “I love the feel of your body pressed against mine and when it’s not there, like last night, I have a hard time settling down to sleep.” Gazing down at me he spoke again. “Did you miss me last night? Or did you enjoy your time sleeping alone?”

“I…ummm…” I suddenly remembered that I didn’t technically sleep alone; Jordan and Nick were on the sofa bed with me. “Yes, I missed you Josh.” It wasn’t a lie, I did miss him.

“That was an interesting pause,” he stated, his voice loosing the soft romantic drawl he adopted whenever we were having an ‘us’ moment.

“Well…” I sighed. “I didn’t sleep alone Josh.”

“What?” He stiffened as he stared down at me. “What do you mean? Why didn’t you sleep alone? Who did you…” he scoffed and tried to push me away from him. “I don’t even need to ask do I? It was Jordan.”

“Josh!” I grabbed hold of his arm as I teetered on the edge of the couch. “It’s not what you think! Not even close!” I quickly launched into the condense version of what went on at Mike’s the day before – from Nick and Jordan fighting that morning until the moment I reluctantly laid down next to Jordan because I was too tired to argue with him anymore about Josh’s level of trust in me. “I was tired Josh, I just wanted to sleep and not wake up unable to move in the morning!”

“So you crawled into his arms and fell fast to sleep,” Josh shook his head. “That doesn’t fly Anna! You know how I feel about this and you –”

“I didn’t crawl into his arms!” I snapped as I pushed up off the couch. “For your information, I have no desire to be in Jordan’s arms! It’s yours I was wishing I could feel around me!” I stared down at him. “While I was asleep, Jordan and Nick switched places, so if anything, it would’ve been Nick I slept next too! And before you even think it, I have no romantic feelings towards him either!”

Josh jumped off the couch as I crossed my arms over my chest. He shhh’ed me. “I have a three year old in the next room sleeping; I don’t want him woken up!”

“Then stop being stupid!” I replied before I stopped to think about what I was saying. Josh remained still as I realized what I said, “Josh,” I reached for him but he shoved off my attempt. “I didn’t mean it that way,” I cried. “I just want you to stop thinking that every time I see Jordan; I’m going to do something that will hurt you!

“It’s not that easy to forget,” he said with a sigh. “I wish I could but damn it! It hurt Anna, it really hurt and every time I see him or hear his name, I think about that moment.”

“What do you want me to do about that?” I asked him, truly frustrated that after all these months, he still brings it up. “I barely ever see him or any of my friends because I don’t want you to think that some thing is up. I hate not spending time with them but I hate having you doubt me too.” Josh didn’t say anything. “Come on, what do you expect me to do? There’s nothing that I can do short of…” Josh raised a brow. “No,” I shook my head. “You can’t even be thinking that Josh!”

Stuck!

Flying up the stairs two at a time, I searching frantically for my keys so that I could really surprise Josh by walking in but after double checking all my pockets and bag, I realized that I didn’t even have my keys on me!

“Great,” I mumbled as I dropped all my bags to the floor to recheck my pockets – just in case. “Damn,” I sighed. With no other option, I lifted my hand to his door and knocked on his door.

A minute seemed to pass and there didn’t sound like there was any activity on the other side of the door, so I knocked again.

“One minute!” I heard Josh call out. The moment I heard his voice I began to get impatient to see him, to talk to him and to be in his arms. Damn, I couldn’t believe how badly I missed him.

The door knob flicked once, drawing my attention downwards but the door didn’t open. I frowned, wondering what the heck Josh was doing when it moved again.

“Jess what are you doing?” Josh’s voice came through the door.

“I open the door daddy,” Jesse replied as the knob moved once more.

“Daddy has to open this first,” I heard the dead bolt click as Josh unlocked it. Jesse asked if he could do it now and Josh told him yes.

I smiled as the knob turned – I’m thinking with Josh’s help because Jess couldn’t really reach the knob enough to turn it without Josh – and the door slowly opened. Josh came in view, he wasn’t looking at me, he was watching Jesse. It gave me a moment to really look at the man who sent my heart soaring whenever he was around.

I felt the very familiar skip in my heartbeat as my eyes traveled over him. Saying Josh was hot wasn’t good enough, it wasn’t adequate enough. He was beyond hot, he was the man who seemed too good to be real, he was a dream – and mine! I thought with pride.

“Oh watch your head,” Josh quickly moved to stop Jess from slamming himself back against the wall. “Come out,” he motioned to Jess as he started to turn back to me, wallet in hand. “How much do I…” his voice trailed off as his eyes lit up when he saw me. “Anna,” he smiled.

I laughed, “You don’t owe me anything.” He gave me a confused look and I pointed down at his wallet.

“Oh!” He flipped it shut and slipped it into his back pocket. “I thought you were the delivery guy, I ordered pizza for supper.”

“That’s Ama silly daddy!” Jesse laughed as he came up to me with his arms held high in the air. “Hi Ama, daddy say that I see you today!” He changed his mind about getting up; instead he grabbed my hand and tugged. “Let’s play!”

While Jess was pulling me into the apartment, the pizza guy step up onto the landing and headed towards us. “Just one second,” I told Jess. “I have to grab my stuff first.”

“I help!” He exclaimed and held out his hands for a bag.

“There you go,” I dropped a bag into his arms and he hugged it tight to his chest. “You are such a big help! Thank you!” We disappeared into the apartment as Josh pulled out his wallet for the right person this time.

Jess and I made our way down the hall to Josh’s room where we placed my bags on the floor in front of his closet door. “Come on,” I held out my hand to Jess. “Let’s go get you some thing to eat.”

“I have pizza Ama,” Jess threw over his shoulder, ignoring my hand as he knelt down in front of the bags and pulled one to him. “All for Jesse!”

“No,” I laughed. “Those aren’t all for you,” I started to bend down to get him out of the bags when Josh’s hand grabbed mine and he spun me around to him. “Hey! I –” my words were muffled out as his lips captured mine in a kiss that would’ve curled my hair if it was straight – it did curl my toes!

“Hey…” he sighed happily when he pulled back just enough to gaze down at me through half closed eyes. “I missed you.”

“It’s only been a day,” I pointed out even though I grinned because it made me feel so warm and tingly to hear him say that.

“I know,” he tilted my chin up further so he could gaze into my eyes. “But it seems like it’s been over a month since you left my arms. I’m so glad you are home.”

“Mmmm,” I groaned in agreement, it did seem like forever. My hands slid down his chest, to his waist and finally around to his back as I pressed my face into his chest, breathing in his scent. “Oh Josh,” I moaned. “I love you so much!” My arms tightened around him, my hands gripped his back. “I couldn’t wait for this moment,” I told him.

I could’ve stay wrap up in that moment with Josh for the rest of the night but it wouldn’t last that long, Jesse made sure of that when he cried out, “Ama it’s too small!”

“What is?” I was a little dazed as I turned my head. “OH JESS!” I snapped out of the spell I was under and stared in shock as Jesse.

“It hurts daddy!” He cried out as he tried to get the shirt that I bought for Jenna off – he had his arm and his head attempting to come out of the same hole.

“What did you do?” Josh tried really hard not to laugh as he knelt down and told Jess to be still so he could get him out.

“I look in the bag!” Jess whimpered. “I got stuck daddy!”

“Yes you did,” Josh chuckled. “I hope he didn’t ruin this,” he told me as he worked on getting Jesse’s head out of the shirt.

“It’s ok,” I knelt beside him. “I should’ve watched him closer; I didn’t think he would get into the bags.”

“Well,” Josh tugged on the shirt which got a yelp from Jesse. “Sorry Jess,” he cringed as he tugged and Jess cried out again.

It took a lot of soothing words to get Jess to calm down enough to stop crying and wiggling before we could work the shirt off his head and free his arm.

“Now Jess,” Josh looked at his son as he sobbed in my arms, his head and arm red from being confined. “Why did you go through Anna’s bags?”

Jesse stared at him, his bright blue eyes wide and red from his tears. “For me daddy.”

Josh glanced at me, raising a brow when I frowned and shook my head. “Jess if Anna did have something for you, you know you are supposed to wait for it. It’s not nice to go through other people’s bags like that.” Jess lowered his head, his little bottom lip sticking out in a pout. “Now come on, tell Anna you are sorry and you won’t do it again.”

“I sorry,” Jess said softly. “I no do it again Ama.” And then, in case I was still upset, he gave me a hug, “Love you Ama, no be mad.”

Spoil The Little Ones

I was happy that we were leaving Mike’s place, not because I couldn’t wait to get away from them, that wasn’t it at all. Despite the drama that the one night contained, I was really happy to have seen them. The fact that I got to know Eric a lot better, made me happy. I knew that he was good for Mike and I was sure that once they figured out how to deal with Mike’s desire to be around his family again, things will be better for the two of them. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, they knew that too, but the fact that Eric was willing to try for Mike, really showed just how important Mike was to him.

But I still couldn’t wait to get home. I was dying to see Josh and get a few hours sleep. Of course I was hoping for that few hours of sleep to be in his arms. I missed him, it was crazy but I did.

Nick interrupted my daydream of lying in Josh’s arms in his bed talking about random stuff as we drifted off into dreamland together with a tap on my shoulder, he said something but I didn’t catch it. “Sorry,” I turned to him. “I didn’t catch what you said, I was daydreaming.”

“At least you’re honest,” he chuckled. “I asked if I could borrow your phone, I wanted to give Amy a quick call to let her know that we were on our way.”

“Oh yeah, sure,” I fished around my bag for my phone, it was half stuffed into a sock. “Here you go,” I handed it back to him and went back to my daydream, barely noticing five minutes later when he slipped it back to me with a smile and a ‘thanks’.

I didn’t tune back into reality until Jordan parked the truck and turned to get out. “Wait!” I looked around, realizing that we were no where near we should’ve been if we were leaving the city. “Why are we at the mall?”

“Because,” Jordan hopped out. “Nick and I saw a couple kid clothing stores last night as we were leaving; we wanted to check them out.”

It sounded so sincere and if it was coming from any other person but Jordan about him and Nick, I wouldn’t have laughed but they had to be the worse shoppers when it came to clothes. I opened my mouth to say that but Nick jumped in.

“We know,” he stated. “We suck at this but that’s why you are here with us! You can give us some advice!”

“Plus,” Jordan jumped in. “You do have a niece or nephew coming in a month too – maybe you’ll find something cute for the baby.”

“Yeah!” Nick exclaimed. “And don’t forget about my baby.”

I hopped out of the truck, “Ok girls, if you want to go shopping,” I threw over my shoulder as I took off for the entrance.

Three hours later, I realized that a couple stores to the guys meant every single clothing store in the mall that sold kids clothing! By the time they were ready to stop to grab something to for lunch, at 1pm, they had scoured only half the stores and already had a shopping cart full of clothes and toys. Most of the stuff in the cart was for Jenna, Jordan said that he was tired of having to pack Jenna’s clothes and toys every single time she came to visit. Nick had picked out a couple things for the baby and I picked up some stuff for Jesse, Jenna and the two babies on the way.

Lunch was Beef n’ cheddar combos with curly fries at Arby’s but it seemed to take us an hour to get through it; we were talking about everything from the kids to Mike and Eric, and the relationships we were in. Well, Nick and I talked about our relationship, Jordan avoided the issue like it was the plague – turning the conversation back to one of us whenever we asked him how things were going with Bella.

“What are the chances that they aren’t dating anymore?” Nick asked me when Jordan got up to get himself an ice cream treat from Dairy Queen.

“I say pretty damn good,” I replied. “Either that or things aren’t going that great and they are close to breaking up.”

Nick nodded as he observed Jordan flirting with the girl at the Dairy Queen counter. “Some times I get the feeling that Jordan will never settle down,” he glanced at me and shrugged. “I know he doesn’t like being single though, he admitted that much to me before.”

“That’s sad Nick,” I picked up my garbage and threw it on the empty tray in front of me. “I really hope that’s not true, I can’t imagine Jordan not finding his perfect match.”

“Well,” he balled up the wrapper from his burger. “If his perfect match is already taken, then what choice does he have?”

My brow shot up. “Who? Heather?” He shook his head and then pointed at me. “Oh good lord!” I snapped, grabbing the tray of garbage. “I’m not Jordan’s perfect match! I wish everyone would get off that topic and let it die already! I’m with Josh, I love Josh and Jordan is just a friend, that’s all he’ll ever be!”

For a while, I thought Nick was going to argue with me but he shrugged, “Ok Anna, I’m wrong.”

Jordan came over before I could tell Nick he was wrong. “Wrong about what?” He asked, eyeing both of us as he licked the ice cream from his spoon before plunging it back into the Oreo blizzard he held in his hand. “Want some?” He pulled out a spoonful and held it out to me.

I absolutely love Oreo blizzards, they both knew that. I found myself starting to lean forward to that the yummy spoonful offered when I saw Nick’s smirk out of the corner of my eye – I pulled back and coughed. “No,” I grabbed the cart of stuff. “Let’s get the shopping down so I can go home to Josh.”

Jordan shrugged and in one movement, he flipped the spoon and plopped it in his mouth. “Ok,” he said with his mouthful.

Five stores and two hours later, we were finally on our way out of the mall and to the promise of really heading home.

“Jenna is really spoiled,” I said jokingly as Jordan loaded the stuff he bought into the back seat with Nick.

“Well,” he glanced at me before grabbing the last couple bags. “She is my only child…”

“Yeah,” I opened his passenger door to get in. “But it’s not like she’ll always be the only one.”

“Yes she will Anna.”

“No,” I scoffed. “You can’t say that you’ll never have another child. What about Bella? How does she ­–”

“Anna!” Jordan slammed the back door closed. “Unless a miracle happens, Jenna will never have any half siblings from me!”

“Ok,” I muttered as he stomped around the back of the truck to the drivers’ side. “You don’t have to snap!”

The ride home would’ve been very tense and the silence strained if, ten minutes out of the city, I didn’t fall asleep and remain that way until we came to a stop outside Josh’s apartment building.

Yes! He’s home! I cried out in my head as I saw his car in front of the building. I said a quick good bye to the boys, grabbed my bags and high tailed it out of the truck and into the apartment building.