Eyes Wide Open

I woke up the next morning with a little bit of a hangover. At first I didn’t know where I was or why there was so much light in the room but soon it all came back to me. Oh crap, I turned quickly, partly to tell myself that it didn’t really matter if I was sleeping next to Jordan, there was no where else to sleep and I was freakin’ tired at the time. But Jordan wasn’t there, Nick was.

I started to doubt the events that I remembered from the night before. Was it Jordan I was actually talking too? Or was it Nick just pretending to be Jordy? I shook my head. Why the hell would Nick pretend to be Jordy? You’re losing it Anna, really losing it! It didn’t matter to me why Jordan and Nick switched places some time during the night, I was just happy that they did.

My eyes closed, I was going to go back to sleep but the pressure on my bladder was increasing; I needed to pee and the sooner the better. Without disturbing the boys, I managed to push off the sofa bed. I started down the hallway but stopped short when I saw that someone was already in the bathroom.

Damn it! I thought as I moved from one foot to the other. Please hurry up, please hurry…oh good lord please hurry! I started to think how I was spoiled at my brother’s house, I had my own bathroom. I was in the middle of wondering what would happen if Josh and I lived together, if we would stay in his apartment or if we would get a place else where - with at least two bathrooms!

The bathroom door opened, Eric walked out wearing just a towel. “Oh!” He stopped short when he saw me doing my potty dance in the hallway.

“Please tell me you are done in there for now,” I begged as I quickly moved down the hall. “I really got to get in there!”

“It’s all yours,” he chuckled as he moved towards his room.

Ten minutes later, I was in the kitchen, sitting on the counter across from where Eric was making lunch for both Mike and him. “Why are you making his lunch?” I asked as I watched him pick through a bag of grapes, throwing away the bad ones and putting the others in the container for Mike.

He shrugged, “I just like too do it for him. This way I know he’s got something healthy to eat.”

“Even with the way he’s been towards you? You still like to do little things like this for him?”

“Of course Anna,” Eric glanced over his shoulder. “Just because things aren’t perfect right now doesn’t mean that I’ve given up on our relationship. I know he loves me, I just don’t know what it is that he’s keeping from me.”

“But you know he’s keeping something from you?”

“We used to talk about everything Anna, now he barely talks to me. I have to believe that there’s something on his mind that he just don’t know how to say.”

“And you think it’s that he doesn’t want to be with you anymore?”

He nodded.

“Then how do you know he loves you if you think he doesn’t want to be with you anymore?”

Eric stopped what he was doing and turned to face me. “I don’t really know,” he admitted. “I wish I did but I don’t. I know that there are times when I get the feeling that it’s not me, that he still loves me but there are other times, like yesterday when he was snappy and trying to pick a fight, when I wonder if I’m just being stupid.”

“I can understand that,” I told him as I recalled the interaction I saw between the two of them and then I remembered Mike’s reaction the night before when Eric and I hugged. “So last night?”

Eric raised a brow, “What about last night?”

“After I left your room, did you guys talk at all?”

“After the attitude he gave me all day yesterday? I didn’t even look at him. I turned away and fell fast into dreamland, where surprisingly, he was talking to me.” Eric chuckled but it soon turned into a sigh. “God, Anna, I really wish you could’ve seen the way we really are together. I wish that all five of us would’ve been able to hang out yesterday after I got off work; I really wanted to get to know his brothers a little more and find out some more about Mike when he was younger.”

I smiled, “I wish I could’ve too.”

Eric turned back to the lunches in front of him as we continued to talk; I was telling him all the stories I had about Mike.

“You had a crush on him,” Eric said a one point.

I laughed, “Well yes I did, and I didn’t think he could do wrong.”

“But now you do?” He frowned as he looked at me. “It isn’t because of what happened yesterday, is it?”

“No,” I shook my head. “I realized that Mike was human the same time I found out he was gay - on the last date we ever had as a ‘couple’.” Eric stared at me for a few minutes. “What?” I chuckled nervously. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I forgot that you dated Mike.”

“Oh,” I shrugged. “It was a long time ago now and it’s not like it matters, it wasn’t like we were really dating anyway – I got to be the one who people blamed for him being gay.”

Eric shook his head, “No way, I am. You should’ve seen the looks his parents gave me when we were at their house – sure they were friendly and all that but I’m damn sure they blamed me.”

“That’s stupid,” I told him. “It’s not like it’s anyone’s fault he’s gay, he didn’t choose to be.”

“I know but I still feel that they blamed me. I think that’s really when things started to go down hill for us. After we got back from his parents’ house Mike was moody and quiet, he tried to hide it for a while but soon, he was snapping at me and then not talking at all.”

“Not at all?” I jumped off the counter. “Surely you guys talk?”

“Not like we use too,” he sighed. “When we first met, we could talk for hours but now – we go for hours without saying a word.”

“That’s crazy!” I couldn’t imagine not talking to my other half for hours if we were in the same place. “Why did it change? What happened at his parents’ house?”

“And why are you two talking about me?” Mike’s cold voice cut Eric off before he could say anything else. “Why are you telling her all this? It’s none of her business and you shouldn’t be talking about me behind my back!”

“I’m not!” Eric exclaimed.

“NO?” Mike walked into the kitchen to stand before Eric. “What the hell do you think that was just now? Girl talk?”

“Don’t do that.”

“Don’t do what?” Mike crossed his arms over his chest as he stared at Eric. “What am I doing wrong now?”

“Anna and I were just talking,” Eric told him.

“Yeah, about me! Damn it Eric if you have a problem with me, you talk to me! You don’t go telling everyone and their dog!”

“You don’t listen to me!” Eric snapped. “I’ve asked you what was wrong a million times but you ignore me! I know there’s something wrong! I can tell you aren’t happy and I want to know why!”

Mike dropped his arms, “You want to know why I’m not happy?”

“Yes,” Eric replied. “I want to know why you are snapping at me and ignoring me and why I can’t seem to do anything right in your eyes anymore! I want to know what it is that I’m doing to upset –”

“I don’t want to be here anymore!” Mike snapped. “I’m not happy here, I want to leave!”

Sleep Would Be Best

The first thing Eric and I did when Mike stomped into the room was look at each other and laugh; there was no way that Mike thought there was something going on with us. Only a crazy person would think that considering Eric’s sexual preference.

Mike pulled the blankets back, staring down at me as he kneeled on the bed. I moved away from Eric, a little worried that he was really upset that Eric and I hugged.

And he was, only not the way that I thought he would be.

“You come all the way down here to see me but you pick a fight with me and Jordan. When we get mad that you are interfering like you always do, you take off without a word? No message, no note, not even a freaking phone call? What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Wait a minute,” I sat up about to tell him exactly what was wrong with that whole tirade of his but he spoke over me.

“You are out all night with Eric, getting drunk – the both of you –” he glanced at Eric. “Since when do you drink like that? Since when do you go to the club without me? I have to beg you to go half of the time but you just decide to go with Anna! And now the cuddling in our bed? What the hell is up with that?”

Eric and I started to protest at the same time, I was saying it wasn’t like that while Eric told him it was just, ‘a hug for the love of God.’

Mike dropped his chin to his chest; neither Eric nor I could see his face. The room was deadly quiet as we watched him, wondering if that was it, or if there was more.

There was more. His shoulder’s started to shake; he lifted a hand to cover his mouth. “I can’t do it,” he choked out.

I shot a questioning look towards Eric but he wasn’t paying attention to me, he was in the middle of pushing the blankets back, his eyes were focused on Mike. “Listen…” he started but stopped short when Mike lifted his head up.

He was laughing!

“You think I don’t know it was nothing?” Mike slipped into bed, still laughing at us. “No offense Anna but I don’t think even you are capable of ‘turning’ a gay man straight; it just don’t happen.”

“You are a bigger jerk than your brother!” I snapped as I high tailed it out of the bed. “You should be ashamed of yourself! That wasn’t necessary at all!” I turned to Eric, who was still shocked at the sudden change in Mike’s attitude. “I don’t know how you love him,” I told him before spinning on my heel to leave.

I had reached the open door when I heard Mike laugh, “It got you out of my bed, didn’t it?” I ignored him and grabbed the door knob to close the door.

“Don’t even look at me,” Eric snap as the door clicked closed.

I was fuming; I couldn’t believe that Mike would go to that extreme to get me out of the room. It’s not like I was really planning on staying in there the whole night…well, I wasn’t going too if Mike came in to go to bed, which he did.

Once I walked into the living room, I was struck by the thought that I didn’t have anywhere to sleep. Jordan and Nicky were lying on the only available place to sleep, the sofa bed. “Crap,” I muttered as I made my way to the chair that Jordan and I shared earlier. “I guess this is it.”

Ten minutes later, I was curled up the best I could in the chair. I was on my side facing away from the light coming in through the blinds over the balcony doors, my knees were pulled tight against my chest and my arms wrapped around them to help keep me warm, I didn’t have a blanket, the boys had them all.

I was just about to fall asleep from sheer exhaustion when I heard a sigh come from the sofa bed. “Anna,” Jordan sat up and turned my way. “Just come over here already, you are going to wake up sore if you sleep like that.”

“I can’t,” I told him. “Besides, I’m fine, it’s surprisingly comfortable like this.”

“Yeah right!” He scoffed. “Why can’t you?”

“You know why.”

“No, I don’t Anna. If Josh has a problem trusting you, then maybe you should really rethink your relationship because without it, you have nothing.”

“It’s not me he doesn’t trust.”

Jordan laughed, “It is you Anna. If anything were to happen between us, you would be a participant as well as me.”

I didn’t say anything.

“Or maybe it’s you that don’t trust you?”

“That’s crazy,” I rolled my eyes. “I trust me just fine! And so does Josh!”

“Then get your ass over here so we all can get some sleep.” When I didn’t move, he sighed again. “Fine, wake up really sore and cranky because you didn’t sleep right, but don’t blame it on me.”

The stubborn person that I am, I waited a few more minutes before I uncurled my body and made my way over to the sofa. “It’s about time,” Jordan mumbled as he slipped over for me to slide in.

Once again I turned back on to the balcony doors as I looked up at Jordan. “I don’t want you to die,” I said suddenly. “I don’t want to think that there’s a possibility that you are sick until we find out the results of the test. I know that may be a little ostrich like of me but I don’t care. I don’t want to look at you and feel sadness when we aren’t sure what’s going to happen.”

Jordan slipped his hand out from under the covers and lifted it to my shoulder, giving me a gentle squeeze. “I don’t want to be sick, or die or anything else either Anna. I freaked out, I’ve been keeping that knowledge to myself and it’s been bringing me down. I didn’t tell mom what happened with the moles, I told her they were nothing, she doesn’t know I had them removed. I didn’t want anyone to know.”

“You told me Jordan.”

“Yes, I did.”

“Why?”

“Because I trust you.”

He didn’t add anything else, he dropped his hand from my shoulder and soon, I heard the soft sounds of his snoring mixing with Nick’s. I passed out not long after.

The Way It Began

Eric told me how he was out with a group of friends one night for his birthday two years ago. “I didn’t want to go out to the club,” he told me. “I wasn’t in the mood to celebrate, I had just gotten out of a bad relationship, I wanted to spend the night here under the covers but my friends wouldn’t let me. They told me I had to go out with them or they would hire someone to come visit me.”

“I went to the club with them. I was feeling sorry for myself, I had thought that I would be in a committed relationship by the time I was 32 but there I was drowning shots alone in a crowd. I was miserable, I wanted to go home. I told my friends that I wasn’t staying out any longer, I turned to grab my jacket off my stool when I spotted my ex waltz in with someone new.”

“Oh no,” I cringed. “That had to be horrible!”

“It was,” he tugged on the blankets as I yawned. “Why don’t you crawl under?”

“Are you sure?” I was already half under them before I asked that. He nodded as I pulled the blankets up to my chin. “Ahh, so comfy,” I sighed contently. “Ok! Now tell me the rest of the story. How did you meet the utterly sexy Mike Pollett?”

Eric smiled as he continued. “I didn’t think he was that special when I first met him.”

“What?” I gasped. “Not that special? Are you crazy?”

“Maybe,” Eric shrugged. “Then again, he did walk in with my ex.”

“WHAT??” He nodded, I shook my head. “No way!”

He nodded once again. “Yes, the first time I saw Mike, he was standing next to my ex at the entrance to the dance floor.”

“So how did you…?”

“End up with him?” Eric smiled, “It took a while.”

“Ok,” I poked my hand out from under the blankets to touch his shoulder. “You have to tell me from the beginning.” I took my hand away again. “So you turned to get your jacket and you saw your ex with Mike, continue.”

“My friends tried to get me to stay but there was no way I was going to stay and watch my ex with his new guy. I grabbed my jacket and headed for the door, not even thinking to wait until Kirk, my ex, moved away from the entrance. I ran right into them.”

“What happened?” I asked when he paused.

“Well Kirk was an ass; he said some pretty nasty things about me as I stood there. It took a lot for me to just keep my mouth shut, I wanted to tell Mike what a loser Kirk really was but I couldn’t, I just walked out.”

“A couple days later, Brad, my friend, who I met through Kirk, called me up to see how I was. He told me that Kirk brought Mike over to meet all of them, telling them that Mike was his new guy but when someone mentioned it to Mike, he laughed at the idea. Brad told me that near the end of the night he was talking to Mike and Mike asked him about my relationship with Kirk and if I was still hung up on him. Brad told him no and apparently Mike asked him what my type was.”

“Oh,” I grinned. “So Mike was interested in you?”

“Yes, he was. Brad told Mike that I wouldn’t be interested in some pretty party boy, I was looking for a commitment.”

“He told him to forget about it?”

“Pretty much. I was happy that he told Mike that. I didn’t want some one who wasn’t looking for a relationship and that’s what I assumed that Mike was. Probably because he was hanging out with Kirk but mainly because he didn’t look a day over 20, even though I guess he was actually 26 then.”

“So how did you get from ‘no thank you’ to sharing a place, meeting each others families and being a couple?”

“Mike didn’t forget,” he told me with a smile. “He continued to let my friends know he was interested, he showed up at parties thrown by my friends, looking for me, but I didn’t go to most of them. A couple months went by before I actually spoke to him, I ran into him at Best Buy - I was checking out the DVD section, he had walked in to browse their games. He saw me, I was reading the back cover of a movie when he walked up and said, ‘good movie, lots of explosions and action’.” Eric laughed, “I was reading the back of ‘I am Sam’!”

I laughed so hard, I snorted. “Oh God! What did he say?”

“He turned red when I told him, ‘well ok,’ he said. ‘I don’t know the movie; I just wanted to get your attention.’”

“Awwww.”

Eric blushed a little. “It was cute,” he confirmed. “We ended up walking out of Best Buy without him having looked at what he went in there for. We went to the coffee shop next door and we talked. For hours. It was just after lunch when we went in there, at 5 we were still there so I asked him if he wanted to go somewhere for dinner. I didn’t want the conversation to end; he was a lot smarter than I first gave him credit for.”

“So that’s how you two started dating?”

“That was the start and almost the end too.” I asked him what he meant. “Well the person Mike was staying with ended up kicking him out so that their other friend could move in, he didn’t have my number - I had his. I called and was told that they didn’t know anyone named Mike. I thought he gave me a fake number! I was crushed; I really liked spending time with him.”

“When my friends told me that Mike was around begging for them to tell him my number or to ask them to give me his new number, I told them I wasn’t interested. They told him, I thought that was the end of it. Until New Years Eve that year, I went to the club, the club we went to tonight, with my friends. Mike was there by himself; he spotted me and came over right away. He tried to tell me what happened but I was too hurt to listen.”

“I was able to avoid him most of the night, although it was difficult. But at 10 seconds to midnight, he appeared at my side ‘This coming year I will make you see how serious I am’ he said as he grabbed my face in his hands. At the stroke of midnight, he kissed me.”

I squealed like the girl that I am. “OhmyGod! That’s so…” I shook my head, I couldn’t think of the word.

“Wonderful?” He suggested. “Amazing? The best New Years I’ve ever had?”

“Yes,” I squealed again as I moved forward and hugged him.

As he hugged me back, the bedroom door opened.

“Oh hell no!” Mike exclaimed before stomping into the room.

Trying To End The Night On A Good Note

Eric and I entered the living room at the same time but we were both looking for different things.

While Eric went over to where Mike stood at the balcony doors, I spotted Nick hiding under the blankets that were thrown on the pull out sofa bed. “Hey Nick,” I went over and sat down in front of him on the bed. “Getting much sleep?”

“No,” he sighed. “I’m fine,” he whispered. “But those two haven’t stopped bitching long enough to let me get any sleep. I glanced at Jordan, he was glaring at me. “I told them you were ok,” Nick continued when I looked at him again. “They wouldn’t listen to me and God forbid if either one of them picked up the phone to call you guys.”

“Oh Nicky,” I reached my hand out and ruffled his hair. “I love that you are the rational one.”

“I’d love it if I was the sleeping one,” he pulled the blankets up over his head. “Night.”

While I was talking to Nick, Mike and Eric went out onto the balcony. I hoped that they were talking; I wanted them to work out whatever it was that was going on and get back to being happy with each other again. Thinking about being happy together, automatically made me think of Josh; I know it was silly but I missed him. I wished that I would’ve been able to talk to him for a couple minutes when I called him earlier.

Whack!

“Ow!” I rubbed my shoulder and glared at Jordan. “Don’t you dare start throwing stuff at me! If you want my attention try talking to me!” I picked up the cushion that struck me in the shoulder and flung it at him; it hit him in the chest. “Jerk!” I spun around, grabbed my bag and disappeared down the hall to the bathroom.

In a few minutes, I had stripped off my clothes and make up. I stood in front of the door mirror and stared at myself, frowning at the red mark from where I rubbed the spot the cushion hit. Ok, now he’s just acting like a jerk. If he expects me to apologize for having fun without him then he’s shit out of luck. I don’t owe him any apologies.

I pulled a pair of shorts and a t-shirt out of my bag to wear while I slept. Speaking of that, I frowned. Where am I sleeping tonight? Eric’s apartment was only a one bedroom and by the looks of it, the boys were sleeping on the only pull out. I guess it’s the floor for me, I sighed as I opened the bathroom door.

Slam. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp.

Eric came flying down the hallway, looking really upset. Before he disappeared into his room, slamming the door behind him, his eyes met mine and I felt the pain he was feeling. I wanted to hurt Mike for putting Eric through this when there was no need.

I started down the hall, determined to give Mike a piece of my mind when the bedroom door opened and Eric said my name.

“Yes?” I turned around.

“Were you done in the bathroom? I’m going to shower.” Gone was the happy, fun guy that I had dinner and danced with. Gone was the smile on his face and the light in his eyes.

“Ok Eric,” I smiled at him but he couldn’t return it, even though he tried. As he closed the bathroom door, I continued on down the hallway.

The living room was deserted, except for Nick’s sleeping body under the blankets. Jordan must have went out on the balcony as soon as Eric stormed into the apartment because that’s where he was now.

I watched them through the glass. Jordan was leaning against the railing as he listened to Mike. Whatever it was that Mike was saying, he wasn’t happy about, he was pacing and gesturing wildly with his arms. At one point, he turned, saw me standing there watching and he gave me the dirtiest look ever. I didn’t know what I did to deserve it but I’ll be damned if I was going to let him get away with it.

I marched over to the door and yanked it open. “What was that for?” I demanded.

“Mind your own business Anna!” Mike snapped at me.

“Stop being an ass,” I snapped back and slammed the door. And pulled the blinds back across the window so I didn’t have to look at either one of them. “Jerks!” I exclaimed and plopped down into the chair that Jordan and I sat in together not even 24 hours before. “I don’t deserve to be treated like this,” I muttered. “And neither does Eric.”

I sat in the chair, muttering to myself for a good twenty minutes before I heard anyone moving around. I looked up to see Jordan push through the blinds. He glanced at me, sighed and come over to where I was sitting.

“Anna,” he reached for my hand but I pulled them away. “Listen, you have to let Mike handle this his way, you can’t fix this, he needs to be the one to do it.”

I turned my head away from him.

“Promise me that you will let Mike handle this on his own. Promise me that you won’t try to help.”

I heard the bathroom door open and a moment later I heard the bedroom door close. “I’m not doing anything,” I told him as I pushed out of the chair. “I’m just being a friend, like I always am.”

“Anna,” Jordan grabbed my arm as I went by him.

“Don’t,” I yanked my arm from his grip and continued on.

As I made my way down the hallway to Eric’s room, I knew Jordan was watching me. I glanced back to see him giving me a disapproving look as I knocked on Eric’s door. “Eric,” I said softly. “It’s Anna. Are you sleeping?”

Eric didn’t answer me but the door did open and he did motion for me to come inside before he went back and crawled into bed.

“I’m sorry,” I sat on the opposite side, the side he was facing. “I wish that I could do more to change what happened today.”

Eric shook his head, “It’s not your fault Anna. It’s mine. I thought that having the guys come visit Mike would make him happy. I honestly thought that he would see that I was concerned about him and would do whatever it took to get things back the way they were but it didn’t help. If anything having them here made things worse; he doesn’t want to talk to me, he’s more closed mouthed than before. I’m starting to wonder if he’s seeing someone else.”

“Eric,” I groaned, I had nothing.

“No,” he shrugged. “If he was seeing someone else, the lack of interest he shows me would make sense. I know I’m older than him, I know I’m not as ‘cool’ as the people he used to hang out with. I don’t enjoy going to the bar every night, I rather go out for dinner or have a night at home.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” I told him. “There are many guys out there who –”

“But I’m not in love with any other guy,” Eric stated. “I love Mike.”

I nodded as I stretched out on the bed next to Eric; I was really tired, my body wanted to sleep. “I wasn’t saying that Eric, I was saying that there are many guys out there who are just like that. Josh is like that, we spend most of the time at his place. It may not seem that exciting to everyone else but I don’t care, I just love being in his arms.”

Eric smiled, “I can understand that.”

I closed my eyes and sighed contently, the mattress was really comfy and the blankets were cozy, I wanted to crawl under them and go to sleep. “Tell me how you met Mike.”

A New Friendship Grows

Three hours had passed from the moment Eric and I entered Autumn’s for dinner. Three Hours! I couldn’t believe it! I’ve never had a meal that took that long to get through. The nice thing about it though was that it gave me a chance to get to know Eric a lot better; he was no longer just ‘Mike’s boyfriend’ to me.

“You were kidding back at the apartment, when you said that I would be the ‘first woman you’ve taken out for any kind of date, ever’. Right?” I inquired just after the waiter brought bruschetta and calamari fritti to our table. Since Eric had been to the restaurant often, I decided to trust him and let him do all the ordering for me.

“No,” he smiled at me. “I was 16 when I came out to my family; I had never been on a date before that I just knew that I wasn’t feeling what I should for the opposite sex.” I asked him how his family took it and his smile disappeared. “They didn’t want to talk about it; they would pretend that everything was normal, that I was just ‘confused’.”

“A year after I came out, my parents came home early from some event they were attending. They caught me making out with my ‘friend’, they freaked out, and the next day they kicked me out of the house.”

“I stayed with my grandmother until I finished high school and moved here to go to college. The rest of my family hadn’t talked to me since that night, 17 years ago.”

“You haven’t talked to your family in 17 years?” I couldn’t even imagine not speaking to Zack or Chad for that long, we were way to close for that.

“They didn’t want anything to do with me; they made that very clear the day they told me to leave. When I lived with my grandmother, they wouldn’t come over to visit her or even call, they didn’t want to see me. My grandmother wasn’t allowed to even mention me if she did see them.”

“It doesn’t bother you that you don’t talk to them?”

He shrugged, “It didn’t, I was angry for the longest time but last year, just before Christmas I had to swallow my pride and deal with them again.”

“Why? What happened?”

“A long time friend of my grandmother called me up to tell me that my grandmother had fallen ill and she wasn’t getting any better; she was asking to see me, she knew she was dying.”

“At first, I didn’t want to go back there; I didn’t want to see my family again or to watch my grandmother die. I kept putting it off, telling myself that she would be fine. One day I came home from work, Mike was waiting for me, we were supposed to go out to a show or something but he had packed my bags. He told me that my grandmother’s friend had called, begging him to convince me to go visit her. I told him I couldn’t go, he called me a coward and accused me of being ashamed of who I am. I told him he didn’t have any room to talk, since he hadn’t been home since he told everyone either. We ended up getting into a huge fight.”

“But you gave in, you went to see them.”

“Yeah, I did. I told Mike if I was going, he was going with me.”

“Did he?”

Eric nodded, “Yeah he did. We were going to stay in a hotel but my grandmother insisted that we stay at the house, even though the rest of the family hated it at first.” When I asked what changed their minds, he told me Mike did. “There’s something about him that just puts people at ease. He charmed my family, by the time we left, it was like the last 17 years of silence hadn’t happened. On the day we left, five days after grandma died, my mom invited both of us back for Christmas, Mike told her that we would love too but we couldn’t, we were going to his parents for Christmas.”

I frowned, “But you guys weren’t there at Christmas.”

“No, Mike got cold feet as the day we were going to leave approached.” Eric told me that they fought once again, this time he was the one who accused Mike of being ashamed of who he was. “I called him a hypocrite; he didn’t like that too much.”

I didn’t think he would. “So you went home with Mike and got to meet his parents, I can’t say I envied you.”

Eric’s eyes went wide as he took a sip from his wine glass. “That was the strangest thing ever, meeting John and Harriet, they were friendly but I couldn’t help but feel that they blamed me for Mike being gay. It wasn’t until I met Nick and Jordan at dinner New Years Eve, that I felt at ease. And you,” he chuckled. “You were something else! I heard all about you from the guys, Jordan especially, he couldn’t stop talking about you.” He reached across the table and took my hand in his. “You really made me feel welcome, and embarrassed.”

“Yeah,” I laughed. “I tend to do that.” I rested my chin on my free hand and gazed at him. “Mike was really happy that night, the smile on his face and the excited tone in his voice; they were all because of you. It was the first time I ever saw Mike like that.”

Eric sighed.

“Eric,” I squeezed his hand. “You will get that back, I know you will. Whatever is going on, you and Mike will work through it.”

“I hope so,” he muttered, his attention now on the food that the waiter was placing in front of us.

The rest of dinner Eric told me more about his family and the work he was doing. By the time we finished dessert, he had an admirer in me, and I knew now why Mike was drawn to him. He was smart, funny and extremely generous. Not to mention, he was good looking.

“So what are we doing to do now?” I asked as he returned his pen to his pocket and pushed the closed bill folder towards the end of the table.

“I just want to go home and relax,” he told me as we stood to leave.

But ten minutes later, after we walked into a dark, empty apartment, he changed his mind. “I suddenly feel like going out,” he told me as he headed down the hall towards his room. “Do you want to go to the club with me?”

“As in dancing and drinking?” I called after him, he said ‘yes’. “Oh hell ya!” I exclaimed, it had been a long time since I had been in a bar…club…whatever you want to call it.

While he was in his room, I went into the bathroom with my overnight bag that Jordan took from Josh’s place when he picked me up. I changed into a pair of black pants and a dark brown top, applied a little make up and fixed my hair.

I came out of the bathroom, Eric’s door was still closed, so I headed out to the living room to give Josh a quick call since he asked me too before I left that morning. When his voice mail cut in, I was a little surprised, it was almost 10. Well, he’s probably already in bed, I thought as the ‘beep’ came over the line.

“Hey honey, so as you might have guessed, it looks like we are staying here tonight. I was really hoping to talk to you for a couple minutes, today has been a long one, it went from being good – waking up with you – to bad and then to horrible. But now it’s back to being good. I’m getting ready to head out to a club with Eric – he promised me dancing! I’m excited!” I noticed that Eric was now in the living room with me. “Well I guess I have to go now, I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you Josh.”

“Got his voice mail,” I told Eric as I flipped my cell closed.

“I did too,” he told me. “When I called Mike just now.”

When Eric and I left the apartment, he didn’t seem like he was really in the mood to go out but when I mentioned it, he told me that he needed to get out. “I called a cab,” he told me when he led me to the lobby instead of the underground parking.

The closer we got to the club, the more Eric seemed to relax. By the time we were standing in line at the doors of the club, he was joking around, telling me that he would have to ‘protect’ me from all the male attention I would receive.

“What are you talking about?” I laughed, “It’s not like they’ll find me all that attractive!” He asked me why not. “Well, I don’t think I’m their type, now am I?”

Eric seemed a little confused, and then a light came on. “Anna this isn’t a gay bar.”

“It’s not?”

“No,” he laughed. “Of course, I can understand why you think it would be since it is Mike’s favorite place but it’s not. It’s a regular bar that’s a little more open to all people than most.”

I felt really stupid. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed.”

“You shouldn’t have,” he agreed. “But I think it’s interesting that you would willing go to what you thought was a gay bar.”

Shrugging, I told him I was actually looking forward to it. “It’s not everyday that I get a chance to step outside my comfort zone and experience something a little different.”

Eric smiled, “I’m glad that you are open minded, a lot of people aren’t. It’s frustrating.” We were finally up to the doors; Eric turned to the woman in the coat check/ticket purchase room and pulled out his wallet to pay the cover change when a shadow fell over us. I almost peed myself when I looked up, way up, to find a scary looking man, dressed in all black with the word ‘Security’ stretched across his massive chest, staring down at me. “Ohhh,” I took a step back, kind of pulling Eric in front of me.

“Anna what are you…?” He glanced over his shoulder. “Oh, hello Rock,” he addressed the man as if he weren’t so scary looking.

“Hey man,” Rock turned his attention to Eric. His eyes flicked back to me for a brief second before returning to Eric. “Is Mike working tonight? I didn’t see him.”

“No, he’s spending the night hanging out with his brothers; they came to town this morning.” Eric reached back and pulled me out from behind him. “Anna is my date tonight,” he said with a smile as he led me pass a confused Rock into the dark crowded room beyond.

I had the best time with Eric that night. We had a few drinks, toasted to having fun without our boyfriends and danced like there was no tomorrow. The only time that we weren’t having fun was just before we left, a slick, greasy looking guy came over to Eric and the whole time he was talking, Eric looked like he wanted to deck the guy.

On the cab right home, I asked Eric about the guy. “That isn’t even worth talking about,” he snapped.

“Ok,” I was going to let it go, I didn’t want another guy not talking to me.

“He wants Mike!” Eric exclaimed a minute later. “He has no chance in hell with Mike but it doesn’t stop him from trying to get him to go home with him when he’s at the bar.” He sighed, slumping in the seat. “He thinks it is fun to put me down and tell me what Mike needs. Like I don’t know what Mike needs!” Eric turned to me. “I’m his boyfriend, I know what my guy needs and it sure isn’t a sleazy bastard like Danny.” I told him that he was right; he did know Mike better than anyone else right now. That seemed to make him feel better.

It was ten to one by the time Eric and I made our way up to his apartment. We were laughing about something that happened as he slipped his key into the lock. “Shhh,” he tried to stop laughing as he swung the door open.

“Stop making –” We stopped dead in our tracks as we saw both Jordan and Mike standing with their arms crossed over their chests, glaring at us. I turned to Eric, he looked at me. We cracked up. They didn’t find it amusing; Mike rolled his eyes, spun on his heel and disappeared into the living room. Jordan stood there for a second longer, making sure that we knew he wasn’t impressed before he followed his brother into the living room.

I stopped laughing, turned to watch Eric lean against the door as he closed it. “Ohhh,” I giggled. “We are in trouble now.”

It wasn’t funny but we cracked up again anyhow; we were drunker than we thought.

Making Discoveries

When Eric first mentioned where he was taking me for dinner, I laughed and told him not to kid around. He told me he wasn’t kidding, “I know some people,” he replied simply when I asked him how he managed to get a table. Autumn’s was a fairly new place, only been around for a year, but their reputation for amazing food and service had taken them from being just another place to eat to being the place to eat. All you had to do was glance around and you would find famous hockey players and politicians scattered throughout the crowded dining room and in the adjoining bar.

It took us about twenty minutes to make our way to the table in the back that was Eric’s ‘regular’ table according to the maitre d' Eric spoke to when we approached his station when we walked into the restaurant. Eric seemed to know half of the people we passed; he either nodded or stopped to chat with a few of them.

“Thank you,” I smiled at the waiter who held a chair for me.

“Ah, Mr. Fox! Welcome,” the waiter spoke in his native language, Italian. I didn’t understand a word he said, I wouldn’t even attempt to butcher the language by using a translator site on line to attempt to sound like I know it either. The only reason I know what the waiter said was because Eric told me after what most of it was. That is, everything but what he said after I gasped in surprise when he first spoke. I think it was a compliment or something along those lines, just from the smile on his face when he spoke.

The waiter rattled of the special for the night, I listened closely to see if I could figure out what it sounded like but I couldn’t. He was leaving to run for the drinks we ordered, when he paused and seemed kind of hesitant when he spoke again. I understood one word that he said, ‘Pollett’, Mike, Nick and Jordan’s last name. Eric responded to him in Italian. I guess the waiter was satisfied with the answer, he smiled and walked away.

“What was that?” I asked Eric the second the waiter walked away. “Did he say something about Mike?”

“Yes,” Eric picked up the menu. “He asked how Mike was doing.”

“Oh,” I opened my menu as well. “You’ve been here quite a bit I take it? The whole staff seems to know you and if they are asking about Mike, they must know him too.”

He nodded, “We do come here often,” he paused. “Or we did before Mike lost his job, now he doesn’t want to come here.”

I was scanning the menu as he spoke, there were no prices which kind of scared me. “I don’t suppose I would come here much either, if I was him, it must be expensive.”

“It is but why would that matter?”

“Well, it just wouldn’t be on the top of my priority list if I had lost my job and had to work two just to pay the bills.” Eric started to laugh; I mean this deep chuckle that kind of upset me. “This isn’t funny,” I told him.

“Yes it is,” Eric put down his menu. “Anna, Mike doesn’t have to work two jobs to ‘pay the bills’, his only expenses are his cell phone and cab or bus fare when I’m not home. The apartment we live in was mine before we met, the car we share is mine and he’s on my insurance. When we go out for dinner or to a movie, most times, I pay. It’s always been that way.”

“Wait a minute,” I stared at him in disbelief. “You are telling me that…”

“What?” He raised his brow.

“That Mike is a ‘kept’ man?”

Eric laughed, a deep belly laugh this time, which drew some attention from the couple seated the closest to our table. “I don’t like to think of it like that Anna but, yeah, I guess you could say that.”

“Wow,” I leaned back in my chair, totally shocked. “I just always thought...” I shook my head. “I guess it doesn’t matter what I thought, I was wrong.”

“No,” Eric leaned forward. “I’m really curious what you thought.”

“Well,” I felt really silly now for thinking it but… “I guess I always thought that Mike was the more masculine out of the two of you.”

“He is,” Eric said without blinking an eye. “But that doesn’t mean that he makes more money than me or ‘provides’ for me like that. And I have to say Anna; I’m surprised that you, as a woman, would assume that the more masculine one would be the ‘provider’.”

I shrugged, “I guess I don’t really know all that much about you Eric, I’m sorry I assumed that you and Mike were in an equal partnership. I suppose the fact that Jordan said Mike was stressing about his financial picture lead me to believe that it was a blow to the both of you when he lost his job.”

Eric froze.

“What? Did I say something stupid again?”

“No,” he stared at me. “I just don’t understand what’s going on with Mike lately. ‘Stressing about his financial picture’? He knows that I would never let anything bad happen to him! I told him it was ok if he took some time off to go back to school if he wanted or to look for another job like he was doing but he turned me down. He told me he had everything under control.”

“Eric can I give you a little insight into the Pollett family?” He nodded. “In all the time I’ve known them, I’ve come to learn that they are a proud bunch who don’t like to feel that they ‘owe’ anyone.”

“He wouldn’t ‘owe’ me anything Anna, he knows that. We are partners for Christ’s sake! Since when is it wrong to want to take care of the man you love?”

“There’s nothing wrong with it Eric. Unfortunately, when money is involved, things tend to change.” He asked me what I meant, so I told him. “Don’t take this the wrong way but by the sounds of it, Mike really wasn’t contributing anything financially in your relationship. Maybe he didn’t realize that until he lost his job and you didn’t seem too worried about it; it was probably a ‘wake up’ call for him. I know from watching Nick and Jordan, they don’t like depending on anyone else, it makes them really bitchy.”

“So what you are saying is that Mike’s attitude towards me lately is due to resentment because I have a high paying job in advertising?” I nodded, he sighed. “What does he want me to do? Quit my job? If that’s the case, then he’s shit out of luck because I’ve worked my ass off to be where I am today.”

“I don’t think that’s what it is.”

“Then what?”

“I think he wants to know that you need him, that you depend on him for something important.” I shrugged, “Or maybe he’s just being a jerk?” He gave me a small smile. “The truth is Eric, I don’t know why Mike is the way he is, he told me it’s none of my business when I tried to ask him what was going on. That’s why he’s not talking to me.”

Eric groaned as he rubbed his face with both his hands, “I don’t know what to do.”

“Get him to talk,” was all I could offer him for advice. I know, it wasn’t that helpful but what else did I have?

From Bad To Better

Mike refused to tell me anything about his relationship with Eric. He wouldn’t say if he was thinking about leaving, nor would he tell me what was going on with them. The only things Mike said to me while I tried to get him to talk about Eric’s fears were: “Eric shouldn’t have said anything to you about us” and “It’s none of your business Anna.”

Ok, I knew it really wasn’t any of my business, call me nosey if you want but I was really just trying to help. I thought that if he was able to talk to me about what he was feeling – a third party who wouldn’t judge him too harshly – then maybe he would be able to talk to Eric honestly and maybe relieve his fears.

“Just drop it,” he had snapped before he disappeared through the sliding glass and joined his brothers on the balcony.

I felt like I was sitting on the couch for hours as I waited, hoping that they would come in so we could all head out and have some fun. It was only about thirty minutes though. I believe it felt longer because I wasn’t sure if one or all of them were mad at me.

I’d be mad at you, I thought as I sat there. You did fight with Jordan, scare the crap out of Nick and push Mike when he didn’t want to discuss Eric.

I only wanted to help, I tried to reason but I knew it didn’t matter. I was being that person again, the one who needs to try to fix everyone’s life, even when they didn’t want it.

Screw it! I jumped off the couch. I didn’t even get a step in before the balcony door slid open again and the guys stumbled into the room. “Hey,” I said cautiously just in case one of them was upset.

Mike and Jordan walked right pass me without even blinking. Nick, on the other hand, started to walk pass but hesitated right in front of me. “We are going to Red’s,” he said softly. “Get your stuff and come on.”

“Thanks,” I gave him a grateful smile before quickly grabbing my jacket and following him out of the apartment.

It became painfully obvious on the elevator ride down to the lobby of Mike’s apartment building that neither Mike nor Jordan really cared for me to be going along with them. Not that they said it, in fact, they didn’t direct anything in my direction – no words, no looks, nothing.

Red’s is an amusement center located in the largest mall in the city. It offers an amazing games’ room with every arcade game you could image. It had air hockey tables, pool tables, bowling lanes and a stage area were they’ve had many talented groups perform. It also offered a place for you to eat.

I don’t get to go to Red’s very often since I didn’t get to the city that much. I’ve been there only a couple times before and it was something I was really looking forward too, even though they weren’t talking to me. I figured that they would be alright once we got into Red’s and started to play some games or something.

Boy was I wrong!

I didn’t think that they could hold a grudge when happiness was around every corner but they did. And I was left feeling like the annoying little sister that they had to bring along with them or they would get in trouble with the parents.

Most of the time there, I was sitting down or standing on the sidelines while they had all the fun. If I even tried to join them, or suggest something to do next, they would walk away from me or simply ignore me.

I felt like crap. I wanted to find a corner to run to and cry. I’ve never been treated that way by them, ever.

We had been at Red’s for a couple hours; the guys were setting up to get ready to do some bowling. They were joking and laughing, having the time of their life and I was miserable. I wanted to leave but I knew they wouldn’t care.

It took a while but I caught Nick’s eye and he managed to free himself from the other two long enough to come over to see how I was doing.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized for the thousandth time since we got to Red’s, he wasn’t ignoring me like the other two were, he was trying to talk to me and to get them to include me but they wouldn’t go for it. “I don’t know what’s wrong with them.”

“It’s ok,” I was trying so hard not to cry. “I think I’m just going to…” I trailed off as I motioned towards the exit with my hand. “I don’t want to ruin their fun, so I’ll just catch a bus back to his apartment and wait there.”

Nick tried to convince me to stay but finally he gave in, “Ok,” he gave me a hug. “I’m sorry they are acting like this.” He asked me if I knew which bus to take and if I had money.

“I’ll figure it out,” I gave a small shrug. “I’ll see you later. Have fun.” I turned to walk away when Nick stopped me.

“You can’t get in,” he said. “You don’t have a key. I’ll ask Mike for his.”

“No,” I gripped his arm. “Don’t worry about me, by the time I get back there, it should be close to 5:30 and Eric would be there.”

“Are you sure? I could ask him.”

“I’m sure,” I smiled, a forced one.

The wait for the bus wasn’t that long as I thought it would be, it arrived ten minutes after I got to the bus terminal behind the mall. The ride to Mike’s took about 45 minutes; I had to change busses at one point and almost got on the wrong one.

By the time I got to Mike’s door, I was tired and cranky, I just wanted to sit down and feel sorry for myself.

“Eric please be home,” I begged quietly as I knocked on the door. It was 5:50.

The seconds ticked by, there was no answer.

“No!” I cried and knocked again. “Please, please, please, please, please,” I closed my eyes and wished really hard.

And the door opened.

“YES!” I exclaimed, throwing my arms around Eric’s neck. “Thank you so much.”

He chuckled as he looked down at me. “Thanks for what?”

“For being home,” I told him as he stood back to let me in. “I wasn’t looking forward to spending God knows how long sitting in the hallway waiting for someone to come home.”

“Why would you wait?” He glanced around the empty hallway before turning his frowning face back to me. “Where are Mike and the guys?”

“At Red’s,” I sighed. “They are ignoring me because I ticked them off, I didn’t feel welcomed so I told Nick I was leaving and hopping on a bus to come back here.”

“They did…” Eric shook his head, looking very upset. “I can’t believe they would do that to you!”

I shrugged, “I guess I deserved it.”

“No, you didn’t. There isn’t any reason for either one of them to ignore you, no matter what. Especially Mike! I don’t know how many times he has told me that you were like his sister and he would do anything to protect you.”

“Eric it’s –”

“Come on,” he grabbed my hand. “We aren’t about to sit around here and let them have all the fun.” He tugged me back to the door.

“I’m not going back there,” I told him.

“I’m not asking you too.”

I frowned, “Then where are we going?”

Eric smiled at me as he held the door open for me. “Anna,” he crooked his arm in my direction. “It looks like we’ve been dumped by Mike and the guys tonight; would you do me the honor of being my dinner date?”

“Eric…” I hesitated.

“Would it help you to make up your mind if I told you that you would be the first woman I’ve taken out for any kind of date, ever?”

“Really?” He nodded. “Well then,” I slipped my hand onto his arm. “Who am I to turn down a once in a lifetime invitation? Lead the way.”

Boys Are Trouble

Nick was staring at me. I wanted to tell him to stop but I didn’t have the energy to even open my eyes and look at him at that moment. I was so disappointed that the man who had been the one to do all the crazy, death defying stunts his whole life was now condemning himself to the grave without even knowing if he was sick or not.

What happened to you Jordan? I wondered but I couldn’t think of an answer for that.

“Jordan told you what crawled up his butt, didn’t he?” Nick asked finally.

“Yeah,” I opened my eyes and glanced at him, he looked really worried.

“I know there’s something going on with him,” he told me. “I’ve been feeling this sense of dread and anxiety for a little while, I couldn’t understand it until Jordan started acting like a dick downstairs. What’s going on with him Anna?” Nick got off the couch and went to the sliding doors. “And why doesn’t he tell me what it is? I’m his twin, I sense when shit is flying!”

“I don’t know why he won’t tell you.”

Nick turned away from the glass. “Does he think I won’t understand?”

“I don’t know Nick. I really don’t.”

“You’ll tell me what it is,” he told me.

“No,” I shook my head. “He’s not even sure about what’s going on himself; I don’t want to add any unnecessary stress on you when it could turn out to be nothing.”

“Unnecessary stress?” Nick repeated angrily. “Do you think it doesn’t stress me out to know that he knows I can feel what he’s going through and he won’t even tell me about it?”

“What do you want me to do?” I asked him. “Do you want me to tell you that Jordan thinks he’s dying?” Nick’s eyes went wide and his jaw dropped. I sighed, I didn’t want to be the one to tell anyone this but I needed to talk to someone about it. “He’s going to get mad at me for this.”

Nick was at my side in a second flat. “You can’t say that and not tell me what’s going on Anna!”

“I didn’t mean to tell you.”

“Anna please, he’s my brother…”

I sat back against the couch and took a deep breath. I told him the story Jordan told me about the moles and the day he was at their parents’ house with Jenna. “He went in yesterday to have them removed and sent off to be tested. I guess the doctor didn’t look too optimistic so Jordan took that as a sign that the doctor thinks the test will come back positive for cancer.”

“No!” Nick pushed off the couch again. “There’s no way that my brother has cancer! He’s got way too much going for him to get sick now.” He was shaking his head. “He’s not sick; he’s not going to get cancer.”

Nick’s reaction pushed me back over the edge and I could feel the tears again. “Nick please,” I stood up and crossed over to him. “I don’t want that to happen either but there is a chance that he does and he is sick.”

“Don’t!” He pushed me away. “I don’t want to hear you talk like that, Jordan isn’t sick.”

“The test hasn’t come back yet,” I told him but he wasn’t listening to me, he was saying that I wanted Jordan to be sick and other hurtful things like that.

“NICHOLAS!” I grabbed his shoulders and shook him. “I don’t want Jordan to be sick; I love him just like you do! But I can’t help but he scared and worry about what could happen!” I released him and sobbed, “He thinks he’s dying and he’s talking like he is giving up already.”

“Jordy is a fighter.”

I wanted to tell Nick to go and talk to Jordan, to see how much he wasn’t thinking about fighting this if he was sick but I didn’t have a chance too, Nick grabbed the handle of the sliding door and yanked it open. Without as much as a look back at me, he slipped through the opening and slammed the door shut behind him.

I couldn’t watch them as Nick approached Jordan. I knew he would be mad at me but I didn’t care at that moment, he needed to see that I wasn’t the only one who refused to let him give up.

Mike came out of the bathroom a half hour later and joined me in the living room. “Where are the boys?” He asked. “Oh,” he looked puzzled when I pointed towards the balcony and saw Nick with his arm around Jordan’s shoulders. “Is there something I should know?”

“I think you should ask Jordan that,” I told him.

He plopped down next to me, “I think I’ll wait until they are finished whatever they are doing out there. Unless…should I be worried?”

“Until next week, there really isn’t anything anyone can do for Jordan.” I turned to him. “How about we talk about something that we can do something about?”

Mike smiled, “Sure, what’s on your mind Trouble?”

“You,” he raised his brow. “And Eric.”

“No,” he shook his head. “That’s none of your business.”

“Ok,” I sat back again. “But I have to say this…”

Mike groaned. “You don’t have to say anything.”

“Eric told me that you aren’t happy here –”

“What?” Mike chuckled, “Eric shouldn’t be talking to you about us.”

I shrugged, “He told me that you weren’t happy here and he’s dreading the day that he comes home to find that you left him.” Ok, that wasn’t exactly what he said but it was close enough to sum up how he was feeling. “Are you thinking about leaving him Mike?”

Live

He was still holding his shirt up, I could still see the gauze and I focused on it. I didn’t know what to say to him, ‘cancer’ is such a scary word, I can’t even think of one person I know how hasn’t been touched by it in some form or another.

Jordan was no different, cancer has taken a few of his family members; the one that hit him the most was when his grandmother died a few years ago, she was sick for so long and we watched it knock her down from the busy, on the go grandma that she was to the fragile corpse she became. It took six months from the time they found out about it, until she was too weak to go on.

I was focusing on that gauze but I wasn’t seeing it anymore, the tears that were threatening to spill broke through my resolve as I thought about Jenna. My heart ached for her, to have just started to get to know her dad only to lose him so soon? Was there any justice? I didn’t want her to grow up without Jordan; I didn’t want her to know the emptiness that comes with losing a parent. But the sad thing was that she wouldn’t even have memories of him, she was too young.

No, I wiped the tears from my cheek. Jenna will know her dad; I’ll tell her stories and show her everything I have with him in it. She’ll know how great of a friend he was and how much everyone loved him. I’m sure Heather would help me out there; she did love him at one time.

The gauze came back into focus as my determination that Jenna will know her dad dried my tears.

Good Lord! My eyes widen, what the hell are you thinking? Jenna will know her dad because you’ll tell her about him? Screw that! Jenna will know him because he’ll be there to do all the things that he should do! There is no way Jordan is going to die. I won’t let him. Jenna won’t let him.

I pulled my eyes from Jordan’s back and stared him dead in the eyes.

Wait a minute! My mind screamed, he said ‘might’! I gasped, he doesn’t even know for sure if he’s sick or not!

“What are you thinking?” Jordan asked slowly; he released his shirt, it fell down over his back and came to rest at his waist once again. “You look pissed.”

I nodded.

“Why?”

“I don’t believe you,” I hissed through clenched teeth.

He backed up a little, unsure of what was going on. “I didn’t do that to myself,” he snapped at me. “I went to the doctor and –”

“Oh,” I planted my hands on my hips and stared at him. “I believe that happened, I believe that what you told me is true Jordy. What I don’t believe is you, right now!”

His brows drew together, his nose crinkled, “Me?” He shook his head back and forth in a small arc, confusion written all over his face.

“Yes you!” I slapped his shoulder with the back of my hand as I spoke. “You stood there and told me that you don’t want to die but yet your attitude towards this whole thing is pretty negative. Jordy, I know it’s scary.” He started to say something but I held up my hand. “Ok, I don’t know, I’ve never been in your position before. But damn it Jordan, you don’t even know for sure if you have cancer! You only might have it but you already seem to have given up.”

“You don’t want to die?” He shook his head. “Well I don’t want you to die either and I’m damn sure that Jenna don’t but before you condemn yourself to that fate, maybe you should find out if it’s cancer for sure!” I started to sob again. “You had me thinking that you knew that you were really sick and dying. You don’t even know for sure!” He moved to take me in his arms but I stepped back. “You don’t know!”

He stood there and watched me cry, I knew he wanted to hug me to stop me like he always did but I wasn’t going to let him.

“You don’t know,” I repeated a few minutes later when I could speak without stammering.

“No,” he groaned. “I don’t know. I really don’t. I’m only going by what the doctor said and the expression on his face after he cut me. I’m sorry but damn it Anna I’m freaking out! So excuse me for being a little overdramatic but death scares the hell out of me!”

“You aren’t dying!” I yelled at him. “Right now, as far as you know, you aren’t dying! And until that test result comes back and says ‘yes, you have cancer’, you need to live your life Jordy!” I grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer, staring into his green eyes. “Live damn it!”

Jordan ripped his shirt from my hands but didn’t move back. “It’s easy for you to say!”

“Like hell it is! I’m scared shitless right now, the thought that I may lose you forever is really freaking me out! But Jordan I refuse to let you give up when you have so much to live for.”

“Anna…”

I sighed, my shoulders slumped. “Jordan if the test comes back negative, you’ll feel bad that you hadn’t lived your life since you had the moles removed. If the test comes back positive, we’ll deal with it; so many people love you and would do anything to help you through the worse case scenario.”

“Won’t matter much if I die.”

I glared up at him, my jaw set; I wanted to kick him so hard at that moment. “With that attitude, you’ve already killed yourself.” I turned away from him, yanking the balcony door open and stepped back into Mike’s apartment, leaving Jordan out there.

“Hey!” Mike jumped when I ripped the remote control out of his hands. “Oh crap,” he muttered when he saw my face. “What’s going on?”

“I didn’t come all the way here to sit and watch TV,” I told him. “Go get dressed, we are going out and having some fun.”

Mike didn’t argue with me, he jumped up and started for his room when he paused to look back at me. “I need to shower,” he said cautiously, as if I was going to rip his head off for that.

“Ok,” I sighed as I plopped down on the sofa next to Nick. “Do whatever you need to do.”

The apartment was silent except for the sounds of Mike grabbing his clothes before heading to the bathroom to shower. I could feel Nick watching me as I sat there with my eyes closed and my head resting against the back of the sofa but I didn’t feel like talking, I could feel a headache coming on.

Finally...Now I Wish I Didn't Know.

“Die?” I laughed. “Jordy, you’ll be a grandfather long before you die!” I shook my head, “Die. Funny. What’s really bugging you?”

“I’m glad that you think it’s funny that I’m dying Anna.” He started to move, he was trying to get up.

I grabbed hold of his shirt. “Are you serious?” I tried to look into his eyes but he was looking everywhere but at me. “Jordy! Talk to me! Is it true? Or are you playing some sick joke on me right now?”

Jordan stared over my shoulder, “What’s going on guys?” I heard Nick ask but I didn’t take my eyes off Jordan.

“Nothing,” Jordan jumped up despite the hold I had on his shirt. “I’m done talking,” he turned on his heel, pulled open the sliding door in front of him and slipped out onto the balcony.

Mike and Nick started at me in confusion. “Don’t look at me,” I snapped at them. “He didn’t tell me a damn thing!” I jumped up. “I don’t know what the hell is going on with him but there is no way I’m just going to let him walk away!” I yanked the balcony door opened.

“That’s it,” Mike chuckled. “Go show him whose boss sweetheart!”

With a dirty look shot over my shoulder, I step out into the fresh air. Jordan was leaning over the railing, staring off into space; I came to a stop next to him. “Hey,” I nudge him with my shoulder.

Jordan lowered his head.

I sighed; I didn’t know what to say to get him to talk to me. “Jordy,” turning to him, I lifted my hand to his back. “Please? Tell me you are kidding.”

“I’m not Anna,” he glanced at me. “I wish I was, I don’t want to die. I have a little girl who means the world to me; I don’t want another man being her daddy, that’s my job! It’s my right as the man who helped create her!”

“Why do you think you are dying? Have you been to a doctor? You don’t even look sick Jordy, you look really good.”

“Thanks Babe,” he turned to me, a smirk playing on his lips as he slipped his arm around my waist. “I think you look pretty awesome too.” He leaned in and pressed his lips against my cheek. “Really pretty.”

“Be serious!” I pushed him away.

“Ok, I’ll be serious.” Jordan dropped his arm. “I think you are looking hot today,” I shook me head. “Very hot,” he shrugged. “But you are always hot Anna; there hasn’t been a day when you don’t capture people attention just by walking into a room.”

“Don’t do this.”

“It may be your looks that get people’s attention but it’s your smile and kind heart that makes everyone love you.”

I crossed my arms over my chest, staring up at him, just waiting for him to stop this and tell me what was wrong.

“There’s no wonder why I love you. It’s no wonder that Josh is totally in love with you.” Jordan moved in closer, his hand brushed over my arm. “I know that Josh makes you happy, I see it in your eyes, and I hear it in your voice. I’m jealous of him because I always thought that we would be that happy little family.”

“Jordan I’m –”

“Don’t say it Anna, don’t be sorry for wanting more.” He kissed my forehead. “I couldn’t give you much now anyway.”

“Don’t say that Jordy, you have so much to give.”

“I’m going to die Anna.”

“No,” I shook my head. “No you can’t die, and you won’t die! I won’t let you! And neither will Jenna.”

“I don’t want to die Anna but I can’t control it.”

I closed my eyes, all this talk about dying was getting to me, I didn’t want to lose my best friend, no matter how much of a pain in the butt he was at times. “I can’t lose you Jordy,” my voice cracked. “Please tell me why you think you are sick.”

“Come here babe,” he took me in his arms and held me to his chest. “I know death scares you, it scares me too.”

“You know the mole I had on my back? The one that you kept poking when ever I had my shirt off? The one you called my evilness seeping out?”

“Yes,” I mumbled against his shirt.

“Well, it has been hurting, my shirt touching it would hurt; it was very sensitive. I didn’t really worry that much about it, until I was at my mom’s last week with Jenna. We were outside playing, she was tugging on my shirt as I acted like a puppy for her.” He smiled, “She loved it. Anna, I wish you could’ve seen her, she was laughing so hard she could barely stand. It was awesome.”

I smiled, he continued. “Jenna managed to pull my shirt up enough for mom to catch a glimpse of the mole; she started to ask me about it. She thought it looked different than it did the last time and I told her that it hurt every now and then. She flipped, asked me if I saw a doctor about it.”

“I told her I didn’t, she went into the house and called the doctor right away to make me an appointment. I went yesterday to the emergency room where they cut the mole out to send it off to the lab to check it…” he trailed off as he pulled back, his eyes met mine, he looked scared.

“While I was there, they noticed another one just down from that one, they cut that one out too, just in case.”

“No,” I was shaking my head, there was only one thing I could think off. “No, it’s…”

“Anna I’m telling you the truth, just look!” He grabbed his shirt by the hem and tugged it up as he turned away from me. “They took pieces of me,” he joked.

“Don’t…” I could barely bring myself to look at his back, I didn’t want to admit that this was even happening, that he could really be sick. I stared at the innocent white gauze covering the two spots where they cut him; a sob broke from my throat.

“I won’t know until next week for sure but the doctor didn’t look as optimistic after he cut them out as he did before he went in. They think I…”

“Please don’t say it.”

“…Might have cancer.”

#1 Best Friend Forever

After breakfast was consumed and the dishes were cleaned and returned to their proper cupboards, the four of us went into the living room where we sat around looking at each other like we weren’t sure what we should be doing now.

Mike turned on the TV at Nick’s request; he wanted to see the score from some game that played the night before. Once Nick found out his team lost badly, Mike flipped through the stations, stopping every now and then to watch a couple minutes of some show or another.

I was bored, I didn’t want to sit around watching TV all day long, I could do that at home, so I asked Mike what he would be doing if we weren’t here this morning.

“This,” he nodded towards the TV. “I don’t get the chance to relax and watch TV too much anymore.”

Nick and Mike started to talk about TV shows – which ones they loved, which ones they hated and ones they wished were still on the air. They had gotten up to check out the TV shows that Mike had on DVD when I turned to Jordan who had sat in the recliner over in the corner by the balcony doors when we came into the living room. He hadn’t said a word since breakfast; I thought he had fallen asleep but he was staring out the window, looking like he lost his best friend.

“Hey,” He slowly turned his head to look at me, with a weary smile on his face; he started to shift in the recliner as I pulled up the foot stool to the rocker not too far from us. “I don’t think it would be wise for us to sit like that anymore,” I said softly, knowing that was what he moved for. His smile turned into a frown, something dark flashed in his eyes but he didn’t say anything as I sat down on the stool, he just moved back into place in the recliner, closing his eyes.

“Are you tired?” He shook his head.

“Are you bored?” He shrugged.

“Are you mad at me?”

He sighed, “No Anna,” but his eyes remained closed.

“Oh,” I glanced over my shoulder at Nick and Mike; they had returned to the couch but still were talking about TV shows. “Was this what you had in mind when you decided to come here today?”

Opening his eyes, he looked at the guys; “Sure,” he shrugged. “They look like they are enjoying themselves.”

“What about you? You started out this morning with so much energy and happiness but now…” I sighed. “Jordan what’s going on with you?”

“Everything is fine Anna.”

“Yeah right,” I scoffed. “You are very moody, it’s not like you.”

Jordan stared at me for a while before finally looking away, “It’s nothing Anna. Don’t worry about it.”

I rolled my eyes. “Jordan please tell me what’s going on?” I waited but he didn’t turn back to me. “Jordy please? You used to tell me everything,” I chuckled thinking about some of the stuff he used to tell me. “And I mean everything!”

That got him to look at me. “We used to be close too,” he shifted in the recliner like he did when I first came over, I didn’t move. “But things have changed too much it seems.”

“Is it really necessary?” I asked him. He didn’t speak but he nodded. “Fine!” I jumped off the footstool and quickly slid over the arm of the recliner, slipping down next to him, “Now tell me what’s going on!” I demanded once I was seated uncomfortably with him, everything from our shoulders down touching as we both sat angled with the arm of the chair pressing into our backs.

Jordan smiled, “You know,” he lifted his hand to my face, tucking a loose curl behind my ear before stroking his fingertips over my cheek. “I feel very close to you now,” his hand dropped to rest on his hip again. “I’ve missed you so much in the last couple months Anna.”

“I didn’t go anywhere Jordy, I’ve always been around.”

He shook his head, “No you did go somewhere, you moved out of the house and it’s been really lonely there without you.”

“I’m sorry but…” he held up his hand, covering my mouth so I couldn’t talk.

“Let me finish,” he asked as he dropped his hand once again. “I know it’s partly my fault,” I raised a brow and he chuckled. “Ok, it’s totally my fault; I became a little crazy there for a while. I don’t know what came over me, you had boyfriends before, it’s not like I was ever left in the dust but for some reason, with Josh, I thought that you would forget about me completely and I didn’t want that.”

“How could I forget you Jordy? You are my best friend that will never change.”

“I know,” he puffed out his chest proudly and grinned. “I may not wear the ribbon but I do still have it.”

“You still have that?” I was surprised; I made him a ribbon when we were in grade three that proclaimed him as my ‘#1 Best Friend Forever’. “I thought you would’ve thrown that out years ago!”

“Not at all,” Jordan smiled. “I hold on to it to rub in Nick’s face when he would get cocky and say he was your best friend.”

“That’s just mean,” I laughed.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “But the little bugger was getting cocky; I had to do something to knock him down a peg or two.”

I shook my head, about to say something but Jordan’s smile disappeared and he got all serious again. “I dug the ribbon out this week, glued a magnet on the back and stuck it on my fridge.”

“Oh?” I raised a brow. “Why did you do that?”

“I wanted too,” he told me.

“Why?” I hoped that he was getting to what has been bugging him; I really wanted to help him out.

He lifted his green eyes upwards until they met my brown ones. “I really needed you but you weren’t around.”

“You could’ve called me Jordan; I would…what do you mean ‘no’?” He was shaking his head. “Why couldn’t you call me?”

“Because of Josh.”

I groaned, “Jordan Josh wouldn’t –”

“He made it pretty clear to me when I ran into him a couple weeks ago and asked about you, that he didn’t want me to have anything to do with you. He told me that you were happy and he wanted you to syay that way.”

“That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want you around me!” I exclaimed. “Jordy, Josh wouldn’t stop me from hanging out with you or talking to you or anything.”

“But he has, hasn’t he? I barely hear from you anymore and when I do try to call you are with him or going to see him or thinking about him.” His hand slipped to mine, his fingers playing with mine. “We used to sit like this all the time, we used to talk until the sun came up but since he’s come into your life, there’s a wall up between us. If he was here, I wouldn’t be allowed this close to you. If he were here, I wouldn’t be able to talk to you. And damn it Anna!” He lifted my hand up, slipping his fingers between mine as he tugged me forward until I was in his arms.

“Jordan!” I pressed my hands against his chest about to push away from him but something in his eyes made me stop.

“I really needed you lately Anna, I need your friendship and your laughter but you aren’t around.”

I was going to tell him he could’ve called me but it was redundant, he knew that and saying it wouldn’t move things along, so instead I asked, “Why did you need me so badly Jordan?”

He released me, his arms fell away and he drew back a little. “I need you to help me through this Anna.”

“Help you through what Jordan? I need to know what’s going on before I can begin to help you.”

“Help me,” he slipped his hand over mine which still rested against his chest. “Being young is bad enough, but…”

“But what?”

He closed his eyes for a moment, when he reopened them; they were glistening as tears threatened to spill. “I don’t want to die alone.”

Underneath The Facade

I was hoping that Mike would smarten up, go after Eric or at least call him but he didn’t. He was being a jerk, as far as I was concerned and nothing like the man I thought I loved a long time ago. It’s funny how things work out, I always held on to the hope that Mike really wasn’t gay and that he would come back to sweep me off my feet but if that happened, I wouldn’t be where I was with Josh, I wouldn’t be as happy as I was.

Mike came in the living room where the three of us were sitting, trying to ignore him because we weren’t happy with the way he left things with Eric. “Come on guys,” he sat on the coffee table in front of the sofa. “Is this what you came here for? To be mad at me all day?”

When neither one of us answered, he sighed. “You don’t know what’s going on with us and –”

“Well tell us,” I cut him off.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he snapped at me. “It’s between Eric and me,” he groaned. “We’ll work it out, but for now can the four of us have a little fun? And maybe a little breakfast?” He leaned back, rubbing his stomach. “I’m starving.”

The mention of breakfast got the boys attention, soon the three of them were tossing around places we could go but Jordan was still a little cranky, he didn’t want to drive anywhere. Even Mike and Nick’s offers to drive his truck were shot down with, ‘like hell I’m letting either of you drive my truck’, so they changed their conversation to what Mike had in the apartment to eat.

While the three of them argued about what they wanted, I sat there, not saying a word. At first I think I was still a little upset about Eric that I didn’t feel all that hungry but soon my stomach was growling and there was only one thing I wanted.

“Jordy?” I turned sideways towards him, drawing my feet up under me as I did so. He turned his head in my direction when I said his name, his eyes meeting mine, he didn’t say a word but the upward arc of his brow asked the question for him.

“Do you know what I’m hungry for?” I asked him. “Do you know what I’m craving right now?” I don’t know if he realized that he did it but the moment I stopped speaking, his eyes slid to my lips for a brief second, so brief, I would’ve missed it if I blinked.

“No,” he frowned. “I don’t know what you want Anna.”

A smile spread across my face as I wrapped my hands around his bicep and leaned into him, “You know when we were still living together and I got really sick? I couldn’t eat a damn thing for days?” He nodded slowly. “Well do you remember the first thing you made for me when I could eat again?”

“Yeah,” he laughed, “Jordy’s extra special, make Anna feel better, French toast.” I told him that was it. “Is that what you want?”

I nodded, “Yes, if you don’t mind making them, I think it’ll be great to have them again.”

In no time at all, the guys agreed that French toast sounded good. “If it’s ok, I’ll fry some bacon to go along with them,” Nick said to Mike as they all headed off to the kitchen.

A few minutes later, Mike returned to the living room. “There’s nothing for me to do,” he told me as he plopped down next to me, turning to me. “I was wondering - what was so ‘extra special’ about Jordan’s French toast?”

I made a show of looking around to make sure no one was around to hear what I was about to tell him and then I leaned into him. “Nothing,” I whispered. “I believe they were just normal French toast but it was the only thing I was able to keep down and Jordan was so happy; I called them ‘extra special’.”

Mike shook his head, laughing. “You know,” he said when he stopped. “I don’t know why you two didn’t get together; you two are good for each other.”

“Mike,” my smile disappeared when he said that.

“I know,” he held up his hands. “You are with Josh, who you love but…” he pulled his feet up on the couch, leaning his shoulder into the back of the sofa. “Between you and me, have you ever thought about Jordan like that? Being more than just your friend?”

I closed my eyes, sighing. “Mike you know all about the drama at the beginning of this year, why do you even have to bring all this back up? I’m with Josh and I love him, there’s nothing more to say on the matter.”

“Ahh,” Mike sighed, “I can hope, can’t I?”

“Hope for what?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “That my little brother finds a woman who he can be himself with, to live the rest of his life as happy as possible?”

“He has Bella Mike, it’s not like…” Mike gave me this look that made me stop. “He does, doesn’t he?” He shook his head. “What?” I jumped up straighter on the sofa, my brows drawn down in confusion. “There must be some mistake.”

Again Mike shook his head, “No Anna there isn’t. Jordan and Bella broke up…” he paused, he seemed to be thinking. “…about two weeks ago.”

“No friggin’ way!” I exclaimed. “But how…why…” I sunk back into the sofa. “Why didn’t he tell me?”

According to Mike, the only reason he knew was because he was razzing him about Bella. “He was getting mad, I thought it was all due to what I was saying but suddenly he snapped told me that Bella broke up with him before hanging up on me.”

I was shocked, I thought for sure that they were doing fine; Bella hadn’t given me any indication that there was anything wrong between them. In fact, it was only a couple days ago, before she left to go back to visit her brother, to help him pack his stuff so he could move down here, that I spoke to her, and she didn’t say anything when I mentioned getting together with her and Jordan when she got back.

“Did he say why?”

“No, I tried to get him to tell me what happened but he refused; told me to mind my own business.”

Nick called out to Mike at that point, so I didn’t get to ask him if Jordan said anything else, gave any hints as to what was going on.

I got off the sofa, wandered out to the kitchen where the boys where. I stood back, watching them as they joked around and I couldn’t help but wonder why he never told me.

And why I never knew until that day that there was something wrong with him. Wondering that made me curious if he was keeping anything else from me.

In the middle of my wondering, Jordan turned towards me, a plate piled high with French toast in his hand and a smile on his face.

“Come on babe, breakfast is ready.”

More Confusing Than Ever

“Oh Eric,” I went to him, giving him a hug that surprised him. “I’m sure that things will work out with you two. Besides, I know Mike wouldn’t have brought you home to meet all of us, if he wasn’t serious about you.” I pulled back enough to smile up at him, “I can honestly say you are the first guy he has introduce any of us too.”

“Do you really –”

What ever it was that Eric was going to ask me was cut off by Nick and Jordan as they ran out into the kitchen, hiding behind us as Mike came after them yelling, “Get back here you little bastards!”

“We aren’t that stupid!” Jordy yelled back as Mike rounded the corner and came to a dead stop.

“Anna?” Mike seemed a little confused. Maybe it was because he wasn’t expecting me to be there, or maybe it was the fact that his boyfriend and I were technically holding each other fairly close still; either way, he seemed to forget about his pursuit of the boys. “What are you doing?” He asked, dragging a hand through his hair.

I glanced up at Eric, who wasn’t paying any attention to me now that Mike was in the room, not that I blamed him; Mike was looking really hot in his old high school t-shirt and boxers. Then again, Mike always looked hot, it didn’t matter if he just rolled out of bed or if he spent hours on his appearance, he was good looking, and he knew it.

“I’m trying to convince Eric that girls are better than boys,” I flashed Eric one of my naughtiest smiles before resting my head against his chest. “Oh my!” I squeezed his bicep, “Do you work out?” As I fluttered my eyelashes, Eric turned really red.

“I…umm…” his arms fell away from me as he looked everywhere else but down at me.

Mike was laughing, “Sorry Anna, you’re not his type.”

“You just had to go burst my bubble, didn’t you?” I pouted, “You are no fun Mike.” Turning to Eric, who was still red, I smiled. “It’s ok, it’s not the first time I wasn’t a guy’s type.”

I didn’t expect Eric to say anything to me, I thought I had crossed the line with him, but he glanced at me over his shoulder and smiled, “If I need some arm candy, I’ll give you a call.”

For the second time in less than ten minutes, I found myself saying, ‘oh Eric!’ and throwing my arms around his shoulders, “You say the sweetest things!”

Jordan, who had been watching all this with a smirk on his face, rolled his eyes when I said that. “Enjoy it while it lasts,” he mumbled. “In two seconds she’ll forget you even exist.”

I backed away from Eric, glaring at Jordan. “What is that supposed to mean?”

Jordan crossed his arms and stared down at me. “It means nothing Anna, nothing at all.”

“The hell it does!” I stepped closer to him. “If you have something to say to me, then say it, don’t be like that.”

“Ok fine,” Jordan dropped his arms. “I don’t think Josh would be too happy to know that you are flirting with other guys!”

“Oh my God Jordan!” I rolled my eyes. “Josh wouldn’t –”

“No?” Jordan scoffed. “He would, unless…”

“Unless what?”

Jordan grinned, “Unless it’s only me that he’s worried about.”

Once again, I rolled my eyes. “I’m not even justifying that with a response Jordan!” I went to turn away from him but some thing about the way he stared down at me stopped me. “What is your problem Jordan? Why are you even bringing all this up now?”

I didn’t get an answer to that; Mike suddenly seemed really impatient to get my attention. “Aren’t you going to say ‘hello’ to me?” He asked as he spun me around to face him. “I mean,” he looked around the room and then back at me, “You came all the way here, flirt with my man and ignore me?” Lifting his t-shirt, he sniffed it. “I don’t smell that bad!”

“Well…”

“Get over here,” he tugged on my arm until I was close enough for him to hug. “It’s good to see you babe,” he leaned down until his mouth was close to my ear. “Go easy on Jordy; he really needs a friend now.”

Before it even registered what he had said, he was pushing back from me, “I’m starving; who wants to make breakfast?” he asked with a laugh.

“I would,” Eric responded, sounding really upset that he couldn’t. “But I have to get going before I’m late.”

Mike paused, looking at him. “Yeah,” he said slowly before turning his attention to the guys. “What do you guys want? There’s…” he yanked open the door to the fridge, “eggs…bacon…ummm…” he bent over to dig further into the fridge as Eric grabbed his lunch and headed for the door.

“I should be home around 5:30,” he said to everyone but it was Mike he was looking at. And it was Mike who didn’t acknowledge him.

I watched Eric slip his shoes on, glace at Mike and then sigh before yanking the door open. “Have a good day at work,” I gave him a smile, which he tried to return. “Hurry home,” I told him; I felt bad that Mike was just letting him go without saying anything to him, it wasn’t right. I would kill Josh if he did that to me.

“Thanks Anna,” he said as he disappeared out into the hallway, the door closing silently after him.

“Those are your choices,” Mike reappeared from the fridge, “What did you guys what?” He looked at us, frowning. “What?”

I went to tell him I thought he was being an ass but Nick beat me to it. “I can’t even look at you right now,” he stated before he walked out of the kitchen.

“What’s his problem?” Mike glanced back and forth between a surly Jordan and me.

“You don’t deserve him, you know that?” I threw over my shoulder as I went to find where Nick went.

I guess he turned to Jordan after I left for I heard Jordan say, “For once I agree with them, you could’ve at least said ‘bye’ to him; what if something happens?”

“Nothing is going to happen,” Mike called after Jordan as he walked into the dining room, on his way to where we were sitting.

“No?” Jordan glanced at Nick and me before facing Mike again. “You never know until it’s too late.”

Love Isn't Easy, No Matter Who You Are

I was starting to get a headache just from being around Nick and Jordan. I didn’t know what was going on with Jordan but I knew that there wasn’t really anything I could do to get him to tell me if he didn’t want too. And he made it clear that he wasn’t interested in talking about his issues at that moment.

The ride up to Mike’s floor didn’t take that long and I was grateful for that, I didn’t know if I could stand the strained silence in the elevator any longer than the ride allowed. I wanted to get to Mike’s apartment; I was hoping that he could shed some light on the bitchiness of his youngest brother.

When we got to Mike’s door, I turned to look at the guys, neither one of them was looking too happy to be there now. “Well I sure hope Mike doesn’t need too much cheering up, you two, like this, will only depress him.”

Nick yawned suddenly, “Sorry,” he chuckled.

I smiled, “That’s better.” We both turned to Jordan. “Can you at least smile? This was your idea after all.”

As Jordan rolled his eyes at us before turning to the door to knock, Nick started to speak. “You know, even though I wish Mike was the one visiting us, I am excited to see him again. When he was out in January, I didn’t get to spend that much time with him but now…” he smiled at me. “It should be fun.”

“I know what you mean,” I linked my arm through his and held out my hand to Jordan. “I’m glad you did this Jordy.”

At first I didn’t think Jordan was going to say anything to us, he just looked over his shoulder but then he sighed. Shaking his head he told us we were driving him crazy. “You couldn’t be happy when I told you about it?”

“No,” Nick laughed, “That would’ve been too easy.”

When Eric opened the door a few seconds later, he found the three of us standing there laughing and joking around, like old times. “I was hoping you guys would show up,” he told us as he let us into his apartment. “Mike will be happy to see you.”

“Where is he?” Nick asked after we had taken off our shoes to venture further into the apartment.

“He’s still in bed,” Eric said, he pointed down the hall to our right. “I tried to get him out of bed but he’s mad at me.”

“Oh?” I raised a brow as he walked into the kitchen. “Why’s that?”

“Oh,” Eric picked up a knife, plunging it into the bottle of Mayo sitting on his counter. “Mike doesn’t believe that he needs to take a break from work, he thinks he’s fine, despite the fact that he’s always biting my head off when we are both home.” He retrieved his mayo loaded knife from the bottle and slapped it against the bread on the counter. “I really don’t see what’s wrong with wanting to spend some time with him at home and not at the bar where he decides he needs to work at the last minute.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” I told him and received dirty looks from the guys. “What? There isn’t anything wrong with that! You can’t have a healthy relationship if you never spend time together.” They didn’t look like they agreed; I knew they would be on their brother’s side, so it didn’t surprise me. Crossing my arms over my chest, I looked at Nick. “Spending time with Amy, wasn’t that the reason you cut back on your hours at work and moved in with her parents?”

“It’s not the same,” Nick protested.

“Oh?” I glanced at Eric, who was watching us with interest. “Why isn’t it the same?”

“Because Amy…” Nick trailed off, he shook his head. “Fine! It is the same.”

I smiled and looked at Jordan. “Hey Mike’s my brother, I’m not about to get involved in this argument without hearing what he has to say.”

“Fair enough,” Eric returned to his Mayo and bread.

“Is that your breakfast,” I asked.

“No,” he said while placing a variety of cheese, meat and vegetables on the bread. “It’s for my lunch,” he turned to me. “This is why Mike is mad at me, I got him to take today off work, but I couldn’t get the day off. Then he couldn’t get his shift back for this morning, so you know, I’m the bad guy.”

Eric looked tired, I was starting to wonder if there wasn’t something else going on between Mike and him that was driving a rift between the two of them.

“If you were going to be work ­–”

“Jordy!” I cut him off. “Why don’t you go see if you can get Mike out of bed? We can’t really hang out with him if he’s sleeping.”

For a moment I thought Jordan was going to argue with me, he stood there glaring at me for a while, I could just imagine what he was thinking and I knew I didn’t want him to say it out loud at that moment. In the end, he turned away from us. “Come on Nick,” he grabbed his brother’s arm but before he started down the hall, he glanced at Eric, asking him if Mike was dressed, when Eric nodded, the guys headed down the hall towards Mike’s bedroom.

In the kitchen, Eric chuckled sadly as he looked at me. “It’s been almost two weeks since Mike has even kissed me.”

“Eric,” I went to him, intent on reassuring him that Mike really cared about him but he shook his head.

“I can’t help but feel that it’s a matter of time before he leaves…” Taking a deep breath, he tried to smile but he couldn’t. “Mike already told me that he’s not happy here. Maybe I’m a fool for thinking that he just needs some time off work and some time with his brothers; maybe it’s me that he needs time away from.”

I didn’t get a chance to say anything to Eric, the scream of ‘cannonball!’ from down the hall told me that Jordan and Nick were about to jump on Mike’s bed.

And the scream that followed told me that Mike was awake.

But it was the ‘I’m going to kill you guys!’ and the footsteps that followed that told me Mike was up, chasing the boys out of his room.

“Great” Eric groaned, “Another thing for him to be mad at me for.”

What Would You Do If...?

At first I thought Nick was going to walk out of the apartment building, he appeared really mad at Mike for some reason, which I thought was a little strange since it seemed like he was excited at first about seeing him again. I guess I sort of understood his point of view; Mike hasn't been out to visit since New Years even though he had promised that he would come out more. But if what Jordan said was true, and Mike was really struggling to keep his head above water, I wasn't surprised that he hadn't come out more.

"Let's get this over with," Nick mumbled as he started to move towards the elevator. "I want to get home to Amy."

The walk over to the elevator only took a minute, one long minute, as Nick bitched and complained about being there. "It's not like he's the only one who's having problems," Nick grumbled while we waited for the elevator.

"Fine!" Jordan snapped as the doors opened up to reveal an empty elevator. "Here!" He reached behind him, grabbing his wallet from his back pocket. "You don't want to be here, then go!" Flipping open his wallet, he pulled out his Visa card. "Find a cab, a bus, or walk back home for all I care! Just go! Mike needs your support, not your bitching and complaining." He flung his card at a shocked Nick.

Jordan turned to the elevator as it closed. "Fuck!" He drew back his foot and kicked the doors. "Are you happy now?" He spun around, glaring at Nick.

"Jordan calm down," I slipped my hand onto his forearm. "What is going on with you today? You seem really cranky."

"Nothing," he snapped but he started to punch on the 'up' button with such force that I didn't believe him. "I just wanted us to be there for Mike, he's our brother and he deserves our support when he's down. Damn it!" He hit the 'up' button once more. "Is it too much to ask that we try to cheer him up? I didn't realize that you both were so tied to your ball and chains that asking you for one day would turn into such a bitch fest."

"Ball and chain?" I gasped. "Jordan what's going on with you?" I hadn't seen him like this in a long time, something was definitely wrong.

"Nothing!"

"Bullshit!" Nick finally regained his composure enough to speak. "Who the hell do you think you are? You drag us out of bed in the early morning hours without warning, you drive us out here telling us nothing and when we finally get here, you start biting our heads off when we question why we are here! That's fucked up Jordan! What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you so determined to 'fix' Mike's problems?" Nick paused, glanced at me and the asked. "How do you think that you can do that? Throw your Visa at him?" Nick slapped the card against Jordan's chest. "Let me tell you something, little brother, money doesn't fix everything! And neither can you!"

"No?" Jordan chuckled, shaking his head. "It never stopped you from taking every single cent that you needed when I offered it, has it?"

"Why you -" Nick went to grab for Jordan but I had enough.

"Stop it!" I stepped between them, hand pressed against both of their chests, trying to stop them from getting any closer. "For the love of God! What the hell is wrong with the both of you?" I looked from one defiant face to the other. "Are you both PMSing or what? Was this what you had in mind when you decided to hang out? To fight in the lobby of your brother's building?"

No one said anything.

"Oh come on," I turned to Jordan. "What's biting you?"

"Of course you start with him," Nick snorted. "It's always about Jordan with you."

Jordan reached pass me, hitting Nick in the shoulder. "Shut up! You are just jealous that we are closer than you two are."

"Oh my God!" I dropped my hands. "You know what guys, I can't take this." I turned towards the elevator, punching the button, I glanced at them. "Tell me what's going on, don't tell me what's going on, frankly I don't know if I really care."

"Where are you going?" Jordan asked me as Nick mimicked him. "Stop that!" He went to lash out at Nick again but I grabbed his hand.

"I'm going up to see Mike; he might be the only sane one out of the three of you right now."

I started to walk away when Jordan spoke, “Anna just wait a minute.”

“Why?” I didn’t turn around but I stopped.

I heard him sigh, “I didn’t decide to drag you guys here just because Mike is going through some difficult times…”

Turning around, I saw him glance at Nick, who looked suddenly looked concerned for his brother; Jordan looked away, stared up at the ceiling as he said, “…I needed this.”

Taking a step towards my two best friends, I was concerned. “Why did you need this Jordy? Please tell us what’s going on with you.”

“Yeah,” Nick also stepped closer to Jordan. “What’s up with you?”

“It’s nothing really,” Jordan shook his head. “I just think…I mean, I just feel that…” He shrugged his shoulders, lowering his head until he was staring at the floor. “I don’t feel anything.”

I shifted my eyes from Jordan long enough to meet Nick’s confused look. “What do you mean by that?”

He responded with another shrug.

“Come on,” I lifted my hand to his shoulder with the intent to reassure him, hoping to get him to explain further but when I touched his shoulder, he moved away from my touch.

“I don’t feel anything,” he repeated. “Empty.”

“Jordan we don’t know –”

“Let’s just go see Mike,” Jordan cut in. “I don’t want to talk about me; I want to help Mike.” He started to walk away, “He needs us now.”