I'm Coming Home

I was sitting in the kitchen with Selena, Rhea and Molly while Josh was outside with the other guys. I didn’t want to be in there with the girls but there didn’t seem to be a moment where I could’ve escaped to join the guys without being a little rude.

So I sat there and made small talk but mainly listened to them as they chatted about everything from work to Selena and Mark’s attempts at starting a family. “Mark even tried to convince me that letting him BBQ in the middle of winter with his friends would increase his sperm flow! Like I believed that!”

“Didn’t he use that same ‘reason’ to get you to agree to go to the game the last time he was home?” Rhea chuckled.

“Yes,” Selena grinned. “And when he wanted to buy that weight machine that he has yet to use and when he wanted to pull me to that movie…what was it called again?” She glanced around the table at all of us but no one knew which one she was talking about. “It doesn’t matter,” she said with a shrug.

“Selena?” Mark called out from beyond the back door.

“Excuse me,” Selena got up and went off to see what Mark wanted and soon returned grumbling under her breath. When one of the other girls asked what was up, Selena jokingly said, “The master wants a round of beers for his friends.”

This comment sparked a round of debate; Rhea told Selena that she didn’t ‘fetch’ anything for Jack. “God gave him the same things he gave me! He can get his own damn beer!”

“There’s nothing wrong with doing something for the man you love,” Molly piped in, only to be booed by Rhea.

“Don’t go letting Warner use you as a doormat Molly; you know he will if he has the chance.” Rhea made a face. “And then I’ll be visiting Jack down at the jail after he murdered his friend.”

Molly rolled her eyes but didn’t say anything, I had a feeling she was tired of people making comments like that; I know I would if I was in her place.

I was quiet as I watched Selena go to the fridge and pull out four bottles. This is your chance, I thought and slipped out of my chair. “Selena if you want, I can take those out there.” All three girls turned and gave me the same look, an amused but questioning look. “What?” I asked cautiously.

It was a couple seconds before anyone spoke. “Come on,” I looked at each one of them in turn. “Why are you all looking at me like that?”

The silence was soon replaced by a barrage of questions, the two I managed to make out were: “What’s going on with you and Josh?” and “Are you two back together?”

“You all know just as much as I do,” I said with a sigh. “He wants to start over again as friends; he thinks it will help him work through what happened….”

“What do you think?” Selena asked.

Without hesitating I replied. “I think I’m one very lucky woman, most guys wouldn’t have anything to do with a girl who did what I did; Josh is very special and I’m happy that I’m still part of his life, no matter what that part is.”

Somehow the conversation shifted to Josh’s grandmother’s jewelry, I think it was the fact that I tended to play with the necklace whenever I started to talk about Josh, as if that would make a difference in his confusion at the moment. “Can we see it?” Selena wanted to know. “Josh has told Mark about it and…well…I think it’s a wonderfully romantic story.”

As I pulled the necklace from underneath my shirt so the girls could see the ring and the cross, I told them the story of Josh’s grandparents and how I came to wear the symbols of their love.

“That’s so romantic!” Molly sighed, “I wish I was that lucky.”

“Maybe if you found a different guy than the one you are seeing,” Rhea muttered.

“That’s it!” Molly jumped up from the table. “I can’t take it anymore! You are always talking down to me, both you and Jack! It has to stop!”

“Molly come on I was –”

“No Rhea I won’t ‘come on’! You have no idea what it’s like, do you? Having everyone think that you are being stupid because of the guy you are dating. Yes, I know Warner’s history with women and no, I don’t think I’ll change him but I’m tired of watching him go out with other women and not being brave enough to be one of them! I can’t help it that I love him!”

“You only think you love him! Soon you’ll realize that he’s not the guy you want; you just are blinded by some fantasy –”

“I’m not going to stop seeing Warner because you and Jack think he’s bad for me!” Molly stopped and stared at Rhea. “He asked me to come with him tonight, I know it doesn’t mean much to you but it does to me; he told me he wasn’t going to bring anyone with him.”

“And you believed that?” Rhea shook her head. “Molly if Warner would’ve brought anyone but you, Jack would’ve killed him.”

Molly looked like she was about to cry. “No Rhea, I don’t want to believe that he considered bringing anyone else but me.”

“Selena?” Mark called out, asking about the beer.

“Get your own damn beer!” Rhea snapped and then ran to the door. “I’m just kidding,” she told him through the screen. She apologized, “It’ll be right out.”

When she returned to the table, she laughed nervously and said something along the lines of thinking before she spoke.

Selena told her it was ok and started to say something else to Rhea but I had grabbed the bottles and headed out the door, so I couldn’t hear what was said.

The cool night air greeted me when I exited the house and so did a chorus of ‘yeahs’ from the guys when they say the bottles in my hands. I passed each of them one and then sort of just stood there because I didn’t want to head back inside with the girls. I felt a little uncomfortable because they were all sitting in lounge type chairs around the fire Mark lit and they weren’t saying anything at all; I got the feeling I wasn’t wanted out there.

Until I felt Josh’s hand on the back of my calf, that is. I slowly turned to look down at him, a smile spread across my face as my eyes met his in the light from the fire. He wrapped his hand around the back of my knee and gently pulled it in his direction. When I was close enough, he shifted in the chair, half turning on his side and patted the space in front of him. I raised a brow, shook my head slightly and he pouted, patting the space once again. “Please?” He asked quietly.

There was no way I could even deny that I wanted to be sitting next to him, I didn’t even understand why I was still standing after the first time he offered, so when he said ‘please’ I moved to sit with him.

From the angle I had when I was standing, I didn’t see how both Josh and I could sit comfortably in the chair but when I lowered my body next to him and let him ‘arrange’ us, I was pleasantly surprised at how comfortable I was.

Josh reached around me to grab his unopened beer from the little table beside the chair. He twisted the cap off the bottle, tossing it into a container just a couple feet away before lifting the opened bottle closer to him. “Did you want some?” He paused in mid lift to offer me the bottle.

“No thanks,” I told him as I tried to stop my teeth from chattering; I didn’t know how the guys weren’t freezing as they sat out there. I glanced over my shoulder at Josh, to ask him if he was cold at all but my words died before I even thought to say them as my eyes zeroed in on his parted lips and the bottle that was resting against them; I was so jealous of that bottle at that moment, I wanted to feel his lips on mine. I believe made some sort of noise because Josh glanced at me out of the corner of his eye while he took a drink from the bottle before lowering it again.

Stretching around me once again, he placed the bottle on the table and then turned to gaze down at me. “Warm enough?” were the words he spoke but there was something about the look in his blue eyes that made me think that he really wanted to ask me something else, like, I don’t know ‘want me to strip you naked and have my way with you?’ But if he were to ask me that, my answer would’ve been a ‘hell yes!’ rather than the ‘no, not really’ response I gave him.

“I’ll be right back,” he said before jumping up to hurry towards the house. When he appeared moments later, he was carrying a blanket. “This should help,” he told me as he spread the blanket out over me and then joined me under it. “Is that better?” He inquired once I was in his arms.

“Yes,” I told him, my hand slipping over his as it rested at my waist.

“Aww isn’t that romantic?” One of the guys teased which was the beginning of a five minute free for all ribbing at our expense.

“You guys are just jealous,” Josh commented as he reached for his beer. “Because neither one of your women want to curl up with you like this.” I glanced at Josh, he smiled at me.

The guys lost interest in bugging us and soon the talk turned to sports and I sort of tuned out, I wanted to enjoy the feelings that were rushing around inside me from just being in Josh’s arms. As much as I wanted him to be my boyfriend and as much as I hated blurring the lines and the confusion that went along with it, I was really happy where I was.

Selena came out of the house at one point and asked Mark when he was going to start grilling the steaks because they (the girls) were getting hungry. “Right now I guess,” he said as he rolled out of his chair to make his way over to the BBQ.

I was too wrapped up in my own thoughts and how great I felt in Josh’s arms, that I didn’t even realize I was hungry until I started to smell the heavenly aroma of the food on the grill.

I don’t remember much of the conversation that took place around the table as we all sat down to eat but I remember never having felt more at home than I did sitting with Josh among his friends; laughing, talking and eating some really great food.

It was really late when Josh and I said good night to Mark and Selena before heading out into the night to walk home. Mark had suggested that we let Selena drive us home but Josh insisted that we walk, “I need to clear my head,” he said.

The walk back to Josh’s place was interesting to say the least, he was a little more animated because of the couple beers that he had over the course of the night; many times he stopped and apologized, telling me that he normally doesn’t drink as much as he did that night. Laughing, I told him he only had three.

“That’s three more than I normally have!” He said and then cracked up at his own ‘joke’.

It seemed like we got back to his place in less time then it took us to walk to Mark’s. Josh pulled out his keys, headed towards his apartment building and it was then that I realized that he picked me up and wasn’t in any shape to take me home again. “Umm Josh?”

“Yes?” He turned to me, looking a little confused as to why I stopped on the sidewalk when he was already halfway up the walk to his building. “Aren’t you coming in?” He asked. “I just need to go to the bathroom but I’ll take you home after, I promise.”

“No you won’t,” I told him. “I don’t think you should drive anywhere tonight.”

“But you…” he started back down the walk towards me. “But I picked you up, how else are you going to get home?”

“I can call a cab,” I told him. “I spoke to Chad earlier today and mentioned that I might end up staying in town, he told me I could crash at his place if I wanted.”

“Oh,” Josh looked up over my head for a moment and then smiled back down at me. “Then lead the way, I’ll walk you to your brother’s house.” He held out his arm for me and when I didn’t take it, he frowned. “What’s wrong Anna?”

“Nothing,” I smiled at him. “I just think I’ll call a cab, I don’t feel like walking the twenty minutes it’ll take to get to Chad’s.” I paused for a moment and then asked if I could call from his place, he didn’t hesitate to invite me up.

“I’m just going to change,” he told me once we were standing in his living room. I nodded, grabbed the phone and held it to my ear, my fingers resting against the number pad as Josh slipped down the hallway towards his room before heading to the bathroom with some clothes in his hands.

I was replacing the receiver when he opened the bathroom door again. “What did the cabbie say?”

“It’s a busy night for them,” I told him. “It’ll be an hour before he can get me.”

Josh didn’t seem too worried about that, even though it was already 12:30 and he had to get up for work in the morning. “I’ll wait with you,” he told me as he got comfy next to me on the couch.

I was telling him about work when I heard a noise that startled me, he was snoring! I couldn’t help but chuckle.

Twenty minutes later he jumped awake and asked me how long before the cab came. “About another ten minutes,” I told him and he nodded. “Why don’t you go to bed?”

“No,” he shook his head. “I’ll wait with you.”

A half hour later, he woke up again. “Still no cab?” He rubbed his eyes and peered at the clock. “It’s been over an hour!”

“I know,” I told him. “I called them, there was some problem earlier and every fare was regretfully bumped back a half hour or more.”

Josh sighed, “I don’t know if I can stay awake that long Anna. I want to see you off, I feel bad that I couldn’t bring you home when I had every intention of doing so.”

“Don’t worry,” I told him. “I don’t mind waiting with you, even if you were asleep for most of it.” When I smiled, he apologized again. “Josh why don’t you go to bed? I can show myself out.”

He didn’t want to go to bed and it took some convincing on my part to get him to finally give in and head off to his room.

But ten minutes later, I was standing just inside his room, whispering his name. “What?” He jumped up, flicking on the lamp as he did so. “Anna?” He stared at me, “What’s wrong? Did the cab get here?”

“No,” I shook my head. “Josh I have something I should tell you.”

Josh fell back against the bed, his arm was over his eyes and the blankets were bunched at his waist, leaving his abdomen and chest bare for me to drool over. “There’s a shirt on the bathroom vanity for you,” he said.

“What?” I stared at him not sure I heard him right.

He lifted his arm from his face and turned towards me. “I put a shirt in the bathroom for you, in case you changed your mind and wanted to stay here tonight.” He paused and smiled. “Or in case you really didn’t call that cab.”

“How did you know?”

“I hoped,” he told me simply.

I was nervous as I walked down the hall towards the bathroom, I really couldn’t understand it, why I didn’t call a cab. I think it was because I was having so much fun and enjoying being with him that I didn’t want to leave.

And he knew! I don’t know how but he knew! He was hoping I would stay!

I didn’t waste any time changing into the shirt he left out for me, it was one that I slept in many times before, so it felt like coming home when I slipped it over my head.

I didn’t know what this meant for my relationship with Josh but when I slipped into his bed that night and his body wrapped itself around mine before he drifted off to sleep, I had a feeling that things would be alright.