A Good Friend Knows All Your Demons

I hated to see him go but that didn’t stop me from watching him leave. Long after his car disappeared from sight, I finally stepped back inside the house. I was at a lost for what to do now, I didn’t have any plans. It’s funny but I was kind of wishing that I had to go to work; that would be a good way to kill some time.

I wandered back through the kitchen, pausing at the entrance to the living room. Leaning against the wall, I felt extremely sad knowing that there was a wall of sorts between Jordan and me. I wanted to talk to him, tell him what was going on but I was afraid that it would be used against me. I felt tears building up in my eyes, my mouth began to twitch like it always did when I was sad and close to tears. Sighing, I closed my eyes and pushed off the wall.

“What’s wrong babe?” I glanced up at Jordan; he was leaning over the back of the couch, looking worried.

I shrugged, and tried to force a smile but I knew it looked strained. “Nothing,” I whispered, lowering my eyes so he didn’t see the truth.

“Do you have a sledge hammer?”

I shot him a confused look, “What?”

“A sledge hammer. Do we have one?” He got to his feet and moved towards me.

I shook my head, “I don’t know.”

“No? Hmm?” He stopped in front of me, “Then how am I going to break through that wall you have up?”

I stared at him for a moment longer and then I smacked him on the arm. “Jerk!” I laughed.

“Ahh, so you can smile, I was starting to wonder.” He grinned, “Come sit down.” His arm went behind me, his hand rested on the small of my back as he tried to guide me towards the couch. “Anna, I don’t bite.”

“Really?” I laughed, “That’s not what I heard!” I let him lead me to the couch.

“Lies, all lies.” He sat down next to me but didn’t say anything for a while. Sitting back, I watched his face as his thoughts ran around in his head. “Anna,” he said finally. “I want to talk to you about earlier.” I raised a questioning brow. “About Jesse and Josh.”

Rolling my eyes, I sighed. “Jordan -”

“No don’t say anything.” He covered my mouth with his hand. “Maybe I overreacted when Jesse ran out of the room and you know why.” He removed his hand, “Anna, are you sure Josh doesn’t hit Jesse?”

Jordan shifted uncomfortably as he waited for me to answer. Yes I knew why he was concerned; I knew exactly why he jumped to that conclusion. “Do you honestly think he is capable of hurting Jesse like that?”

He shook his head as he stared at his hands, “I don’t think Jess would want to be around him if he was.” He chuckled and looked at me, “When we were watching the movies he wouldn’t stop talking about his daddy. It was ‘my daddy does this’ or ‘my daddy says this’. The kid admires his dad; he even said his mom says he’s just like his dad. You should’ve seen the smile on his face.” Jordan shook his head slightly, and glanced at his hands again. “I don’t think Jess realized that his mom wasn’t being complementary when she said that.”

I rolled my eyes, “I hate her.”

Jordan’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Hate? Anna, you don’t hate anyone.”

“I know but I hate her.” Even though I didn’t want to get into it with Jordan, I found myself telling him about Carol showing up at Josh’s and everything that happened. “I think she’s the one who is abusing Jesse and I just want to strangle her.”

Jordan’s jaw was clenched, I knew he was feeling the same anger I was but even more so because he was on the receiving end of the abuse growing up. “Jordy?” He leaned forward and dropped his head in his hands, he was shaking. “Jordy?” I repeated as I reached out and rubbed his back.

His eyes were red when he glanced at me, “Why Anna?” He whispered; his hoarse voice cracked.

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and hugged him, “I wish I knew Jordan. I wish I knew how parents can treat their kids like that.”

“He’s two years old Anna, he’s not a bad kid.”

“I know he’s not a bad kid. He’s so adorable and sweet.” Jordan nodded, but didn’t say anything nor did he look at me. I always hated getting on the subject of abuse with him, he withdrew so much and it scared me. “Jordy, look at me.” He reluctantly turned his eyes towards me. “You weren’t a bad kid either. Your dad had issues that he didn’t deal with like he should’ve.”

Jordan chuckled, “Issues? Anna he beat the crap out of me. He beat me for taking a cookie from the cookie jar, he beat me for coming home 2 minutes late from school, and he beat me for not doing well in school. I couldn’t do anything right. ‘Why can’t you be more like your brother?’” Jordan mimicked his dad’s snarling tone. “Why did he think Nick was so damn special? Nicky got away with everything!” He jumped off the couch, his fists clenched and his eyes wide with fury. “Anna I’m so afraid I’ll be like him.”

“Jordan you are nothing like your dad.”

He began to pace back and forth in front of me. “How do you know? Mom always said he was such a good man. What changed? Is it because he had kids?” He stopped and stared at me. “Anna? Did I turn my dad into that monster?”

“No.” I scoffed at that. “Jordan, it wasn’t your fault. Your dad was an ass and there was nothing you could do to change that. You have to stop beating yourself up over it.” I stood in front of him, my hands on his shoulders. “Jordy, you aren’t going to be like him, you aren’t like him.”

“How do you know Anna?” He sighed, “I’m just glad Nick is the one having a baby.”

“What?”

“I don’t know if I could handle being a dad, knowing that I could repeat the mistakes of my dad.”

“Jordan,” I groaned. Every time it’s the same conversation and I never know what to really say to him. “You are better than that, I know it and you know it. You are great with kids; my nieces and nephew love you. Hell, Jesse spent most of the morning sitting next to you talking your ear off while you watched the movies.” Jordan chuckled at that. “You’ll be a great dad when you have children of your own.”

“You think?” He asked and I nodded without hesitation.