That's Friendship, right?

“More than a friend?” I shook my head, “It’s nothing like that at all!”

Josh stared at me in disbelief, “No? So I’m totally wrong and there’s nothing to worry about?”

I nodded, “Of course there’s nothing to worry about Josh.” I stepped closer to him, my hands pressed against his chest. “Don’t you trust me?”

I saw the muscle in his jaw twitch; he ran his hand through his hair before he spoke. “What if the roles were switched?”

“What?” I asked, confused by his question.

“What if it was me who was doing that? If I had a female friend and we did the same things as you and Jordan do. Would you trust me?” NO! The voice in my head screamed the moment those words came out of his mouth. “I’m sorry, I can’t read your mind but I’m damn sure that face you made said ‘no’.”

I wanted to slap the smirk of his face. “But you don’t have a female friend like that.” I said it more to convince myself that it wasn’t possible but I found I still needed him to confirm it.

He sighed, “Of course I don’t have a female friend that I pretend is my girlfriend until someone real comes along and wants to be with me.”

“Jordan doesn’t do that!” I snapped.

Josh raised his brow, “Are you sure?” He stared into my eyes and said, “’Fall Back Girl’.”

I gasped as he called me that, I didn’t think that he would throw that in my face, I told him about it earlier when he asked about my day. I thought that telling him about the conversation that Jordan and I had would ease the tension between the two of them; little did I know it would become ammunition against me. Slowly, I shook my head. “I can’t believe you just did that.”

He shrugged, “Why not? You said yourself that’s what he called you. Now I don’t know about you but to me that would mean that he was using you until someone he wanted came along.”

I knew what he was saying was true, but to hear him say it hurt. I didn’t want Jordan to want me, I’m not that crazy but I didn’t think I needed to hear it from Josh. I looked away from him, I stared at the wall for a moment, and then I turned and walked out of his room.

“Hey!” Josh called after me but I didn’t turn around. I was out in the living room when his hand grabbed hold of my arm. “You can’t be serious. You’re just going to walk away?”

I found myself gazing into their depth trying to communicate my pain and make him understand. When I did this what I saw there surprised me, reflected in his eyes was the same hurt that I was feeling. “Jordan is safe,” I whispered.

He mouthed my words to himself, “What does that mean?”

I sighed, “He’s always been there, and I’m extremely comfortable around him. I know that no matter what, he’ll always only be a friend.”

“What does that mean?” He repeated.

“It means that you are somewhat right.” By the look on his face I knew that he was going to ask what I meant again, I slipped my hand in his and guided him to the couch. When he sat down next to me, I continued. “Maybe I do act like more than a friend to Jordan.” Josh raised his brow as if saying ‘maybe?’ “Ok, I do. We do. Jordan and I do act like we could be more than friends. I know it and so does he.”

“Why pretend you don’t then?”

I shrugged, “Because I don’t like anyone pointing it out?” I took a deep breath, “Growing up it was always Jordan, Nicky and me. We did everything together; there wasn’t a time when you’d find one of us without the other two. Well, until Nicky realized that he was in love with Amy, then it was just Jordan and me. We promised that we wouldn’t let anyone come between us, that no matter what we’d always be there for each other.”

“We were young and just really starting to become attracted to the opposite sex. It started out as a game, we’d flirt and stuff.” I looked at Josh, he was leaning back against the couch with a serious expression on his face and his arms were crossed over his chest. “You ok?”

He nodded, “Go on.”

“Well I don’t know what else to tell you.”

“You said it started out as a game, you flirted and ‘stuff. What exactly was the stuff?”

I looked away, “Jordan is the first guy I kissed.” I glanced over my shoulder at Josh, “He’s also the first guy to have ‘felt me up’.”

Josh closed his eyes, leaning forward he rubbed his hands over his legs as he release the breath he must’ve been holding. “But there’s nothing sexual between you two?” Josh didn’t look at me when he said that.

I gave a little chuckle, “It was so uncomfortable having him touch me like that, that I told him if he ever did it again, I’d break his hands. Josh,” I brought my hand up to his shoulder. “I swear we never did anything else like that again. Sharing a bed with Jordan is the same to me as sharing a bed with any of my nieces when they used to have bad dreams.”

Josh turned his head towards me, “And you thinking that way is part of the problem.”

Giving a frustrated sigh, I sat back against the couch. “So what do you expect me to do? Stop being friends with him?”

Josh sat back with me. “No Anna, I already told you I wasn’t going to ask you to choose between us.” I breathed a sigh of relief which was short lived. “But I am going to ask you to choose -”

I cut him off. “If you aren’t asking me to choose between the two of you guys then there really isn’t any other choice that has to be made”

He gave me a look that said otherwise. “If you let me finish you’d know that you do have a choice to make.”

“And what choice is that?”

“The one that involves me being in your life or not.”