Adolescent Aghast

It was hard to leave Josh at his nephew’s place, Jess started to cry as we drove away, saying he didn’t want to go back to his mom; I didn’t even get out of the driveway. Josh came over to my car, a worried expression on his face. “What’s wrong?”

I opened the back door and all you could hear was Jesse sobbing, “No go to mommy’s.”

Josh sighed and got in the back with him, closing the door behind him. I watched him unstrap Jesse and pull him onto his lap. Hugging Jesse and his bear tight, Josh began to talk to him, rubbing his back as he spoke. Jesse sat on his dad’s lap, staring up at him, listening to his soothing voice; every now and then Jesse would nod and wipe at the tears on his cheeks with his gloved hand. As hard as it was to watch Jesse crying, my heart swelled and I felt tears come to my eyes as I witness such a tender moment between them. I wanted to be apart of those moments, not standing on the outside looking in.

I knew I was getting really attached, really quickly. It was hard not too, I had been secretly hoping that the moment would come where I’d meet up with Josh again, that he’d be free and interested, since the moment I last saw him all those years ago. I just never thought that it would really happen or that he would have such an adorable little boy. When I started to imagine us as a family, I turned away, scolding myself.

I heard the car door open behind me but I didn’t turn around, it was bad enough that Josh seemed to know what I was thinking earlier when I looked up at him and thought the words ‘I love you’. I knew he had told me that he loved me already but I wasn’t sure if he really felt that way for two reasons; we haven’t known each other all that long and we had just made love.

Josh’s hand rested on my back, “Anna?”

I took a deep breath and turned to face him. I tried to smile but my efforts were in vain for the moment I saw Jesse up in Josh’s arms, my heart sunk and I was really disappointed. Maybe he isn’t as comfortable with you as you thought was the first thing that popped into my mind as my eyes slid over Jesse’s tear stained cheeks. “Hey sweetie,” I reached up and caressed his cheek. “How are you doing?”

Jess lifted his head off his daddy’s shoulder and smiled at me. “I go play with Conner?”

I grinned, “If you want too, sure.” Glancing at Josh, he smiled and then turned to restrap Jesse into the car seat. I tried not to perv on Josh too much as he was bent over, half in my car but I so wanted to slap his butt. Chuckling, I forced myself to turn away.

“What are you smiling about?” Josh asked as he closed the door again. I stood there, just grinning at him. His eyes narrowed as he looked at me, “Ok.” He finally said. “Umm,” He glanced at Jess quickly. “So he should be ok now.” I nodded but I couldn’t help but still feel a little disappointed at the thoughts that Jesse could think that I would take him away from his dad.

Josh watched the emotions as they played across my face, his hands gripped my hips and he pulled me close to him. “Are you ok?” He sighed, “He gets scared every time he goes somewhere without me. I thought that he would be ok going with you because we explained where you two were going but I guess he panicked still.” He ran a hand through his hair roughly. “God I wish I knew exactly why he didn’t want to go back to Carol’s. Although, if what happened earlier is any indication…” His voice trailed off, he was becoming visibly upset. “Am I a terrible father? Am I seeing only what I want to because I’m hoping that something is off at Carol’s so I can have him full time?”

I shook my head, “No. I really believe that something is happening there. Josh he told me that he wanted to say with you because you weren’t mean. I don’t know what he meant for sure but I think you do have reason to be concerned.”

Josh went to say something but was cut off by Jesse calling out to me. “I guess he’s really ready to go play,” Josh smiled. “You two have fun and I’ll call you when I’m done here.” He waved to Jess and then pulled me tight, “We do trust you Anna.” I tilted my head back to look up at him, smiling. “Try not to have too much fun without me now,” he joked as he kissed me.

Opening the door for me, Josh gave me a hand getting into my car. He waited until I was buckled in before he gave me a kiss on the cheek and told Jess to be a good boy. Closing the door, he stepped back and watched as we drove away.

I had taken off my jacket when I got in the car; I always find it more comfortable to drive without it on. Glancing in the rear view mirror at Jess, I smiled as he pulled my jacket over to him. Looking up at me, he grinned.

Ring. I couldn’t help but laugh when my cell rang making him jump.

Ring. He pulled it out of my pocket. “I talk.” He said before he carefully pulled my phone open. “’lo?” His brow rose as he listened to who was on the phone. “No, Ama busy.” Listening some more, he nodded, “tay. Bye.” He carefully closed my phone again and held it in his hands.

I waited to see if he would say anything but he just sat there looking over my phone and whispering to Mister Bear. “Umm, Jess?” He looked up at me. “Who was on the phone?”

He held his finger up to his mouth as he thought about it; finally he took a deep breath, shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. “I no.”

“You don’t know?” He shook his head again. “Was it a girl or boy?”

He glanced at Mister Bear. “Boy. Not daddy.”

I smiled, “Ok, was it Zack? Or Chad?” He narrowed his eyes as he thought and then shook his head. “Ok. Was it Jordan?”

He giggled, “Yes Jordan” I don’t know how to spell how he really said Jordan’s name but it was interesting.

Soon Jess and I had arrived at Zach’s house. Cassie came running out to meet me when I pulled to a stop in front of the garage. “Aunt Anna!” She was out of breath. “I didn’t think you were coming.” She glanced at Jess who was waving at her from the back seat; she gave me a confused look. “What are you doing with Coach Baker’s son?”

Opening the back door, I handed her Jesse’s sippy cup and some of his toys. “I brought him out to play with Conner.” I unstrapped Jess and pulled him out of the seat.

Turning back to Cassie, she still had the confused look on her face. “But where did you get him?” Jesse reached out his gloved hand to her and she absently let him hold on to her fingers.

“Well I kidnapped him." I laughed, "Where do you think I got him? Josh is helping Matt today; he didn’t expect to have Jesse so he didn’t make plans for someone to watch him. I volunteered to bring him here with me, so he could play with Conner."

“Like at Ama’s home.” Jesse piped up.

A horrified look came over Cassie’s face. “Aunt Anna!” She shrieked, “You can’t date my teacher!” She ran back towards the house calling out to her father.

Shocked, I looked at Jess and he looked at me. “Girls!” He scoffed and I laughed.