Speechless

They lost track of time. That was Jordan’s grandparents’ excuse when the boys returned to the house with them in tow. “They bumped into old friends,” Jordan explained when we finally settled around the dinning room table. “We found them standing in the parking lot, chatting like they had all the time in the world.”

Chuckling softly, he told me that his grandmother was shocked to see his brothers and him. “She didn’t seem to understand why anyone would be worried about them. She told me that they knew where they were and that was all that mattered.”

Dinner went by without an incident, which was unusual for his family. The biggest ‘argument’ that erupted was a heated discussion about potty training – Harriet was trying to get Jordan to start without talking to Heather about it and his grandmother was on Jordan’s side, telling Harriet that it wasn’t up to her. “Harriet, you didn’t like it when I stuck my nose into the way you raised your boys, don’t you think you should leave Jenna’s care up to Jordan?”

As Harriet gave into her mother in law, I wondered if that would be me in a couple years. Would I be going along with whatever she said just to keep the peace? Or would I argue my point until she gave in? I really didn’t have the answer to that question but, for some reason, I wasn’t really worried about it either; I knew I would do whatever I needed to make sure that we understood each other – or tried to.

Jordan’s arm slipped around my shoulders, “Are you coming?”

“What?” I gave him a confused look and he motioned around the nearly empty table.

“Everyone is moving into the living room,” he informed me as he stood up. “Are you coming? My grandparents have big news, apparently.”

“Oh, of course I’m coming.” I felt silly as I slipped my hand into his. “I’m sorry, I spaced out there for a minute.”

“I know,” he chuckled while we followed behind everyone else as they headed towards the living room. “I wanted to do that as well when they started to criticize my parenting skills.”

“You Nan stuck up for you. I heard her tell your mom to butt out.”

With a grin, Jordan told me he almost laughed out loud when she said it. “Mom won’t say anything back but you know I’m going to hear it later when if she manages to get me alone.”

Squeezing his hand, I gave him a smile. “Don’t worry Jordy, I got your back.”

We were the last ones to enter the living room and with everyone watching us, waiting for us to sit down, we quickly made our way towards the far corner where the only vacant seat remained. Offering that last seat to me, Jordan knelt down onto the floor beside the chair and rested his shoulder against it. “Hope this doesn’t take too long,” he whispered, his head tilted back to watch me as I took my seat. “Don’t want my butt to fall asleep.”

“Don’t worry,” I ruffled his hair. “I’ll help you wake it up, if necessary.” I guess my comment wasn’t expected, Jordan laughed out loud drawing the attention of his whole family who wanted to know what was so funny. “It was nothing,” I replied as Jordan asked what the big news was.

His grandparents glanced around the room at all of us and then at each other. “Do you want to tell them?” His grandfather asked his grandmother. “Or do you want me to tell them?”

“You can tell them Dear,” she replied with a smile. “I’ll just….” She trailed off as she turned to grab something that wasn’t there. “Johnny, where did you put my purse?” John told her he believed she left it in the dining room. “Could you fetch it for me Johnny?”

Beside me, Jordan grinned and I knew it was because of his father’s immediate move to get up to ‘fetch’ his grandmother’s purse. Jordan always got a kick out of seeing his dad do his grandmother’s bidding because it was the only time John let anyone tell him what to do.

While John left the room to fetch his mother’s purse, Jenna, who was up with John when we sat down, now found herself standing in the middle of the living room unsure of what happened. I watched her slowly look around at the many faces in the room before her big green eyes settled on her daddy. “Dada,” she giggled as she started to run towards us as quickly as her tiny feet could take her.

Jordan laughed when Jenna plopped her butt down on his lap. “Thought you forgot about me,” he teased her as she wiggled around and ‘talked’ to him.

When John came back in the room with the purse, the first thing he seemed to do after he sat down was look across the room at Jordan and Jenna playing. I don’t know if it was just my imagination but he looked a little disappointed that Jenna wasn’t waiting for him to come back. It was only a moment though, for he quickly turned towards Nick, Amy and Bradley and stood again. Holding out his hands for Bradley, John asked if he could hold his grandson.

Not a word was spoken as John lifted Bradley carefully from Nick’s arms and returned to his seat next to Harriet. Once he was seated comfortably as possible with Harriet hanging over his shoulder to coo at Bradley, John happened to glance our way again.

I caught his eye and smiled at him.

He cleared his throat. “Mom, dad, what was it you wanted to tell us?”

As if he reminded her, his mother reached into her purse and pulled out a small handful of envelopes. Flipping through them, she smiled when she came across the one she was looking for. “There you go Johnny,” she held out the envelope to her son.

“What is this?” John asked as he took the envelope.

“Open it,” his mother replied as she stood, flipping through the rest of the envelopes as she went. “You father will explain it.” Glancing up from the envelopes, she smiled and headed for Mike and Eric. “Here you go Michael,” she said as she handed him a similar envelope before moving on to Nick.

“Nicholas,” she read off as she handed him one. “And Bradley,” she handed that one to Amy.

Curiosity and confusion, that’s the look that most of his family had on their faces as she crossed the room to where Jordan and I were seated. “Jordan,” she held out the last two envelopes to him. “One is for you and the other is for Jenna.”

“What is it Nan?” Jordan asked as he stared up at her.

“Why,” she smiled at him. “It’s a gift.”

No one made a move to open the envelopes. “Go on,” she prompted them. “Open the envelopes.”

“Yes,” her husband jumped in. “Open them up.”

They waited and waited but still no one moved. “Oh my,” Jordan’s grandmother turned to her husband. “Maybe you should tell them now so they will open it.”

“Oh of course,” Jordan’s grandfather grinned as he glanced around the room at his family and announced, “We sold the farm.”

Jaws hit the floor and John hit the roof. He demanded to know why they sold and why he wasn’t aware of it. He had so many questions, all of which he fired off immediately but his parents weren’t shaken, they told him that they thought long and hard about it and it was the right choice for them. “We didn’t sell it all,” they explained when John demanded to know where they were going to live. “We kept the house and a couple acres. We didn’t need all that land Johnny.”

We watched in shock and horror as John continued to rant and rave about them selling the land without letting him or the rest of the family know. “Calm down Johnny,” his mother snapped. “Your father and I had been talking for years about selling the land and giving a little something to our kids and their families. We aren’t getting any younger and we wanted to do this now instead of burdening our children with it after we passed on.”

“Brian and Meredith already know about this?”

“No, they don’t know. We decided to tell you and your family first, since you are the oldest Johnny.” Noticing that no one had opened the envelopes still, Jordan’s grandmother ordered her grandkids to open them.

Jordan and Mike didn’t make a move to open it but Nick, after being poked in the ribs by Amy, turned the envelope over and ripped the flap open. Amy leaned in over his shoulder as he pulled out the cheque inside. Amy’s eyes popped out of her head and Nick went pale as she shrieked, “$50,000?”

“That’s right,” Nan replied. “$50,000 for each of the grandkids and $25,000 for our little great grandkids.”

A Little Something

Mornings seemed to come long before I was ready for them. That Sunday morning, seemed to come a lot earlier than most. Or maybe it was all because of the man sleeping soundly beside me and his almost insatiable hunger the night before.

Every single inch of my body was aching as I attempted to roll onto my side. “You better be as sore as me,” I muttered when I finally managed to make it over. As I lowered my to his chest, I noticed a small smirk on his lips. “You aren’t sore, are you?”


His smirk widened into a huge grin as he rolled onto his side. “I have an ache,” he whispered while lowering his mouth to my neck. “Help me with it, Babe. Please?”

Normally, I wouldn’t hesitate to ease his ‘ache’ – sex with Jordan was amazing and I enjoyed it greatly – but while he kissed my neck, I couldn’t do anything. It took all my energy just to slip my hand around his bare back. “Jordy…” I sighed.

He groaned softly and rubbed my back. Chuckling, I told him that it didn’t matter how gently he caressed my back, he wasn’t getting any. “Wasn’t the three times last night…?” Jordan started to shake his head before I even finished my question. I smiled, “Can’t get enough of me Jordy?”

Once again, he shook his head. “No,” he smiled. “I can’t. I wake up every morning and I reach for you. I find I can’t fall asleep unless you’re pressed up against me. At work, something’ll happen, I’ll think of you and I can barely concentrate on the job at hand.” Taking a deep breath, he shrugged. “I don’t know what to do anymore, this is so new to me and…” He bit his lip and shifted his position. “I want to talk about the other night. I need to tell you some things Anna.”


Silence settled over the room. I was waiting for him to continue but as he stared down at me, I started to think that he was waiting for me to say something. I said the only thing I could think of, “I’m listening.”

Over the next hour, Jordan talked to me about everything from our childhood friendship to our adult relationship. I found out a lot of stuff that I didn’t know before, like I was the ‘star’ of his first ‘wet’ dream. “Do you remember the summer after Nick and I turned 12? You went with us to our grandparents’ acreage for two months.”


I nodded. “It was the first time your parents let us stay there without them.”

“Yeah, it was the best summer ever – no dad for two whole months.” He paused as if reflecting on that first summer of freedom. “Not only was it the first summer without my parents’, it was also the first summer I realized that you were a girl.”


“What?” I snorted. “You knew I was a girl long before that summer.”

“Well…” he nodded hesitantly. “Yes, I knew you were a chick but it wasn’t until that summer, down by the pond, when I realized that you were a girl.” His eyes widened at whatever memory he was recalling.


I asked him about it. “What was so special about that summer and the pond?”

He opened his mouth to speak but it was his eyes that told the story as they drifted southwards until they came to rest on the swell of my breast. “Those,” he sighed. “I don’t know how it happened but….damn, Babe you seemed to sprout those overnight and that bathing suit you wore did nothing to conceal them.”


I laughed. “Pervert!”

“Yes,” he admitted. “But it made me feel weird. I didn’t know what the hell was going on with me; suddenly I couldn’t be around you without getting excited.” Pushing up on his elbow, he leaned in over me. “Do you have any idea what it was like for me to suddenly have dreams of kissing you? To dream that we were playing around in the water but it wasn’t the same as it’s always been.”


“Hmm, I always wondered why you acted different that summer. Nick told me it was because you were afraid that your parents would show up if you did anything wrong.”

“It felt wrong Anna. The way you made me feel then – the same way you make me feel now – I thought it was wrong because you don’t have those feelings for your best friend.”


“But…” My fingers trailed down his side to his thigh. “You obviously got over that feeling.”

“Obviously,” he kissed my forehead. “It stopped feeling wrong a while ago when I discovered that masturbating made it all better.”


Rolling my eyes, I attempted to turn away from him but he stopped me. “But seriously Anna, things changed that summer and they changed again when we decided to give us a chance. Since then, I’ve been worrying that I’m going to do something to fuck it all up.”

“Jordan you can’t –”


“But I can and I do,” he stated as he fell back against the mattress. “The other night, after we fought, I thought for sure that you wouldn’t be here when I got home – so I didn’t want to come home.”

“I know,” I stroked his cheek. “Nick told me about your visit to his place.” He didn’t say a word; he just laid there, staring up at the ceiling for the longest time. “Jordy, I won’t lie, I did think about leaving because I didn’t want to argue with you and I didn’t know what kind of mood you would be in when you did come home. I wanted to give us both a chance to cool off.”


“You stayed though,” he pulled me close.

“Yeah, I stayed. My nieces talked some sense into me, they told me that we were friends and lovers, and nothing would change that – we just needed to talk it out.”


“Smart kids,” he replied. “Weird ones too because who says ‘lovers’ these days?”

Smiling, I told him Lindsay did. “It’s the historical romance novels she reads.”


****

“I think we were going about this wrong,” he had told me while we were still in bed. “We jumped into looking for a house without really discussing what we wanted beyond my desire for at least three bedrooms and two bathrooms. We need to discuss what else we want and go from there.”


Later that afternoon Jordan and I were curled up on the couch with a copy each of the most recent Realty Guide and my laptop with the MLS option page displayed on the screen. “A finished basement,” Jordan added. “So our children will have a place to play and hang out with it is minus 40 outside.” I agreed it was one thing I loved about my brother’s house; I always had a place to play, no matter what the weather. “What would you like in our house Anna?”

I didn’t have to think too long, I knew a few things I wanted. “I would like a big kitchen,” I told him. “With stainless steel appliances, under the counter microwave and a double oven.” Looking up from my copy of the Realty Guide, I told him that I would like a window over the sink so I could look out over the yard where our children would play.

Jordan put his copy down and gazed at me. “What else would you like Babe?”

“A place for us, to enjoy ourselves once the kids are in bed – a bathroom with a tub big enough for us to both relax it in, or a living room with a fireplace where we could sit together in the glow of the fire.” Closing my eyes, I pictured Jordan and I cuddling on the couch with a cup of hot chocolate each as we talked and watched the snow fall outside our window. “Jordan.” I opened my eyes. “How much do you have your heart set on finding a house in town?”

“What do you mean?” He rubbed his jaw. “You don’t want to live in town?”

“Well…” I shrugged. “Since we are being honest about what we want, I have to admit that the idea of living in town isn’t one I’m opposed to but I do love the idea of living out of town.” I went on to tell him that, as he knew, the best times of my life (and his) happened out of town. “I don’t know, I just feel that our kids would have more room and be safer if we didn’t live in town.”

“Yes, but what about the possibility of getting snowed in? Or some other event that stops us from getting the kids to school or us to work?”

“Jordy,” I smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “We risk that living in town too but you asked what I would like and it’s something I would like us to keep in mind.” Reaching out, I placed my hand on his. “I have no objects about living in town; I just like the idea of being out of town.”

He nodded thoughtfully. “And what about something like this?” He motioned around his living room. “A house that’s on the outer limits of town so it has the benefits of both worlds.”

“Exactly!” I exclaimed with a chuckle. “We’ll have to find something like this.”

With a snort, he glanced around his living room once more before turning towards me. “Do you think I should’ve held on to this house?” Staring him straight in the eyes, I told him I was behind his decision 100%. “Good,” he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “I wanted something ‘new’ for us – something that would make us both happy.”

After a couple hours, we had found a couple houses that met some of our main requirements – 2 were in town and 1 was out of town. “I just hope one looks as good in person as they do on paper.”

****

Jordan’s grandparents were late. Dinner was supposed to be at 6 but at 7:30 we were still sitting in the living room, waiting to hear that they were ok.

“I should’ve gone to get them,” John said as he paced back and forth from the front door to the living room every couple minutes. “I told them that it was supposed to snow but they don’t listen to me.”

Jordan, who had been sitting restlessly beside me, stood up and motioned his brothers to join him. “Dad?” He followed John out of the room. “Why don’t Mike, Nick and I go see if we can find them?”

“No, no.” John stopped, shaking his. “I should go find them, they are my parents. You boys stay with your mother.”

“Dad,” Mike grabbed hold of John’s arm. “You stay with mom and the boys and I will see what’s keeping Nan and Pop.”

A brief, heated discussion John returned to his pacing while snapping at the boys to hurry up. “And call me if you find them!”

Closer

After a long silence, Nick asked me if Jordan told me why he didn’t come home until after midnight. When I said no, that we hadn’t talked about what happened yet, that we would when Jenna was asleep, Nick just said, ‘oh’.

“Was there something I should know?”

“No, nothing really.”

“Oh,” I frowned. “Then why did you ask that Nick?”

“Just wanted to know if he told you how crazy he is, that’s all.”

Jordan came wandering down the hallway with Jenna bundled up in a towel. I raised a brow in his direction. “Crazy? What do you mean Nick?”

“Hold on a minute, ok Nick?” When he said ok, I smiled at Jordy. “What’s up?”

“Kisses?” Jordan held Jenna out to me and she didn’t waste any time leaning forward to wrap her chubby little arms around my neck. “I’m going to read her the ‘Three Little Pigs’ tonight.” He gave me a kiss on the forehead as Jenna slobbered on my cheek.

“Good choice,” I grinned. “She loves your little piggy voice.”

“Nah,” Jordan shook his head. “It’s my big bad wolf.” Pulling Jenna away from me, he held her up over his head and in a deep, gruff voice, he said, “I’ll huff and I’ll puff and…” Lowering Jenna he blew loudly on her belly, making her giggle like mad.

Just watching Jordan laughing with Jenna made me so happy. “Hey Jordy?”

Lowering Jenna to his chest, he raised a brow in my direction. “Yeah Babe?”

With a smile, I grabbed a handful of his shirt and pulled him near. “I love you Jordan Randall Pollett.” At the mere mention of his middle name, Jordy screwed up his face, he hated it but it was his mother’s father’s name so he was stuck with it. Besides, I kinda liked it but I would never tell him that.

“Love you too.” He kissed my cheek and started to turn away but stopped. Turning back, he gave me a once over before his eyes locked on mine. As I glazed into his eyes, there was something in them that just took my breath away. “I’ve always loved you Anna, for as long as I can remember.”

Yeah, I couldn’t speak a word, that got to me.

Jordan turned and wandered off down the hallway with Jenna half hanging over his shoulder, grinning at me.

I couldn’t wipe the grin off my face until a voice in my ear said, “Once again she forgets about me when Jordan Randall is around.”

“Whatever Nicholas –“

“Don’t even!”

“What?” I laughed. “You don’t like your middle name either, do you Clyde?”

“ANNA! Why do you …. Argh! Women!”

“Love you Nicky.”

“Yeah, yeah. Shithead.”

Smiling, I asked him how he was doing. “How is Bradley and Amy? Jordan said that Bradley wasn’t feeling that great, does he have a cold?”

Nick told me that Bradley had a fever so they took him to the ER. “Amy was so upset. I told her he just had a cold but she wouldn’t listen to a word I said, she told me that I didn’t know anything because I wasn’t a doctor or a woman.”

“Come on Nick, it’s your first baby, of course Amy’s going to be worried. Besides, it’s never a good thing for a baby to have a fever.”

“Yeah but she doesn’t have to assume that I know nothing because I’m just a dad. I read the same damn books she did and I have both our mom’s telling me the same stuff they tell her. So what I didn’t give birth to him, he’s still my son and I’m just as capable of figuring out when something is wrong with him.”

“Sounds like something you should talk to Amy about Nick. You know, when you both are calm.”

“I tried to talk to her,” he admitted. “But Jordan showed up with a screaming Jenna and that pissed Amy off even more because she had just gotten Bradley to sleep.”

“I’m sorry Nick.”

Nick sighed. “Not your fault my brother is a moron and Amy’s moody.”

“It kind of was my fault, the whole reason Jordan showed up at your place.”

“No,” Nick replied. “Jordan showed up at my place because he was too chicken shit to go home.”

“Because he didn’t want to fight.”

“No, because he didn’t want to go home to an empty house – he was so certain that he ruined everything with you, he thought you wouldn’t be there when he went home. He stayed here as long as he could before Amy told him to grow up and go deal with his problems like a man.”

Nick went on to tell me how much of a wreck Jordan was when he showed up at his place. “I thought something bad happened because I’ve never seen him like that before. Plus, Jenna crying and calling out to you didn’t help him at all, he kept telling her that he screwed up and you might not be there anymore.”

“Oh…” I sighed. “It was our first real fight Nick and yeah, I guess, with my past behaviour in similar situations Jordan would have ever reason to think I would leave.”

“You didn’t leave, obviously.”

“No, but I thought about it. Just to give him time to think about what he said and why it upset me.”

“But you didn’t leave,” he repeated.

“I couldn’t, not really.”

****

“Jordan?” I had finished my conversation with Nick moments before and I realized that I hadn’t heard a peep from Jordan since he went to read Jenna a story. “Honey?” I wandered down the hallway towards Jenna’s room but when I got to her door, the lights were all off except for her Dora nightlight and Jordan wasn’t anywhere to be found.

From Jenna’s room, I made my way to his room, thinking that maybe he decided to change before coming out to join me in the living room but once again I came to a dark room with no Jordan. "Jordy?” I started to think I was losing it, thinking that he must’ve slipped by me while I was on the phone. I started back down the hallway towards the kitchen.

“Jordy?” I glanced around the kitchen and felt my heart sink when I found another empty room. Disappointed, I turned to head back to the living room and damn near ran over Jordan. “I was looking….” The look in his eyes made me forget what I was saying, he looked hungry.

Moments later, I knew just how hungry when his mouth came crashing down on mine.

A Day In The Life

I woke up early the next morning with a lot on my mind. I hated the way things went after we viewed the last house the day before. I hated that Jordan talked to me like that in front of the girls but most of all I hated that I let him.

But with all that said, I wasn’t upset with myself for not getting into a fight or whatever when he finally came home. It didn’t matter how much I hated what happened, I knew that we would talk about it and we would clear the air. That was always the way it worked with us. That was why we worked as well as we did.

In the early morning light, I could just make out Jordan’s features. That morning, just like every other time I gazed at him, my heart skipped a beat. Jordan was, without a doubt, a very handsome man and even though he knew this, it never made him an arrogant man. He was, by far, the sweetest, kindest guy I ever knew. There was never a moment when we were growing up that I wondered if he would have my back, or take my side or be there for me when I needed him. Just like he always knew that he could count on me to be there for him however he needed it.

It was that respect, understanding and love that kept us close throughout the years and eventually led to us taking the leap into a romantic relationship. Sure, it wasn’t easy all the time but for the most part it was perfect. He was perfect. We were perfect. Despite all of our flaws.

I couldn’t help by smile as I watched him sleep. Whenever he was really tired, he always ended up on his back with one arm crossed over his chest and the other thrown out as if he was offering an sleepy invite to me to cuddle up next to him. Many times I took him up on that offer, even when we weren’t dating. It was always wonderful to wake up pressed against him because, no matter what, he when he started to wake, he would roll towards me as much as he could and smother me in his arms. I always felt so loved when he did that, even if we were just friends.

Who am I kidding? I never really truly thought of Jordan as ‘just’ a friend in years. From the time he started to ‘mature’ and wanted to show me every new hair or tell me the ‘cool’ things that was happening with his body or the sexy whispering in my ear he attempted once his voice started to change, I was completely lost under his spell.

Nothing’s changed, I thought as my eyes travelled down over his bare chest. Sure, he’s not pulling up his shirt, all excited about new chest hair but he loves to remove his shirt and flex just for me. Shaking my head, I chuckled softly because I knew I was still under his spell. But at least, this time, he was under mine as well.

Leaning over him, I pressed my lips against his. There is no words to describe the feelings that flowed through me when, in his sleeping state, Jordan pulled me into his arms and sighed happily. “Love you,” he mumbled in his sleep.

“Love you too,” I whispered as I kissed his chest before settling down next to him.

It wasn’t long before I joined him in dreamland once again.

****

The next time I woke up, the sun was shining and the bed next to me was cold and empty.

Empty except for the note that was folded up and placed on Jordan’s pillow with my name written in his bold masculine, almost illegible handwriting.

Curious, I pushed up onto my elbow and reached out to grab the paper. Opening it up, I scanned it quickly and then fell back against the mattress, chuckling.

“I didn’t want to leave but Jenna made me! She was demanding p’nakes! Don’t move, I plan on taking advantage of you as soon as she turns her back!”

My man, he’s nothing if not romantic.

Of course, I moved, my stomach was growling and p’nakes (pancakes) sounded really good.

Crawling out of bed, I stopped by Jordan’s closet long enough to pull on a pair of my shorts and his high school grad sweatshirt before continuing on my way into the hall where I was immediately teased with the scent of pancakes as it drifted throughout the house.

My stomach growled louder.

“Good morning girls,” I stopped briefly to see if my nieces needed any help with the mountain of books that were spread open in front of them, ignored as they entertained, or were entertained, by Jenna and her ‘Doa’.

They told me they were fine, so I continued on my way and wandered into the kitchen were Jordan was spooning homemade pancake batter onto the hot griddle while he whistled.

“Morning Babe,” he smiled at me when I came to stand by his side. As he offered me his cheek, he asked how I slept.

“Great.” I kissed his cheek. “And you lied.”

“What?” He frowned. “When?”

“In this.” I held up the note he left me and glanced around the room. “Jenna’s back is turned and I was still laying there, not the least bit violated when I woke up.”

He laughed out loud. “I see.” He finished pouring the batter onto the griddle and then turned to me. “I can change that right now, if you like.” He lunged for me, grabbed my hips and yanking my body towards his as he lowered his head to my neck. In between his kisses and nibbling, he told me exactly what he wanted to do to me, no details spared.

“Jordan!” I gasped.

“Whaaat?” He asked as innocently as he could.

“The girls are –”

I heard the sound of tiny feet running moments before I heard Jenna asked, “P’nakes?”

“This isn’t over,” Jordan growled as he reluctantly released me.

****

Later that afternoon, Zack swung by on his way home from work to pick up his daughters. Despite having spent the afternoon watching Jenna play, doing their homework and relaxing with Jordan and me, the girls didn’t really want to leave.

“Why can’t we stay another night?” Cassie asked Zach. “We barely get to see Aunt Anna anymore.”

“Barely?” Zach laughed. “More like you barely see your mom and your sister anymore. Go get your stuff together; I want to get home before your mom starts worrying.”

“It’s not fair,” Cassie whined as she stomped pass Zach, pulling Lindsay down the hallway with her to pack up their stuff. “I’m almost 18, and I’m not allowed to go anywhere!”

“Keep that up and you won’t be going anywhere!” Zach called after her. Turning to me, he asked if I could be less fun the next time the girls spend the night. “Lately, being here is all they talk about.”

“It’s not like we are partying or anything Zach.” I told him that we didn’t do anything all day but laze around. “They did their homework and played with Jenna, it’s not the most thrilling day by no means.”

He stood there for the longest time, just staring at Jordan and me as we sat together on the couch before shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t know what it is but they don’t seem to want to be home and it’s upsetting Mary; she’s afraid that the girls are upset about the baby. She’s worrying about it and it’s not doing her any good.”

“They aren’t upset about the baby Zach. Why Cassie told me yesterday that she was looking forward to having a new brother or sister.”

“Then why don’t they want to be home?”

I shrugged. “They are teenagers?”

“You were one once and I couldn’t get you to leave the house!”

Jordan, who was quietly playing with Jenna as Zach and I spoke, now chuckled. “That’s because Nick and I always wanted to be at your house.” He glanced up at Zach, “Being home sucked.”

“But the girls…” Zach groaned. “I don’t understand my girls, they have everything they could want at home but they don’t seem to want to be there.”

I really didn’t have an answer for him. I knew that I loved being home when I was a teenager and maybe that was because the boys were always over, I can’t really say. The only thing I could tell him was to talk to the girls about it.

****

After supper, while I did the dishes, Jordan wandered off into bathroom with Jenna to start his nightly bedtime routine. Most nights, he would ask me to come and sit with him as he bathed Jenna but the odd night, I would busy myself with dishes or some other sort of house work just to give him some time alone with her.

From my spot in front of the kitchen sink, I could hear Jordan talking silly and Jenna’s squealing laughter. It made me smile and it made me feel like the happiest woman in the world. It also made me hope that Heather and Hank took their time coming back from Hank’s grandmother’s place.

I was in the middle of hoping that Jordan has lots of ‘daddy and Jenna’ nights like this when his home phone rang. I wandered into the living room to answer the phone, pausing briefly to call down the hallway to Jordan to let him know he didn’t have to worry about getting it.

“Thanks Babe,” he called back as I brought the receiver to my face and said ‘hello’.

“I guess that answers my question. Hey Trouble.”

I smiled. “Nick, how are you? Did you need to speak to Jordy?” I paused, glancing down the hallway before telling Nick that Jordan was giving Jenna a bath.

Nick told me not to worry about it. “I was just calling to see how things went after Jordan left here last night.”

“Jordan was there?” I’ll admit, I was curious where he went after he sped away the day before.

“Yup, showed up here all worried with a crying Jenna. I didn’t know what the hell happened for the longest time, he just kept repeating that he fucked up.”

“He told you what happened?”

“Yeah,” Nick replied but didn’t elaborate any more than that.

“Ok,” I played with the dish cloth I was still holding, unsure of what to really say.

After a long silence, Nick asked me if Jordan told me why he didn’t come home until after midnight. When I said no, that we hadn’t talked about what happened yet, that we would when Jenna was asleep, Nick just said, ‘oh’.

“Was there something I should know?”

“No, nothing really.”

“Oh,” I frowned. “Then why did you ask that Nick?”

“Just wanted to know if he told you how crazy he is, that’s all.”

Jordan came wandering down the hallway with Jenna bundled up in a towel. I raised a brow in his direction. “Crazy? What do you mean Nick?”

Weakness In His Armour

It was a disappointing evening. Not only was Jenna cranky and not interested at all in looking at houses with her dad and me, but Jordan seemed to be a little cranky himself. Or maybe it was that way because we couldn’t seem to agree on anything. If I liked something, he didn’t. If I didn’t like something, he just thought it was the coolest thing he ever saw.


“Oh come on Anna,” he said as he jumped up into the drivers’ seat of his truck. “What was wrong with that house?”

“It was too closed in, I couldn’t imagine any of our stuff there. It just didn’t feel right Jordan.”

“Didn’t feel right?” He shook his head and muttered something under his breath.

“Yes Jordan,” I turned to gaze out the window at the snow as it lazily fell to the ground. “It didn’t feel like ‘home’.”

“No, nothing will until we move and get settled.” Staring up the truck, he glanced at my nieces in the back seat. “What did you think of the house?”

“Don’t answer that,” I told the girls.

“Why not?” Jordan demanded. “I just asked what they thought, what’s wrong with that?”

“What’s wrong?” I slowly turned to stare at him. “Are they going to be living there Jordan?”

“Well, no.” His hand slipped to the gear shift. “But what difference does it make?”

I didn’t want to argue with him, especially not over this. “I just didn’t like the feel of the house Jordan – it didn’t feel like home. It didn’t feel right.”

He stared down at me for the longest time before finally saying, “Fine, I’ll talk to Wanda and find out if there’s anything else we can look at.”

I breathed a sigh of relief, happy that it didn’t turn into a huge argument in front of the girls. “Thank you,” I said as he slammed the gearshift into drive and mumbled, “Don’t know why it matters, it’s not like it’s your money.”

Behind me, I heard the girls inhale sharply, letting me know they heard him too.

Right then and there I wanted to ask him what the hell was biting him but I managed to bite my tongue. I won’t lie, his comment hurt and I felt like crying because he never talked to me like that before and it wasn’t true, he wasn’t the one financing the entire purchase of the house – I had money in the bank and Zack had told me if we needed more, he would help us any way he could.

As we drove along the streets towards his house, I made a promise to myself that I would calmly talk to him later about his attitude. But when we arrived at the house, he pulled into the driveway but he didn’t shut off the truck. “Don’t unhook her,” Jordan said to Cassie when she went to help Jenna out of her car seat.

“Ok,” Cassie backed off and shot me a questioning look before slipping out of the back seat along with Lindsay.

Once they were out of the truck, I turned to Jordan; he was staring straight ahead tapping his hand on the steering wheel. “Aren’t you coming in?”

Shaking his head stiffly, he said ‘no’ to the windshield.

My heart hurt.

His hand started tapping more impatiently on the wheel.

“Is something wrong?”

His jaw flinched but he didn’t say anything.

“Jordy –“

“Just go inside Anna.”

“But…” I reached for him but he moved away. “I don’t understand Jordan. Are you mad that I don’t like the last house?”

“Anna!” He growled impatiently as he turned towards me finally. “Why can’t you just do as I asked? Why do you always have to argue with me? It’s not that difficult to open the door and get out.”

Blinking back the tears that were building up inside, I gripped the door handle and shoved it opened. “You don’t have to talk down to me,” I told him as I jumped out. And just because he pissed me off, I told him he was being a jerk. “I’m not about to choose a house I don’t like,” I told him. “It was your idea to get a house together; you wanted ‘us’ to make the decision.”

“Yeah,” he rammed the gear shift in drive and glared at me. “I should’ve known you can’t make a decision to save your life!”

“Oh whatever!” I snapped at him. “I choose to be with you, now, didn’t I?” I have no idea if he had a comeback for that, I didn’t wait to find out – I slammed his door and stomped away.

On the front step, my nieces were shivering. “Aunt Anna?” Cassie wrapped her arms around me as Jordan sped away. “It’ll be ok,” she whispered as I cried on her shoulder. “It’ll be ok.”

****

If I had my stubborn way, I would’ve went into the house and packed my bags and went home but the girls refused to let me run. “Uncle Jordan will come home and he’ll tell you what’s biting him,” they would tell me time and time again when I mentioned not wanting to be there.

Even hours later, when Jordan still hadn’t come home, they were telling me that it would be ok. “You guys are best friends as well as lovers,” they told me. “He’ll come home and explain it all.”

They also told me that I would hate myself for leaving. “You won’t feel any better,” they stated. “You’ll worry all night and work yourself into a panic attack. Uncle Jordan loves you Aunt Anna; he’s just got a lot on his mind, that’s all.”

They were so right, I would worry, I would make myself sick so instead of leaving, I told them to get ready for bed and I disappeared into Jordan’s room to do the same.

The clock on the nightstand read 12:40am when the bedroom door opened and Jordan came into the room. As quietly as he could, he got ready for bed and soon he had the sheets lifted so he could slide in. From the moment the door opened, I laid so still, afraid to breathe because I didn’t want him to know I was wake – afraid that he would still be in a pissy mood.

When the bed moved under his weight and he slid in behind me, I said a silent prayer that everything was alright.

Seconds ticked by, he didn’t say anything and I didn’t feel him move any closer so I figured he was still upset or didn’t want to wake me.

Just as I had relaxed enough to start to drift off, he groaned and moved until he was pressed up against my back with his arm wrapped around my waist. Pressing his lips firmly against my shoulder, he squeezed me tight. “I’m sorry,” he whispered in the darkness.

Sorry about what? I wanted to ask but I didn’t because I was just happy that he was home and holding me.

“I know you’re awake,” he whispered after a couple minutes.

I didn’t say anything but I did slip my hand over his arm and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“You were always terrible at pretending,” he chuckled softly.

Glancing over my shoulder, I raised a brow.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated as he nuzzled my cheek.

“What happened?”

“I didn’t think it would be this hard,” he told me.

Shifting in his arms, I turned more towards him. “What wouldn’t be?”

“I wanted everything to be perfect,” he admitted. “I thought we would look at a couple houses and we would find one that would make us both happy but we’ve looked at how many houses now? 10? 15?”

I shrugged, I wasn’t really counting.

“I don’t know,” he groaned. “I don’t know if this was one of my good ideas or not.”

Taking a deep breath, I asked him, “Are you regretting asking me to move in with you?”

Without hesitation, he replied, “Absolutely not. I just hope we have a place to live before the sale closes on this house.”

“Jordy,” I turned completely and faced him. “I’m not worried about where we’ll live, as long as we are together.”

“Even if it’s on the street?” He joked.

I grinned, “I’ll be there to keep you warm.”

A Good Reason To Wait?

I was going to ask him about his date and how come he agreed to go out on a night when he had Jesse – something that he wasn’t too willing to do before. But instead of those words coming out of my mouth, I asked, “With the waitress from Boston Pizza?”

Josh’s smile disappeared. “How did you know?”

Crap! I cringed. “She was that into you at the restaurant?” I offered.

He wasn’t buying it for one second. Crossing his arms over his chest, he stared down at me. “What did you do?”

“Nothing!” I insisted. “Just…”

“Anna,” he didn’t look too happy. “Please tell me you didn’t beg her to ask me out.”

“No!” I shook my head and reached for his arms. With my hands curled around his biceps, I stared up into his eyes. “No Josh! I wouldn’t do that to you!”

“Then how do you know she’s my date?”

I sighed. He groaned. “No,” I gripped his arms tighter. “I swear it’s nothing.” I went on to tell him when he excused himself to go to the bathroom; she appeared at the table and seemed all nervous. “She asked if we were dating – I told her no. She asked if you were seeing anyone – again, I told her no. Then she told me that she thought you were really cute and she wanted to ask you out but she wanted to make sure you weren’t seeing anyone. She asked me what kind of woman you were attracted to…” I trailed off as he ran a hand over his face.

“You told her to ask me out, didn’t you?”

“Yes, Josh, I did.”

“Anna!”

“No, it wasn’t like that!” I insisted. “I told her what I would tell anyone else who was interested in a friend of mine – ‘the best way to see if he’s interested is to ask him’ – “

“I can’t believe this,” Josh groaned.

I wanted to shake him. “Josh come on. She didn’t ask you out because I told her too, she asked you out because she thinks you are hot and she wants your bod. Now deal with it because she’s not the only woman out there who’ll come on to you. Geeze!”

I turned away from him, a little ticked that he was making a beg deal out of his date having asked me about him. Didn’t he know that’s what women do? They ask someone about the man they were drooling over. I knew I had done it many, many times before myself. “She likes what she’s seen of you Josh,” I glanced over my shoulder. “That’s why she asked you out.”

He pondered that for a moment and then took a deep breath, his hand circled around my arm as he released that breath. “I’m sorry, I’m just not used to an ex being involved with setting me up with anyone – Carol would never have told anyone to ask me out.”

My hand slipped over his as I stared up at him. “I’m not Carol, now, am I?”

Without having to think about it, he chuckled softly, “No Anna, you aren’t Carol.” He told me that I couldn’t be further from being like her if I tried.

“Good,” I smiled and patted his hand. “Now, about this date, where are you taking her?” I started to suggest some places that she might like.

With a snort, he removed his hand from my arm and told me I did my part, “I can handle it from here.”

****

“Aunt Anna this sucks!” Cassie flopped down next to me as the rest of the kids reluctantly made their way towards the exits. Practice had been over for a good half hour but they were all hanging out around because Eric had mentioned, at the last meeting that Fireball might show up; they didn’t.

“I’m sorry Cassie but you know as well as I did that Eric didn’t promise that Fireball would be here.”

“I know,” she pouted. “But don’t you think he shouldn’t have mentioned it if he wasn’t sure? I mean,” she flipped her hair and cracked the gum she was chewing. “Doesn’t it seem a little cruel to get our hopes up like that?”

“It wasn’t intentional Cass.” Glancing across the room where Eric sat on the stage listening to Jenna go on about ‘Doa’, I couldn’t help but smile. “I’m sure he feels bad about even mentioning it now.”

Cassie followed my gaze. “He’s really good with kids, isn’t he?” She leaned in and rested her chin on my shoulder. “It’s a shame that he won’t be a daddy, don’t you think?”

“He could still be a daddy,” I told her. “Just won’t achieve it the way most men do, that’s all.”

“Yeah,” she sat back in her chair. “But what do you think Uncle Mike would say? He says he’s gay just so he doesn’t have kids.”

“Cassie!” I laughed out loud. “You know not to believe everything Mike says, right?”

“Of course,” she scoffed. “I’m not stupid Aunt Anna, I know he was joking.”

Turning to her, I told her that she shouldn’t believe everything any man says. “Just look at Jordy, he said he would never be a daddy and…” I motioned to Jenna. “He’s an amazing daddy, she loves him so much.”

“I know.” She sat there for a couple seconds and then an evil grin appeared on her face. “Speaking of kids Aunt Anna…”

I raised a brow.

She continued. “Are you and Uncle Jordy…?”

“Cassie I don’t think –“

“I know Daddy says he’d kill Uncle Jordy if he got you pregnant without a ring, but I’m sure he’s just kidding.” She smiled and went on to tell me that she couldn’t wait her baby sister or brother to be born. “I know I wasn’t too excited about when I first heard because –,” she made a disgusted face. “Who wants to think of their parents having sex? I mean, their like, old and….” The words she was about to speak froze on her lips as she stared at the exit doors while her mouth hung open.

“What?” I turned towards the doors, wondering what was going on. “Oh my…” I couldn’t believe it, Fireball, or at least their lead singer, was making his way into the room, right towards Eric and Jenna.

And all Cassie and I could do is sit and stare.

“Todd, you made it!” Eric had gotten to his feet and now was ‘man hugging’ Todd as he told him most of the kids already left for the day.

When Todd spoke, apologizing for being late, Cassie gripped my hand. “Oh Aunt Anna,” she whispered. “Do you hear him? Isn’t he sexy?”

“Shhh!” I waved my hand in front of her face as Todd motioned towards Jenna, who suddenly wanted to play shy, and gave Eric a confused look. “Yours?”

Eric chuckled, “No.” He picked Jenna up and she buried her face against his shoulder. “This is Mike’s niece, Jenna.” He attempted to pull Jenna away from his shoulder to get her to say ‘hi’ to Todd but she wasn’t having any of it. Not even when Todd tried to sweet talk her. In fact, she pouted and looked around for me.

“She wants Anna,” Eric explained when Todd asked what she said.

“Oh, oh, oh….” Cassie’s hand tightened on mine as Eric led Todd over to us. “Act natural,” she hissed at me but she was the one freaking out.

Cassie and I managed to stand before they reached us. I had relieved Eric of the ‘shy’ Jenna and he introduced us to Todd and that’s as far as we got before Cassie lost all cool and jumped him. Talking a million miles a minute, Cassie told Todd that she thought he was pretty much a god and she worshipped the ground he walked on.

Lindsay, who had been working on her homework a couple seats back when Todd came in the room, was now shaking her head at her sister. Giving Todd an apologetic glance, she said as calm as if she were talking to her dad, “She’s normally not so crazy, I swear.”

By the time Jordan showed up to take us out to look at potential homes, Cassie had returned to normal and actually had Todd’s full attention while she explained to him where the idea for the show came from and how she hoped it would be the first of many events that she helped organize for the benefit of our town. “My dad, mom and Aunt Anna have all been great role models when it comes to giving back,” she told him with great pride. “They are huge footsteps to follow in but I’m confident I can do it.”

“Sounds like you’re a woman to be reckoned with,” he told her as he took her hand in his and held it for a minute before shaking it firmly. “My band and I are honoured to be a part of this.”

Cassie’s ‘cool’ slipped as the 17 year old fan in her peeked out. With a squeal she told him he was awesome and hugged him. “This show is going to rock!”

Hindsight is 20/20

I arrived at Harriet and John’s house a little late on Friday afternoon. I had hoped to be there and gone by three so I would be at the school in enough time to make sure that everything was ready for the day’s practice but I wasn’t able to get out of work early. When I walked into their house, they didn’t have Jenna ready to go.

“I thought that Jenna would stay with me while you are at the school,” Harriet informed me. “With all that’s going on, I’m sure you don’t have the time to watch her and the other kids as well.”

“Harriet,” I wanted to laugh and tell her that the ‘other kids’ were teenagers and didn’t need watching but I didn’t. “I know Jenna would love to stay here with you but we are supposed to meet up with Jordy afterwards at the realtor’s office; Wanda called him today with a couple more houses for us to look at.”

“Oh but that would be so boring for Jenna,” she tried to argue.

“Maybe, but Jordan wants to spend as much time with Jenna was possible – he hates that he’s at work all day, missing out on what she’s doing.”

“We had the best day,” Harriet said as she turned her attention to the little girl who was trying to climb up my leg. “Didn’t we Jenna?” She grabbed Jenna and picked her up to give her kisses but Jenna didn’t seem too happy with that. “Oh what’s wrong my little muffin? Are you sleepy weepy? Do you want to go beddy byes?”

Jenna screwed up her tiny face as she turned to me as if to say, ‘I think Nana’s gone crazy’.

“Damnit woman!” John came into the room just as Harriet started the baby talk. “Don’t talk that nonsense to the girl, she don’t like it.”

I raised a brow but I remained quiet as Harriet told John to shush. “I’ll talk any which way I please to my granddaughter.”

“You know Jordan wouldn’t like it if he knew you were talking gibberish to Jenna.”

Harriet just blew John’s comments off. “Daddy wouldn’t mind at all, would he muffin?” She went on to say something about Jenna being a ‘wittle, wittle muffin’ who ‘wuvs her nana bunches’.

“Damn loony if you ask me,” John mumbled.

“Oh,” Harriet batted at him. “Go on, would ya? Anna please take that miserable old man away so I can relax and enjoy the quiet.”

“Come on Jenna; let’s get your jacket and boots on.” I held out my hands for Jenna and Jenna leaned forward as if to come with me but Harriet didn’t want to let go.

“You’re making Anna late,” John snapped at her.

“Oh hush,” Harriet snapped back as she reluctantly let Jenna fall forward into my arms. “You don’t have to rush off just yet, do you Anna?”

“Well,” I gave her an apologetic look. “I am running late.”

“Oh,” she looked so upset. “I was hoping we could sit and talk for a couple minutes – we hardly see Jordan or you lately.”

“We’ve just been so busy.” Even as I was saying it, I felt bad that we hadn’t made time to go see his parents, brothers or my family.

“Now Harriet,” John came back into the room, dressed for outside, with Jenna’s jacket and boots in his hands. “You’ll see them on Sunday when Mom and Dad are here.”

“Your parents are coming to visit?” It was the first I had heard about it.

John nodded as he attempted to slip Jenna’s boots on her feet. “Mom and Dad called yesterday and asked if we could have dinner together Sunday – they thought it would be a good time since Jordan has Jenna and they haven’t seen her that much on previous visits.” He paused to position Jenna’s jacket so he could help her with it when he told me that I already knew his parents were coming to visit. “I called Jordan last night; he said that he would tell you when you got home.”

Harriet, who had been listening, frowned. “It was almost 10 when you called Jordan last night,” she stated as she turned to me. “Where were you at that hour?”

“I had some stuff I had to take care of,” I told her.

“What stuff?” She asked.

I didn’t get a chance to reply - John cut it with, “I wasn’t sure if I was going with you or if I was driving myself,” - not that I was really going to tell Harriet what I had to do the night before.

“Would you mind driving yourself John?” I went on to explain how Jordan and I were going to look at more houses after I was done at the school.

“Not at all,” he replied as he motioned towards the front entrance. “We should get going, don’t want to keep the kids waiting.”

As John and I walked towards the front door, Harriet followed. When he stopped to pick up a yellow tool box, Harriet leaned in to give Jenna a kiss and told me that we would have to have a little chat later.

****

“ANNA!” I barely stepped through the side doors of the theatre when a small blur latched onto my leg.

Wide eyed, I stared down at the small dark haired little boy who clung to me with all his might. “Jesse?”

He giggled. “Yes Jesse.” He let go and held out his arms to me. “I get up?”

“Jess,” Josh appeared out of the darkness and scooped Jesse into his arms. “Give Anna a chance to get in before you attack her.”

“I no attack Anna, Daddy.” Jesse said, still giggling as Josh tickled his side. “I say ‘hi’!”

“You did?” Josh raised a brow. “Funny, I just heard you yell Anna’s name.”

“That’s ‘hi’,” Jess explained to him.

Josh laughed, “Well I’m going to just say ‘hi’…” he turned to me with a big grin on his face. “Hello Anna.”

“Hello Josh.” I leaned closer and smiled at Jess. “Hello to you too Jess; it’s been a long time.”

“I stay at my Daddy’s house,” he told me and then his smile disappeared as he looked at Jenna. “What Baby doing Anna?”

“Ahnaanaa,” Jenna piped up as her little arms tightened their grip on me.

“No,” Jess piped up. “Hers name’s An-na.”

“Ahnaanaa!” Jenna replied with a giggle.

Jess was in the middle of telling Jenna my name again when John appeared in the doorway, “Where do you want me to set up?”

As the smile disappeared from his daddy’s face, Jess asked me who the man was.

I introduced John to Josh and Jesse, adding, for Jesse, “John is Jenna’s Papa – Jordan’s daddy.”

When I said ‘Jordan’s Daddy’, John raised a brow. “Well you are,” I told him before walking towards the stage with Jenna and John. “I think it would be best if you set up your stuff in the back corner of the stage.” I went on to tell him that I wanted to talk to him before the kids showed up. “But,” I glanced towards Josh, who had followed us. “Is your dad coming?”

“He’s already here,” Josh informed me.

“Papa is there,” Jesse pointed back to the corner of the stage I had told John to set up in. “Papa!” He called out as he wiggled to get down from Josh’s arms. He took of running to the back corner as he called out, “Anna is here Papa!”

I have to say, I wasn’t really looking forward to seeing Frank that afternoon. To tell the truth, I had been avoiding running into either him or Josh’s mom since Josh and I broke up. I didn’t want to see the disappointment in either of their eyes or the dislike. I didn’t want to feel like I should feel guilty that Josh and I didn’t work out.

When Frank poked his head out and said hello to me, I thought that I had been worrying over nothing. He seemed ok with me. But then he wandered over to where we were, I introduced him to John and that’s when I realized that maybe this wouldn’t be such a good idea.

“Nice to meet you,” John said as he held out his hand to Frank.

“Nice to meet you too,” Frank said as he shook John’s hand. “I’ve always wanted to meet the man who raised his son to ruin other’s happiness.” Dropping John’s hand, Frank told him he did a fine job. “Your son did a great job sabotaging Anna’s relationship with Josh.”

As I stood there shocked, with my mouth hanging open, Josh told his father that it wasn’t like that at all. But it was John’s reply that I remember.

“Jordan did what was right; I’m very proud of him.”

****

“This was a bad idea,” Josh groaned as we watched his father and John argue, once again, about the plans the kids had for the stage set. “Why didn’t I listen to you?”

I shrugged. “You wanted to be a pain in the ass?”

Shaking his head, he laughed. “Fine, I did but what are we going to do about this? They aren’t going to get anything done if they keep this up.” Glancing at me, he asked if it was too late to unask one of them for help.

I sighed. “Yes.”

“Can we fire one of them?” He gave me a hopeful look.

“No,” I shook my head. “Do you think you could fire your own dad?”

“Without him killing me?”

“Yeah.”

“No.” He asked if I could fire John.

“Not on your life,” I exclaimed. “John had been looking forward to this since the moment I mentioned it to him. It means a lot to him and Jordan that I asked. Plus, I think Harriet would kill me.” I told him how she couldn’t wait for me to get him out of her hair.

He chuckled. “Mom pretty much said the same thing to me when she dropped Dad off.”

“So…” We turned back to watch them again. “What are we going to do?”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Josh smirk, “Muzzle them?”

“Josh!” I laughed and then seriously thought about it. “Could we?”

He was in the middle of telling me we probably shouldn’t when we heard Jesse exclaim, “Daddy! Papa’s not being nice!”

Trying his hardest not to laugh, Josh glanced at me. “Guess we should go deal with this.”

In the end, we had to divide the group up into two, giving each of them a list of things we wanted from them by the end of the day. Taking John aside, I told him that I really needed him to be the bigger man and stop this childish behaviour. “These kids are here to learn and have fun, please don’t make this about my relationship with Jordan.”

“I’m not the one you should be talking too,” John told me. “I’m trying to work and he’s the one trying to put Jordan down. I won’t stand for that, no way.”

After I told John I would deal with Frank and any comments he had about my boyfriend, John gathered his small group of kids together and got down to work.

Making my way over to the other group of kids, I tried to get their attention off of Frank and Josh and back onto the project. “So tell me, what is it that you guys want to do for the show?”

Five minutes and a whole page of suggestions later, Josh tapped me on the shoulder and motioned towards his father. “Dad will take over now,” he said as he pulled the paper from my hands and passed it to his father.

As we walked out of earshot of his dad and the kids, Josh sighed. “I told him that we talked about our relationship and what happened. I told him that we agreed that things are better this way but I don’t think he believes me.”

I glanced back and caught Frank watching us, looking hopeful. Sighing, I turned back to Josh. “Maybe it’s time you start dating again. Maybe he’ll see that….” I trailed off because Josh looked guilty. “What?”

With a nervous chuckle, he told me that it was funny that I mentioned it. Running his hand through his hair nervously, Josh told me that he had a date later that evening. “Jesse’s all excited,” he said as quickly as he could, as if he didn’t really want me to know the first part and thought telling me fast would make me forget. “He’s all excited about having Mom and Dad spending the night over at his house; he thinks it is one great big sleepover.”

Moving Forward

I have to say I was kind of looking forward to the last rehearsal of the week for many reasons – the main one being that it was the last one for the week. The other reason was that Eric mentioned that Fireball, or the lead singer at least – would be dropping by for a quick meet and greet with the kids. Can you say excited? Oh my God! I was literally bouncing off the walls when I got up in the morning.

“Babe,” Jordan chuckled as he reached for me. I had been talking, non stop about what was on the agenda for the day and I guess he found it funny. “You have to remember that those guys are just like everyone else.”

“Uh huh,” I nodded. “I know that, I’m not going to jump them or anything.”

“Damn right you aren’t!” He tugged me closer. “But feel free to jump me – I like it.”

I screwed up my face. “I think it’s time for a change, I jump you every night.”

“Ha ha,” he nipped at my neck. “No changing, you’re stuck with me.”

“Fine,” I sighed as I swayed in his arms. “I suppose I can live with that.”

“I hope so.” He started to move away from me, to finish getting ready for work when he stopped suddenly and looked at me with eyes wide open. “Oh! Did I tell you that I got a call yesterday from Wanda?”

“Did she find our house?” I asked hopefully.

“No…”

“Oh,” I sighed. “It’s out there though, right Jordy?”

“Of course it is Anna; it’s just waiting for us.” He went to turn away again and chuckled. “Do you want to know what Wanda wanted?”

“OH!” I shook my head; I couldn’t believe I forgot that quickly. “What did she call about?”

With a huge grin on his face, Jordan told me to guess.

“I don’t know Jordy, she sold your house?” I threw it out there, not really expecting that to be the answer.

“Yes!” He exclaimed. “She called me to let me know that there was an offer on my house for the amount we were asking for and I told her consider it sold!”

“OHMYGODJORDY!” I leapt into his arms and kissed his face. “This is so awesome.” I exclaimed as he let me slide down his body and back to my feet on the floor. Then I frowned.

“What’s that for?”

My mind was suddenly moving a million miles per second. “We have to get you packed. I have to get boxes from work. Wait, where are you going to live? What about all your stuff? You have a lot of stuff Jordy. Are you ­-?”

With his hand planted over my mouth, Jordan told me to breathe. “Babe, even with me excepting their offer, it’s still going to be at least a month before I have to be out.”

“A month?” I squeaked. “Jordy you have to get started now. Not only do you have to pack everything, you have to figure out where it’s all going and you have to clean the house.”

“Clean?” He screwed up his nose for a brief moment and then grinned. “Babe,” he purred. “Have I told you lately that I love you?”

“Whatever,” I laughed.

“I do,” he continued as his arms found their way around to my back. “I love you so much. You know I would do anything for you.”

“Uh huh,” I plucked imaginary fuzz of his shirt. “I love you too Jordy, very much but I draw the line at cleaning your bathroom.”

“But Babe,” he nuzzled my neck. “What’s mine is yours, you know that.”

“I’ll pick up some boxes…”

“Mmmhmmm,” his lips trailed softly up along my neck.

“I’ll help you pack…”

His whispered, “yeah?” against my ear sent shivers down my spine.

I turned my head, my lips were oh so close to his. I kissed him. “Yeah…”

“And…?” He stared deep into my eyes.

“And…” I moved out of his arms as quickly as possible. “I’ll watch Jenna while you clean the bathroom!”

“I don’t think so!” He exclaimed as he lunged forward, knocking me onto the bed as he attempted to tickle me into submission.

It didn’t work.

“Fine.” He sighed. “I’ll clean the bathroom but Babe, in our new house, that job is yours!”

We ‘argued’ back and forth for a few minutes about whose job it would be before I finally told him that as long as he takes out the trash, mows the lawn, shovels the snow, and helps me out when I need it – I would clean the bathroom.

“Not asking for much, are you?” He joked.

I shook my head. “Nope, not at all.”

Before we left for work that morning, he told me that he had looked into getting a storage unit for his stuff until we had a place. “But where are you going to be staying?”

He just gave a tiny shrug.

I told him, once again, that Zack was ok with him staying at the house for as long as he needed.

“I know Babe but I think it would be better if I stayed in town. I really don’t want to miss work or time with Jenna because I got snowed in.”

“Oh…” I pouted. I had suggested Zack’s because I knew that way I would still get to see him every night and get to wake up with him but if he was anywhere else, the chances of that were slimmer.

As if he was reading my mind, he told me not to pout. “Wherever I stay Anna, I’ll make sure that you, as well as Jenna, are welcomed to come and spend the night – it’s important to me.”

Even though he would try, I knew that I wouldn’t be spending as many nights as he thought with him once he was staying at someone else’s house. But with so much to do between his house selling, moving him, work, the show and the Christmas season that was fast approaching, I figured that we would both be busy enough to not think about not being together as much.

Little White Lie

The whole time I spoke, Jordan kept his eyes on my face; he didn’t even bother to glance at the receipts when I gave them to him. “Jordy, honey, please say something.”

He looked so tired and upset, I hated that I did anything to cause either of those. “Jordy?” I reached for him, I just wanted to touch him to show him that I meant it when I said I was alright and nothing bad happened.

“Anna….” He only managed to speak my name before he started to yawn. “Babe,” he sighed. “Let’s go to bed, I’m so bagged right now.”

“No,” I grabbed hold of his shirt. “Honey please, let’s just talk about this.”

“I’m exhausted,” he said as he reached around me to drop the receipts I shoved into his hands, on the dresser behind me. “You look like you need sleep too.”

He started to turn away but I held tight to his shirt. “Anna, come on!” He groaned as he turned back to me and moved in to wrap his arms around my waist. “Let’s go to bed.”

I clung to him. “I don’t want to sleep,” I whispered against his shoulder.
Pulling back a little, he chuckled softly as his fingers trailed along my bra strap. “I’m awake enough for that.”

“That’s not what I was talking about!” I pushed back from him. “Jordan I don’t want you to go to bed upset with me.”

With a sigh, Jordan dropped his hands and motioned towards the bed as he made his way over and sat down. When I came to stand in front of him, he slipped his hands around my thighs and tugged me closer. “Ok Babe, what are you thinking?”

That threw me. “What am I thinking?” I repeated, utterly confused.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “You seem to think I’m upset with you, I want to know what it is that you believe I’m upset about.” When I just stared at him with a blank expression, he flashed me a smile. “Anna, you have an overactive imagination, I know you are thinking something I haven’t even thought of and it’s freaking you out, tell me what it is.”

Standing before him, I felt like a moron. Was it possible he wasn’t upset with me? Could I just have expected him to be and projected that thought into his actions? I frowned. Was I going crazy?

“I…” I didn’t know what to say. Or how to say it anyway. How did you tell your boyfriend that you think he’s thinking that you were out betraying him when you really weren’t and don’t want him to think you were.

Ok, I thought. Now you really are going crazy.

“Can I take a shot at it?” He asked after a few minutes.

I nodded. He patted the mattress beside him.

I sat down, not taking my eyes off him for a moment.

“Ok,” he turned to me. “Since I like to think I know everything about you, I’m betting you are thinking that I’m worried that a lot more than talking happened between you and Josh tonight.” He paused to ask if he was right but didn’t give me a chance to reply. “But I have to tell you Babe, I wasn’t thinking that.”

“You weren’t?” I managed to squeak.

“Nope,” he shook his head. “I wasn’t even worried about that. I believe that you love me and –“

“I do Jordy,” I lifted my hands to cup his face. “I love you so much; I don’t want to do anything to hurt you.”

“But Babe,” he reached up and took my hands in his, drawing them down to his lap. “If you keep thinking that I’m going to freak about every little thing then you’ll end up hurting us.”

“Sorry,” I whispered as I lowered my head; I felt like such a moron. “I don’t want to hurt us.”

He leaned down to look at me. “Good,” he grinned when he caught my eye. “Now, how about we go to bed?

I sighed dramatically, “Oh alright, if I have to.”

“Oh you have to and you’ll love every second of it!” Jordan informed me as he pushed me back into the mattress and crawled on top of me.

****

I felt a light tap on my shoulder, I wanted to ignore it but the man tapping me refused to let me. “Anna?” He tapped me again.

I groaned as I half turned to glance over my shoulder and then turned back again. “Again Jordy?”

He chuckled softly as his fingers trailed over my arm. “No, I just wanted to tell you something before you fell asleep.”

“Too late,” I murmured as I snuggled deeper into the warmth of the sheets.

“Oh?” His fingers paused. “You’re already asleep?”

“Mmmm,” I grinned as I wiggled back, as if my butt was serching for his crotch to rest against. “In dreamland already.”

I felt the bed move as he shifted behind me. Leaning over me, he brushed my hair back for my face. “Ahh, I see.” He pushed my hair back where it was. “Then I guess I’ll have to wait until tomorrow to tell you that I was jealous tonight.”

My eyes popped open. “Jealous?”

“Mmhmm.” He kissed my shoulder. “But you are sleeping now, so we’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

“I don’t think so!” I spun around as he was about to cuddle with me. “You can’t just say something like that and not explain it Jordy!”

“Oh! Hey!” He exclaimed in fake surprise. “I thought you were sleeping.”

“Whatever,” I poked him in the side.

He jumped. “He-ey now!” He grabbed for my fingers before I could poke him again. “No pokey pookie.”

“Tell me Jordy, please?”

“It’s nothing,” he told me as he released my fingers. “Just when you were getting ready to go out, you asked me why he was doing this now and not when he had a chance in the summer.” He paused and shrugged. “I guess I didn’t realize that you still thought about getting back with him after Canada Day.”

I frowned. “I didn’t. We were done, I knew it and I thought that he did too.”

“But you said he had a chance Anna. Do you have any idea how much that hurt to hear? To know that you…” he trailed off. “It just hurt Babe, that’s all.”

“Jordan, I ­–”

He groaned. “And it shouldn’t upset me but when you refered to the kiss we shared back in January as ‘that damn kiss’…”

I didn’t know what to say to that.

“It shouldn’t bug me because I know that you didn’t mean anything by it, you were just frustrated that he was pulling this crap now but Babe, it took me forever to get the courage to even tell you how I felt. It wasn’t easy, you were head over heels for Josh and I knew that anything I said at that time wouldn’t be received well but damn it Anna, I don’t look at that kiss as a bad thing! It got you away from him and yes, I did lose you for one horrible month but you know what? I would kiss you again, if I had to do it all again.”

I started to apologize but he wasn’t finished.

“If all that wasn’t enough, I wanted to deck him when you guys were walking out to his car and you slipped.” Jordan was up on his elbow leaning over me; his voice rising as he spoke. “How dare he touch you.”

I raised a brow. “Jordy, he just reached out to stop me from falling on my ass, it wasn’t like he planned it.”

“Sure and leaving his hand on your back while you walked was innocent.”

“I thought you said you weren’t upset Jordy? You said that you weren’t worried about anything happening between me and Josh!”

“I wasn’t,” he replied calmly.

“I’m confused.”

“Anna,” he sighed as he lowered his head until his forehead rested against my chest. “I was hurt, jealous and yes, a little upset but the moment you were in that car and you looked back at me with that ‘don’t make me do this’ look on your face, I knew that I was being stupid and you weren’t going because you wanted to date him.”

“You thought I wanted…?” I couldn’t even finish the question.

“Yes,” he admitted. “I was that stupid, I thought you might have wanted him back.”

I rolled my eyes.

“So…”

Jordan lifted his head. “So.”

We layed there looking into each other’s eyes for the longest time before I asked him, “So I’m not the only drama queen in this relationship, am I?”

He laughed out loud. “Drama King, Babe, get it right.”