Weakness In His Armour

It was a disappointing evening. Not only was Jenna cranky and not interested at all in looking at houses with her dad and me, but Jordan seemed to be a little cranky himself. Or maybe it was that way because we couldn’t seem to agree on anything. If I liked something, he didn’t. If I didn’t like something, he just thought it was the coolest thing he ever saw.


“Oh come on Anna,” he said as he jumped up into the drivers’ seat of his truck. “What was wrong with that house?”

“It was too closed in, I couldn’t imagine any of our stuff there. It just didn’t feel right Jordan.”

“Didn’t feel right?” He shook his head and muttered something under his breath.

“Yes Jordan,” I turned to gaze out the window at the snow as it lazily fell to the ground. “It didn’t feel like ‘home’.”

“No, nothing will until we move and get settled.” Staring up the truck, he glanced at my nieces in the back seat. “What did you think of the house?”

“Don’t answer that,” I told the girls.

“Why not?” Jordan demanded. “I just asked what they thought, what’s wrong with that?”

“What’s wrong?” I slowly turned to stare at him. “Are they going to be living there Jordan?”

“Well, no.” His hand slipped to the gear shift. “But what difference does it make?”

I didn’t want to argue with him, especially not over this. “I just didn’t like the feel of the house Jordan – it didn’t feel like home. It didn’t feel right.”

He stared down at me for the longest time before finally saying, “Fine, I’ll talk to Wanda and find out if there’s anything else we can look at.”

I breathed a sigh of relief, happy that it didn’t turn into a huge argument in front of the girls. “Thank you,” I said as he slammed the gearshift into drive and mumbled, “Don’t know why it matters, it’s not like it’s your money.”

Behind me, I heard the girls inhale sharply, letting me know they heard him too.

Right then and there I wanted to ask him what the hell was biting him but I managed to bite my tongue. I won’t lie, his comment hurt and I felt like crying because he never talked to me like that before and it wasn’t true, he wasn’t the one financing the entire purchase of the house – I had money in the bank and Zack had told me if we needed more, he would help us any way he could.

As we drove along the streets towards his house, I made a promise to myself that I would calmly talk to him later about his attitude. But when we arrived at the house, he pulled into the driveway but he didn’t shut off the truck. “Don’t unhook her,” Jordan said to Cassie when she went to help Jenna out of her car seat.

“Ok,” Cassie backed off and shot me a questioning look before slipping out of the back seat along with Lindsay.

Once they were out of the truck, I turned to Jordan; he was staring straight ahead tapping his hand on the steering wheel. “Aren’t you coming in?”

Shaking his head stiffly, he said ‘no’ to the windshield.

My heart hurt.

His hand started tapping more impatiently on the wheel.

“Is something wrong?”

His jaw flinched but he didn’t say anything.

“Jordy –“

“Just go inside Anna.”

“But…” I reached for him but he moved away. “I don’t understand Jordan. Are you mad that I don’t like the last house?”

“Anna!” He growled impatiently as he turned towards me finally. “Why can’t you just do as I asked? Why do you always have to argue with me? It’s not that difficult to open the door and get out.”

Blinking back the tears that were building up inside, I gripped the door handle and shoved it opened. “You don’t have to talk down to me,” I told him as I jumped out. And just because he pissed me off, I told him he was being a jerk. “I’m not about to choose a house I don’t like,” I told him. “It was your idea to get a house together; you wanted ‘us’ to make the decision.”

“Yeah,” he rammed the gear shift in drive and glared at me. “I should’ve known you can’t make a decision to save your life!”

“Oh whatever!” I snapped at him. “I choose to be with you, now, didn’t I?” I have no idea if he had a comeback for that, I didn’t wait to find out – I slammed his door and stomped away.

On the front step, my nieces were shivering. “Aunt Anna?” Cassie wrapped her arms around me as Jordan sped away. “It’ll be ok,” she whispered as I cried on her shoulder. “It’ll be ok.”

****

If I had my stubborn way, I would’ve went into the house and packed my bags and went home but the girls refused to let me run. “Uncle Jordan will come home and he’ll tell you what’s biting him,” they would tell me time and time again when I mentioned not wanting to be there.

Even hours later, when Jordan still hadn’t come home, they were telling me that it would be ok. “You guys are best friends as well as lovers,” they told me. “He’ll come home and explain it all.”

They also told me that I would hate myself for leaving. “You won’t feel any better,” they stated. “You’ll worry all night and work yourself into a panic attack. Uncle Jordan loves you Aunt Anna; he’s just got a lot on his mind, that’s all.”

They were so right, I would worry, I would make myself sick so instead of leaving, I told them to get ready for bed and I disappeared into Jordan’s room to do the same.

The clock on the nightstand read 12:40am when the bedroom door opened and Jordan came into the room. As quietly as he could, he got ready for bed and soon he had the sheets lifted so he could slide in. From the moment the door opened, I laid so still, afraid to breathe because I didn’t want him to know I was wake – afraid that he would still be in a pissy mood.

When the bed moved under his weight and he slid in behind me, I said a silent prayer that everything was alright.

Seconds ticked by, he didn’t say anything and I didn’t feel him move any closer so I figured he was still upset or didn’t want to wake me.

Just as I had relaxed enough to start to drift off, he groaned and moved until he was pressed up against my back with his arm wrapped around my waist. Pressing his lips firmly against my shoulder, he squeezed me tight. “I’m sorry,” he whispered in the darkness.

Sorry about what? I wanted to ask but I didn’t because I was just happy that he was home and holding me.

“I know you’re awake,” he whispered after a couple minutes.

I didn’t say anything but I did slip my hand over his arm and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“You were always terrible at pretending,” he chuckled softly.

Glancing over my shoulder, I raised a brow.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated as he nuzzled my cheek.

“What happened?”

“I didn’t think it would be this hard,” he told me.

Shifting in his arms, I turned more towards him. “What wouldn’t be?”

“I wanted everything to be perfect,” he admitted. “I thought we would look at a couple houses and we would find one that would make us both happy but we’ve looked at how many houses now? 10? 15?”

I shrugged, I wasn’t really counting.

“I don’t know,” he groaned. “I don’t know if this was one of my good ideas or not.”

Taking a deep breath, I asked him, “Are you regretting asking me to move in with you?”

Without hesitation, he replied, “Absolutely not. I just hope we have a place to live before the sale closes on this house.”

“Jordy,” I turned completely and faced him. “I’m not worried about where we’ll live, as long as we are together.”

“Even if it’s on the street?” He joked.

I grinned, “I’ll be there to keep you warm.”