The Things You Do For Family

The entire drive over to Zach’s house I kept hoping that Josh would call and tell me that I needed to come back right away. I know it was crazy but I sat there with the phone on my lap trying to will it to ring but of course that didn’t work. Finally I gave up and tossed my phone into the center console and shut the lid, unfortunately, I still kept looking at the console, wishing my phone would ring. It was no surprised that I still didn’t have a call by the time I had reached Zach’s and I was kicking myself for being so stupid to think that Jess really didn’t mean what he said.

Grabbing the phone, I opened my car door and realized that Chad’s van wasn’t parked in its normal spot. With a confused look on my face, I closed my door and looked around but I still didn’t see his van. I know he said he’d be leaving by 11. I wasn’t dreaming…was I? A quick glance at my watch told me that it was only 9:30, maybe he had to run to town for gas or something, I tried to convince myself as I walked up the front steps of Zach’s house.

The front door swung opened before I got to it. I smiled as I saw Chad standing there with a grin on his face. “Oh,” his smile disappeared and his shoulders slumped, “It’s just you.” He turned away from the door and disappeared down the hall towards the kitchen.

Frowning, I went inside and closed the door. “It’s great to see you too!” I yelled after him as I removed my boots. When I turned back from hanging up my jacket, I saw Zach coming out of the kitchen. “What’s his problem?”

Zach grabbed me roughly by the arm and pulled me into the living room, “Where the hell have you been?” He hissed at me as he peeked around the corner towards the kitchen.

“Not that it’s any of your business but I was at Josh’s.” I glared at him as I rubbed my arm where he grabbed me. “What’s gotten into you guys today?”

Zach spun around and looked at me. “What the hell were you doing that you couldn’t answer your damn cell phone?” He was whisper yelling at me. I started to say something but he held up his hand, “No, I don’t want to know what you two were doing. Forget I asked.”

I gasped, “How dare you assume that? You have no idea what I was doing and I can’t very well answer a phone that doesn’t ring!” I pulled out my phone and threw it at him, “See? There are no missed calls! There are no messages!”

Zach stared at the phone in his hand; he turned it over and then looked at the front again. When he looked up at me there was a smile on his face. “Maybe because this isn’t your phone,” he said as he tossed it back at me.

“What?” I turned the phone over in my hand. “Oh my god!” I slapped my palm against my forehead. “I must’ve grabbed his phone without looking.” I shook my head and chuckled, “Make no wonder it didn’t ring.”

Zach rolled his eyes at me, “How the hell could you take his phone by mistake?”

“Why are you mad at me? I didn’t do anything wrong, I just came over to see Chad before he left.”

“Well, that isn’t going to happen.” Zach said as he sunk down onto the couch.

“Stop messing around, I saw him already, I know he’s not gone yet.” Zach rubbed his hands over his face and it was only then that I realized that he looked like crap, like he didn’t get any sleep. “Zach what’s wrong?”

He looked up at me through the spaces between his fingers and sighed, “Chad and Susan got into a hugh fight last night. Susan stormed off with both the kids and we don’t know where they are. Chad’s been flipping back and forth between being worried and angry all night, and on top of all that, he’s been drowning his anger in alcohol.”

I stared at Zach, waiting for him to tell me he was kidding. Susan and Chad? Fighting? I shook my head, they very seldom fought and when they did, it never was anything major. They always made up before the night was out. I sat down next to Zach, completely shocked, I couldn’t even think of what to say to that.

“I called the guys and asked them to keep an eye out for the van but so far no one has seen it anywhere.”

I stared at Zach in disbelief, “She left him?” I could barely ask that question without my voice breaking.

“No!” Chad exclaimed from the entrance to the living room. “She didn’t leave me, she’s just mad.” He staggered over to us, slurring his words. “She’ll be back,” he sunk to his knees on the carpet in front of me. When he looked up into my eyes, I could see that they were bloodshot and I could smell the booze on his breath. I tried not too but the smell was so overpowering that I screwed up my nose and put my hand over my mouth. “Oh God!” He cried out and dropped his head in my lap. “She has to come back sis, I’m nothing without her!”

I glanced at Zach; he shrugged his shoulders and gave me a sympathetic smile. Hesitantly, I lifted my hand to Chad’s head and patted it. “Of course she’ll come back,” I said, wishing that I could say more.

Chad made this horrible sob like noise and shook his head, “No she won’t. I screwed up sis, I acted without thinking and she’s gone.” His shoulders shook as he made that sobbing noise again.

Turning to Zach, I gave him a ‘help me’ look and he shrugged again. ‘Talk’ he mouthed to me. I sighed and looked down at the back of Chad’s head. “Umm Chad?” At the sound of his name he made a wailing sound that sounded like ‘Susan’. I closed my eyes and couldn’t help but think and they say women are emotional? “Chad.” I said his name more forceful and he lifted his head of my lap and stared at me like it was waiting for me to make it all better. I glanced at Zach, why do I have to do this? I asked, even though I knew he couldn’t hear me.

Taking a deep breath, I turned back to Chad. “What happened?”

Chad gave me this weird look, “Susan left.”

Groaning, I put my hands on his shoulders and shook him. “I know she left! I’m not that stupid! Why did she leave? What did you two fight about?”

“Anna stop!” Zach grabbed hold of my wrists and pulled me back from Chad. “That’s not helping at all.”

Chad groaned, “I feel sick,” he barely managed to utter those words before he turned completely white and threw up all over my lap.

Not All Surprises Are Good

The sun streaming in through the blinds caused me to wake up; it seemed that I was lying in the perfect spot for the one really bright ray to shine right in my face. Groaning, I tried to turn over onto my stomach but I found I couldn’t; lying right in front of me was a little bear attached to a little boy. “Hey Mister Bear,” I whispered before I tried to turn towards Josh but that too was not happening, he was tight against my back. With no way for me to turn and the growing hungry feeling in my tummy, I decided that I would get up and get started on breakfast.

I managed to remove myself from the bed without waking either of my guys. I grinned, my guys. I watched them both for a moment, almost wishing I was still laying there between them but my stomach started to grumble again.

After using the bathroom, I made my way out to the kitchen. I still didn’t know where Josh kept most of his cooking stuff, so I spent a couple minutes looking through his cupboards before I realized that I didn’t even know what I was going to make yet.

Laughing, I shook my head and reached for the handle of the fridge. Doing a quick survey of the contents inside, I decided I was hungry for French toast so I grabbed the milk and eggs from there and closed the door behind me.

I was in the middle of cooking the toast when I hear Josh tell Jess that I was still here. Not long after, they both appeared in the kitchen.

“Good morning Beautiful.” Josh said as he hugged me tight with one arm. Looking over my shoulder I saw that he was carrying Jess. “Do you want some juice?” He asked him, Jess shook his head and snuggled closer to his dad.

I gave Josh a questioning look, “Is everything ok?”

Josh nodded, “It’s a hard day for us, and he gets very clingy.”

“Oh,” I glanced at Jess again. “Sweetie are you hungry?”

Jess lifted his head from his dad’s shoulder and looked towards the plate of toast that I already cooked. “I no want that.”

“Oh,” I couldn’t help but feel disappointed. “Well what would you like?”

Jesse sighed and turned to Josh, “Daddy I have cheese sandwich?”

Josh hesitated as he looked back and forth between us. “Jess let’s have what Anna is making, I promise you’ll like it.” He picked up a piece and held it up to Jess, “Try it.”

Jess batted at Josh’s hand, “No Daddy!”

Josh gave me an apologetic look and bit into the piece he had in his hand. “Mmm, it’s good honey,’ he smiled and leaned down to kiss me as he grabbed another piece from the plate.

“Ama go home!” Jesse put his hands on my shoulder and tried to push me away from them. “Cheese Sandwich, daddy?”

My jaw dropped as I stared at Jesse, did he just tell me to go home? “Jesse that wasn’t very nice, you don’t want Anna to go home.” I looked at Josh and he didn’t look too happy. “Tell her you are sorry.”

Jess crossed his arms in front of his chest, he got this look on his face and he shook his head. “No! Ama go home! Daddy play with Jesse.” His tiny chin stuck out stubbornly as he glared at me.

“Jesse James Baker! You do not talk to anyone like that.” Josh tried to sit him on the counter but Jesse clung to him, if I wasn’t so hurt by what Jesse said, I would’ve been trying to not laugh.

“James?” I thought it sounded odd.

Josh glanced at me and rolled his eyes, “I didn’t name him. I’m lucky he even got my last name, she wanted to give him Phil’s last name.”

I held up my hands and backed away, “Sorry.”

Josh sighed; his gaze was fixed on Jess who was holding on to his shoulder for dear life. “Jesse, please?”

Jesse turned his head up towards his dad, “It’s daddy time,” he said as his little lip trembled. He sounded so sad, it damn near broke my heart to stand there, listening and watching.

Turning away, I reached out and shut off the stove. “Umm Josh, maybe I should go.”

“Honey no,” Josh slipped his hand over mine. “It’ll be ok, we had plans remember? We all were going to make a snow bear?”

I smiled but shook my head, “Jess is right, it is your time with him. I don’t want to ruin that. And besides, I should go to Zach’s anyway, Chad and his family are leaving today, I want to see them before they go.” I started for the bedroom. “I’ll just grab my stuff and head out.”

Josh started after me but Jesse told him again that he was hungry, after hesitating for a moment Jesse’s hunger won out over coming after me.

As I closed the door to Josh’s room, I sunk to my knees on the floor and gathered up my clothes as tears ran down my face. I knew that Jesse liked me, but just hearing him say he wanted to go home really hurt. How can you argue with him? He doesn’t get to see Josh that much and he obviously doesn’t want to leave him today. I couldn’t help but wonder does Jess resent me for being there? Does he really not want me around? I didn’t find the answers to those questions as I got dressed.

I took a deep breath and forced a smile on my face as I made my way to the kitchen again. I leaned against the wall and watched Josh cut up the sandwich that he had made for Jess.

Jess looked up at me from his chair, “Bye bye Ama.” He waved and picked up his fork.

Josh got up from the table and came over to me. “I’m so sorry honey,” he said against my ear as his arms slipped around my waist. “I knew he would be clingy but I didn’t think that he would be like this with you, I know he loves having you around.”

I couldn’t tell if Josh was trying to make me feel better or if he really meant it, either way it really didn’t help, I didn’t want to go. I hugged him tight, “It’s ok,” I lied. “You and Jess have fun today ok? I’ll call you later?”

“Daddy?” We both turned to look as Jess jumped off his chair and came running over to us. “Ama go home?” When Josh nodded, Jess gazed up at me, a frown upon his face. “Daddy sad,” he told me.

I glanced at Josh, “Yes, he is.”

“Make daddy happy Ama.”

I smiled a little, “How would I do that?”

Jesse held his finger up to his lips and looked at his dad. “Daddy likes kisses,” he started to bounce and giggle. “Ama kiss Daddy.”

I gave a little chuckle as I felt my cheeks began to get warm. “Is that what he needs?” Jesse nodded his head and out of the corner of my eye I could see Josh was nodding also. “And how many does he need?”

I heard Josh whisper ‘lots’ as Jess beamed and threw out his hand with all five fingers stretched out. “This many!”

Turning to Josh, I raised a brow. “Five huh?” He shrugged and said it was a start. I couldn’t help but smile as I pressed my lips against his chest. “One,” I said. “Two,” I whispered as I kissed just above the collar of his shirt. “Three,” was on his jaw. “Four,” the left corner of his mouth and on ‘five’ his lips found mine. As our lips moved in sync, he gripped my butt and lifted me off the floor, setting me down on the counter were he tried to sit Jess earlier. We could’ve stay like that forever, joined at the lips as our hands roamed over each other but the sound of Jess’s giggling brought us back from we were.

“I don’t want you to go,” Josh whispered against my lips.

“I don’t want to go.” I whispered back. “But,”

Josh sighed and pulled away, “I know.” He glanced down at Jess who was grinning at us.

Without another word Josh helped me down from the kitchen counter and walked me to the door. “I’ll call you,” he told me as he held the door open.

I nodded, gave Jess a quick kiss on the cheek. “Be good for daddy and have fun. I’ll see you soon.” Gazing up at Josh, I gave him a smile and touched my fingers to his lips, “I love you.”
Walking away from the two of them was difficult to say the least, I kept hoping that Jess would start to cry and call out for me to come back but I made it to my car without that happening. I wasn’t in the mood to go see my brother but I knew if I didn’t I would regret it for the rest of the year, so as I started my car I glanced at the apartment building one last time and drove away before I did something silly, like cry again.

Moonlight Wanderings

I woke up a little disoriented, at first I didn’t know where I was. I almost jumped up in bed but then I felt Josh’s body against mine and his arm around me and everything came back to me.

Taking a quick look over my shoulder at his sleeping form, I slowly pushed back the covers and slipped out of bed. I was halfway to the bedroom door when I remembered that I was naked and Jesse was in the next room. With only the light from the moon coming in through the blinds, I found I couldn’t find any of my clothes but I did find a t-shirt of his. Slipping it on, I opened the door and made my way to the bathroom.

I stood in front of the vanity, staring at my reflection in the mirror; I looked like I had spent the entire night rolling around in bed with Josh. Grinning, I turned on the water and splashed some on my face, I know sex isn’t everything but damn it’s always great with him.

Still smiling, I opened the bathroom door and went to make my way to the kitchen to get something to drink when I thought I heard Jesse’s voice. Pausing in my tracks, I glanced down the hall at his partially opened door. I couldn’t tell if he was awake or not so I slowly made my way to his room.

Pushing the door opened, I whispered his name but he didn’t say anything. In the moonlight, I could see he was sprawled across the bed with the blankets almost thrown off his bed. His hand, which held Mister Bear, was hanging over the edge of the bed. As I watched him laying there I couldn’t help but feel proud of the little boy he was, which I thought was a little silly seeing I really didn’t have anything to do with that. Too attached, too fast. Why can’t I seem to take it slow with Josh? Why does it feel like we’ve been together for a while?

When I went to move closer to his bed Jesse shifted and wiggled around like he was trying to cover up again, dropping Mister Bear in the process. As silently as possible, I knelt next to his bed, picked up his bear and tucked him in close to his tiny body. I smiled as Jesse’s arm wrapped around the bear as I pulled the blanket up over the both of them.

Before I went to get up, I brushed the hair out of Jesse’s face and then leaned down to kiss his forehead. “I love you sweetie, sleep tight.”

I pushed myself off the floor, glancing at his sleeping form one last time before I headed out of his room. I was smiling as I turned the corner to go into Josh’s room. My hand flew to my mouth, “Oh!” I gasped, jumping back as I almost ran into Josh. “You scared me,” I told him when my heart stopped racing.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered as he took my hand and lead me back to his bed. He waited until I was comfortably resting in his arms - I had my eyes closed and my fingers were tracing tiny circles through the hair on his chest - before he said anything else. “I watched you with Jess just now.”

My fingers slowed on his chest as I looked up at him. “I thought I heard him when I went to the bathroom so I thought I’d check on him. That was ok, wasn’t it?”

Josh turned on his side to face me, “Of course it was ok. I’m glad that you and Jesse get along so well, it means a lot to me.”

I smiled, “Jess is a great kid, and he’s so easy to talk to.” I moved my hand around to his back, holding him as my fingers resumed their circling.

He smiled as his eyes closed. He was silent for so long that I had thought that he had fallen asleep so I snuggled closer to him and closed my eyes, hoping to join him in dreamland. “Anna?” he whispered.

“Yes Josh?” My voice was muffled against his chest.

“I think we have something else we need to talk about.”

My eyes opened wide, I turned my face upwards and frowned. “What else do we need to talk about?” I was a little hesitant to find out the answer to that question, I didn’t want to fight with him again.

He moved down until he was able to look into my eyes without me straining my neck. “When I was watching you with Jess, I started to think about us and everything we’ve done together. And don’t get me wrong, I love everything we’ve done and I would like for it to continue but it got me thinking…” His voice trailed off as if he lost where he was going with that.

I believed I knew what he was trying to say so I continued where he left off. “Got you wondering if we are going too fast and maybe done something that you aren’t sure we are ready for yet.”

He studied my face for a moment, and then he nodded. “Yes,” he sighed. “I couldn’t help but wonder if it was possible that we might be pregnant?” His eyes widen and he quickly added, “Not that it would be terrible if we were, I just…”

I placed my finger over his lips and I couldn’t help but grin. I thought that it was the cutest thing ever that he kept saying ‘we’ instead of ‘you’. “I don’t really have an answer for you on that one because I don’t know but I did wonder about it earlier.”

Josh raised himself up on his elbow and smiled down at me. “It’s weird because part of me wishes that we are but the other part of me knows that it’s way too soon in our relationship for something that big.”

I agreed with him. “What do you want to do?”

He shrugged, “Wait and see?”

I raised a brow, “And?”

“Start using protection?” He said hopefully.

“So you don’t want to stop -” I didn’t have time to finish the question before he started shaking his head like mad. I laughed, “Well if you are sure.”

He nodded, “I don’t know if I can be with you and not be able to make love to you.” He shook his head, “Well, I could if I had too but I would rather not.”

I smiled, “I would rather you didn’t too.”

“But,” he said as he fell to the bed beside me. “There will be times like right now, where I’ll be too tired to do anything but hold you and mumble incoherent things in your ear.” He pulled me back against him and kissed my shoulder. “Good night my love.”

I settled comfortably back into his arms, “Good night Handsome,” I whispered as I started to drift off to sleep.

One More Minute

I stared at him in disbelief, “But you just said-”

Josh sighed, “Anna this has nothing to do with Jordan, well not the way you think. It doesn’t involve removing him from your life.”

“Then what the hell are you talking about? Why would you not be in my life?”

“I told you, I’m not comfortable with you and him being so touchy feely. I won’t share you with him like that. I already unknowingly shared one woman and I didn’t come out a winner in the end.”

Without really stopping to think about what I was saying, I said the first thing that jumped into my mind. “But I’m not her! I’m not cheating on you and I don’t plan on doing so either. I don’t see why I have to stop being a friend to Jordan just because your ex was a tramp. I don’t think it’s fair that you are comparing me to her.”

Josh sat there for a moment, staring off into space. “You aren’t even going to attempt to try and find a solution to the problem, are you?” He glanced over his shoulder at me. “I know you aren’t her, I never said you were. I also never asked you to stop being Jordan’s friend; I don’t care if you are his friend. I just want,” he paused. “I want you to be a friend to him like you are to Amy.”

“Amy?” I shook my head, “Josh, Amy and I aren’t really friends. She only tolerates me because of Nick.”

Josh groaned, “Then like you are with Nick. Damn it Anna you know what I’m trying to say and you are purposely picking it apart and refusing to get it.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“Fine!” Josh jumped off the couch and disappeared down the hall towards the front door. When he returned he stopped right in front of me and held out his hand. “I’m tired of this. It’s the same thing over and over again. You know damn well what I want and you don’t seem to care.” I looked up at him and went to say something but he shook his head. “I’m going to bed. If you want to join me, you can but I will expect you to just be friends with Jordan. If you can’t be just his friend, then walk out that door and don’t come back.” He showed me a key. “Lock the door behind you and slip this back under the door.”

He went to hand the key to me but I refused to take it, finally he grabbed my hand and shoved the key into it. “Good Night Beautiful.” Josh leaned down and kissed my forehead before he disappeared down the hall into his room.

I sat in the living room staring at the key in my hand as I listened to him getting ready for bed. It wasn’t until I heard him get into bed and saw the light in his room go out, that I realized that he was serious. I jumped off the couch and stared down the hall, it’s not really that hard a decision to make, I said to myself. Do you want to be with him or do you want to be without him? With one more glance down the hall, I knew I needed to do something to get my own answers.

Without hesitation, I headed down the hall in the opposite direction of his room. When I got to the front door I paused, glanced over my shoulder and slipped my hand over the doorknob. My heart was beating a million miles a minutes as I opened the door and let the light of the hallway spill into his apartment. Pausing for a moment, I looked back into his apartment and then I closed the door. Although my hand was shaking so badly, I managed to lift it up to complete what he told me to do.

Once the door was locked, I stepped back from it and brushed the tears that were spilling down my cheeks away.

“No!” Josh’s voice came from the distance. I heard the sound of his feet on the carpet as he ran towards the door.

I didn’t say a word as I stood in the darken entrance to the kitchen and listened to him fumble with the dead bolt as he tried to unlock it.

“Come on you stupid piece of crap!” When the lock finally co-operated with him, I could hear him turn the handle and soon some light poured into the apartment.

“What the f***!” He cursed when the door stopped suddenly as the chain lock pulled tight. I smiled as he closed the door, struggled with the chain for a moment before he realized that there was no way I could’ve put the chain across from the other side. “Anna?” He said as the hallway lit up.

I was leaning against the wall but when the light came on I took a step towards him. I would’ve gone all the way to him but the look in his eyes stopped me in my tracks. With a hint of hurt in his voice, he asked. “Why would you do that?”

I found I couldn’t look at him, “I needed some answers of my own.”

He moved closer, his hand lifted from his side and his fingers cupped around my chin, turning my face upwards. “What answers did you need where asking me a question wouldn’t work?”

I sighed and tried to look away from him but he held my chin tight, I closed my eyes. “I wanted to know if you really wanted me to go.”

“Anna,” Josh sighed my name then wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight. “Honey I don’t want you to go ever. Having you go ranks right up there on the top of my list of undesirable events; having to watch Jess leave with Carol tomorrow being the only thing that ranks higher.”

I opened my eyes. “I don’t want to leave, and I don’t want my friendship with Jordan to be the reason you leave either.” Lifting my hands to his shoulders, I held onto him. “I’ll work on the issue we talked about, just promise me you’ll be patient and trust me when I say that nothing besides friendship will ever happen between Jordan and me.”

“I’ll be patient as long as you work on it.” He smiled, “I’m glad you didn’t leave.”

“Me too,” I couldn’t help the feeling of happiness that flooded my body, I suddenly felt like together we could handle anything.

“So we should probably get some sleep.” He said as he started to turn from me to lead the way down the hall.

I grasped his hand and held my ground, tugging on his arm. When he turned back to me, I gave him a smiled, “Come here.”

He raised his brow but came closer to me and wrapped his arms around me as I slipped mine around his neck. I gave him a quick peck on the cheek and he frowned. “That’s all?”

Laughing, I asked him what he was hoping for. He glanced upwards and shook his head, “Do I really need to explain it to her?” He asked whoever was up there.

I glanced up and then looked at him, “I think they said ‘yes’.”

He laughed, “Oh really?” He asked as he scooped me up in his arms. “Well let’s go into my room and I’ll explain in great detail what I was hoping for.”

That's Friendship, right?

“More than a friend?” I shook my head, “It’s nothing like that at all!”

Josh stared at me in disbelief, “No? So I’m totally wrong and there’s nothing to worry about?”

I nodded, “Of course there’s nothing to worry about Josh.” I stepped closer to him, my hands pressed against his chest. “Don’t you trust me?”

I saw the muscle in his jaw twitch; he ran his hand through his hair before he spoke. “What if the roles were switched?”

“What?” I asked, confused by his question.

“What if it was me who was doing that? If I had a female friend and we did the same things as you and Jordan do. Would you trust me?” NO! The voice in my head screamed the moment those words came out of his mouth. “I’m sorry, I can’t read your mind but I’m damn sure that face you made said ‘no’.”

I wanted to slap the smirk of his face. “But you don’t have a female friend like that.” I said it more to convince myself that it wasn’t possible but I found I still needed him to confirm it.

He sighed, “Of course I don’t have a female friend that I pretend is my girlfriend until someone real comes along and wants to be with me.”

“Jordan doesn’t do that!” I snapped.

Josh raised his brow, “Are you sure?” He stared into my eyes and said, “’Fall Back Girl’.”

I gasped as he called me that, I didn’t think that he would throw that in my face, I told him about it earlier when he asked about my day. I thought that telling him about the conversation that Jordan and I had would ease the tension between the two of them; little did I know it would become ammunition against me. Slowly, I shook my head. “I can’t believe you just did that.”

He shrugged, “Why not? You said yourself that’s what he called you. Now I don’t know about you but to me that would mean that he was using you until someone he wanted came along.”

I knew what he was saying was true, but to hear him say it hurt. I didn’t want Jordan to want me, I’m not that crazy but I didn’t think I needed to hear it from Josh. I looked away from him, I stared at the wall for a moment, and then I turned and walked out of his room.

“Hey!” Josh called after me but I didn’t turn around. I was out in the living room when his hand grabbed hold of my arm. “You can’t be serious. You’re just going to walk away?”

I found myself gazing into their depth trying to communicate my pain and make him understand. When I did this what I saw there surprised me, reflected in his eyes was the same hurt that I was feeling. “Jordan is safe,” I whispered.

He mouthed my words to himself, “What does that mean?”

I sighed, “He’s always been there, and I’m extremely comfortable around him. I know that no matter what, he’ll always only be a friend.”

“What does that mean?” He repeated.

“It means that you are somewhat right.” By the look on his face I knew that he was going to ask what I meant again, I slipped my hand in his and guided him to the couch. When he sat down next to me, I continued. “Maybe I do act like more than a friend to Jordan.” Josh raised his brow as if saying ‘maybe?’ “Ok, I do. We do. Jordan and I do act like we could be more than friends. I know it and so does he.”

“Why pretend you don’t then?”

I shrugged, “Because I don’t like anyone pointing it out?” I took a deep breath, “Growing up it was always Jordan, Nicky and me. We did everything together; there wasn’t a time when you’d find one of us without the other two. Well, until Nicky realized that he was in love with Amy, then it was just Jordan and me. We promised that we wouldn’t let anyone come between us, that no matter what we’d always be there for each other.”

“We were young and just really starting to become attracted to the opposite sex. It started out as a game, we’d flirt and stuff.” I looked at Josh, he was leaning back against the couch with a serious expression on his face and his arms were crossed over his chest. “You ok?”

He nodded, “Go on.”

“Well I don’t know what else to tell you.”

“You said it started out as a game, you flirted and ‘stuff. What exactly was the stuff?”

I looked away, “Jordan is the first guy I kissed.” I glanced over my shoulder at Josh, “He’s also the first guy to have ‘felt me up’.”

Josh closed his eyes, leaning forward he rubbed his hands over his legs as he release the breath he must’ve been holding. “But there’s nothing sexual between you two?” Josh didn’t look at me when he said that.

I gave a little chuckle, “It was so uncomfortable having him touch me like that, that I told him if he ever did it again, I’d break his hands. Josh,” I brought my hand up to his shoulder. “I swear we never did anything else like that again. Sharing a bed with Jordan is the same to me as sharing a bed with any of my nieces when they used to have bad dreams.”

Josh turned his head towards me, “And you thinking that way is part of the problem.”

Giving a frustrated sigh, I sat back against the couch. “So what do you expect me to do? Stop being friends with him?”

Josh sat back with me. “No Anna, I already told you I wasn’t going to ask you to choose between us.” I breathed a sigh of relief which was short lived. “But I am going to ask you to choose -”

I cut him off. “If you aren’t asking me to choose between the two of you guys then there really isn’t any other choice that has to be made”

He gave me a look that said otherwise. “If you let me finish you’d know that you do have a choice to make.”

“And what choice is that?”

“The one that involves me being in your life or not.”

Blurring The Lines

My relationship with Jordan??

I knew it wasn’t going to be an easy conversation just by the way he worded that sentence. I could feel myself getting prepared to defend my friendship with Jordan; it wouldn’t be the first time that someone had a problem with it. Most times was someone that we don’t really know who tried to cause problems between the person that one of us was seeing at the time.

My eyes followed Josh as he moved over to one corner of his room. In that corner he had a recliner, which he sat in and next to the recliner was a 6 foot shelf loaded with all different kinds of books. I leaned against the wall and waited for him to say what was on his mind. He looked up at me with a frown on his face. “I won’t bite you know.” He chuckled as he held out his hand to me, “At least not too hard.”

Smiling, I walked over to him, took his hand in mine and settled on his lap. His arms wrapped themselves around me once I was comfortable. Maybe it won’t be so bad, I thought as I relaxed against his body. “What did you want to talk about?” He leaned forward, his mouth pressed against my shoulder but he didn’t say anything. “Is everything ok?” I asked as I looked down at him.

His eyes flicked up to me and he kissed my shoulder. “I’m just trying to figure out how to say what I’m thinking without making you mad.”

“Oh,” I didn’t really want to be the first one to start the conversation about Jordan but I had a feeling it would be best if I was the one who did. “Last night,” I started and then chuckled. “It seems like it was a lot longer than that. But anyway, last night before I stormed out of here you said that you didn’t think you could do this, what did you mean?”

“I don’t understand how you can spend the night in his bed and not think it’s a big deal.”

I blinked, is that his answer? “I don’t think it’s a big deal because I’ve been doing it all my life. It’s not like we were naked or anything, there was nothing sexual about it.”

“That’s your attempt at an explanation? You’ve always done it so I shouldn’t have a problem with it?” Josh shook his head, “It doesn’t matter if you always done it or you say that there was nothing sexual about it. Damn it Anna the guy told you he loved you and he tried to keep us apart, doesn’t that matter at all?”

“Josh,” I pulled out of his arms and turned towards him. “Jordan doesn’t love me and no it doesn’t matter to me that he thought he did because I know that I wasn’t about to do anything with him.”

“No? So kissing him, holding him and sleeping in his arms is not crossing a friendship line with you?”

“When it comes to Jordy, no it’s not.” I could feel my cheeks start to burn, a sign that I was really angry. I knew as I said those words that Josh wouldn’t like it but it was true, when it comes to Jordan the boundaries were blurred.

Josh stared at me, “Do you realize how stupid that sounds?”

“Don’t call me stupid.” I hissed through clenched teeth.

“I didn’t call you stupid; I said that what you said sounded stupid.”

I glared at him, “And since I thought it and said it, I must be stupid. Thanks a lot.” I jumped of his lap, fighting back tears that wanted to spill and stood in front of him. “I know you don’t understand it but he’s my friend, my best friend. He’s been there for me through all the ups and downs in my life. And he’s going to continue to be there for the rest of them too.” My voice cracked as I said that, I was thinking about how Jordan was there for me when my parents died. He was the only one who treated me the same as when they were alive, he still wanted to play with me, he still told me stupid jokes and chased me around the yard trying to tackle me to the ground to tickle me senseless. He didn’t drown me in pity, or expect me to talk to him about my parent’s death; he just told me that he would be there for me when I was ready.

Josh pushed himself out of the recliner and came to stand in front of me. “So I have to put up and shut up if I want to be in your life? I have to be ok with you spending nights with him when I want you to be here with me? I should get used to him getting all the same treatment as I would as your boyfriend just because he’s been in your life forever?”

I wiped away a tear that slid down my cheek but another soon followed. “He doesn’t get the same treatment as you do as my boyfriend.”

Josh raised his brow, “No? Then tell me what he doesn’t get that I do.”

“Me!” I sobbed; my hand was on my chest as I stared up into his eyes. “He doesn’t get me.” I turned away from him; I didn’t want him to see me crying which was silly because he already saw that I was.

Josh came up behind me, his arms slid around my waist, “Honey I’m sorry.”

“No!” I tore from his arms and spun around to face him again. “I know that it’s hard to understand, you aren’t the only one who’s ever had a problem with how close Jordan and I are. The last time it was an issue, Jordan was the one who got hurt.”

Josh opened his mouth to say something but I continued. “Please don’t ask me to choose between you and him.”

“Anna,” Josh sighed as he roughly ran his fingers through his hair. “I don’t want you to have to choose, I may be the one who ends up losing if you had too.”

“Josh,” If there was ever a moment when I wanted to kiss his, this was it and I couldn’t explain why. He didn’t say anything that makes you go, ‘ohhh he loves me so’ but as I stood there and watched him, I wanted to push him down on the bed beside us and show him how much he meant to me. Why is he looking at me like that? He was staring at me, like he was waiting for something. I asked him what was wrong.

“I thought you were going to say something about choosing between us.”

“Josh,” I couldn’t get the image of me kneeling over him on the bed out of my head. I shook my head. “I can’t choose between the two of you because he’s my friend and you are my boyfriend. They aren’t the same at all and to have to choose one over the other would leave me without a friend or without the man I love.”

Josh took a moment to think about that and then sighed, “I know it wouldn’t be fair to ask you to do that. But Anna, I can’t just shut up and deal with it. It really bothers me.”

“Maybe if you got to know Jordan a little better?” I asked hopefully.

Josh shook his head, “I don’t have a problem with Jordan. I have a problem with the touching, kissing and sleeping together.”

I sighed, we didn’t seem to really be getting anywhere with this. “Josh, I don’t know what-”

He grabbed my shoulders and stared into my eyes, “Damn it Anna, just stop!”

I flinched, “Stop what?”

“Stop everything.” He released me and his hands fell to his sides. “Stop being more than a friend to him."

All Things Ex

Josh took a deep breath and sighed, “The judge was old-fashioned, believed that a child should be with their mom and the fact that she was still pregnant with him made it almost impossible to rule otherwise.” I felt like such an idiot when he answered, I had sort of forgotten that he told me she left when she was four months pregnant. “Custody of Jess was the only thing I wanted out of the divorce; he was the only good that came from our marriage.”

Partly because he said I could ask him anything but mainly because I was nosey, I found myself asking, “What did she want in the divorce?” He stared at me for a moment, and I thought I made a mistake asking. “Josh, I’m sorry that’s really none of my business.”

He shook his head, “I never realized how much she hated me until we got to discussing who would get what. I knew that I didn’t want anything but custody of Jesse so I was prepared to give her everything; the house, the cars, any and all money that we had in the bank. I was so sure that she would want the money that I already had a plan in motion to help me get back on my feet after it was all said and done.”

“I take it she didn’t want the money?”

“No,” he scoffed. “That would be letting me off too easy. Instead she showed up at the meeting with her lawyer, who was the guy she left me for in the first place. When we got to splitting the assets, she gave me this sly grin as Phil produced a piece of paper, and told me that Carol didn’t want anything material possessions. ‘All my client wants is listed here on this document,’ he said.” I watched Josh’s face as he recalled the events of that day. I saw his anger and felt the tension returning to his body.

“You don’t have to tell me any of this if you don’t want too,” I told him.

“I don’t want you to think you can’t ask me about anything, even if it is something that I like to avoid even thinking about.” His arms tightened around me as he leaned in to press his lips against my forehead, “Anna, I want you to know.”

“So I grabbed the paper from him and begin to read it,” he continued. “Basically it said that Carol wanted none of the material possessions that we required during our marriage. She didn’t even want any of her personal possessions that she left behind when she walked out. All she wanted was custody of Jesse.” I gasped. He gave a little snort, “Yeah, she also wanted me to sign away my paternal rights.”

I stared at him in shock; I couldn’t wrap my head around what he had just said. “How do you think I felt?” He asked, “Up until that point, I thought I knew her. I thought for sure that I would get custody of Jess; she didn’t really want children, something she told me almost every day after she found out she was pregnant. After that there was no sense in continuing with the meeting, there was no way I was signing anything and I told her that. She just laughed and told me to give up, that there was no way I was going to get the baby, she would make sure of that.”

“Did she really want custody?” I had hoped that he would say ‘yes’ but he told me that she admitted to him, that she had no desire to have his spawn but ‘screwing you over, is so much fun.’

Just the idea that she could use a child to hurt someone she didn’t like, pissed me off. But to know that she was using sweet, innocent Jesse like some pawn made me want to rip her stupid head of her shoulders. “That bitch!”

Josh looked up at me, his brow raised. “That’s much nicer than anything I’ve ever thought,” he joked.

“How can you joke about it? She used him, and still is using him. It’s not right.”

“Of course I know it’s not right, I’m not stupid Anna.”

“I never said you were!”

“I-” He stopped what he was going to say, “Are we seriously arguing about this?”

I looked at him and smiled. “God I hope not.”

He returned my smiled, “Good I don’t want to argue with you.” We sat there smiling at each other for a long time. I started to think how funny we would look to anyone if they could see us and I chuckled. He asked me what I was thinking and I reluctantly told him. He sat back against the couch and shook his head, “Only you would think about something like that.”

I laughed and kissed his lips, “Is that your way of telling me I’m special?”

“Oh you’re special alright,” he grinned. “Sometimes a little too special.”

“Hey!” I slapped his arm playfully, “Come on admit it, it drives you insane.”

He nodded slowly, “Insane? I guess you could say that.”

I sat there looking down at him and I found I couldn’t say anything. My gaze rested on his handsome face and I couldn’t help but wonder how I got so lucky to have a man like him interested in me. I truly felt like crying from pure joy but I knew that would probably make him think I was really crazy. I smiled and wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face against his neck. I could’ve stayed like that forever but my stupid cell began to ring.

I pulled away from him and gave him a funny look, “Who could be calling me?”

He gave me a look that made me shiver, and not with desire. “My money’s on Jordan.”

I leaned to the left, stretching out to grab the phone which was resting on the nearby table. Looking at the caller ID I saw that it was Jordan, what did he want now? I flipped my phone open to answer it when I saw Josh’s expression out of the corner of my eye. Crap, I thought but it was too late to not answer it. “What’s up Jordan?”

“Hey babe, I was just wondering if you were coming home soon.”

Josh’s hands slipped to my waist and he moved me off him. “I don’t know, why?” I didn’t really care why he wanted to know, I was too busy watching Josh as he stood up and disappeared down the hall.

“I was hoping you’d stop at Sev and pick me up something before you came home.”

“Jordan,” I got off the couch and peered around the corner. There was a little bit of light coming from his doorway which gave me hope that he didn’t completely close his door and that he wasn’t too upset. “Listen, I don’t know if I’ll be coming home,” I whispered. “Josh and I have a lot we have to talk about and well,” I scoffed, “Why am I explaining this to you?”

Jordan laughed, “I don’t know Anna. I was just hoping that if you were you’d grab me some wings, I’m hungry.”

I quickly told Jordan there were wings in the freezer and how to cook them. He told me to have a good night and hung up.

Tossing my phone on the table again, I slowly made my way towards Josh’s room. As I neared his doorway, I realized that the light must have been coming from a lamp because his door was wide open. I wish I could say I walked into his room confidently but I didn’t. Hesitantly, I edged my way into his room. Straight a head of me was one wall, to my right another and to my left was a corner. I poked my head around that corner, “Holy crap!” I jumped back with a start, my heart racing a million miles a minute.

Josh, who was standing just around the corner at his closet looking for something, looked around the corner at me. “Are you ok?” I nodded; my hand was still on my chest and my heart was still racing from the start he gave me. “Good,” he said turning from his closet. “I think it’s time we talk about your relationship with Jordan.”

Let The Conversing Begin

Josh and I stayed on the floor in Jesse’s room long after he had fallen asleep, in fact I thought that Josh had fallen asleep as well because he didn’t say anything or move for a while. I found I was a little disappointed about that, he said we would talk tonight, and I really wanted to know what he wanted to talk about.

I was getting restless and my arm was starting to fall asleep, so I rolled onto my back and sat up. Moments later Josh’s hand was on my back. “Everything ok honey?”

I nodded and glanced over my shoulder at him. When he had come into Jesse’s room earlier, he was wearing just a pair of jogging pants. At the moments those pants were riding so dangerously low on his hips that I couldn’t help but wonder if he was naked underneath them and if he was how long it would take me to convince him to remove them.

Josh sat up next to me, “Quit undressing me with your eyes,” he joked as he leaned in to kiss my cheek.

Lifting my face up to his, I smiled. “I’ll undress you any way I please.” I gently pushed him back against the mattress and moved over him, “Right now, I’d rather just kiss you.”

He grinned and puckered up. “Go for it.”

I laughed. And Jesse rolled over in his bed next to us. Both of us held our breaths as we looked over to the bed but Jesse never stirred again nor said anything. Breathing a sigh of relief, Josh slipped his hands down to my hips, “Honey, I think we should get out of here.”

Moments later Josh sunk down onto the couch. When I sat down next to him, he gave me a little pout and looked down at his empty lap. I chuckled and swung my legs up over his, “How’s that?”

He pouted some more then suddenly he grinned, “Oh I don’t know.” He slid his hand up my outer leg, turning his body to mine. “I think I can make do,” he winked and lowered his head to kiss my lips.

“Josh,” I lifted my hand and covered his lips before they touched mine; I could feel him frown against my hand. “You said we’d talk tonight.”

He nodded, his smile was back. “That’s what I was trying to do.”

I pushed him away, “I mean really talk, not groaning random words while getting off!” The moment I said that, I wished I could take it back but it was already out there. “Josh?” I raised my hand and went to touch his face but he moved away from my hand.

“Move,” he said without looking at me.

“Josh, I-”

“Move.” He commanded and I did what he asked. As soon as my legs were off his, he jumped off the couch and disappeared into the kitchen. I heard a cupboard door open and then the fridge open and close. Then it was silent, and it’s the silence that gets to me.

As I sat alone on the couch I began to wonder what was wrong with me, why do I keep saying such stupid things? I pushed myself off the couch and walked silently out to the kitchen. Peeking around the corner, I saw Josh leaning back against the counter, a glass of milk in his hands. “Josh?” I moved into the kitchen, “I’m sorry.”

He scoffed, shaking his head as he lifted the glass to his lips and took a drink. My eyes were drawn to his lips pressed against the glass, my body ached to feel those lips on my neck, shoulder…and breasts, I groaned at that thought. He turned his head towards me and the look in his eyes made me turn away, it was so cold.

When I turned back to him, he wasn’t standing there anymore. I wanted to cry; in fact I stood there for a few minutes fighting the tears that threatened to spill at a moments notice. Taking a deep breath, I walked out of the kitchen, stopping short as I almost ran into him. “Oh!” I cried out in surprise.

His hands came out and gripped my arms; he held me in front of him and stared down at me, the intensity of his stare made me feel both turned on and a little scared. “I’m not just looking for sex Anna. That’s not why I keep coming around.”

My eyes met his and I was surprised by what I saw lingering in the background of his heated stare, fear and insecurity. I lifted my hands to his bare chest, my fingers automatically stroking through the hair there. “Josh,” I paused, my eyes dropping to my hands on his chest. My fingers stilled and I went to remove my hands but his hands had left my arms and they now held my hands against his chest.

“What were you going to say?” His voice was low and as I looked into his eyes again, the fear and insecurity weren’t there anymore.

I smiled and stepped closer to him. “I know you don’t keep coming around for that.” I sighed, “Sometimes I speak before I think and instantly regret it.”

“Really? I never noticed.” He smiled down at me before his expression became serious again. “But you are right; there are things we should talk about.” As I nodded to show I agreed with him, my eyes traveled down to his chest again and he chuckled, “Should I go get a shirt on?”

“No…yes…no.” I sighed as he laughed at my indecisiveness, “If I wasn’t wearing a shirt, could you have a sensible conversation with me?” I asked him when my eyes met his again.

His eyes flicked to my chest and he swallowed, “Point taken.” He released me and made his way down the hall to his room.

In the two seconds it seemed to take him to find a shirt and throw it on, I barely had time to make my way over to the couch again. I had just sat down when he was dropping onto the cushion next to me, “Is this better?” He pointed to his t-shirt, one of the many baring the name of my old high school.

I groaned, “Yeah now I’m just having fantasies about getting you naked at work.”

His eyes jumped to mine, “Don’t even go there. It’s bad enough I can’t stop thinking about you now, I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle going to work on Monday if you say anything more.”

“Is that so?” I gave him an evil grin and then laughed at the pained expression on his face. “Oh Josh,” I threw my arms around his neck. “Come on Handsome, I know you thought about me showing up at your office in the school, wearing nothing but a smile.” I nipped playfully at the skin beneath his ear and was rewarded with a low growl.

“Please don’t,” came his begging groan.

I flicked my tongue against his skin, “Ok, I’ll tell you all about that one later.”

He nodded, “Much later. Long after I retire and have no interest in going into a school ever again.” I laughed and let him think I was agreeing with him. He didn’t say anything for a minute then took a deep breath and looked at me. “So, what was it we needed to talk about?”

“I was wondering if you got a hold of your lawyer.”

He sighed, “No. But I did leave a voice mail and told him I need to talk to him ASAP. And I spoke to Zach to see if there was anything I could do in the mean time.”

It was weird to have him refer to my brother with such ease; most of the guys I dated were always scare of my brother. I guess it’s sort of a good thing they were friends first? “What did Zach say?”

“He told me that he’d look into it, unofficially. See if there is really any reason for me to be concerned, if there is abuse going on at Carol’s. But he told me that with him being my friend and your brother, he’s too personally involved to be unbiased.”

It was my turn to sigh, “Damn Zach and his morals.”

Josh laughed, “He’s a good guy.”

“I know, even if he is my brother.” I smiled. “So?”

“So that means tomorrow I have to watch my son cry and throw a tantrum as his mother is dragging him away from me.” He looked at me, his expression unreadable. “Anna, I have to warn you now, I won’t be much fun when that moment comes; it rips me apart every time.”

Even though what he was telling me was sad, I couldn’t help but smile inside, he wants me to be there! I lifted my hand to his cheek, “Josh I would be shocked if you were ok after he leaves. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.”

Without warning he pulled me onto his lap and hugged me tight, “I love you,” he whispered against my neck.

I stroked my fingers through his hair and although I had a big smile on my face, I didn’t say anything and he didn’t expect me too. He just squeezed me tighter until the tension in his body melted away.

It must have been a good half hour later before he pulled back from me. “So,” he smiled at me. “How did your day go?”

I rolled my eyes and then filled him in on everything with the boys and Amy. When I was finished he said, “You know, I envy Nick. If things had been different, if things were the way they should’ve been, I would have loved being there for every moment of Carol’s pregnancy.” I raised a brow at him, he smiled. “What? Sure there maybe times were they feel overwhelmed and just want to scream at each other but come on Anna, as a guy all we can do to feel a part of that major life event is to be there. I wasn’t there for most of that with Jesse, hell I missed out on almost every major step in his life and probably will continue to miss them and it kills me to know that.” He sighed, “Nick is very lucky.”

“Josh,” I hesitated before asking what I wanted.

He gave me an encouraging smile, “Please know you can ask me anything.”

I took a deep breath, “How did Carol end up with Jesse?”

...Big Imagination

I was sitting in the living room alone, flipping through the channels on TV not really finding anything I wanted to watch. I could barely hear Josh’s whistling coming from the bathroom as he showered.

After telling me about the snow people he went quiet and withdrew a little as we sat on the couch together. I tried to get him to talk about a couple different things but each time he barely said a word until I finally gave up and just sat there in his arms, wishing I knew what to say to make things better. Then out of the blue he told me he was going to get in the shower and got up to do so before I could say anything.

Flipping off the TV, I fell back against the couch and closed my eyes while waited for him to finish in the bathroom. I wasn’t waiting long before a hand touched my arm, making me jump. Opening my eyes, I turned my head and saw Jesse kneeling on the floor next to the couch. “Hey Sweetie.”

“Where daddy?” He asked, his tiny voice shaking like his body was.

“Daddy’s in the shower.” I sat up and pulled him onto my lap. “Why don’t you wait here with me?”

Jesse snuggled close to me, “I had bad dream.”

“Monsters again?” He nodded, looking up at me, yawning. “Oh honey, let’s go lie down and you can tell me all about it, ok?” He nodded and clung to me as I slipped off the couch and made my way down the hall to his room.

There was a nightlight on giving the room a warm cozy feeling. “What’s that?” I asked, pointing to the blanket and pillow on the floor next to his toddler bed.

“Daddy’s bed.” He said simply when I placed him on his bed and helped him crawl under the covers.

I glanced at the blankets again and realized that there was an air mattress there too. “You think daddy will mind if I lay there for now?” Jess giggled and shook his head. “Good.”

When I finally settled onto the air mattress Jesse held out his hand to me and I slipped my hand over his. “I saw the snow people you and daddy made. But your daddy said the little one wasn’t you? Who is it Jesse?”

“Baby.” He said.

“What baby? And where are you?”

“Daddy and Ama’s baby.” He said, matter of factly. "And Jesse at mommy's."

“But Jess,” I propped myself up on my elbow and looked at him. “Daddy and I don’t have a baby.”

Jesse thought about this and moved closer to the edge of his bed, “Daddy loves Ama. And daddy loves baby.”

“Yeah,” I took my hand from his and ruffled his hair. “Daddy loves you too.”

Jesse grinned, “I love daddy.” He sat up in bed, “I love Ama,” he yelled out.

I laughed, “I love you too.”

“And daddy?”

“Yes,” I smiled, “I love your daddy.”

“Then you marry daddy and have baby.”

“Jess, I don’t know if that will happen anytime soon. But in the mean time you know what we should do tomorrow?”

He shook his head, “What Ama?”

“We should go out and make a snow bear, like Mister Bear.”

Jesse shook his head again, “No Ama, Mis’er Bear no live with daddy.”

“So?” I leaned in and rested my forehead against his. “I don’t live with daddy either, and neither do you but that doesn’t mean that we can’t make snow people like us.”

He was quiet for a moment, then he looked up at me shyly. “Daddy make snow bear?”

“If the little snow person is you,” I touched the tip of his nose with my finger, “Daddy will gladly help.”

“What will I gladly do?” When Josh poked his head in the room, Jesse gasped and fell against the bed pretending to be asleep.

I laughed, “Oh Jess I think he already knows you are awake.”

Jess peeked at me and held his finger up to his mouth as if to say ‘shhh’.

Josh chuckled as he lowered his body down on the mattress in front of me. “I think someone is faking.” He pulled back the covers and began to tickle Jess.

“Da…ddy…I….wa…ke” Jesse barely managed to say through his giggles.

Josh ceased the tickling, “Now what are you two planning?”

Jesse jumped up in bed, “We make snow bear! Like Mis’er Bear!”

Josh glanced at me with a questioning look in his eye. “The little snowperson is Jesse, and who is Jesse without Mister Bear?”

Little Minds...

I don’t even know how we ended up on the couch, but that’s where we were when we heard, “What doing daddy?” Followed quickly by, “Ama!”

Josh froze; his hand that was under my shirt pulled back from my breast as if he was suddenly burnt. I tried very hard not to laugh at the look on his face when he glanced at Jesse and then back at me but I couldn’t help myself.

Jesse was trying to get up on the couch with us but he kept falling when his leg slipped off the cushion. “Daddy help.”

Josh sighed; reluctantly moving off me and helping me sit up on the couch with him. “I thought you were sleeping.” He grabbed Jess under the arms and pulled him up on the couch. “You should be sleeping,” he told him.

Jesse smiled, “Bad dream daddy.” Then he turned to me and crawled onto my lap, snuggling close to me. “’lo Ama.”

“That was my plan,” Josh muttered, his hand ran through Jesse’s hair. “So what was the dream about?”

Jesse started to ramble on about the monsters he dreamt about, I wasn’t really following what he was saying, my mind was still on what was happening when Jesse interrupted. “Ama, you ‘fraid of monster?”

I glanced at Josh, who raised a questioning brow at me. “No,” I told Jess. “With your daddy here, I don’t think the monster will come after me.”

Jesse looked at his dad and then hugged me tight. “Monster ‘friad of daddy?”

I chuckled, “I would think so, your daddy would do all he could to stop anyone from hurting someone he loves.” Jesse stared up at me, like it was contemplating what I just said, then he crawled off my lap and over onto his dad’s; his little hands gripping hold of his dad’s arms. “Daddy I go sleep now, tay?”

Without saying a word, Josh slipped off the couch with Jess and disappeared around the corner. As I sat there alone of the couch, I felt left out. I know that I should’ve have but I had sort of hoped that they would’ve have asked me to join them. Don’t be silly, I tried to tell myself.

I was standing by the living room window when Josh came out of Jesse’s room. “What are you doing?” He asked as his arms slipped around my waist.

I pointed at the balcony, “I’m admiring the snowmen out there.”

Josh looked over my shoulder, “Hmm, I wonder how they got there.”

“What?” I turned in his arms and stared up at him, only to find him smiling. “They are cute and so tiny compared to normal snowmen.”

“Well I don’t think three normal sized snowmen can fit on my balcony.” Josh laughed, “I got ready to go out there and clean the snow off earlier. Jess asked me what I was doing when I headed for the door with a shovel, so I told him. His eyes grew wide and he just started to cry, saying he wanted to make snowmen like he did at Nana’s over Christmas.”

“So you ended up creating snowmen instead of shoveling?”

He shook his head, “Actually snow people.” He turned me around and pointed at the two that were really close together, “Apparently that’s me and you.”

I grinned, “And the little one in front of us? Jesse?” Josh didn’t say anything. “Josh?” I looked over my shoulder at him, his smile had faded. “Josh what’s wrong?”

He shook his head; his hand ran through his hair. “That’s what I thought too, but Jess said no.”

“Then where is Jess? And who is the little one?”

Josh looked down at me, “You know, I asked that too but he wouldn’t say anything, he told me he was cold and wanted to go inside.”

I glanced at the snowmen outside, what’s going on in Jesse’s head?

We All Know What Assume Does...Right?

Josh peeked out around the corner and looked at me. I expected him to look guilty, I expected him to start apologizing immediately or to insist that what I was witnessing wasn’t exactly what it looked like. I never expected him to smile at me.

I tried hard not to take my eyes away from his smiling face, even though I wanted to slap that smile right off. But I knew that if I looked at her, I’d flip out and rip her every straight blond hair out by its roots. What is it with him and blondes? Self-conscientiously my hand touched my very curly, very dark brown hair.

“Josh?” The woman touched his shoulder as she spoke to him; I stared at that hand and felt the urge to break it. When did I become so violent? “Are you going to introduce us?”

Josh glanced at her. “You know each other,” he said without any further explanation.

She chuckled, “Of course I know who she is,” she smiled at me. “But according to the look in her eyes, she doesn’t remember who I am. And she thinks you’ve been a bad boy.”

Josh’s face fell as his head snapped back in my direction, a look of horror soon crossed his face as he realized what she meant; he physically looked like he would get sick. Moving quickly, as if he was afraid that I would run, he grabbed hold on my hand and pulled me into his arms.

“Josh,” I pressed my hands against his chest in an attempt to push him away. I didn’t want him that close to me, I couldn’t think when he was. Of course my attempt did nothing to bring space between us, I made the mistake of looking up into his eyes and everything else seemed to fade away. His eyes flicked momentarily to my lips and he started to lower his head.

“Ahem!”

Josh sighed and I turned towards the woman, why is she still here?

Josh glared at her, “Don’t you have some place to go?” She laughed and shook her head. “Get out of here.”

Again, she shook her head and nodded towards me, “You should introduce us.”

“Fine, then you’ll leave.” He told her and then looked down at me. “Anna, that’s Beth.”

I glanced at Beth and caught her rolling her eyes at him. “God you suck at this Josh! And don’t call me Beth!” She turned to me and held out her hand. “My name is Elizabeth but please call me Liz.” She paused, giving Josh another dirty look. “It’s nice to meet you.”

I turned beet red as I looked at the woman who just introduced herself as Liz, “I’m sorry.” I didn’t look at either one of them, I felt like such an idiot for not recognizing who she was.

“There’s nothing to apologize for,” Liz told me.

“Now you can go,” Josh said. I looked up at him and he was glaring at her. “I’m sure Cody is wondering where you are.”

Liz smiled, “He knows I came to talk to you. Can’t get rid of me that easily, I’d like to get to know Anna a little better, I’m sure you don’t mind.” She pushed him away from me and slipped her arm through mine. “So tell me, what on earth would make you like that Neanderthal?”

“Liz!”

“Oh come on Josh,” she laughed, “I think it’s only fair that I get to harass your girlfriend. Think of it as pay back for all the times you, Tim and Rob harassed my boyfriends.”

“Someone had too; you had bad taste in men. We were only protecting you.”

Liz rolled her eyes, “Yet I managed to find a good one in Cody, even you said so.”

“Then go home to him and leave me alone with my,” he looked at me and smiled. “Anna.”

Liz laughed, “Your Anna?” She let of my arm and patted his cheek. “That’s so cute Josh,” she turned to me. “Isn’t my brother just the cutest sometimes? And Jess? He couldn’t stop talking about you tonight; he didn’t even want to go to bed until you came. Josh had to promise that you’d look in on him when you got here just to get him to go to bed.”

“Liz go home.” Josh wasn’t looking at her, his eyes were on me and the look in them was making me want to tell her to get lost also.

She looked back and forth between the two of us, whatever she was going to say she decided not too. Backing away from us, she smiled. “Thanks again for,” she motioned to her purse as she looked at Josh.

“Uh huh,” Josh grunted, taking a step closer to me, closing the space between us.

“Good night you two.” She threw over her shoulder as she disappeared down the stairs.

“She seems nice,” I whispered as Josh’s head blocked out the lights overhead.

“Pain in the butt,” he mumbled as his hands gripped my hips, pulling me tight against him.

“That’s a little sister’s job,” I went to say but my words were lost when his mouth moved over mine.

Nothing Comes Between A Guy And His 'Chick'

Having just spent a couple hours in the baby department, I was starting to feel like that moment would never come for me, not that I’m in any real hurry to have children right now. But ever since Cassie told me that she over heard Jesse tell Conner that he wanted me to be his mom, I have been thinking about it a lot more than normal.

Just thinking about Jesse made me wonder if Josh was able to get hold of his lawyer and if there was anything he could do to keep Jess with him instead of letting Carol take him tomorrow. Thinking about Josh and babies made me think about him naked in my bed this morning, which then made me think about Jordan’s comment about going way too fast and for once, he was right. I don’t know why I’ve jumped to that level so quickly with Josh; it does normally take a while for someone to get even close to my bed.

I was following the boys out to my car in the parking lot, half listening to what they were saying but paying more attention to the thoughts in my head. Maybe I just feel like I’ve known him forever since I’ve been thinking about him for the last five years, wanting him, dreaming about him. Well, I don’t have to think anymore, I sighed happily. He’s here and wanting me, what else could a girl ask for? The car I was passing by got my attention, or at least the woman who was getting out of it did. I didn’t know her nor was there anything I recognized about her but as I watched her pull her children out of the car, I stopped short. In a panic I tried to do some mental calculations but I couldn’t recall an important part of the equation.

“Hey Anna!” Nick’s voice sounded so far away yet he was standing only five feet away from me. I stared at him as my thoughts ran around inside my mind, what if…? I couldn’t even finish that thought, I told myself it wasn’t possible or it would be too early to tell but deep down I wondered could I be pregnant?

“Anna!” Nick yelled again, this time his voice came through loud and clear. Shaking my head, trying to clear the fog that surrounded me, I gave him a questioning look. “Are you going to unlock the doors? Or did you want me to break in?”

I walked the remaining distance to my car, unlocking the doors with the remote as I went. My hand was on the handle of my door when I noticed Jordan was still standing. “It’s open.” I mumbled looking over the car at him.

“Are you ok?”

I nodded and gave a little chuckle, “Just working myself into a panic over nothing. I’m fine.” Or I will be, I thought as I told myself it was time to slow down a little with Josh.

As I pulled out of the parking lot the boys decided they wanted to grab something to eat. Like always when we all were together, there was a bit of a disagreement about where they wanted to go but in the end we ended up deciding on Mary Brown’s because we hadn’t been there in a while.

I had just pulled into the parking lot when Nick’s cell phone began to ring. A hugh grin spread across his face as he glanced at the caller ID “Hello my love,” he said when he answered the phone. Jordan and I didn’t even pretend to not be eavesdropping; we both turned around and watched him as he spoke to Amy. “No darling I’m still out with Jordy and Anna. What? Yeah, she’s driving us; did you want to talk to her?” He paused, stuck out his tongue at us as he motioned for us to go away. “Oh ok. Well we were going to grab something to eat here.” He paused again, then told her where. “Ok, sure I’ll order that for you so it’s ready when you get here. See you soon. Love you.” He hung up the phone. “What are you two staring at?”

Jordan and I looked at each other before getting out of the car. “Nothing,” Jordan replied, making whipping sounds as he headed for the front doors.

I took a deep breath as we walked through the doors, my mouth began to water and my stomach started to growl as the delicious aroma tickled my senses. Mary Brown’s is by far the best place to go for chicken, it’s like KFC only a hundred billion times better. We quickly placed our orders and found a booth to settle into while we waited for our food.

Amy arrived shortly afterwards, she smiled at Jordan and me as she slid in next to Nick and that’s about all the acknowledgment that we received before she began her rant about all the things her mom insists that she be doing now that she’s pregnant. Once our food came, she stopped ranting, looked at the plate Nick placed in front of her and started to cry. “I can’t eat this.” She said through her sobs, poking at the chicken on her plate with the fork.

Nick glanced at the plate and then her. “You said you wanted that.”

“I changed my mind!” Amy hissed at him, shoving the plate away from her almost knocking it off the table. Glancing at his plate she smiled and turned to him. “Nicky,” her tone had changed, she was now being oh so sweet as she slipped her arm around his back and placed her other hand on his chest. “Honey, can I have your burger?”

“But you said you wanted that.” Nick’s voice was barely a whisper; he was looking at his burger with a sad expression on his face.

Amy’s hand went to Nick’s cheek, she caressed it and he turned towards her. “But the baby wants the burger now.”

I cringed as she said that. Nick has been ordering burgers from here longer than Amy has been in his life, he loved them and wasn’t too fond of actual chicken. There have been times where they had gotten into arguments if she even asked for a bite of his burger. I watched Nick as he glanced between the plates of food and the menu board. When Nick ordered the food, he didn’t have enough cash on him to cover it; he had to borrow a couple bucks from Jordan. I knew he didn’t want to give up his burger, and I also knew that he wouldn’t dare ask Jordan or me to lend him any money with Amy sitting there. I wanted to offer to buy a burger for Amy but I knew that wouldn’t go over too well either. I heard Jordan take a deep breath and glanced towards him, he looked at me and I knew he was thinking the same thing. Although it was difficult, we did what any friend could do without making the situation worst, we did nothing.

Nick reluctantly grabbed Amy’s abandoned plate and moved his over to her. She smiled and hugged him. “Oh thank you Nicky!”

No one said anything as we all dug into our food. At one point I looked up at Nick, he was watching Amy bite into his burger and I thought he was going to cry. When Amy got up to go to the bathroom, I gently kicked him under the table; he slowly turned towards me, as if he didn’t want to take his eyes off the remainder of the burger that sat on Amy’s plate. When I asked if he was ok, he shrugged. “I can only hope she can’t finish it,” he joked half heartedly.

We didn’t stay there very long after we had finished eating, with Nick not really being all that talkative, it became a chore to sitting there with them.

Jordan and I spent the rest of the day sitting around the house watching movies, not really saying anything to each other. It was eight before I decided to go and get ready to leave for Josh’s.

Climbing the stairs to Josh’s apartment, I found the funky mood I was in began to lift; I almost ran up the last couple stairs, I wanted to see him that badly.

As I walked through the doorway to his floor, his apartment door opened. Great timing, I thought as a hugh smile spread across my face. I was about to say something along those lines when a woman walked out his door. I froze in my tracks as she turned around to face Josh who was standing just inside the door so he couldn’t see me. “I can’t thank you enough for that,” the woman said as she lifted her hand to his chest and leaned up to kiss his cheek.

“That’s what I’m here for,” he replied then added, “Anytime you need more don’t hesitate to come see me, ok?” He brushed a strand of hair away from her forehead before he kissed it.

The woman laughed, “Our little secret?” She asked and he nodded. “Good,” she glanced at her watch. “Well I better go and let you get that shower before Anna shows up.” She gave him one last hug before she turned. I wanted to run, I didn’t want either of them to see me but I found I couldn’t move, I stood rooted in that spot as an indescribable pain stabbed me in the chest. She paused as her eyes met mine, “Well too late for that idea Josh.” She looked over her shoulder at him, “If I’m not mistaken that’s her now.”

Doing It All For My Baby

At the mere mention that Amy was thinking about getting a bassinet for the baby, so that the baby is close by for the first couple weeks, Nicky freaked.

“Over my dead body! The baby is going to have its own room.” I tried to explain why Amy was thinking about it but he didn’t want to hear anything about it. “I’ve had to share a room my entire life; first with Jordy and now with Amy.” His face soon took on a pained expression; he looked around making sure that no one was close by and motioned for Jordan and I to come closer. When he spoke his voice was low and serious. “Do you know she touches my ‘private’ places at night?”

I stepped back, shaking my head. “Nicky!”

He laughed, “So I touch hers and sometimes she-” Jordan slapped his hand over Nick’s mouth so whatever he was about to say was muffled.

We moved on from the bedding to food. Nick began to pick up the toddler foods. “Is this any good?” He showed me Gerber’s Mac and cheese.

“I don’t know for sure, seeing I’ve never tasted it. It’s a great seller, all the Gerber toddler foods are. But Nick, the baby isn’t going to be eating that for a while.”

He shrugged and threw a couple in the cart, “I’m going to try them.” He then started to pull different bottles of baby food off the shelf. “Apples? I like apples.” In the cart they went. “Squash? Ewww! No kid should be forced to eat that!” He looked around and then placed a couple bottles of peas in front of the squash. “Hey! Chicken Noodle Dinner! Awesome!” As Nicky pulled the bottles off the shelf, Jordan went behind him and put them back. “Hey! Knock it off!”

I finally got him to the formula; he stood back and stared at the entire 12 foot run. Sighing, he hung his head, “I have no idea what my baby will need.”

“Is Amy going to breast feed?” I asked.

He shrugged, “I don’t know but damn have you noticed that they are getting bigger?” Turning to his brother he smiled, “Right? You’ve noticed I know you have.”

Jordan cringed, “Eww man, that’s your wife. I don’t look at her.”

They argued back and forth for a couple minutes about whether it was ok for Jordan to look at Amy’s rack. Not wanting to get into that conversation, I moved on.

We spent another hour in the infant department going through every single aisle with me pointing out stuff that Amy was looking at and explaining some stuff along the way. We ended up back at the cribs; Nick asked again which one Amy was looking at so I pointed out the crib, change table, and dresser that she wanted. “How much would it all be? 400? 500?”

I nodded, “Yeah, somewhere around there.”

Nick shrugged and started to walk out of the department. “No big deal. Dad said he was buying whatever baby furniture Amy wanted.”

Jordan, who was in front of me, stopped short and I ran into him. “Dad said that?” Nick nodded, “When did he say that?”

“A couple days ago when Amy and I were over there looking through the catalogues that mom had.”

“Unfriggingbelievable.” Jordan exclaimed as he stormed away.

Nick and I looked at each other. “What was that about?” He asked.

I shrugged, “I don’t really know. But you know Jordan when it comes to your dad.”

“I never asked to be treated any different than him!” His voice rose as he spoke. “It’s not my fault! He has to stop blaming me!” Nick stomped off in the opposite direction.

I stood there looking back and forth between the two directions that they went, who do I go after first? Groaning, I went off in search of Jordan.

It took me about ten minutes but I finally found him wandering around aimlessly through the toy department. He had picked up a Fisher Price car and a tiny stuffed doll. “Hey.” I touched his shoulder. “Buying me presents?”

Jordan glanced at me and then at the toys in his hands. Shaking his head, he chuckled; it was almost a sad sounding one. “Every time I asked my parents for anything; for them to help me out in any way over the last couple years, I was told I was old enough to fend for myself. I was told that if I wanted something I just had to work for it like they did. That their job was done the day I moved out of the house.” He paused, put the toys back on the shelf and turned to me. “They wouldn’t even help me when I had like to lose the house. He couldn’t even spare the couple hundred I needed so I could make the mortgage payment. You know where I got the money for that?”

“Yes, I do.”

Just before I moved in with Jordan he was in a car accident that left him unable to work for a couple months. He was getting so far behind on his bills that he was stressing about losing the house, his truck and everything else that he worked so hard for. One night I came home early and I over heard Jordan talking with Zach and Mary about his situation.

“I know I shouldn’t ask but I have no where else to turn.” Jordan told them.

Without hesitating, Zack told him that they would help him out. “You’re family Jordan; I can’t just stand by and not do anything.” Was all he said when Jordan expressed his gratitude.

Jordan wasn’t going to tell me that there was anything wrong; he had asked Zach not to mention anything to me. I was upset when I heard that, I didn’t stop to think that Jordan was embarrassed to have to ask anyone for help. I let everyone know that I was there and I heard what was said. Jordan and I got into a hugh fight, he stormed out of the house telling me that it was none of my business and we didn’t talk for a couple weeks. Finally he came around, told me he needed a roommate and asked me to move in.

“Anna?” Jordan was waving his hand in front of my face. “Where did you go?” He asked when my eyes focused on him.

I told him it wasn’t important as I saw Nick approaching from the corner of my eye.

“Listen Jordy,” Nick stood in front of his brother and looked him in the eyes. “I didn’t ask dad to buy anything for the baby. If I could give Amy everything she wanted for the baby myself, I’d tell dad to shove it.”

“I know.” Jordan sighed, “Nick it’s fine. It’s for the baby, their first grand child. My niece or nephew.” He grinned, “Can I request a nephew?”

Nick laughed, “If only I controlled that.”

A Friend Like No Other

I don’t know if it was because we really felt sorry for him, or if we were just bored and didn’t have anything else better to do but Jordan and I agreed to join Nicky in his ‘quest for all things baby’ as he put it.

We left the house and all climbed into my car. “What? You’re going to drive?” Nicky positioned himself in the center of the back seat and did up his seat belt. Then he leaned over and pulled the belt from the right across his lap and did the same with the belt from the left. I rolled my eyes at him. “I’m not that bad of a driver!”

He laughed, “Oh no, not at all. You were the one who ran into that parked car that time, right? And the one who almost killed that poor little old lady who gave you the finger.”

“How about the time she put the car in the ditch,” Jordan joined in. “Changing the CD wasn’t it?”

I glared at the both of them, “Fine, get out and walk then!”

“Meow,” Nicky hissed like a cat and did the claw hand thing. “Just drive Trouble and ignore me.” He started mumbling the Lord’s Prayer to himself as I put the car in reverse.

There are times that I just want to kill the two of them, when one starts picking on me the other just has to join in. Although, I guess it always works that way, for I pick on Jordan or Nicky and the other one will join. And you know the nice thing about guy friends? Most times they don’t get offended, so you can say anything to them, it’s great.

We decided to head to my work because honestly? It’s really the only place around here that is worth going too. Most of the stores in my hometown are old and smelly; you can’t really get anything without paying an arm and a leg. And that was before Wal-Mart opened up. Now they’ve lowered their prices or brought in things that Wal-Mart doesn’t carry but I don’t get a discount there, so you know where you’ll find me.

Once we got to the store, the boys took off for the automotive section. I tried to get their attention and remind them what we went there for but they were long gone into car world that the sound of a woman’s voice didn’t register anymore. So I wandered around picking up some things that I knew I needed.

I was in Electronics scanning the new movies display when someone called my name. Turning around, I smiled. “Hi Hank. Hey Jenna.”

“Are you working?” Hank asked me as I leaned down to Jenna, who was chewing on an Arrowroot biscuit.

“Nope,” I shook my head. “I’m off this sick week due to an incident that happened a couple days ago.” I reached out my hand and Jenna grabbed hold of my finger. “Is that cookie yummy sweetie?” Jenna stared at me and then pushed her mushy cookie towards me, catching me on the chin with it. She giggled as I made a face. “Eww.”
Hank quickly opened the diaper bag he was carting around and pulled out a tissue. “Sorry about that.”

I laughed, “It’s no big deal.” I wiped the cookie off my chin and leaned back down to Jenna. “Bet you are thinking that ‘if the crazy lady didn’t want the cookie she shouldn’t get in my face’. Ain’t that right?” She giggled and bounced in the cart’s seat. “Yeah, you were just sharing like a good little girl.”

I straightened up and looked at Hank. “So your girlfriend is working again?”

He glanced at his watch, “Yeah but she gets off in twenty minutes. Then I get to drop her off at her parents for dinner.” I gave him a funny look and he sighed. “I’m not invited.”

“What?” I couldn’t believe what he said. “That can’t be right?”

He chuckled, “I wish. But her dad asked her and Jenna to go over for dinner. Then said to her, ‘Hank can find something to amuse himself. I hear there’s a good strip club in the next town’.”

I gasped, “Oh my god! And she’s going to go without you?”

He nodded, “Yeah. If she shows up without me she can talk him into lending her some money and we need all we can at this point in time. The downside is, she has to sit there and listen to him go on about the great opportunity she walked away from. How if she was with her ex instead of me, she wouldn’t have a worry in the world.”

“But you said her ex lied and cheated. Doesn’t her dad know this?”

“Yeah, but he loves the guy so much, he doesn’t see how much of a jerk he was to her.” Hank took a deep breath and glanced at Jenna. “At least one great thing did come out of their relationship.” Jenna held up her arms to him, she had this big grin on her face.

I grinned and thought, how cute. “I know it’s none of my business but I don’t think she should go over there without you, no matter what she can get from her dad. It’s not being fair to you.”

He shrugged, “I’m tired of arguing with her about it.”

I wanted to shake him, “There shouldn’t be -”

The PA system cut me off. Well it was actually what was being said. “Is it on? I don’t know…yup, I hear you.”

“Oh crap!” I quickly looked around the store. “Oh guys don’t.”

Hank gave me a funny look. “What’s wrong?” He looked around too.

“The PA…my friends…I’m so going to get in trouble.” I frantically looked around again, “I have to go.” I told him and started out for Automotive.

There was a cough on the PA and then. “Attention Wal-Mart Shoppers. Could Anna please come to the baby department?” Nick’s voice came through loud and clear. “That’s Anna, the hot chick that normally works Infants, get your sweet butt over here now. Thank you and have a great day! Go Wal-Mart!”

I turned ten shades of red as I turned around and headed for Infants. I’m going to kill them, both of them. It seemed that everyone I knew was lined up along the way to Infants, I nodded to a few before I started to jog over there. They were standing in front of the car seats, talking in hushed tones. “Justifiable homicide boys!” I said when I finally found them. They both turned simultaneously towards me with blank expressions on their faces.

“What’s wrong babe?” Jordan asked innocently.

I felt my anger build as they stared at me oh-so innocently. “You know exactly what’s wrong.” I hissed. “How could you guys do that? Do you know how much trouble I can get into?”

Nick glanced at Jordan and then back at me. “We’re sorry.” He had put on his best sad puppy dog face.

I slap his arm. “That may work with Amy but I’m so not buying it!”

“Oh come on trouble, nothing will happen.”

I stood there shaking my head at them, trying to figure out if I should skin them alive before I killed them.

“So tell me,” Nicky slipped his arm around my shoulder. “What toys should I get my baby?”

“Toys?” I shook my head. “Nick the baby isn’t going to want to play with toys for a while.”

“Babies love toys, I know that much Anna.”

I scoffed, “Yeah when they are old enough to know what they are. Nick all your baby is going to be doing the first couple months is eating, sleeping and pooping.”

“Well hell!” Nick exclaimed with a hint of annoyance to his voice. “Why are we having a baby in that case? Jordy can move in and it’ll be the same thing!”

“Hey!” Jordan put the toy phone he was playing with back on the shelf. “I’ll have you know I’ll need toys if I move in.”

Nick laughed, “Like that phone there? Are you going to call up your imaginary girl and ask her over for a play date?”

Before Jordan could reply I directed Nick towards the cribs. “Let’s start with where the baby will sleep.” It’s going to be a long day.

All Apologies

Jordan excused himself to go get something to drink. I took the moment that I was alone to think about what he must’ve felt earlier. Sure, it bothered me when he accused Josh of hitting Jesse but if I was in his position, would I think the same thing?

I was sitting with my knees drawn up to my chin, my back against the entrance to the kitchen, leaning back against the arm of the couch. I was lost in thought when I felt cool metal on my neck. I screamed; turning around quickly I glared at Jordan before taking the can of Pepsi he offered. “That wasn’t funny.”

He rounded the couch and plopped down in front of me, “Yes it was. You should’ve seen the look on your face.” He opened his can and took a sip. “What were you thinking about?” He paused, “Wait no. Don’t tell me, let me guess.” He sat forward and put his can on the coffee table before turning to me. “I’m betting it had something to do with Josh.” Squinting, he started to hum as he thought. “If it had anything to do with him naked, I don’t want to know.”

Shaking my head, I smiled. “Actually I wasn’t thinking about Josh, exactly.”

“What?” He feigned surprise. “What were you thinking about then?”

“I was wondering if I would have thought the same thing as you did, if I were you.”

Jordan frowned and shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know Anna. But at least you never have to find out.”

“Jordy, I’m sorry.” I reached out to touch his arm but he moved out of my reach.

“You know how I know when you are really mad at me?” he turned to me. I thought about it but I had no idea so I shook my head. “You don’t call me ‘Jordy’.” He smiled for a moment. “I’ve been such an ass lately.”

I raised my eyebrows and looked at him. I couldn’t deny what he said, it was true. “Aren’t you going to say something?” He asked. I shook my head and he sighed. “I hate to admit it but you were right. You were my fall back girl.”

I screwed up my nose when he said that, it’s not something that you ever want to be referred to as. “It was wrong of me to keep Josh’s marital status a secret. It was a mistake letting you know how I felt when I knew you were interested in him.” He paused, “And it was also wrong of my to try and make Josh believe that there was more going on with us than there was.” He sighed and then groaned as he turned to me. “How is it that you are still my friend? I don’t know that I would be.”

I poked him in the ribs, “Because I’m crazy?”

He laughed, nodding. “Yes you are.”

“So you have that out of your system?”

“I think so.”

“Good.” I poked him again, “I was so close to kicking your ass.”

He grabbed my hand, “Well you still might want to do that. I still believe that you are getting in too deep too quickly.”

“Jordan -”

He didn’t even let me get a word in, he spoke over me. “That doesn’t mean that I think he’s totally wrong for you, I just wish you’d take a step back.”

I pulled my hand out of his, “Jordan -”

“I mean,” he continued. “You’ve already slept with the guy. You’ve never let anyone stay over this early, let alone let them in your pants.”

“Jordan!” I gasped. “What I do with Josh is none of your business!” I poked him in the ribs with every word I spoke. Soon he was lying on his back and I was kneeling over him. And he was laughing.

“Only when you can’t contain yourself.” He said grabbing my hands with his, holding them with one while he tried to tickle me. “Then there’s no escaping the ‘oohhh Josh’.” My eyes damn near popped out of my head in shock when he started to mimic me. I struggled to free my hands from his but he held tight. “ ‘Yeah, oohhh yesss right there.’” He moaned through his laughter.

“Jordan stop it. It’s not funny!” I yelled at him as I turned ten shades of red.

“Yes, please stop, it’s going to give me nightmares.” A voice came from behind us.

Jordan immediately let go of my hands and sat up. “Nick! What are you doing here?”

Nick looked back and forth between the two of us. “Amy’s spending the afternoon with her mom so I thought I’d come hang out with you.” He grinned, “Unless I was interrupting something?”

Picking up a cushion I threw it at him. “Jordy’s being mean to me!”

Nick’s brow shot up. “Really?” He plopped on the couch next to me and looked pass me to his brother. “Without me? Man why do you get to have all the fun?” He whacked me with the cushion I threw at him.

Jordan ended up sharing what he was saying to Nick and I spent the next ten minutes listening to both of them moaning and groaning before I had enough and left the room. I didn’t get too far before they caught up to me. “Guys! Please stop it.”

They looked at each other and then shrugged, “It was getting kind of boring anyway.” Nicky said. “Hey! I have an idea. Let’s go shopping.”

Jordan raised a brow and glanced at me. “What happened to my brother? I swear he was just here but…” his words trailed off as he turned back to Nick. “Nicky no!” He tried to run from Nick but he was too slow, Nick grabbed him and put him in a headlock. “This is so not cool!” Jordan shouted.

Nick laughed, “Come on little bro take pity on me. You don’t know what it’s like to have a woman nagging you to go and look at all the baby stuff.” He let go of Jordan, “Amy sent me out to go through the infant department while she’s stuck at her mom’s. She expects me to know what all the crap she’s talking about is!”

Jordan looked at his brother, his face void of any expression. “So sorry man, I didn’t realize you had it so hard.” He slapped him on the back, and continued sarcastically. “Must be just horrible to be married to the woman you love and to be expecting a baby. Life just doesn’t get any tougher.”