SnoWhere To Go

I think it was a sign. I mean, what else would it be? I don’t think it’s just a coincidence that just as Josh flipped on his signal light to turn onto the main highway that took you out of town, it started to snow. At first there was just a little flurry activity but within seconds you could barely see ten feet in front of the windshield. I swear the smile that appeared on my face the moment the snow picked up was enough to light the entire car.

Josh, on the other hand, wasn’t smiling. He was too busy gripping the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white. I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want to break his concentration but in my head, I was hoping that he’d realize that driving all the way to the Grillhouse was pointless. Even if it wasn’t snowing, it would be pointless; he wasn’t going to gain anything by taking me there.

Ten minutes after we started out, Josh growled his frustration, hit his signal light and pulled off onto the shoulder of the highway. With his hazards clicking every second, he ran his hands through his hair and sighed.

“What’s wrong Josh?” I asked like I didn’t know.

He didn’t even look at me as he reached down and grabbed his cell phone from the cup holder it was laying in. Every little jab at the phone’s keypad told me that he was really ticked off but you wouldn’t know it if you were the one on the other end of the phone. “Hello Marcel, Josh Baker here. I have a reservation for 8 tonight but it looks like I won’t be able to make it…” Josh paused, nodded and then spoke again. “Yes,” he chuckled. “The weather has messed with my plans but…” he glanced at me as he thanked Marcel for understanding.

“So?” Josh snapped his phone shut and turned towards me. “The Grillhouse is out. Where did you want to go now?”

I opened my mouth to respond when he threw, ‘we could go back to my place and talk,’ out. I chuckled softly. “Ah, no.”

“Why not?”

“Why not?” I repeated, not believing that he actually asked me that.

“Yes, why not?” He shifted in his seat. “You said we would talk, what difference does it make where we do it?”

“I’m not going back to your place Josh.” I wasn’t about to budge on that. “I only agreed to talk to you in the first place so you wouldn’t make a scene in front of the kids. I didn’t really want to go to the Grillhouse either.”

“You didn’t?” He sounded surprised. “I thought you liked the Grillhouse.”

“I do,” I admitted.

“Then what was the problem with going there?”

Rolling my eyes, I told him not to play dumb. “You know why the Grillhouse would be a problem.”

He frowned, his forehead ceasing as he looked at me strangely. “No Anna,” he said slowly when he finally spoke. “I don’t know why it’s such a big deal. I worked all day and I’m starving. I wanted to go somewhere where the food was amazing and decently priced. Plus, I haven’t been there in a while and they made some changes to their menus that are mind blowing, according to Rhea.”

As he rambled on I started to wonder if he was telling the truth, and he didn’t think about the last time we were there and how we talked about getting back together, or if he was offended that I didn’t want to go there with him.

I thought I would jog his memory. “When was the last time you were there?” I asked and waited for it to clue in with him that the Grillhouse was a ‘romantic’ restaurant.

“Well,” he rubbed his chin with his hand. “I think the last time I was there, would’ve been this summer – July, maybe August – with Carol.”

My jaw dropped. Literally, I was picking it off the ground. “You took Carol to the Grillhouse?”

He nodded, frowning. “Yeah, I wanted to talk to her about keeping Jesse for a couple extra weeks in September so I asked her to dinner. Why?”

I shrugged; it really didn’t matter to me why he took Carol out for dinner but suddenly I felt like I was making a big deal out of the Grillhouse. Maybe you are making a big deal out of everything, I thought. What if he does only want to go there to talk and doesn’t have any ulterior motives?

“Anna?”

Shaking my head at my overactive imagination, I chuckled. “It’s stupid,” I told him with a laugh. “I actually thought you were taking me to the Grillhouse for a reason.”

Not showing any reaction, he asked me what reason that would be.

“Well,” I shrugged, felling really silly. “The last time I was to the Grillhouse it was the night that we talked about trying again.” Shifting uncomfortably in my seat, I chuckled nervously. “I guess I thought that’s what you were trying for again tonight by going there.”

He opened his mouth, about to say something but I, in my embarrassment, continued to ramble. “But that’s silly because it’s not like it actually would work. I mean….” I trailed off when I realized that Josh’s whole demeanour changed when I said it was silly. “Josh?” I reached out and touched his forearm. “That’s not what you were hoping for, was it?”
He wouldn’t look at me at all.

“It wouldn’t work. It didn’t work back then when we both wanted it to so it stands to reason that it wouldn’t work out now.”

He stared out the driver’s side window.

“It didn’t work out for us then for the same reason it won’t work out now Josh.”

“Jordan.” Josh snarled as he turned his head towards me. “Are you finally admitting that Jordan was never just a friend?”

I nodded. “We didn’t work because as much as I cared for you –”

He snorted.

“I did Josh. I cared for you but it just wasn’t enough. I’ve always loved Jordan.”

For the longest time Josh didn’t say anything and I didn’t have any idea what else there was to say to him. Finally, he told me that he had one question he needed to know the answer to. “I want you to be completely honest Anna.”

“Of course,” I replied more confidently that I felt.

“Besides the kiss, have you ever cheated on me?”

“No,” I replied without hesitation.

“So you didn’t sleep with him while we were still together?”

“No, Josh, I didn’t.”

Josh let out a huge sigh and slumped back in his seat. I started to feel relieved that this was finally over but then he had to say. "It would be so much easier if you were a cheating whore." He then asked me, “What am I supposed to do? I can’t get you out of my head. I ache to hold, touch and kiss you.”