Don't Wanna Go

When it came for me to leave work, I just wanted to go home and sleep. I had been thinking about the meeting with Josh and I was starting to wonder why I was going to all this trouble to meet with him. Was it crazy to schedule a meeting, or in this case dinner, with a man who has caused nothing but headaches every time we spoke? I’m sure if I were to ask anyone they would’ve said yes. Maybe it was but in any case, I told him I would go, Jordan told me to go and get it over with so I really had no choice but do that or face questions as to why I didn’t.

I didn’t need those questions. I didn’t want anyone to think there was a possibility that I was interested in getting back with Josh. I wasn’t, I was extremely happy with Jordan and I was really excited about our future together. Everyday, as I drove through the streets of my town, I looked for ‘for sale’ signs and made note of the addresses so I could tell Jordan about them and so we could ask Wanda about them when we talked to her. I didn’t come up with anything that Jordan and I agreed on yet, but I knew there was a house out there for us – I felt it.

On my way towards Jordan’s parent’s house to pick up Jenna, I found myself scanning the streets once again, as if there would be ‘for sale’ signs popping up in front yards like magic while I drove. As I laughed at that imagine, I wondered if Jordan would even consider a house in a neighbourhood close to his parents. Sure, he was getting along better with his dad but I didn’t know if being that close is something he would want.

Or if it would be something I’d want either. Don’t get me wrong, I like Hariette and John, even if sometimes it doesn’t seem like I did. I just don’t know if I could handle them coming over all the time, which they would if we lived closer. Then again, I thought. Jordy wouldn’t have so far to go when he needed a babysitter – like this week.

Thinking about a babysitter made me wonder how Jenna was doing with Nana and Papa Pollett. When I dropped her off that morning, Harriet was so happy to see her and Jenna seemed excited to spend the day with them. And although I didn’t hear anything all day from them, I wondered if Jenna’s excitement would’ve been too much for them to handle. Jenna seemed to have endless energy, like her daddy.

It took a few minutes, after I knocked on their front door, for someone to answer my call. At first, the door only opened enough for me to see Jenna peeking out around. “Ah-naa-naa!” She exclaimed with a giggle as her arms reached up towards me.

“Hey Sweetie!” I reached out and grabbed her up into my arms. “Ohhh,” I hugged her tight as I stepped into the porch. “I missed you sooo much!” I puckered up and waited for her to do so as well and then was treated to a sloppy little kiss. “Were you a good girl today?”

“A little angel,” Harriet informed me.

“What are you all standing in the hall for? Come sit down,” John called from the living room.

“I wish I could John,” I took a couple steps further in and glanced into the living room. “But I have to see about Jordy’s supper and then I have a meeting to go to tonight.”

John seemed visibly upset that we couldn’t stay longer.

Glancing at Jenna, I smiled. “Why don’t you go give Papa kisses?” She played shy for a second but as soon as John held out his hands for her, she wiggled in my arms. The moment her feet touched the floor, she was running towards him as fast as she could go.

As John hugged her tight and whispered to her, Harriet gathered up Jenna’s toys and extra clothes. “Was Jordan going to start potty training her soon?” She asked as she stuffed the diapers and wipes into Jenna’s bag.

I shrugged. “I don’t know, when I spoke to him about it, he said he had to talk to Heather.”

Harriet scoffed. “He doesn’t need to talk to Heather, he should just do it. Jenna is going on two; she shouldn’t be in diapers anymore.” She cast a sad look towards Jenna. “It’s a damn shame Anna.”

“I’ll mention it to him again,” I told her. “But it’s not really my call Harriet.”

A potty training lecture and ten minutes later, I finally carried Jenna, her bag and two loaves of homemade bread out of their house and loaded them into my car. While I was snapping Jenna into her seat, I jokingly told her that her daddy was going to be picking her up from now on. “That way Nana can lecture the right one!”

****

Twenty after six, Jenna and I were in the bathroom getting ready for my meeting with Josh. Jenna was sporting the coolest of the cool styles of little girl pjs and pretty little pigtails and I was looking smashing in my robe. “You’re daddy should be home soon,” I told her as she poked through my hair elastics; pulling them over her hand and up her tiny arm as if they were bracelets.

“We’ll get him supper, tell him all about your day with Nana and Papa and then…” The bathroom fan that I had turned on before I got into the shower, suddenly turned off. Whipping around, I couldn’t help but feel excited as my eyes came to rest on Jordan’s tired, but handsome face. “Jordy!”

Grabbing Jenna from the vanity, I quickly made my way across to where he was leaning against the door jam. “We were just wondering when you were coming home.”

“I heard,” he chuckled. When I went to give him a kiss, he stopped me. “I’m all oily,” he showed me his hands.

“So?” I reached out my hand to stroke his cheek. “When has that ever stopped you before?”

Before he replied, Jordan turned his head so that his lips were pressed against the palm of my hand. “Wouldn’t want to get you dirty again, you know, before your date.”

Rolling my eyes, I pulled my hand away. “It’s not a date. If it were, you would be there, not him!” Handing Jenna to him, I told him that I didn’t even want to meet with Josh. “But you want me to deal with it.”

“Hey now,” he plopped Jenna back into the counter before reaching to turn me around to face him. “Don’t be like that, you know I only suggested that you talk to him so he doesn’t cause problems for you while working on the show.”

“I know.” I sighed. “It just shouldn’t be this hard Jordan. Why is he pulling this crap now? If he cared at all for me, why didn’t he show that this summer when he still had somewhat of a chance?”

Jordan shrugged.

“Or better still, why didn’t he trust me in the beginning? I was all for making our relationship work but he kept bringing that damn kiss up every chance he got!” Staring up at him, I told him that I didn’t understand why Josh thought now was a good time. “He should’ve done this months ago, not now when I-“

“Don’t know why he’s doing it Anna.” Jordan jumped in before I could finish. Then he changed the subject. “I should shower and you have to get ready, he’s soon going to be here.”

As I watched Jordan strip for his shower, I couldn’t help but get the feeling I said something to upset him. But what? I wondered. I was only telling him that I didn’t understand why Josh thought he had a chance when I was more than happy in my relationship with him.

****

I was seated at the table with Jordan and Jenna, watching them eat and wishing I was joining them, when the doorbell rang, startling me.

“Josh is here,” Jordan informed me unnecessarily. With a glance at the clock on the wall, he said he was on time as well.

I just nodded. I couldn’t bring myself to get up to answer the door.

When the doorbell rang again, Jordan looked at me, mumbled something and then stood up. “Don’t worry, I got it.”

I felt as if I was facing a firing squad when I finally managed to push up from the table, give Jenna a kiss - ‘be good for daddy’, I told her - and head out to the front door. “Hey Josh,” I barely managed to muster enough cheer to make it sound like I was happy to see him.

His eyes lit up as he turned to me. “Wow Anna, you look beautiful tonight.”

“Thanks,” I flashed him a smile – at least, I hope it looked like a smile – and then turned towards Jordy. “I shouldn’t be too long,” I told him as my hand trailed up his arm.

“Take as long as you need,” he told me when his eyes met mine. “I’m not going anywhere.”

I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face. I kissed him. “Good,” I whispered against his cheek. “That’s what I needed to know.”

“You should go and hurry back,” he told me.

Reluctantly, I pulled away from Jordan. “Ok Josh,” I grabbed my jacket. “Let’s have that talk.”

Jordan waited until I was safely in Josh’s car before he closed the front door to return to his dinner and daughter.

Josh, when he climbed into the driver’s seat, commented that he was expecting a bigger show of affection. “What’s wrong Anna?” He wanted to know. “When we were dating, you couldn’t keep your hands off me – as my mom found out when she caught us making out in her hallway.”

I simply replied, "I grew up."