Little White Lie

The whole time I spoke, Jordan kept his eyes on my face; he didn’t even bother to glance at the receipts when I gave them to him. “Jordy, honey, please say something.”

He looked so tired and upset, I hated that I did anything to cause either of those. “Jordy?” I reached for him, I just wanted to touch him to show him that I meant it when I said I was alright and nothing bad happened.

“Anna….” He only managed to speak my name before he started to yawn. “Babe,” he sighed. “Let’s go to bed, I’m so bagged right now.”

“No,” I grabbed hold of his shirt. “Honey please, let’s just talk about this.”

“I’m exhausted,” he said as he reached around me to drop the receipts I shoved into his hands, on the dresser behind me. “You look like you need sleep too.”

He started to turn away but I held tight to his shirt. “Anna, come on!” He groaned as he turned back to me and moved in to wrap his arms around my waist. “Let’s go to bed.”

I clung to him. “I don’t want to sleep,” I whispered against his shoulder.
Pulling back a little, he chuckled softly as his fingers trailed along my bra strap. “I’m awake enough for that.”

“That’s not what I was talking about!” I pushed back from him. “Jordan I don’t want you to go to bed upset with me.”

With a sigh, Jordan dropped his hands and motioned towards the bed as he made his way over and sat down. When I came to stand in front of him, he slipped his hands around my thighs and tugged me closer. “Ok Babe, what are you thinking?”

That threw me. “What am I thinking?” I repeated, utterly confused.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “You seem to think I’m upset with you, I want to know what it is that you believe I’m upset about.” When I just stared at him with a blank expression, he flashed me a smile. “Anna, you have an overactive imagination, I know you are thinking something I haven’t even thought of and it’s freaking you out, tell me what it is.”

Standing before him, I felt like a moron. Was it possible he wasn’t upset with me? Could I just have expected him to be and projected that thought into his actions? I frowned. Was I going crazy?

“I…” I didn’t know what to say. Or how to say it anyway. How did you tell your boyfriend that you think he’s thinking that you were out betraying him when you really weren’t and don’t want him to think you were.

Ok, I thought. Now you really are going crazy.

“Can I take a shot at it?” He asked after a few minutes.

I nodded. He patted the mattress beside him.

I sat down, not taking my eyes off him for a moment.

“Ok,” he turned to me. “Since I like to think I know everything about you, I’m betting you are thinking that I’m worried that a lot more than talking happened between you and Josh tonight.” He paused to ask if he was right but didn’t give me a chance to reply. “But I have to tell you Babe, I wasn’t thinking that.”

“You weren’t?” I managed to squeak.

“Nope,” he shook his head. “I wasn’t even worried about that. I believe that you love me and –“

“I do Jordy,” I lifted my hands to cup his face. “I love you so much; I don’t want to do anything to hurt you.”

“But Babe,” he reached up and took my hands in his, drawing them down to his lap. “If you keep thinking that I’m going to freak about every little thing then you’ll end up hurting us.”

“Sorry,” I whispered as I lowered my head; I felt like such a moron. “I don’t want to hurt us.”

He leaned down to look at me. “Good,” he grinned when he caught my eye. “Now, how about we go to bed?

I sighed dramatically, “Oh alright, if I have to.”

“Oh you have to and you’ll love every second of it!” Jordan informed me as he pushed me back into the mattress and crawled on top of me.

****

I felt a light tap on my shoulder, I wanted to ignore it but the man tapping me refused to let me. “Anna?” He tapped me again.

I groaned as I half turned to glance over my shoulder and then turned back again. “Again Jordy?”

He chuckled softly as his fingers trailed over my arm. “No, I just wanted to tell you something before you fell asleep.”

“Too late,” I murmured as I snuggled deeper into the warmth of the sheets.

“Oh?” His fingers paused. “You’re already asleep?”

“Mmmm,” I grinned as I wiggled back, as if my butt was serching for his crotch to rest against. “In dreamland already.”

I felt the bed move as he shifted behind me. Leaning over me, he brushed my hair back for my face. “Ahh, I see.” He pushed my hair back where it was. “Then I guess I’ll have to wait until tomorrow to tell you that I was jealous tonight.”

My eyes popped open. “Jealous?”

“Mmhmm.” He kissed my shoulder. “But you are sleeping now, so we’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

“I don’t think so!” I spun around as he was about to cuddle with me. “You can’t just say something like that and not explain it Jordy!”

“Oh! Hey!” He exclaimed in fake surprise. “I thought you were sleeping.”

“Whatever,” I poked him in the side.

He jumped. “He-ey now!” He grabbed for my fingers before I could poke him again. “No pokey pookie.”

“Tell me Jordy, please?”

“It’s nothing,” he told me as he released my fingers. “Just when you were getting ready to go out, you asked me why he was doing this now and not when he had a chance in the summer.” He paused and shrugged. “I guess I didn’t realize that you still thought about getting back with him after Canada Day.”

I frowned. “I didn’t. We were done, I knew it and I thought that he did too.”

“But you said he had a chance Anna. Do you have any idea how much that hurt to hear? To know that you…” he trailed off. “It just hurt Babe, that’s all.”

“Jordan, I ­–”

He groaned. “And it shouldn’t upset me but when you refered to the kiss we shared back in January as ‘that damn kiss’…”

I didn’t know what to say to that.

“It shouldn’t bug me because I know that you didn’t mean anything by it, you were just frustrated that he was pulling this crap now but Babe, it took me forever to get the courage to even tell you how I felt. It wasn’t easy, you were head over heels for Josh and I knew that anything I said at that time wouldn’t be received well but damn it Anna, I don’t look at that kiss as a bad thing! It got you away from him and yes, I did lose you for one horrible month but you know what? I would kiss you again, if I had to do it all again.”

I started to apologize but he wasn’t finished.

“If all that wasn’t enough, I wanted to deck him when you guys were walking out to his car and you slipped.” Jordan was up on his elbow leaning over me; his voice rising as he spoke. “How dare he touch you.”

I raised a brow. “Jordy, he just reached out to stop me from falling on my ass, it wasn’t like he planned it.”

“Sure and leaving his hand on your back while you walked was innocent.”

“I thought you said you weren’t upset Jordy? You said that you weren’t worried about anything happening between me and Josh!”

“I wasn’t,” he replied calmly.

“I’m confused.”

“Anna,” he sighed as he lowered his head until his forehead rested against my chest. “I was hurt, jealous and yes, a little upset but the moment you were in that car and you looked back at me with that ‘don’t make me do this’ look on your face, I knew that I was being stupid and you weren’t going because you wanted to date him.”

“You thought I wanted…?” I couldn’t even finish the question.

“Yes,” he admitted. “I was that stupid, I thought you might have wanted him back.”

I rolled my eyes.

“So…”

Jordan lifted his head. “So.”

We layed there looking into each other’s eyes for the longest time before I asked him, “So I’m not the only drama queen in this relationship, am I?”

He laughed out loud. “Drama King, Babe, get it right.”