The Way I See It

I waited. I hoped that Zack wasn’t going to tell me that Josh asked for his permission to marry me but it never came, he never told me what I wanted to hear.

“Anna, I won’t lie to you,” he started as he leaned forward in his chair, propping his elbows up on the table in front of him. “Josh did come in here with the hope that I would give you two my blessing -”

“What did you do Zack? Josh left here pretty pissed, he said he had a lot to think about, apparently. What did he mean? What did you say?”

“I sat here and listened to what he had to say. He started out telling me how much he cared for you, how happy you make him and how great his life has been since you came into it.”

I blushed, even though I knew how Josh felt, hearing that he said all that to my brother made me feel wonderful. “That was pretty nice, all the stuff he said about me. Surely you thought so too?”

He hesitated for a moment before nodding in agreement. “True, it was good to hear all that about you. Anna I know that he cares about you but still I couldn’t…”

“You didn’t give him your blessing,” I finished for him. “What did you say to him Zack?”

Zack shoved his chair back from the table and stood up. “Did you want something to drink?” He made his way to the fridge to pour himself some more juice.

“No Zack! I want to know what you said to Josh.”

He made a big show out of taking a long drink from his glass as he made his way back to his chair. “It’s simple,” he told me. “I listened to what he had to say and then I told him what I thought.”

“Which was?”

“I told him I didn’t believe that you two were in the right place in life to be thinking about marriage. It’s not something that should be entered into lightly, it’s a lot of hard work.”

“We know it’s hard work Zack.”

“Yeah but do you honestly think that you two can make it? I know that it’s not going that well with the two of you right now, what with the kiss with Jordan coming up in every single argument you have. He’s not over it, and I don’t know if he’ll ever be over it Anna. I don’t think that I’ll be giving you away to him.”

“You won’t give me away?” I gasped. “But you said…”

“Honey listen to me, I never said I wouldn’t give you away. I just don’t think that it’s in either of your best interests to pretend that everything is going swimmingly between you two. Marriage is a big commitment Anna, I don’t believe that either of you are prepared to take that step at this moment in time.”

“I see,” I sat back and sighed.

“Don’t be mad at me Anna, I’m just trying to look out for you, I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I know Zack,” I tried to force a smile but it didn’t work.

He sipped on his juice as he watched me for a minute. “What are you thinking Anna? Are you upset that I refused to tell Josh that he had my blessing?”

I shook my head.

“No?” He raised a brow. “Then what is going on? You look upset.”

“I am,” I told him. “I’m upset that Josh would come to you like this. We aren’t ready to get married, we do have problems, he isn’t over the kiss and it does come up every time I do something he doesn’t like. We were supposed to be working through this not jumping head first into something big like marriage. I just…” I shook my head. “How is this ‘working through’ our issues? Isn’t it just rushing pass them in hopes that it’ll all work out?”

Zack shrugged as if he didn’t have an opinion but I knew better than that, he just didn’t want to tell me something that he didn’t think I wanted to hear. “Just say it,” I told him. “Just be honest with me, tell me what you think.”

He sat there for the longest time just staring at the table top. I wasn’t sure if he was ever going to tell me what he was thinking and that upset me, I needed his opinions, I needed his thoughts on the matter. I needed advice but most of all I needed him to tell me that it was ok that I didn’t want to marry Josh at that moment.

“Zack please just tell me.”

He sighed, “Ok fine but don’t get pissed at me when you don’t like what I have to say.”

“I won’t,” I promised.

“Yeah, right,” he scoffed. “Ok,” he reached out and took my hand in his. “Sis you know I love you and I don’t want to hurt you but I think that he is never going to get pass this kiss, I don’t even think he wants too. I get the feeling that he’s holding onto this just to have something to throw at you when he wants to hurt you.”

“But Zack…”

“Just hear me out,” he told me. “I do believe that he does love you and he does care for you but Anna, I don’t feel that he’s to the point where he can’t live without you. I don’t think that he’ll ever be to that point.”

“Because of the kiss with Jordan,” I said sadly.

“No,” Zack replied. “Because he doesn’t let people in enough to trust them like he should. He hasn’t let his guard down with you Anna. It has nothing to do with the kiss."

“I don’t understand.”

“Anna, Josh doesn’t trust too many people, he told me so himself, he believes that in the end they will all disappoint him. I hoped that it would be different with you, I told him if he hurt you, I would kick his ass and he assured me that he wouldn’t. But he didn’t let you in, did he?”

“Yes he did.”

“Did he?” Zack asked. “Has he been completely forthcoming? Has he given up any part of his life to spend time with you? Has he giving you chances to explain when something goes wrong, like with the kiss? Or has he had to do everything in his own way and on his own terms?”

I didn’t answer, I wanted to tell Zack that he didn’t know what he was talking about but he has been there for the last six months, he knew everything that was going on with us.

“Anna I don’t mean to upset you. It’s certainly not my intention to hurt you.” He paused, squeezed my hand and then dealt his final blow. “Josh is my friend and I like him but I really don’t believe that he’s right for you. I believe marriage to him would be a mistake, one you may not recover from. That’s why I refused to give him my blessing.”