Like This

“I might want to go home?” I repeated his last sentence slowly, as if saying it would make it morph into something totally different and sound better. “Why?” I asked him, “Is there something wrong Josh? Did you decide that –”

“No Anna,” Josh sighed as he lowered himself onto the mattress at my side once again. “I have something to do and ­–”

It was my turn to cut him off. “You mean something that you are ‘really looking forward too’ and something that I ‘don’t really need to know about’ because it’s better that way since it’s between you and whoever you were just on the phone with?” I shook my head at his shocked expression. “Yeah, I overheard you on the phone just now.”

Josh chuckled as he ran a hand through his hair. “Why didn’t you just say so?” He asked me. “Why did you pretend that you were sleeping when I came in just now?”

“I was surprised!” I exclaimed. “I spent the night alone because you wanted time to think and this morning you are kicking me out because you have some thing that you are ‘really looking forward too’!”

“And what?” He raised a brow. “Did you think I was running off to hook up with some chick?”

“I don’t know,” I mumbled. “I don’t know what you are doing, all I know is that just now you made me feel like crap – ‘you might want to go home’?” I stared up at him. “Could you have said it a little nicer than that?”

“How would you like me to say it Anna? I have to go meet with someone, I would rather that you weren’t there, and I don’t think you’d have too much fun sitting around here by yourself, so I suggested that you go home.”

“No, you didn’t Josh. You told me it would be better if I did, that’s not suggesting, that’s telling me to get lost.”

“Oh my God Anna!” He rammed his hands into his hair as he stared at me. “I didn’t mean it that way honey, really I didn’t.” He sighed, his hands fell to cover mine as they rested on my lap. “Ok…” he shifted until he was totally facing me as we sat on the bed.

“Ok what?” I chewed nervously on my lip as I turned my face upwards to gaze at him. “What’s going on Josh?”

“Well,” he gave me a weary smile. “I did a lot of thinking last night, I didn’t even come in from outside until a couple hours ago.”

“Oh,” I gasped in surprise as he continued.

“It bugs me that I can’t move pass this kiss, it really does, I want to move pass it. I don’t want to always bring it up when we argue, I want it dead and buried. I thought that I was over it when we started again but obviously I’m not.”

“What are we going to do about it?” I closed my eyes after I asked, I was getting prepared for him to tell me that he thought it would be best that we get called it quits, he didn’t think he could ever trust me again.

“I was thinking about that,” he admitted. “The easiest course of action for me would be for you to stop being friends with Jordan.” My eyes flew open as my mouth opened to protest but he held a finger to my lips. “It would be easier for me but it wouldn’t be fair to you, I know that but I’ll admit that I was hoping that you would do it.”

“Josh…”I sighed.

“I know,” he groaned. “Completely selfish of me to demand that you give up a friendship that you’ve had your entire life, I know – that finally sunk in last night.” He dropped his eyes to our hands, his fingers stroking my wrist as he gathered his thoughts. “I’m not going to ask you to not see him,” he raised his head and gazed into my eyes. “I’m not going to ask you to see him less either.”

“But you are going to ask me to do something, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” he nodded. “I’m going to ask you to promise me that you’ll never share a bed with him again, no matter what.”

“Ok,” I said without hesitating. “Not a problem. I won’t share a bed with Jordan again, no matter what, I promise. Is there any thing else?”

“Yes,” he smiled slightly. “Promise me that you won’t cuddle with him for any reason, even if it’s to find out what’s biting him when he’s cranky.”

Again, I agreed without hesitation. “I promise Josh.”

He leaned over and kissed my cheek, “Thank you Anna.”

“Was that all?” I asked him. “Was there something else you wanted me to promise?” I tilted my head, “Is there anything you are going to do while I’m not doing those things?”

“Of course,” he said but didn’t expand on it.

“Well?” I poked him gently in the ribs. “What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to relax,” he fell back against the mattress, crossing his arms over his head.

“Josh!” I giggled as I watched him. “Seriously!”

“Ah,” he rolled onto his side and propped his head up on his hand. “I’m going to work on my trust issues and my issues with Jordan, starting this morning.”

I frowned, “What do you mean?”

“Jordan is the one I was talking to on the phone just now, I called him up because I think it’s high time I stop blaming you for everything that happened. He was there, he was putting pressure on you that you didn’t need and he played just a big a role in the kiss as you did. Now,” he reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze. “Since he is your best friend and you wish to remain friends with him, hang out with him and what not, I believe I should get to know him. I’m going over there this morning and I hope to leave with some kind of understanding with him. I’m taking Jesse with me because Jenna is there and having the two of them running around and playing together might make it easier for Jordan and I to become…” Josh trailed off, cringed a little and then shrugged. “…friends.”