He Knows More Than I Thought

I thought that I should feel upset that Zack pretty much said that having a relationship with Josh was pointless and a big mistake but I wasn’t. I understood why he would feel that way considering all the stuff that has happened in the short time that Josh and I have known each other.

“Anna?” I looked up at Zack, he seemed concerned. I guess he took my silence as me being pissed at him for not giving Josh his blessing. “I could be wrong,” he offered. “Marriage to Josh could very well be the best thing that ever happened to you…”

“You don’t believe it,” I pointed out.

“No,” he sighed. “I really don’t believe that Josh can make you happy at this moment. I’m not sure if he ever could. As it stands right now, I don’t believe it would be wise to consider marriage.” I didn’t say anything right away so he continued to speak. “I’m sorry sis; I wish I didn’t feel that way. I wish for your sake I was wrong, I know how much you wanted this relationship to work out.”

“Zack,” I rubbed my hands over my face and groaned before I spoke again. “Don’t be sorry for how you feel, I don’t really blame you for feeling that way. But…” I shrugged. “I’m not about to give up on my relationship with him just because you don’t think it’ll work out. I don’t want to get there and wonder what could’ve happened if I didn’t give up. Josh promised me that he would really try to work pass the kiss, he swore it was important and he voluntarily said he would do it. He’s spending time with Jordan, getting to know him which I think is great because once he knows that Jordan isn’t more than a friend, it’ll be easier for him to move on from the kiss. This is a good thing, right?”

“Yeah,” Zack nodded slowly. “Unless, of course, Jordan still has feelings for you and he makes that very clear to Josh.”

“What?” I hadn’t even thought about that possibility. “No,” I shook my head. “Jordan wouldn’t get in the way; he told me that he wouldn’t. He promised me that he wouldn’t do anything to ruin my relationship with Josh.”

“And why did he promise that Anna? Was it because he doesn’t really have feelings for you? Or is it because he’s afraid that you will drop him completely if he doesn’t cooperate?” I started to protest but Zack stopped me. “You dropped him once before because you couldn’t handle the fact that he felt something for you.”

“He didn’t though,” I insisted. “He was just being a jerk.”

“Anna come on!” Zack pushed his chair back and stood up. “If you think that Jordan was just faking how he felt about you then you are blind and always have been.”

“Jordan had every chance to make a move, I’ve know him all my life Zack! He could’ve said something before Josh came into the picture but no, he didn’t. He waited until I was happy before he said anything. He didn’t feel anything for me; he lied and caused me unnecessary pain!”

“No Anna!” Zack snapped at me, startling me. “Jordan didn’t tell you about it before because I told him to wait!”

“What?” I shook my head, trying to scramble the words that Zack said to make them make sense. “What are you talking about?”

“Nothing,” Zack turned from me.

“Don’t do that!” I jumped up from my chair and grabbed his arm. “Don’t say something like that and then not explain it to me! What are you talking about? This doesn’t make any sense!”

“Anna,” Zack stared down at me. “Just drop it, I shouldn’t have said anything. Do everyone a favor and pretend that I didn’t say it.”

“I can’t just forget Zack!”

Zack stood with his arms over his chest and a stubborn look on his face.

“Fine!” I snapped. “Don’t tell me, I’ll go ask Jordan.” I turned to leave the room but Zack stopped me.

“You’ll forget about it!” He told me.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?” He asked. “You are in a relationship with Josh, one you obliviously hope will result in marriage, why bring up the past now? Why give Jordan the slightest hope that you might be interested in him when you aren’t? Leave it Anna.”

“You had no right to tell Jordan to wait! You had no right to butt into it at all!”

“No?” Zack grabbed me by the shoulders and forced me to face him. “When Jordan came to me and told me how he thought he was feeling, I told him to wait because it was just after Heather had left town. I didn’t want you to get hurt Anna, I didn’t want you to lose your best friend over what was a rebound crush.”

“How do you know?”

“How do I know what?”

“That Jordan’s feelings were just a rebound thing? What if they weren’t?”

Zack’s hands slipped from my shoulders as he moved away from me. “I…”

I scoffed. “You don’t think they were, do you? You believe that he does love me for real and you rather see me with him than you would with Josh.”

“Anna,” he started to say something but I didn’t wish to hear it.

“No,” I turned towards the door. “I think I listened to you enough tonight. I’m dating Josh; I’m determined to make sure that our relationship works.” I paused at the door to glance back at him. “I hope that you can understand that because I love Josh!”

I left the kitchen and went downstairs to my sanctuary. Jordan was lying on the couch watching ‘Waiting’. The moment he saw me, he smiled and patted the couch in front of him. When I shook my head, he sighed. “I forgot,” he simply said as he sat up and pointed to the opposite side of the couch.

I crossed over in front of him to sit down on the newly vacant couch cushion.

“What did Zack want?” He asked. “Did Josh ask him for your hand in marriage?”

I stared at him for a while, wondering if everything Zack said was true, did Jordan talk to him about his feelings for me after Heather left town. And if so, why didn’t he talk to me instead? Why does everyone go to my brother when they should talk to me?

“Anna? Are you ok?”

I shook my head.

“What’s wrong?”

“I need you to be honest with me.”

He hesitated but agreed.

I really wanted to ask him about the talk he supposedly had with Zack a couple years ago but I needed to make sure that the conversation he had that night with Zack wasn’t about me or Josh. “I need to know why you were talking to Zack tonight.”