Finally...Now I Wish I Didn't Know.

“Die?” I laughed. “Jordy, you’ll be a grandfather long before you die!” I shook my head, “Die. Funny. What’s really bugging you?”

“I’m glad that you think it’s funny that I’m dying Anna.” He started to move, he was trying to get up.

I grabbed hold of his shirt. “Are you serious?” I tried to look into his eyes but he was looking everywhere but at me. “Jordy! Talk to me! Is it true? Or are you playing some sick joke on me right now?”

Jordan stared over my shoulder, “What’s going on guys?” I heard Nick ask but I didn’t take my eyes off Jordan.

“Nothing,” Jordan jumped up despite the hold I had on his shirt. “I’m done talking,” he turned on his heel, pulled open the sliding door in front of him and slipped out onto the balcony.

Mike and Nick started at me in confusion. “Don’t look at me,” I snapped at them. “He didn’t tell me a damn thing!” I jumped up. “I don’t know what the hell is going on with him but there is no way I’m just going to let him walk away!” I yanked the balcony door opened.

“That’s it,” Mike chuckled. “Go show him whose boss sweetheart!”

With a dirty look shot over my shoulder, I step out into the fresh air. Jordan was leaning over the railing, staring off into space; I came to a stop next to him. “Hey,” I nudge him with my shoulder.

Jordan lowered his head.

I sighed; I didn’t know what to say to get him to talk to me. “Jordy,” turning to him, I lifted my hand to his back. “Please? Tell me you are kidding.”

“I’m not Anna,” he glanced at me. “I wish I was, I don’t want to die. I have a little girl who means the world to me; I don’t want another man being her daddy, that’s my job! It’s my right as the man who helped create her!”

“Why do you think you are dying? Have you been to a doctor? You don’t even look sick Jordy, you look really good.”

“Thanks Babe,” he turned to me, a smirk playing on his lips as he slipped his arm around my waist. “I think you look pretty awesome too.” He leaned in and pressed his lips against my cheek. “Really pretty.”

“Be serious!” I pushed him away.

“Ok, I’ll be serious.” Jordan dropped his arm. “I think you are looking hot today,” I shook me head. “Very hot,” he shrugged. “But you are always hot Anna; there hasn’t been a day when you don’t capture people attention just by walking into a room.”

“Don’t do this.”

“It may be your looks that get people’s attention but it’s your smile and kind heart that makes everyone love you.”

I crossed my arms over my chest, staring up at him, just waiting for him to stop this and tell me what was wrong.

“There’s no wonder why I love you. It’s no wonder that Josh is totally in love with you.” Jordan moved in closer, his hand brushed over my arm. “I know that Josh makes you happy, I see it in your eyes, and I hear it in your voice. I’m jealous of him because I always thought that we would be that happy little family.”

“Jordan I’m –”

“Don’t say it Anna, don’t be sorry for wanting more.” He kissed my forehead. “I couldn’t give you much now anyway.”

“Don’t say that Jordy, you have so much to give.”

“I’m going to die Anna.”

“No,” I shook my head. “No you can’t die, and you won’t die! I won’t let you! And neither will Jenna.”

“I don’t want to die Anna but I can’t control it.”

I closed my eyes, all this talk about dying was getting to me, I didn’t want to lose my best friend, no matter how much of a pain in the butt he was at times. “I can’t lose you Jordy,” my voice cracked. “Please tell me why you think you are sick.”

“Come here babe,” he took me in his arms and held me to his chest. “I know death scares you, it scares me too.”

“You know the mole I had on my back? The one that you kept poking when ever I had my shirt off? The one you called my evilness seeping out?”

“Yes,” I mumbled against his shirt.

“Well, it has been hurting, my shirt touching it would hurt; it was very sensitive. I didn’t really worry that much about it, until I was at my mom’s last week with Jenna. We were outside playing, she was tugging on my shirt as I acted like a puppy for her.” He smiled, “She loved it. Anna, I wish you could’ve seen her, she was laughing so hard she could barely stand. It was awesome.”

I smiled, he continued. “Jenna managed to pull my shirt up enough for mom to catch a glimpse of the mole; she started to ask me about it. She thought it looked different than it did the last time and I told her that it hurt every now and then. She flipped, asked me if I saw a doctor about it.”

“I told her I didn’t, she went into the house and called the doctor right away to make me an appointment. I went yesterday to the emergency room where they cut the mole out to send it off to the lab to check it…” he trailed off as he pulled back, his eyes met mine, he looked scared.

“While I was there, they noticed another one just down from that one, they cut that one out too, just in case.”

“No,” I was shaking my head, there was only one thing I could think off. “No, it’s…”

“Anna I’m telling you the truth, just look!” He grabbed his shirt by the hem and tugged it up as he turned away from me. “They took pieces of me,” he joked.

“Don’t…” I could barely bring myself to look at his back, I didn’t want to admit that this was even happening, that he could really be sick. I stared at the innocent white gauze covering the two spots where they cut him; a sob broke from my throat.

“I won’t know until next week for sure but the doctor didn’t look as optimistic after he cut them out as he did before he went in. They think I…”

“Please don’t say it.”

“…Might have cancer.”