Fears

“So what are you going to do?” Jordan peeked at me as he slid the key card into its slot.

“I don’t know,” I told him honestly. “Maybe I’ll just think about it for a while and get back to him when it’s closer to really happening.”
He pushed the door open for me. “So you don’t wish to talk about it right now?”

Walking past him, I tilted my head and smiled up at him. “I would love to talk it out with you; do you want to?”

“Well….” He slowly blew out his breath. “If I have too.”

“Jordy!” Laughing, I wrapped my arms around his waist and gazed up at him. “You don’t have to but what else would we do if we don’t?”

“Ohhhh…” He glanced upwards quickly as his arms slipped around me. As he walked me backwards slowly, he told me he could think of something. “Maybe even something that involves talking if you wish,” he whispered against my neck as my calves came up solid on the foot of the bed.

“Oh?” I bit my lip then, a little breathless, I asked him what kind of words would be said.

His lips trailed up my neck, nipping gently as they went. When his lips brushed my earlobe his hands slipped from behind my back, up over my arms, to my shoulders. With a groan, he lifted his head and flashed me a sexy grin that honestly made my knees weak – which he took advantage of to get me to sit on the bed.

“Oh I don’t know,” he shrugged nonchalantly as he moved back. “Maybe a little, ‘oh my God…JORDY!’” As he spoke, he tugged his shirt up over his head, tossing at me before reaching for the button on his jeans.

My eyebrows shot up as my eyes jumped to his hands. “That….yeah…”

He chuckled, “You think so?”

“Mmmhmm,” I nodded eagerly. “Continue?”

Lowering his chin to his chest, Jordan caught his bottom lip between his teeth as he undone his jeans. When I gasped, he looked in my direction. “Getting a little excited Babe?” He plopped down next to me. “Does the thought of me naked get you…?” His hand slipped over my thigh as he leaned in to kiss me.

“Excited?” I kissed him back. “Yes.”

“Me too,” he whispered as his mouth covered mine completely while his hand caressed my cheek. Locked together, we fell back against the mattress, Jordan moving half over me as we continued to kiss. “You are so beautiful Babe,” he mumbled in between kisses. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too – ow!” I cried out as I rolled onto something.

“What? What?”

“I rolled onto something.”

Jordan pulled me to him as he leaned over and looked behind me. “It’s ok Ba­be it’s only –” His face feel as he held up my wallet.

“Jordan?” He rolled onto his back, still staring at my wallet. “Is everything ok?”

For the longest time he didn’t reply and when he did, he did so without looking at me. “Yeah, it’s fine,” he lied while stretching up to place my wallet on the nightstand. “Hey,” he grabbed something off the stand. “You have a message,” he handed me my cell. “Is it Josh?”

“What? No!” I scoffed. “Why would Josh call me?”

“Oh I don’t know,” he rolled away from me once again. “He did call you earlier.”

“Yeah, about the school show, no other reason than that.”

“Yeah, right.”

“Jordan? What’s going on with you? Why are you being all weird about Josh? You know there’s nothing there.”

“Weren’t you going to shower?” He sat up and reached for the hotel phone. “I need to call Heather before it gets too late.”

I couldn’t believe that he was being like this, it didn’t make any sense, not after he told me he was fine with me doing the school thing with Josh as the teacher supervisor. Determined to show him that he had nothing to worry about as far as Josh was concerned, I flipped open my phone and hit the call button.

“Please enter your pass code,” the automated voice directed me over the speaker. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jordan trying not to be obvious about watching me as I punched in my four digit code – his day of birth and mine. “You have one new message,” the voice informed me. “To hear your message, please press one. To - beeeep. New message from -” Cassie’s voice came over the line. “‘Cassie Christensen,’ sent today at….”

Jordan turned towards me as Cassie’s voice came over my cell once again, “Aunt Anna, hey! How’s it going? I hope you are having a blast because one of us should be.” I frowned and looked up at Jordan.

“The meeting about the show was a complete disaster! I can’t believe that Coach Baker wasn’t prepared at all for it! How can a man who controls the athletic part of school be so unorganized? And the bad thing? He cancelled tomorrow’s meeting! Like that’s going to help us get organized! God! I can’t wait for you to get back Aunt Anna, someone needs to get the ball rolling – someone who isn’t me apparently because I’m ‘just a kid’.” Cassie growled and mumbled something about stupid people.

“Anyway, I should go see what dad wants, he just called out to me. Have a good night Aunt Anna – go easy on Uncle Jordy! I love you both! Good night!”

The automated voice came back on and gave me the option to erase, save or delete Cassie’s message; I deleted it. Snapping my phone close, I rolled into a sitting position and sighed.

“Anna I –”

“I’m going to shower,” I told him as I pushed off the bed. “Why don’t you call Heather?”

I needed a shower. I needed to feel clean and refreshed. I also needed some time to thing about what had happened with Jordan. When did he become so testy about Josh? It didn’t make any sense.

And twenty minutes later, when I walked out of the bathroom in a cloud of steam, it still didn’t make any sense. But I was determined to get to the bottom of it. “Hey,” I crossed the room and crawled onto the bed where Jordan was laid out, staring at a piece of paper in his hands. Sliding next to him, I slipped my hand over his abdomen and kissed his shoulder. “What do you have there honey?”

Without a word, he tipped the paper – or should I say, the photo - my way.

“Why do you have that?”

He shrugged.

“Jordan, come on, I know something is bugging you, please tell me what it is.”

Sighing, Jordan turned onto his side and wrapped his arm around me. “Do you care for him still Anna? Is that why you still have this photo?”

“No, I don’t.” I responded firmly. “Things are over between Josh and me Jordy. I’m with the man I love and I’m so happy. I don’t need anything else.”

“You don’t wish that you had another chance with him? Do you wish that you could go back and try again?”

I shook my head. “No Jordan, I don’t wish for anything when it comes to Josh. We did our thing, we had a good time and it went south.”

“Because of me.”

“No, because what we had wasn’t meant to be; Josh isn’t the one for me, you are. Everyone knows it. But most importantly you knew it and you never gave up on me – on us.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “You were always mine.” He pushed himself up on his elbow to place the photo on the nightstand before returning to cuddle with me.

A few kisses later, I asked him what was really wrong. “You were acting a little different long before the photo showed up.”

“Your right,” he told me. “The photo with Josh was the reason; it was just something that added to everything else.”

“What else?” I bit my lip nervously.

He was quite for a moment and then he sighed. “We’ve been dating now for, what? Four months?”

“Yes,” I grinned. “But it feels like I’ve been dating you on and off forever Jordy.”

His arms tightened around me.

“I don’t know what I would do without you,” I leaned in to kiss him. “I wouldn’t be who I am without you.”

“Oh don’t blame me for that,” he teased. Then seriously, he told me that he didn’t know what he would do without me either. “When the pieces fell into place as Kim told us about Tessa, it hit me, I would be lost without you.” He shifted beside me. “I didn’t realize just how close I came to losing you – I thought the month you weren’t talking to me was bad – but to never be able to talk to you again?” He shook his head sadly. “Babe you are my life, when you aren’t around, I miss you.”

I smiled, “That’s so sweet Jordy.”

“Yeah,” he dipped his head.

“I miss you all the time,” I admitted. “I miss –”

“My house is so empty since you moved out.” He blurted out. “It used to feel like home but since you left, it’s just a house I live in. It’s not home anymore.”

“Jordy,” I chuckled. “That’s silly, it is your home.”

“It’s so hard to be there without you.”

Without stopping to think, I spoke my first thought. “What? Do you want me to move back in with you?”

“No,” he replied immediately. “I don’t want you to move in with me.”

“Oh.” I felt silly. “I guess –”

He chuckled, “Babe, I’ve been thinking about it for a while and I want to give you everything you ever dreamt about. I want to be the last person you see before you close your eyes at night and the first person you see in the morning.”

“Jordan –” I was starting to feel excited and nervous. Yes, that’s right, nervous. It was starting to sound like a marriage proposal. Now don’t get me wrong, the idea of marrying Jordan was something that I thought about, even dreamt about but we talked about it before, and we decided, together, that we wouldn’t talk about marriage for at least six months.

“I know we said we were going to take it slow but I really want to take this step now – I think we are ready for it.” He paused to kiss me softly. “I love you Anna.”

“I love you too,” I kissed him.

He smiled. “I know you already have a lot to think about with Scott’s job proposal but if it’s not too much trouble, could you think about this too?”

“Ok…”

“You don’t know what I’m talking about, do you?”

I shook my head.

He laughed. “Anna, I want us to look for a home together.”