One Last Step Before Heaven

I must’ve read his handwritten words a dozen or more times within the first minute after I pulled it out of the bag. Smiling, I held the bottle of massage lotion up in front of me. “And you were worried,” I shook my head at my insecurity.

It wasn’t the first time that I’ve worked myself up over nothing and I was certain it wouldn’t be the last. I like to think that the reason it bugged me so much - the reason why I figured he was having issues seeing me as his girlfriend sexually - was because he never touched me intimately at all since we started dating.

“What was I supposed to think?” I spoke my thoughts out loud. “When we weren’t dating, he couldn’t keep his hands off me!” I chuckled as I recalled many times in our history where he had brushed, caressed or stroked some part of my body that could’ve been taken as romantic interest to anyone who didn’t know us.

“That’s exactly what it was though, wasn’t it?” I asked the bottle in my hand. “He has admitted to loving me for a while and…well…”

I trailed off, my eyes focused on the bottle while my mind wandered back to one moment in our past where something happened that gave me hope - at the time - that he was truly interested in me.

It was not longer after I moved in with him. I had come home from work around 4; he normally didn’t get home until 6 or later. With the house all to myself, I decided to turn on some music and have a nice long bubble bath.

At the time, the only stereo in the house was in Jordan’s bedroom, it wasn’t a problem though, he had told me many times that I could just go in and help myself.

So I did.

Walking into his room, I made my way over to his cds to see what kind of soothing stuff he had in his collection. I didn’t find anything like I was hoping but in between all the heavy metal was the soundtrack to the Phantom of the Opera - my favourite cd ever.

Armed with the shocking find from his collection, I slipped the cd into his player. I was on my way out the door when I caught a glimpse of the open book on his bed and curiosity got the best of me. As I neared his bed, I recognized the upside down images on the pages he left it open to - it was our high school year book.

I would end up sitting on his bed and then laying down while I flipped through the pages before and after the spot he left it open at before coming back to the page he last looked at. More specially the picture that he must’ve been looking at - me and his hanging out in our usual spot, the corner just outside the library.

I remembered that moment, the school photographer coming up to us and interrupting an argument we were having about a guy I thought was cute - Jordan told me he was a loser and I said that he was jealous. Of course Jordan denied it. I traced Jordy’s cheek in the picture; he was looking at me while I was trying to smile for the camera. But deep inside I was wishing he would just fall for me and put me out of my misery.

Even then, as I lay on his bed, I felt the frustration that I experienced through out high school. Every day I saw him and every day I wanted to be his. With a huge sigh, I pressed my face into his pillow and then groaned as his scent filled my nostrils. Nothing had changed since high school, no matter how hard I tried to deny it.

Some where in the minutes that followed pressing my face into his pillow, I drifted off to sleep. I didn’t know anything until I woke to the feel of a thumb gliding slowly over my bottom lip. My first thought was to jump and get away from the touch but my heart told me to stay where I was. It was Jordan’s touch and I was craving it. So I kept my eyes closed and tried to not let him know that I wasn’t sleeping any more.

It was the hardest thing I ever attempted in my life. I wanted to flick my tongue against his thumb or wrap my lips around it. I didn’t want to lay there and not touch him back.

For a couple minutes, he touched my lips before he shifted beside me, coming in closer. Before he moved, I didn’t feel anything but his fingers on my mouth but when he came closer, I realized suddenly that he was almost eye level with my chest - my very naked, except for his comforter that I somehow ended up covered in, chest.

As I was trying not to have a panic attack, his hand slipped from my mouth to curl around my neck. The next couple minutes he spent his time between stroking my neck and running his fingers lightly down my shoulder and upper arm.

I was dying - it was a very pleasurable death but still. I couldn’t hide the response my body was having any longer; I had to ‘wake’ up.

When my eyes met his half closed ones, he smiled. Leaning into me, he pressed his lips against mine and held for a split second. “Hey,” he whispered as he settled back against the mattress. “This was a surprise - coming home to find you naked in my bed.”

The humour in his voice didn’t match up well with the heated look in his eyes. At the time I was too embarrassed to notice it. I told him how I came in there to turn on the music and found our year book.

“Ahh,” he grinned naughtily. “You found my porn.”

“Porn?” I laughed. “How is the year book -” I stopped short as I recalled that we weren’t the only picture on those pages, there were also pictures of the popular girls at our school. “Never mind,” I didn’t want to hear about his fantasies about other women.

Without saying a word, he shifted again, this time wrapping his arm around me and sliding closer. We would lay together in silence for a while. He was stroking my back and I was trying not to cry from the frustration of being so close to him and not sharing anything more with him.

He sighed. That’s what made me look up at him. His eyes met mine and he sighed contently and gave me a squeeze. “It’s a great way to be welcomed home Babe.”

“It wasn’t intentional!” I insisted.

“Allow me my delusions,” he laughed. And then he kissed me, again. This time it was different though, it was almost like the shy attempt that people make the first time they ever kiss someone. It wasn’t his first kiss by no means, so I didn’t know what to make of it. He completely pulled away from me right after the kiss so I never thought any more about it.

This was when we got on the topic of why I was in there looking for soothing music in the first place. I told him that I had a frustrating day at work and my back was aching from all the tension.

“Roll over,” he ordered.

“Why?”

“Why do you have to question everything?” He asked before telling me to just do what he asked.

“Fine,” I rolled over and then glared back at him. “Happy?”

“Mmhmm,” he reached for the comforter that was over my shoulders and began to pull it down my back.

“What are you doing?” I asked frantically as I grabbed for the comforter.

“Stop questioning me,” he slapped at my fingers. “I’m going to make you feel so good.”

“How?” I asked him suspiciously.

He growled and told me if I asked him another question he would spank me. “Don’t think I’m just kidding Anna,” he said threateningly. “You are in perfect spanking position,” he leaned down to whisper in my ear. “But you’ll enjoy that, won’t you?”

I refused to say anything and he chuckled.

“Good girl,” he kissed my cheek and then reached for his night stand and pulled out a bottle of massage lotion.

“Just like this one,” I bit my lip. That memory was the first time he had ever given me a massage while I was naked. There would be a couple more since then but they were nothing like that first time when I lost myself completely in his touch and moaned out his name without even realizing it.

“What the hell am I standing around here for?” I asked suddenly. With no one there to answer, I headed for my door and swung it open. “Oh!” I exclaimed in surprise.

Outside my door, Jordan stopped in mid pace and spun around to face me. He didn’t take a step towards me; he just stood there - with one arm over his chest and the other one straight up so that his fingers played nervously with his bottom lip - staring intently at me.

“Why don’t you let me do that?” I asked as I closed the distance between us in no time at all. Throwing my arms around his neck, he barely had time to move his hand before I kissed him passionately.

“Wow,” he managed to gasp when we came up for air. “That was -”

“Hot,” I finished for him.

“Yeah,” he lowered his head to press his lips against mine once again. “Very hot,” he told me. “I love it when you take charge.”

I raised a brow, “You do?”

“Mmhmm,” he nibbled at my neck. “I do. I love it when you show me what you want.”

“Well then,” I grabbed his hand and started for his room. “You are going to love this.”

It wasn’t that difficult to get him to follow me, not that I expected it to be. Just after I lead him thought his doorway, I stopped and spun around to him. He started to say something but I cut him off with another kiss like the one I gave him moments ago.

“No Babe,” he groaned and tried to hold me when I pulled away from him. “I think…I mean…we should do that again.”

“We will,” I smiled coyly up at him. “Just not right now.”

“Not now?” He asked bewildered.

“Mmm,” I slide my hands over his chest. “Not now,” I repeated. “I want to remove your shirt and kiss every inch of your shin.” He sucked in a breath as my fingers brushed against the skin at the neck of his shirt. “And then,” I lifted my gaze to his. “I’m going to remove your pants - touching all that I uncover.”

“Oh God,” he shifted from one foot to the other as he groaned.

“Then, if you are a good boy,” I lowered my eyes and followed my hand as it slipped down over the bulge in his pants.

“Babe,” he hissed as my fingers trailed softly over his erection.

“Yes?” My voice came out more breathlessly than I expected as I lifted my face to his. “Do you like that?” I asked as I kissed him while my fingers continued to move over him. “Are you going to be a good boy?”

His reply was a low growl as his mouth lowered to my neck. “I’ll be better than good,” he nipped at my skin with his teeth. “All your fantasies will come true tonight.”

I thought I had him. I thought I was the one in control but he soon showed me that neither one of us had control when we were both out to tease and please each other.

“All my fantasies?”

“Yes, all of them.”

With a chuckle, I told him he better get started. “My fantasies could take you until the end of time to fulfill.”

“Perfect,” he kissed me. “I have no desire to stop before then.”

I believe to this day that his kisses have magical powers because I can’t even recall how it was we closed the distance from where we were standing to the bed. All I remember his being in his arms and his mouth on mine. It was the only thing that mattered.

“Wait,” I tried to stop him as he moved to lower me onto his mattress. “What about what I wanted to do? Dress you and touch you all over?”

Jordan closed his eyes, took and deep breath and let it go before he responded to me. “Anna, I would love for you to do all that but Babe, I’m barely hanging on as it is. I don’t want the first time I cum with you to be in my pants.”

“In your pants?” I giggled unintentionally.

“Yes,” he growled. “I’m that fucking horny. You’ve been driving me crazy all my life, is it any surprise that I’m that close now?”

I couldn’t help it, I laughed. “I didn’t know you had such a short fuse,” I joked.

“Short fuse?” He stared down at me. “I’ll give you short fuse!” Before I could even react, he grabbed me around the waist and tossed me onto the bed. I wasn’t laughing anymore when he moved over me and said, “Babe you are going to regret saying that,” he chuckled. “I hope you enjoy begging.”

“Begging?” I blinked, thinking that he was talking about me begging him to touch me.

He was. Just not in the way I thought.