There Are Limits

Before I dialled Jordan’s home phone number that night, I placed my phone on the edge of the tub and stepped into the warm bubbly water. With a huge sigh, I sat back in the water, picked up my phone and hit number ‘2’ on my keypad, Jordan’s speed dial number.

I tried really hard to relax and breathe as I rested against the back of tub as the second ring went through. God, I didn’t think that it would be so nerve wrecking, making a call that I’ve made a million times before but it was. The moment in between rings seemed to last a lifetime and the feeling of impatience was just building up inside me; I was actually shaking from being so nervous. Did I really want to do this? I never done it before, yet I was sitting in the bathtub, naked and turned on, waiting to hear his voice.

There was a click, like he picked up the receiver but then there was nothing but rustling around and what sounded like a grunt.

“Jordy?” I nervously chewed on my bottom lip. “Are you there?”

There was more rustling before I heard him groan and sigh sleepily, “Hey Babe, how you doing?”

“I’m doing fine,” I started but really didn’t feel fine. “Well, actually, I feel a little bad about waking you up, especially since you work in the morning.”

“Don’t…um…” he yawned. “No worries.”

“Are you sure?” I wasn’t convinced at all, he was really tired, his yawns and sleep slurred words told me as much.

“Mmmhmmm…it’s good.”

“Oh ok,” I replied hesitantly, my turned on feelings quickly disappearing. “How was your day?”

“My day…?”

I waited and waited but time ticked by without him continuing. “Oh Jordy,” I sighed sadly. “I’ll call you later, when you are awake.”

“No,” he mumbled. “I’m awake.”

I smiled, “Jordy it’s almost three in the morning, you aren’t awake. I should’ve known better than to bug you at this hour.”

“Mmm,” he chuckled. “You should be….beside me.”

Closing my eyes, I pictured his room and him in his bed. “Are you laying on your side?” I asked without caring what he thought of that question.

“No,” he gave a little yawn. “On my back…”

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” his voice changed, his tone was deeper, sexier. “On my back…blankets around my waist…left hand holding the phone…”

Grinned, I pictured every thing he told me. “I imagine that there’s a sexy half smirking, half grin on your face too.”

He laughed, “You know me too well…”

“Yes,” I agreed. “I do know you.” And then a thought jumped into my head, one that I suddenly needed the answer too. “Jordy?” His name rolled off my tongue so easily and from the moan he gave, it was pretty hot.

“Yes Babe?”

I paused for a moment, not really believing what I was about to ask. “Where is your other hand?”

“Mmmmm ha,” he laughed like he had just been catch doing something naughty. “How are you laying in bed?” He asked me, clearly trying to change the subject.

Glancing down, I thought I should tell him that I wasn’t in bed but the ‘evil’ side of me wanted to have a little fun. Good, bad fun. “Well,” I chuckled softly. “I’m laying back against the cool back of the tub, warm bubbly water gently lapping against my skin with each movement I make.”

“Tub?” His voice came out in a tiny squeak. “You are…naked?” Laughing, I told him naked was normally how I was when I got in the bathtub. “I remember,” he groaned. “I’m…mmmm…Damn, Babe, I wish you were here.”

“Oh?” I scooped up a handful of bubbles and gently blew them out of my hand. “You don’t wish you were here in this semi dark room, in a tub filled with bubbles, with me?”

He let out a long, almost tortured, moan. “Babe come home. Forget about everything, just come and be with me.”

Tilting my head back until it rested against the wall, I let out a huge, depressing sigh. “Jordy…”

“What Anna? You are going to tell me you can’t, aren’t you?” He growled. “Why can’t you? Why is it that you can jump into a relationship with every other guy you have feelings for but you can’t give me a chance?”

“It’s not that easy Jordan.”

“Yes Anna,” he insisted. “It is that easy. You know how I feel about you and you said you had feelings for me but instead of exploring them, like you would if I was damn near anyone else, you hide behind all these excuses.”

“Please don’t push -”

“Push you?” Jordan cursed. “Damn it Babe, that’s not what I’m trying to do. I just want a chance to make you happy. Is that too much to ask for? A chance?”

“I just broke -”

“Up with Josh, yeah, I know Anna. I was there, dying inside with every kiss and touch you two exchanged.”

I started to shiver even though the water wasn’t cold. “I thought I would marry him Jordan.” I tried to reason with him, make him see that I needed some time. “There is a part of me that still feels that way towards him and I can’t help it. I don’t want to get involved with you right now, not when I’m all messed up still from him. I don’t think it would be fair to you.”

“Fair?” He scoffed. “Anna life isn’t fair.”

“I know,” I brushed my fingers over my cheek, wiping away the silent tears that slipped from my eyes. “I’m sorry Jordy, I really am. I want to be able to be who you want me to be right now but I just need a little time.”

He was quiet for a while, I wanted to say something but I couldn’t think of anything other than I was sorry. I wanted to tell him that I loved him and I was ready to give him a chance but it was too soon, even if I didn’t want to believe it, I knew that if I got into a relationship with him right then, I would end up destroying every feeling he had for me.

“Jordy please say something,” I begged, my voice breaking.

With a deep sigh, he told me that he knew what I was saying was true, “but Anna, don’t expect me to wait idly by for you to come around to give me a chance - a chance that you may never be ready to give me.”

“I don’t expect you to wait,” I whispered, my heart hurting with every word I spoke.

“I’m going to California next month,” he informed me.

Nodding dejectedly, I told him I understood. “I hope you have fun Jordan.”

My mood when he said he was going to try to go back to sleep was totally opposite from when I first dialled his number. I don’t remember getting out of the tub, drying off or anything but I do remember burying my face into the pillow when I got into bed and sobbing uncontrollably.

Just before I fell asleep, I decided that, starting the next morning, I was doing everything I could to move forward so that I could be with Jordan.

“I just hope it won’t be too late,” I whispered as my eyes drifted shut.