Around And Round Again

“Hey Scott,” I moved away from Jordan. “What are you doing still at work?”

“Night Auditor called in sick and our other guy wasn’t answering his phone; I had no choice but to cover the shift,” he wasn’t too impressed. “Come keep me sane?”

Smiling, I laughed. “You know I can’t, I’m not in the city anymore.” Then I had an evil thought, “Why don’t you call Tessa? She’d be there in a heart beat.”

“Hell no!” He exclaimed. “I do my best to avoid her during the day, why would I call her?”

As we talked, Jordan inched closer until he was standing right behind me again. I glanced at him, he was staring up at the starry sky, waiting. For what, I wasn’t quite sure.

“How are you doing?” Scott asked me. “You said something about leaving a bar sober? What’s up with that?”

“A promise,” I told him, my gaze still on Jordan. “After the whole sleeping for two days and not waking up at all thing, my brother made me promise not to drink. I think he still believes I did some illegal substance while I was there.” The moment I mentioned ‘illegal’, Jordan’s head snapped towards me.

“That’s crazy,” Scott stated. “I know I don’t know you that well but you don’t seem like the type of person that would do something that stupid.”

“I’m not,” I turned my back to Jordan. “Listen I -”

“Could you hold on a minute?” He asked, “There’s someone standing at the front desk.”

“Actually, I think I’m gonna go, it’s pretty late and I have stuff to do in the morning.”

“Oh, well, I guess I’ll talk to you later then. Have a good night Anna.”

After saying bye to Scott and returning my cell to my pocket, I turned towards Jordan and found him watching me curiously. He looked like he had so much that he wanted to say. In fact, he started to say something a couple times, only to stop, frown and shake his head. There was a good ten minutes of this before he turned his face skywards again.

Looking up at the sky, I wondered what he was thinking and what he wanted to say to me; I had a feeling it had to do with the conversation with Scott and I didn’t want to get into that because there was really nothing to tell. Sure, Scott was a good looking guy and he was nice but I wasn’t interested in knowing him in the way he wanted to know me. I wondered if I told Jordan that, would he believe me, or would he react the same way Josh did every time Jordan’s name was brought up.

Shifting my gaze, I could see him out of the corner of my eye, he was looking at me again, a slight smile curved his lips. Turning my head towards him, I gave him a questioning look but instead of speaking, he just shrugged as his smile grew bigger.

With a chuckle, I shook my head and started to walk towards the service road that would end up taking you to the main road. I decided that since it was a nice night and his parents’ house wasn’t too far from the bar, I was going to walk. I didn’t even need to check to see if Jordan would follow me or not, I knew he would, just like I followed him many times before.

As we walked, I thought about the month that I asked him to give me and what would happen after that month. What happens if I don’t give him a chance? I wondered. Would that be the end of our relationship? Would he feel that I didn’t care enough about him? Would he feel hurt and betrayed?

Despite the thoughts in my head, the night had settled around us in silence, a comfortable silence that I hadn’t felt for a while but there was something different about it also. Maybe it had something to do with the fluttery feeling I felt every time his arm would brush against mine or maybe it had to do with the heat in his eyes every single time they met mine. Either way, I knew that our relationship had changed somewhere and there was no way that Jordan and I could ever be ‘just friends’ without exploring the feelings we both had for each other.

We were coming up to a corner, one where we had to take a right. I was still lost in my head as I went to turn the corner so I didn’t realize that Jordan had stopped until my body slammed into his. Stumbling back a couple steps, I stared up at him in shock, “What -?”

“It didn’t even faze you, did it?” He sounded hurt.

“What?” I tilted my head back so I could stare straight into his eyes. “The baby whore that you were wearing like a necklace?” I snorted. “Yeah right.” I rolled my eyes and started down the street.

“Wait a minute,” he came after me and managed to get in my path once again.

“Look Jordan what do you want me to say? That it bugged me you would lower yourself to that level? To use that little tramp to try and make me jealous?” I shook my head sadly. “Jordan I’ve never set out to make you jealous, why would you do that to me? What do you think I would do? Slap that fake little grin off her face?” My eyes met his, “Strangle her with the tongue she dared to stick out at me when you left with her? What is it you expected?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I know it was stupid but damn it Anna, I wanted you to feel something.”

“Oh, I did,” I told him as I stepped to the side and continued on.

“Damn it,” he cursed again. “Stop walking away from me Anna, I want to talk about this.”

“Fine!” I snapped as I spun around to face him. “You want talk, well listen to this. I called you that night from the hotel, not because I wanted to just talk but because I was thinking about you. The girls and I went out to dinner with Mike and Eric that night and on the way back to Mike’s I was bugging him and he made an innocent comment about you thinking you could handle me. I spent a good hour or so laying in bed thinking about you and yeah, my thoughts did turn to how it would be with us, if you were in bed with me.”

He gasped a little as his mouth dropped open in shock.

“Yeah,” I poked him in the chest with my finger as I moved closer to him. “I was thinking about you naked and I was really surprised that I wasn’t the least bit weirded out by that. In fact, I was so not weirded out that I had to go into the bathroom, run the bath and crawl into it before I called you because I knew the moment I heard your voice, I would probably touch myself.”

When I stopped talking, I expected him to say something; anything but he just stood there staring at me. “Jordan?” I nervously crossed my arms over my chest, I felt a little exposed after revealing that.

He blinked a couple times in rapid succession before he managed to squeak out, “You were horny? For me?”

I had to laugh, “What did you think was going on Jordan? All the questions I asked, letting you know I was in a tub full of bubbles? What the hell did you think?”

“That you were drunk,” he stated. “That you had no idea what you were saying because the Anna I know doesn’t call in the middle of the night and say things like that, at least not to me, she doesn’t.” He paused and then told me he thought that he was dreaming at first. “And then when I realized it was real, I thought for sure you were drunk.”

“I wasn’t drunk,” I stated a little more defensively than I planned.

“But you asked me to give you a month?” he frowned.

“Yes,” I nodded. “I did.”

“You say you love me…?”

“Yes, I do.”

“You say the idea of being with me turns you on…?”

“That’s right, it does.” I lifted my hand to the cease in his forehead from the frown on his face. “What’s with this?” I asked him.

“I guess I just don’t understand Anna. Why ask me to give you a month if you feel that way about me? And why tell me to date other women?”

“Because…” I had nothing. It was all bullshit, all the reasons I gave him that I wanted to wait. Truth was, I didn’t want to wait, I wanted to see what it would be like with him, I wanted to explore the feelings I had for him. But I also wanted some time to be just me - no ‘other half’.

“Anna?” His fingers curved around my chin as he tilted my head back and gazed into my eyes. “Babe, come on, it’s me, Jordy. Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours. Why don’t you tell me why you want to wait? Does it really have anything to do with your feelings for Josh?”

“No,” I shook my head. “It doesn’t. I feel bad,” I told him. “I feel bad because I’ve been using excuses when the only reason I don’t want to be with you just yet is because I want some time to be with myself.” I was ashamed that I lied to him. “I’m being selfish.”

Jordan dropped his hand from my face and turned away from me. I watched him nervously, I wanted to make him understand why but even I didn’t know why I thought I needed time to myself. I reached out, my hand brushed against his arm, “Jordy?”

He turned slowly at the sound of my voice, “A month,” he stated as he stared down at me. “I agreed to give you a month and that’s what you have. Take that time to enjoy being with yourself Anna because as soon as August 9th hits, I won’t take no for an answer. We’ll explore the feelings we have or we will go our separate ways.”

“What?” I gasped. “You mean you’d throw away our friendship?”

“No,” he shook his head. “We’ll still be friends but I don’t think ‘best’ friends would be possible.”

“So if in a month I choose not to be with you…”

“Damn it Anna! What do you want from me? I told you I loved you and I want to be with you. Do you think that I want to give you a month? Do you think I want to walk away from our friendship? I don’t,” he told me. “I don’t want there to ever be a time when we aren’t together but Anna, I can’t pretend I don’t want more from you.”

I felt like I would lose him, either way. If we took that month, he would make himself scarce, I knew that. If I let my fear run my life, I would lose him. Did I really need the time to myself? What could I do during that time that I wouldn’t be able to do if I were with him? It’s not like I really wanted to see other guys. Sure, I met Scott and knew that Mitch was interested, maybe. But neither one of them made me hot under the collar.

I looked up at Jordan. “A month,” he said firmly before I could say anything else. “Come on,” he motioned down the sidewalk. “Let’s go.”

He walked with me to his parents’ house that night so I could get my car but he refused my offer to give him a ride home, telling me that he needed some time to himself.

I barely got any sleep that night, every time I closed my eyes, I saw him with the baby whore and it scared me. Jordan was a good looking man, women had always been attracted to him, who was to say that he wouldn’t take up with some other chick during the month and end up forgetting about me?

And if he did, could I really blame him when I was doing nothing but messing with his head?

Late the next evening, I got a frantic call from Mike. “Get your ass to the hospital right away!”

“Why?” I asked but the dial tone didn’t have an answer for me. “Oh my God!” I dropped the phone and ran for my car, wondering if everything was ok. But most importantly if Jordan was ok.