Now Or Never

“Hi Aunt Anna, Jordan.” Cassie gave us a small wave as she joined the rest of her friends among the blankets and mattresses in the middle of the family room. “Dad said that all my friends could spend the night,” she informed me when I asked what the heck was going on.

“What…?” I stared blankly at her but inside my heart was racing. I had planned on talking to Jordan and then letting him sleep on the couch but unless I wanted him sharing the pull out with a couple 17 year old girls, that wasn’t going to happen.

The sound of footsteps and bottles clinking alerted me to Zack’s arrival, he was putting the last of the used alcohol into his bar; I immediately high tailed it over there. “Zack,” I hissed as I leaned over the bar.

“What?” He glanced up from his kneeling position behind the counter. “Is something wrong sis?”

“You told Cassie’s friends they could stay over?”

“Mmhmm,” he nodded as he locked the cabinet before rising to his feet. “Don’t worry, they shouldn’t be too noisy, I’d give them about an hour tops before they are all sleeping like little babies.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about,” I told him.

“Then what’s the problem?” I motioned towards Jordan, who seemed in deep conversation with Ben and another guy. “Ohhhh,” Zack slowly nodded his understanding. “The couch is taken.”

“I know,” I whined. “Now where is he going to sleep?” I glanced at the group of kids, “I guess it’s too much to hope there’s an air mattress still kicking around somewhere?”

“You’re outta luck sis.”

“Then what are we going to do?” I turned to him, hoping he could come up with a solution, one that I didn’t think of. One that didn’t involve Jordan sharing my bed with me, I wasn’t sure if I was able to handle that without something happening.

“Well sis,” he paused for a moment then shrugged. “Looks like you have a bed mate tonight.”

Zack started to walk away but I grabbed his arm. “Are you sure that’s the best solution you have?” He nodded. “What about Cassie?” He frowned. "Well it won’t look good if you are letting Jordan sleep in my bed, she is an impressionable young lady, you know that. And her boyfriend is spending the night.”

Zack’s eyes narrowed as he turned his head towards Ben. For a brief second, I thought for sure that I had him and he would change his mind. “Anna,” he turned his gaze my way. “You’ve shared a bed with Jordan your whole life, even when you were a teenager. When I told you I didn’t like it, you told me that I was being stupid because you guys were just friends and nothing ever happened.”

“It didn’t!”

“Well,” he smiled at me. “I don’t see why tonight should be any different. Unless,” he glanced at Jordan and then back to me. “Have you and Jordan become more than just friends?”

“No, I -”

“Well then, there shouldn’t be a problem.” He flashed me a smile and turned away, “Oh, if you feel that something will happen between you and Jordan, leave the door open. I’m sure having Cassie and her friends as an audience would stop anything from happening.”

“Thanks for the help,” I muttered under my breath as the smirking jerk that was my brother walked towards his daughter to say good night before he disappeared upstairs.

Even though I was a little ticked that Zack didn’t give me a solution, I was relieved at the same time. I knew that it was wrong of me to run to him in hopes that he would take care of my ‘problems’. I was 23 years old, it was time I stopped running and hiding, I needed to take control of my own life.
With that in mind, I purposely stalked my way across the family room until I was standing toe to toe with Jordan. It seemed like the room, the noise and everyone around us, disappeared as I stared up into his green eyes. “It’s time we had that talk.” Without waiting for him to reply or react, I took his hand in mine and led him off to my room so we could have some privacy.

Kicking my door closed, I led him over to my bed where I turned him around and pushed him down to the mattress before turning to grab my desk chair. Pulling it up to my bed, I sat it right in front of Jordan as he righted himself on the bed, whispering, “wow.”

“Wow what?” I gave him a puzzled look.

He shook his head slowly, as if in disbelief. “Babe…I…you…” he seemed to blow out all the air that was in his lungs, “that was hot,” he squeaked at the end of his exhale.

“Jordan!” I slapped his knee. “Be serious!”

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “I am serious Anna.”

“Oh,” I frowned, certain I was missing something. “Well,” I leaned forward as well. “I’m glad you are serious because this is very important Jordan.”

He nodded, “You know how I feel, how do you feel?”

It was my turn to exhale all the air in my lungs, “Jordan you’re -”

Jordan growled, “If you tell me that you don’t feel anything for me because we’ve been friends forever…”

“What Jordan?” I challenged him. “What will you do if that’s exactly what I tell you?”

He stared at me for the longest time, so many emotions playing on his face - anger, hurt and disappointment being the ones I recognized the most. “I don’t know,” he sighed finally. “I don’t want that to be the way you feel, yet, I know that there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“Oh?” I raised a brow. “You wouldn’t try to ‘make’ me see why I should feel more for you?”

“Anna,” his hands rested on my knees. “Babe, I tried that already - it didn’t work - not that I really thought it would but still, I tried. I’ve kissed you when you made it clear you didn’t want me too and I lost you for what seemed like forever. I don’t want to make that mistake again; I can’t stand being without you.” He held my gaze for a moment before looking down at his hands. “Life sucks without you Babe.”

With a smile he couldn’t see, I slipped my hands over his. “Jordy, you are my best friend, nothing will ever change that.”

“I know, I know,” he took my hands in his as he leaned down to rest his forehead against them. “I know Babe…I just…”

“Jordy please look at me.” With a deep breath, he straightened up, slowly bringing his eyes up to meet mine. “I know you want to hear something here tonight but -’ he started to lower his head. “Please don’t look away.”

Shifting closer to the edge of the mattress, he muttered, ‘sorry’ as he looked at me again.

“Like I was saying, I know what you want to hear but Jordan it’s because you are my best friend that I can’t say those words to you.”

“That’s bullshit!” He snapped as he dropped my hands. “Why does it matter that I’m your friend Anna? Why are you going to deny how you feel? Tell me,” he demanded. “Tell me how you really feel, damnit!”

“I love you!” I exclaimed, shocking him and myself at the same time. “I do,” I sighed. “I do love you Jordan.”

Jordan was smiling big; he reached for me but stopped at the last second. “But?” He frowned. “Why do I feel a ‘but’ coming?”

“Well,” I moved from the chair to the mattress next to him. “Jordan I don’t want to make a mistake.”

“Why do you think we’ll be a mistake Anna?”

“No Jordan, that’s not what I meant. I meant, we are best friends right now, I don’t want that to change but if I were to enter into a relationship with you at the moment, I think we have a good chance of ruining what we have.” Slipping my hand into his, linking my fingers with his, I rested my head against his shoulder as I peered up at him. “I don’t want you to be the rebound guy Jordan, rebounds never last. I don’t want to take out the disappointment of my relationship with Josh ending, on you. I don’t want to be with you and be comparing you to him. I don’t want…” I took a deep breath and continued, “I don’t want to hurt you Jordan.”

I almost cried when Jordan removed his hand from mine, I thought he was going to storm out of the room but he surprised me. Instead of being mad, he slipped his arm around my waist and with a gentle kiss to my forehead; he told me he loved me. “Part of me understands, that’s the reason I listened to Zack after Heather and I broke up but Babe, I gotta tell you, the other part of me wants to get you under those covers and show you how good we could be together.”

“Jordan!”

He chuckled, “Babe I’m kidding, I just want to hold you. That’s all I want right now.”