Fly Away

Never in my life would I have imagined that I would be standing in the middle of my room with my hands linked around the neck of the man who has been my best friend my entire life, one movement away from the edge of no return. It was surreal to say the least.

But it couldn’t happen. I couldn’t bring myself to make the move to draw him closer and possibly ruin the relationship we shared. I was trying to figure out a way to tell him what I was thinking but I couldn’t make the words come out of my mouth. So I did the next best thing, I tore my eyes away from his as my hands slipped from around his neck.

His head dropped, hovering just over my shoulder as his shoulders slumped. I felt bad, I could feel the disappointment he felt, I didn’t want him to feel like that. “Jordy…” Closing my eyes, I wrapped my arms around his waist, holding him as I rested my head against his chest.

“Let me guess,” he dropped his hands from me. “Despite our chemistry you love me as a friend and that’s it.”

“That’s not fair,” I looked up at him - he was staring at a spot over my head.

“No, but that’s how you feel.” He glanced at me for a brief second before his eyes went back to that spot. “I should know better but I just keep ho-”

“Are you finished?” I asked after slapping my hand over his mouth; wide eyed, he nodded. “Good because I want you to listen to me, really listen.” I pulled my hand from his mouth and stepped away from him but I held his gaze. “I know you want us to step over that line, to take our relationship to the next phase but Jordan I can’t do that.”

“Why not?” He asked. “Give me one good reason why you don’t want to find out if this attraction between us is the real thing.” He wasn’t as upset as I thought he would be, he sounded disappointed but willing to listen to whatever it was I was going to say - I was grateful for that, I didn’t need him to be pissed.

“Ok, see….the thing is -”

Beep. Beep. Beep.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” He groaned when I pulled out my cell. “Don’t answer it Anna, this is important.”

“I know,” I glanced at the screen. “But it’s Cassie,” I turned my cell around so he could see the number. “She wouldn’t text unless she needed something.”

Jordan growled, his hands raking through his hair in frustration.

“Jordy,” I reached out, my hand brushing against his shirt at his waist. “We need to talk about this but it’ll have to wait, I have to go see what Cassie wants and check on some things.”

“We’ll talk?”

“Yes,” I nodded. “We really have to talk. And we will, later when we can’t be interrupted. Ok?”

“Yeah,” he smiled at me. “How can I say no to you Babe?”

Jordan walked along side me as we left my room and crossed the family room to the door. After opening the door for me, he told me that he would catch up with me in a little bit, “I’m going to grab something to drink and bug Nick for while.”

I laughed; I knew that could mean anything.

As he walked towards the music, I made my way to the front yard where Cassie was sitting all by herself. “What happened to everyone?”

“Had a couple people that needed rides home,” she told me as she stood up. “I’m so glad you came,” she told me. “I really need to pee!” She took off in a hurry, calling ‘stand watch for me!” over her shoulder as she disappeared.

“What are you watching?” A male voice spoke from behind me.

Turning around, “Mitch!” I exclaimed as I hugged him. “What are you doing here?” I noticed he was still in uniform. “Did we get a noise complaint?” I frowned, Zack always invited our neighbours so that they wouldn’t feel the need to complain, not that we lived that close to anyone.

“No, Zack told me to swing by after work - he told me I could clean up here.” He pointed to the bag by his feet. “How are you doing?” He asked me as his eyes slide over my body and back up to my eyes. “You are looking damn fine, like always.”

“Thanks,” I blushed. “You look pretty intimidating in that uniform.”

“Well if you think that now, just wait until I change, you’ll be impressed by my resemblance to a big old’ teddy bear.” He laughed. “So tell me, how are you doing?”

“I’m doing good; I’m officially on vacation right now, so that’s great. I’m going to the city with the girls in a couple days.”

“Yes, that’s right,” he sat on the edge of the table we set up for Cassie and her friends. “Zack is excited about that, it’s all he talked about the last time I spoke to him.” He smiled, “How is your boyfriend? Is he here? I was hoping to meet him.”

“He’s…umm…well…gone.”

“Oh,” he seemed surprised. “He’s gone already? Doesn’t like to stay out late?”

“No, it’s not that - he does have a little boy - but I meant that…we broke up.”

“Really? When did that happen?” He frowned. “Zack was just talking about you two the other day.”

“Not that long ago,” I gave a sad sigh and a shrug. “I don’t really want to talk about it, if that’s alright.”

“Hurts?”

“Yeah,” I lowered my head, staring at my hands. “I wish things would’ve gone different though, he’s a good guy.”

“You still have feelings for him, I take it.”

I rubbed the back of my neck as I smiled up at Mitch. “Josh isn’t an easy man to get over but…” I shrugged.

“You’ll do it?” I nodded and he smiled. “I’m confident that you’ll work through it. If you want…you…I mean…” he started to fumble with is words.

“If I want, what Mitch?”

“Well…” he spotted my cell which was still in my hand from when Cassie sent me a text. “Can I?” He asked but didn’t wait for my reply. I watched him, a little confused as he took my cell and fiddled around with it. “There,” he said moments later as he handed it back to me.

“That’s better!” Cassie exclaimed as she reappeared at my side. “Hey Mitch!” She smiled and held out her hand, “Keys.” Mitch handed over his keys and gave up his info before heading off towards the house to clean up.

Once Mitch was gone and Cassie was back, I thought I would go find Jordan but when I went to turn to go back to the party, I happened to look towards the house and there, sitting on the steps with Jesse in his arms, was Josh. “That didn’t take long,” he stated when our eyes met.

“What didn’t?” I took a couple steps towards him. Josh shook his head, chuckling he told me that Mitch was feeling me out. “What?” I laughed, “That’s crazy Josh, he wasn’t.”

“No?” He manoeuvred Jesse, who was sound asleep, and held out his hand. “Can I see your phone?” I handed over my phone, he pressed a couple buttons and then handed it back to me. “Did you always have his number in your contacts?”

“What?” I stared down at the screen. “Oh my god! He gave me his number!” I looked back over my shoulder, not that Mitch was anywhere to be seen. “I can’t believe this,” I turned back to Josh, my chuckle dying in my throat. I waited for him to accuse me of something or to just attack me but he surprised me.

“I don’t know why it surprises you honey,” his intense blue eyes locked with mine. “You are a beautiful woman Anna, guys are bound to notice.”

“Thank you,” I smiled at him.

“Your welcome,” he replied.

I didn’t know what to say, so I stood there like a moron, hating that there was this uncomfortable air between us now. “I think I should…” I pointed over my shoulder.

“Ok,” he grabbed hold of the railing and carefully pulled himself up off the steps. “Anna will you ever be able to be around me without being uncomfortable?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” I silently cursed myself for being so transparent.

“Yes you do,” he told me. “Can we be friends?”

Sighing, I shook my head. “The last time we tried that Josh, it didn’t work. I can’t go there with you, I think it would be better if we just stayed away from each other right now.”

His shoulders slumped, “I’m sorry you feel that way Anna. I was hoping that we could be friends, I really don’t want this to be it for us.”

“I’m sorry Josh but I think it would be best if we didn’t have any contact.”

“Ever?”

I slowly shrugged my shoulders, “I don’t know Josh. All I know is that I need to put some distance between us - you occupied a great deal of my time and energy for the past six months and I need to figure out who I am again.”

“Ok,” he shifted Jesse in his arms. “I guess I should be going - get Jesse in bed - and figure out what I’m doing now.”

I flashed him a half smile, “Good night Josh.” I walked away from Josh and this strange thing happened, I felt happy. I felt like me.

I started to run, I didn’t have any idea where exactly I was going, I just started to run. Through the trees and brushes. Just running. Stumbling over roots and rocks while laughing and crying at the same time. I felt free; it was a great feeling.

I ran and ran until I had come out of the trees on the back side of the house. Breathing really hard, my heart thumping in my chest, I fell on to the ground laughing harder than I laughed in six months.

“Are you ok?” I looked up to see Zack staring down at me with a very worried look on his face.


“Yes,” I took the hand he held out to me. “I’m feeling great!” I threw my arms around his neck, kissing his cheek. “I’m ready to be me again!”

He gave me a skeptical look.

"I'm serious Zack."