Can't Stay Away

I left Nick and Amy’s around eleven that night. When Nick came home, they seemed more interested in being together than having company so I quickly gave them both hugs and thanked them once again for choosing me to be their baby’s Godmother. They tried to tell me I was welcomed to stay but I made my excuses and headed for the door.

I can’t even tell you how excited the idea of being the baby’s Godmother made me; all my life I had wanted to have babies. When I was a little girl, I used to pretend to be mommy to all my dolls and to all the boys’ action figures. And some time when the boys weren’t feeling all that great, I would ‘mother’ them until they felt better. Then, when Mary had Cassie, I was always trying to help her, even though I was probably in the way more than helpful at eight years old.

I guess I always wanted to be a mom and I thought that by this time of my life, I would be on the way to being just that. But as I drove away from Nick and Amy’s, I wondered if that would ever happen for me. Oh…

I stopped at the red light as the thought hit me. Was that why I was so determined to make things work with Josh? Because of Jesse? Did I really care for Josh? Or was I just using him in hopes that I could become ‘mommy’ to Jesse? Did Jess calling me ‘Ama’ encourage me to feel for Josh….NO! I shook my head; I had feelings for him long before Jesse.

When the light changed, I continued on my way home. Not really wanting to be going home though. I really want to share my news with someone, I sighed. What I really wanted to do was to go over to Josh’s apartment and crawl into his arms, it hadn’t been that long and I already missed him.

“Why can’t I go see him?” I wondered out loud. “Why do I have to pretend not to care about him just because of some chick he slept with when we weren’t together? Why do I have to be miserable when all I want to do is be with him?”

I approached his street, I hesitated, I really wanted to flip on my turn signal and go see him but I wasn’t sure he would really want to see me. What if he really doesn’t want to be with me anymore? What if the whole baby thing was a ruse to break up with me? I stepped on the gas and sped past his street. Well screw him, begging Zack for my hand and then breaking up with me a few hours later? What the hell was up with that? And did he even try to stop me when I -

This is crazy! I pulled over onto the side of the road. Just go see him, tell him what you really feel. Tell him that it doesn’t matter what he did when you weren’t together, you care about him and you want to be with him. End of story.

I turned my car around but instead of turning down his street, I drove past it once again. In fact I drove by his street a few times before thinking I was totally losing my mind. Stepping on the gas, I sped up spinning the car around, flipped on the turn signal and ripped down the street until I squealed to a stop. My first thought, as I jumped out of my car and closed the door, was that if my brother saw me just now, he would’ve given me a ticket for stunting.

I tried to stick with that thought as I made my way up the three flights of stairs to Josh’s apartment - not because I thought it was a mistake - no, I wanted to stick with that thought because I had no idea what it was that I wanted to say to him when I saw him. I just wanted to see him.

It was late, I didn’t really think he would still be up but I knocked anyway. Five minutes after my first knock, I turned to go when I heard the clicking of the dead bolt as it slid from its locking position.

The door opened slowly, the room was dark behind him except for the glow of television screen in the living room. “Anna?” A crease appeared in his forehead as he shoved the door back against the wall, he reached for me, “honey what’s up? It’s late, are you ok?” He ran his hands down my arms, to my waist - his gaze following his hands as they roamed over my body, looking for problems.

“Josh…” his hands slipped up under my arms, skimming the sides of my breasts, I had to bite my lip to stop from moaning out loud.

“You seem ok,” he told me but he didn’t remove his hands from my body.

“Yeah,” I looked up at him. “I’m ok, there’s nothing wrong with me.”

“Oh then…” he frowned, “honey why are you here?”

“Well, I…” I flashed him a smile along with a shrug.

“Oh,” he dropped his hands from me. “Then why are you here?”

“I just wanted to see you,” I mumbled as I stared over his shoulder. It was harder than I thought to admit that I wanted to see him, it was like I was saying some thing wrong.

“What did you just say Anna?”

I glanced at him, “I said I wanted to see you.”

“You wanted…” he lifted his hand up to me, pressing it against my forehead as if he thought I had a fever.

“Yeah,” I moved away from his hand. “I wanted to see you, is that a problem?”

“No!” He grabbed my upper arms. “I just…” he smiled. “It’s just a surprise Anna; I didn’t think you would want to see me, so this is…”

I raised a brow, “A surprise?”

He nodded.

“Well,” I walked towards him, he backed into his apartment. “If you think that was a surprise…” I closed the door.

“Anna are you…?” his question was lost when I wrapped my arms around his neck. “Oh God baby…” he wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight. “So are you -”

“Shut up and kiss me Josh.”

There was no argument from him as his lips brushed against mine, "With pleasure," he growled.