The Way We Were

“It’s not like Bella is perfect,” Cassie snapped as she glared at Wade.

“Cassie!” I gasped. Even though I was thinking the same thing, I wasn’t about to say it; there was no real need to say it.

Wade raised a brow in Cassie’s direction, a smirk on his lips. “I never said my sister was perfect but I know she would never intentionally hurt someone she supposedly loves like Jordan is doing.”

“Jordan wouldn’t hurt…” Cassie trailed off as she glanced at me. “He wouldn’t,” she told me.

“This is nice,” Wade chuckled. “While Jordan’s best friend stays quiet, her little cousin comes to his defense. Funny, I would’ve thought it would be you,” he was staring at me. “Who would rise to the occasion and defend his ‘honor’ if you will.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m not about to get here and defend any one or anything to you! If Bella has a problem with some thing Jordan does, then she should take it up with him, not you!”

“Didn’t you hear her?” Wade frowned, “She said she did talk to him but apparently it didn’t matter too much to him.” He leaned forward in his chair. “My concern is that your friend is using my sister for some stupid reason and I don’t like it one bit! Bella has been hurt enough; she doesn’t need him treating her like crap!”

“Oh blow it out your ass!” I snapped at him. “Jordan isn’t doing anything to hurt Bella! If anything, she’s being a little too clingy and possessive; no one like that!”

“Interesting,” Wade sat back. “Oh please do go on, I would love to hear how you think my sister is doing all the damage in this relationship.”

I didn’t really want to get into it with him, I knew Jordan did his fair share to mess things up with Bella once but from where I stood, I didn’t see how he was still screwing up. “I can understand why she would be weary of me, why she wouldn’t want me around him but Jenna? Why on earth would she be jealous of the time Jordan spends with his daughter? One that he didn’t even know existed until a couple months ago!”

Wade didn’t say anything.

“Well?” Cassie asked. “What do you have to say about that?”

He looked between the two of us and then smiled. “Since you two seem to think Jordan does no wrong then Bella must be the problem. I’m sure that the tears she cries at night while she lies alone in her room are just another step in her plot to make herself look bad.”

I rolled my eyes once again. “I’m done.” I got up and started to leave the room. “You are a jerk and I won’t be sorry when you go home.”

“I may not be going home,” he told me. “I may be staying here to make sure my sister isn’t being taken for a ride.”

“Whatever,” I walked into the kitchen to look around for something to throw; preferably at Wade’s head. As I looked though, I wondered what Wade could possibly be talking about? Why would he think that Jordan was deliberately trying to hurt her?

I decided to find out. I went to the one person who could answer that honestly. If she was talking to me, that is.

It was a warm March night, spring was certainly in the air and the last signs of winter were melting away quickly; it was only a matter of time before the first flowers were in bloom. And I couldn’t wait.

Bella was sitting on the front steps with her head in her hands and when I opened the door, she looked up expectantly; when she saw it was me, her shoulders slumped. “I don’t have anything to say Anna.”

I considered this for a second but I decided that was ok, I had lots to say to her. When I joined her on the steps, she didn’t even look up at me. “What happened Bella?” I asked her. “We were good friends. I honestly felt that we had the potential to be best friends. Where did it change? Was it because of Jordan? Or did it happen before he asked you out?”

“You know where it changed,” she told me.

“No,” I shook my head. “I don’t. I can assume that it had to do with Jordan kissing me but…” I looked at her. “Bella, I never kissed him intentionally.” She scoffed. “I know it sounds stupid but I didn’t try to cause problems for you; I was actually over there that morning to move my stuff out.”

Bella looked at me. “What? Why were you moving out?”

“I don’t know what Jordan told you,” I told her after a second of wondering if I should get into all this with her.

“He didn’t tell me much,” she admitted. She went on to tell me that he went over to her place a couple days after the kiss and was all moody so she asked him what was up. When he didn’t answer, she asked him if he wanted to go out. “I asked him if he wanted to call you and see if you and Josh wanted to go with us and then he told me there was something he needed to tell me. I couldn’t believe it when he said that he was trying to break up your relationship with Josh because he wasn’t sure Josh was making you happy. I tried to tell him that Josh was indeed making you happy but he didn’t want to hear it. He told me that you weren’t seeing Josh anymore and that you weren’t talking to him because he pushed you too far. ‘I kissed her,’ he told me. ‘We were on my bed, I kissed her and she kissed me back. But it wasn’t like I thought it would be, it was good but it wasn’t right; she was pulling away from me and then Josh walked in.’”

Bella stared at me, unshed tears in her eyes. “You have no idea how much it hurt to hear him say that! It felt like…” she trailed off as if she couldn’t explain the pain.

“Some one took a knife and jabbed it in your heart?” I offered.

“Yes!” She nodded. “It felt exactly like that! I was so mad at him! I told him I didn’t want to see him again but inside I was wishing he would stay and tell me it would be ok. But he didn’t.”

“Jordan told me that he didn’t give up though, that he kept trying to get you to talk to him?”

She nodded, smiling a little. “He was very persistent but I was still hurting. Finally I told him I would meet with him,” she sighed. “The night that we all met at Humpty’s.”

“Yeah, that’s what he told me. He said that you seemed to change your mind all of a sudden, that he felt you were going to tell him to get lost but you didn’t. What changed Bella?”

“You are going to think its crazy,” she said softly. “When your niece interrupted us I was about to tell him that nothing would change my mind but the second she got in the truck, she was flirting with him and I was so jealous, I wanted to kick her ass! I didn’t want him to move on because I didn’t really want to be without him.”

“That’s crazy,” I told her.

“Yes,” she laughed. “I know it is but Anna…” Bella sighed. “I really like him. I get really excited to see him or talk to him; sometimes I feel like a school girl again with my first crush only it’s so much better. He makes me laugh and he’s really sweet and kind; he knows what I’m thinking and he makes me happy but…”

I stared at her expectantly but she didn’t continue. “But what Bella? If you love Jordan and he makes you happy, why is there tension between the two of you?” She didn’t say anything. “Is it because of me? Are you afraid that something will happen between us again?”

She shook her head. “No I don’t think that.”

“Ok,” I was actually a little surprised to hear that. “Then what is it?”

“You wouldn’t understand,” she said as she turned to me. When I told her to try me, she sighed. “He doesn’t let me in,” she said. “There’s this wall that he has up that only seems to come down when you or Jenna is around. I don’t know how to break through that wall either.”

“Bella you have to talk to him, tell him how you are feeling.”

“I tried,” she told me. “But I get the feeling that he’s not interested, sometimes I think he doesn’t really like me like that and doesn’t know how to tell me that he wants to see other people.”

“Bella!” I stared at her in disbelief. “That’s not true!” She asked me how I could be so sure. “Because I know him,” I told her. “I also seen him the night that Wade came to town.” Bella gave me a confused look. I smiled, “Jordan was so nervous as he waited for you to show up, he was so afraid that he would say or do something in front of Wade that would make him think he wasn’t worthy of you!”

“But he is!” She exclaimed. “And Wade likes him, like I told Jordan he would.”

“I know he is,” I told her. “But Jordan…he’s not as confident as he tries to pretend to be…”

“I know,” Bella told me. “He seems to think that he has something to prove all the time.”

I nodded. “Part of that is because he wants to set himself apart from Nick, to make people see that they are different, despite their obvious similarities.”

Bella told me that she couldn’t get over how much they looked alike. “I wasn’t sure I could ever tell them apart when I first met Nick but slowly I started to see the differences; now I don’t even see the same people when I look at each of them. Doesn’t that make sense?”

“Yes,” I laughed. “It’s the same way for me.” Bella went quiet and a few minutes passed. “Bella? Can I tell you something? You have to promise not to tell Jordan I told you this, he would kill me.”

“What?” She looked really excited about what I could possibly be thinking about telling her. “Is it good?”

“Oh yes, I think it’s going to make you smile.”

“Really?” She turned towards me. “Tell me!”

“The night that we were waiting for you and Wade?” Bella nodded. “Well Jordan was acting all nervous and when he’s nervous he tends to ramble.” Again she nodded, smiling slightly. “That night Jordan was going on about how nervous he was and hoe much he wanted your brother to like him. ‘She is so unlike most of the women I dated Anna. She actually laughs at my jokes and listens to my stories. And! She makes me laugh. Women don’t normally make me laugh.’”

Bella smiled, her whole face lit up. “Oh my,” she blushed.

“That’s not all,” I told her. “He was going on about how smart and funny you are when he suddenly stopped and this look of pure panic appeared on his face.”

“That doesn’t sound that good,” she told me with a frown.

“I wasn’t done!” I laughed. “I asked him what was wrong and it was as if he was realizing something major. He turned to me and told me that he cared about you, more than he ever cared about Heather.” Bella didn’t react to that. “Bella!” I grabbed her arms. “Jordan thought he was in love with Heather, so much so that he was going to ask her to marry him but she left town and well...”

Bella sat there and stared at me, she wasn’t even blinking. “You mean…?” Her eyes went really wide and she jumped up. “You think Jordan is really in love with me? That much?”

“I don’t know for sure, I’m just going by what he told me but…yeah, I think he really loves you.”

The smile on Bella’s face would have out shone the sun if it was out at that moment. “Jordan really loves me?” She repeated wishfully.

And then a moment later, the smile was gone. “But that doesn’t make sense Anna.” She plopped down next to me on the steps again.

“What doesn’t?”

“If Jordan loves me like that,” Bella turned to me. “Why is it that he doesn’t let me have anything to do with Jenna? Why can’t I get him to let me hold her, play with her or even help him look after her?” She looked away. “He wouldn’t even let me kiss her good night tonight but you and your niece were allowed.”