There Was Always Love

Josh and I walked hand in hand into the kitchen. I don’t think anyone was expecting to see Josh with me, let alone see his hand wrapped around mine or the protective look he had on his face.

Both my brothers and their wives were sitting around the kitchen table, the remains of their breakfast sat in front of them as they stared at us. “What’s going on?” I asked as I glanced from one surprised face to another until Zack cleared his throat and then my gaze rested on him but he was looking at Josh. I couldn’t tell what was going through his head but he didn’t look too happy to see Josh with me.

“Thank you for seeing Anna home,” Zack said almost dismissively to Josh, as if he wanted him to leave.

“No problem,” Josh replied but he didn’t move; he stood firm at my side.

“What’s going on?” I repeated. “Why is everyone here?”

“We’ll get to that in a minute,” Zack said before turning to Josh. “Don’t you have to get to work?”

Josh shrugged, “Eventually.”

Zack took a sip of his orange juice, glanced at Mary and then stood up slowly to make his way over to where Josh and I stood. “I think now would be a good time to head off to work,” he stood a mere foot away from Josh when he said that.

“Do you?” Josh raised a brow at Zack. “Funny, I don’t think this would be a good time to do that, in fact, I think I should stick around for a while; my first class isn’t until 10, I have lots of time.”

I started to get this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. Are you kidding me? Is Zack really pulling his crap today? What the hell is going on? And whoa! What’s with the attitude from Josh? I thought they were friends?

“What are you trying to pull?” Zack snapped at Josh. “You think you can be a complete ass? Put my sister through the spin cycle for the last couple months and we are supposed to just sit back and say nothing? No fucking way!” Zack grabbed hold of Josh’s jacket and got in his face. “It doesn’t work that way!”

“Zack!” I went to move towards them but Zack shot me a look that made me freeze in mid motion.

“I’m not trying to pull anything,” Josh replied calmly as he shook free from Zack’s grip. “Do you think I’ve enjoyed these last couple months? Do you think it was my idea?”

“Why yes I do!” Zack glared at him. “I don’t recall hearing Anna say once that she wanted to be ‘friends’ with you! Friends? What the hell was that?”
“That,” Josh snapped. “Was me trying to deal with the fact that…” Josh sighed. “You know what? I don’t have to explain myself to you! The only one who has any right to question me is Anna.”

“Oh?” Zack step back with a comical expression on his face. “You think I have no right to question your intentions towards my sister?”

“I never said that,” Josh snapped.

“No?” Zack glanced over his shoulder towards the table. “That is what he just said, isn’t it? I’m not going crazy, am I?” There was a chorus of no’s so Zack turned back to Josh. “Everyone heard the same thing I did. So how is it that you didn’t say it?”

“You know damn well what I meant!”

“Do I?”

Josh didn’t reply he was glaring at Zack; his jaw was clenched so tight, I thought he would break a tooth or two.

“Why are you doing this Zack?” My voice broke as I asked, I was really upset.

Zack took his time breaking off from the glaring contest that he was having with Josh. Slowly he turned his head to look at me. “Because I can,” he told me.

“What?” I stared at him. “Because you can? Are you out of your mind?” I flew at him and punched him in the chest. “This was a good morning!” I cried. “Josh and I got back together, I was on cloud nine! I couldn’t wait to tell all of you and you have to pull this crap? Why do you always have to crap all over my happiness? I hate you!” I turned away from Zack, I wanted to get out of there but Josh wouldn’t let me. “I want to go,” I told him but he wasn’t looking at me.

I turned to see what he was looking at and immediately felt like the world’s worst two year old when I say the hurt look on Zack’s face. “Zack I…” I went to reach out and touch him but he shrugged me off.

“No it’s ok.” He didn’t even look at me. “Hate me. It’s not like I have your best interests in mind or anything. It’s not like I was there when you were crying your heart out because he wasn’t around anymore. It’s not like my heart wasn’t breaking for you these last couple months.”

“Zack please…”

“No,” Zack turned away from me. “Hate me Anna,” he continued as he went over to give Mary a kiss on the cheek and grab his jacket. He came towards me and finally he looked at me. “All I ever do is crap all over your happiness anyway, what does it matter if you hate me or not?”

I went after him as he stalked towards the front door but he ignored me. I tried to get him to stop and talk to me but he wouldn’t.

When he opened the front door, he turned for a second to look at me and I thought he would say something to me but he stepped through the doorway and slammed the door behind him.

I know it sounds crazy but Zack leaving that morning left me with the same feeling I had the day I realized that my dad wasn’t coming home again.