Not A Dream

It was almost three by the time Josh and I fell asleep together that night. I didn’t want to sleep because I was afraid that I would wake up and he would be gone. Maybe that’s why I was wide awake three hours later.

Normally Josh would be up and out of his place by 6 for his morning run but it looked like he wasn’t planning on going anywhere anytime soon. He looked so peaceful as he slept on his back with his right hand on his chest and his left arm over his head.

While he slept, I wondered if things would be different for us now; would he hold me like he did last night at Mark’s. Or would he be distant and cold? Was last night the turning point in our situation? Or will I have to leave there with less than I walked in there with?

As badly as I wanted answers to those questions, I wasn’t about to wake him to ask nor was I going to push when he did finally wake up; I told him I would give him time and that’s what I’m going to do.

I stayed there beside him for a while before the need to go to the bathroom became more than I could ignore. Without rocking the bed too much, I managed to slip out of the warm, inviting space beside Josh and out of his room.

After washing my hands, I splashed some water on my face and sighed because it didn’t help me feel any less tired than I looked. I wish I had the comfort of knowing I could crawl into my bed when I got home but I promised Mary that I would help her with the ‘spring’ cleaning before I went to work later that day.

But until Josh leaves this morning, you can relax in his bed, I thought to myself as I walked back down the hall and into his room. I wish I could say that I slipped back into bed as easily as I slipped out but I didn’t; there didn’t seem to be anything I could do to male it any smoother either.

When I was finally covered up in his blankets again, I turned to him, he hadn’t moved from the position I left him in but I had this feel that he wasn’t asleep anymore. Maybe it was the smile playing on his lips, or the couple times I swear I saw his eye lids lift enough so he could see me. Either way, I didn’t really care, I was glad he was awake, I wanted to touch him and despite my previous thoughts, I wanted to be in his arms.

So I moved closer to his ‘sleeping’ form.

I was up on my elbow, looking down at him for a while, just admiring the perfect design of his amazing body; his hard abs, his strong arms, his bitable shoulders – the man was perfect, even the way his hand rested on his chest was…perfect.

With a shaky hand, I slowly reached out to brush my fingers over his hand on his chest. The energy that surge up along my hand and arm when I touched his skin didn’t really surprise me; I knew touching him crazy things to me. And having him touch me? Sometimes I thought I would die from the pleasure. I missed that pleasure so much.

“I love you so much,” I whispered as I traced his hands outline on his chest, I didn’t care if he was awake or not, I would’ve still said it because at that moment, I needed to say it. I loved him, I knew it, he knew it, hell everyone I know knew it. The feelings I was having were almost too much for me, I felt this overwhelming need to cry because it had been so long. “Too long,” I whispered.

A managed a quick glance up at him before the tears started to roll down my cheeks. “I don’t deserve you,” I lowered myself down to the mattress. “I hurt you, I was stupid and no matter what I…” My hand slipped away from his hand as I wrapped my arm around his waist, hugging him as tight as I could from that position. “You are a bigger person than I could ever be.”

Silence settled over the room when I stopped talking. I didn’t expect him to say anything if he was awake, I didn’t know if I wanted him to say anything, I just wanted to hold him until he had to get up.

But that didn’t work out quite the way I hoped it would. A couple minutes after I stopped talking, Josh gave a little groan and rolled over into his side, pulling me into his arms. “I never want to hear you say you don’t deserve me ever again Anna.” I turned my face upwards, my mouth opened ready to say something but all words, all thoughts died when he lowered his head and kissed me oh so gently. “Anna, every day that went by without you was almost too horrible to stand.”

“But Josh I hu –”

“You made a mistake Anna and although I can’t deny that it hurt me, I will not let it ruin us.” He scooted down in the bed so that he was eye level with me. “I want to see you,” he told me.

“Josh you are see –” he cut me off with a quick kiss on the lips.

“I want to take you out,” he brought my hand up to his lips.

I thought my heart would stop beating at that moment. “Josh what are you saying?” I asked slowly as if he would change his mind if I didn’t.

He kissed my palm and then lowered it to his chest before his blue eyes met my brown ones. “Anna you know I love you, I never denied that but honey I want more; just being your friend isn’t as much fun as it seems, not when I want more.” I stared into those blue eyes, I was afraid to look anywhere else. “If you will have me, I would like to be your boyfriend, lover or whatever else you want me to be.”

“Josh I don’t know what to say…I…”

“Say you will give me a second chance.”

I blinked a couple times, I couldn’t believe that he was asking me for a second chance when I was the one who…

“Anna?” He looked worried. “Now isn’t the time to be quiet sweetheart.” He shifted on the bed until I was on my back and he was up on his elbow beside me. “Will you let me take you out? Will you give me a chance to show you how much you really do deserve me? How much I deserve you?”

“YES!” I cried as I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him down to me. “Oh Josh yes!”