No Need To Argue

I ran to the phone the second I could move again. I had to call him. I picked up the receiver to dial Zack’s cell phone but Mary came over and hung up the phone on me. “What are you doing?” I shrieked. “I have to talk to him! He has to know that I didn’t mean it.”

“Anna,” Mary spoke softly as she tried to calm me down. “Deep down Zack knows that you don’t really hate him, that you overreacted to something that he never should have started in the beginning.” When I gave her a questioning look, she sighed. “We never expected to see Josh with you this morning.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” I let her lead me away from the phone to the table where she pulled out the chair Zack was seated in moments before. “Why are you here? Is it because I didn’t call or come home last night?” Mary shook her head. “Is everything ok? Is someone hurt?” I glanced around the room, kind of in a panic. “Where are the girls? And Conner?”

“At school,” Mary told me. “Lindsay had to be there early for a run through of the play she’s in; all the other kids wanted to go and watch. Since I was already in town and Zack didn’t have to work until 9, we thought we would come have breakfast with Chad, Susan and you.”

“I wasn’t here,” I didn’t need to say it, and I felt stupid when I did. “Was that why he was mad? Because I didn’t come home last night?” Mary glanced at Chad who hadn’t even looked at me since Zack got up from the table. “What’s going on?” I asked them.

“It was my idea,” Chad said with a sad sounding chuckle. “We were just going to pretend that we were mad at you,” he gave me a half hearted smile. “You know how much we love to harass you! That’s all it was supposed to be. You know, we’ve done it so many times before.” He paused for a moment as his eyes jumped to Josh before coming back to me. “Josh being with you kind of threw us for a loop.”

“You got to be kidding me!” I stared at him in disbelief, Chad shook his head. I turned to Mary, “If that’s all that was supposed to happen, why did Zack get there and…” I couldn’t even finish that sentence, I still couldn’t believe that Zack and Josh were actually standing in Chad’s kitchen, arguing.

“I don’t really know why Zack acted like that,” Mary started. “I was just as surprised as you were; there was no reason for it and there was certainly no reason for Josh to leave.” A slight smile appeared on Mary’s face, “Although I have to say,” she turned to Josh. “I’m glad you did stay.” She frowned and added, “Sorry about what had happened but happy that you stood by Anna when you thought she was in trouble.”

“I had too,” Josh mumbled as he stared at the table in front of him. “It was my fault that she didn’t come home. I had a little too much to drink so I couldn’t drive her home.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” I told him. “I could’ve called a cab but I didn’t want to leave, I was having so much fun.”

The room was very quiet as Josh and I turned to each other both of us blaming ourselves for what happened. I could hear the seconds tick by on the clock that hung between the fridge and the entrance to the kitchen and in every single one of those seconds, I wished I could turn back time to take back the hurtful things I said to Zack. I was starting to feel worst as time went by and I knew it was my own fault.

The uncomfortable silence was broken by Susan. “Wait,” she jumped up as if she just had an idea or had to pee really badly. Everyone turned in unison to gawk at her as she glanced back and forth between Josh and me. “You two are back together?”

Chad was the first one to react to what she said; he got up from his chair, patted her on the head and jokingly said. “That was swift sweetheart.”

“Oh shhh,” she slapped at his arm when he went by her on his way to the fridge for more juice. “So?” Susan looked at me expectantly. “Tell me! I want to know it all!”

“Nothing like waiting until Josh isn’t here sweetheart,” Chad shook his head and laughed.

Josh didn’t seem to care at all; he gave Susan a smile and told her that we were back together. “I missed her,” he said. “Even though she was there, I missed not being with her. I hated the space between us and since I was the one who asked for that space, I thought I would tell her that I didn’t need it anymore.” He turned to me as he said, “Thankfully she still wanted to be with me.”

My sister in laws would later pull me aside for the whole story but you could tell that even with the little bit that he told them, they were happy for me – for us.

Josh left Chad’s that morning around the same time that Mary and I did. I wouldn’t see him again for a couple days because he had plans to take Jesse to see his grandparents for the weekend. “I really wish you could come,” he told me as we were saying bye outside by Mary’s van. “I know my grandparents would love to meet you and Jess would certainly love to spend some time with you.”

“And you?”

He smiled, “I would be the happiest man in the world if you were by my side this weekend.” He lowered his head, I thought he was going to kiss my lips but he went down until his lips were against my neck. “I’ll be thinking of you while I’m gone.” He pressed tiny kisses up my neck and along my jaw. “I hope you work things out with Zack,” he told me when he moved back to gaze into my eyes. “If I can be of any help, just call my cell.”

I told him I would and then he kissed me. Oh boy did he kiss me! I still feel tingly all over as I did that day when his lips moved against mine.

Mary and I went home and started with the cleaning. By the time I had to get ready for work, we had made it through the girls’ playroom and the family room. Tired, sweaty and a little achy, I felt like showering and crawling into bed not going to work.

Mary doesn’t know it but before I left the house, I called Zack’s cell and left him a message telling him I was sorry and begging him to call me back. “Zack you must know that I don’t really hate you, I was upset and I didn’t stop to think about what I was saying. I didn’t mean to hurt you and I hope that you’ll forgive me enough for me to tell you this in person. I love you Zack. Please call me.”

Work sucked because I wasn’t really in the mood to be there plus I was too busy checking my phone every five seconds to see if he called – I had the ringer turned off so I wouldn’t get in trouble for having my cell on the sales floor – but Zack didn’t call me back that night.

I figured that he would just be waiting for me to get home like he always does and then I could talk to him. My hopes were high and when I turned into the driveway, I was so relieved to see that the lights were still on upstairs.

Once I shut off my car, I ran towards the house. Kicking off my boots, I ran towards the stairs, taking them two at a time. “Hey,” I smiled at Mary who was just heading towards the stairs. But my heart sunk when I saw her hand on the light switch. “Zack is already gone to bed?” I didn’t believe it; he was always up when I got home from work! Even when I didn’t want to see him, he was there.

“I’m sorry Anna,” was all Mary could say.

“When did he go to bed?” I asked as my eyes started to sting from the tears I was trying not to shed.

She hesitated for a while and I knew she didn’t have to say it; Zack went to bed just before I got home. “I’m sorry Anna,” she repeated when my shoulders slumped. “I told him he should wait and talk to you about this but he is being stubborn.”

“I didn’t mean it Mary, I don’t hate him.” I brushed away the tear that spilled from the corner of my eye.

“I know you don’t,” Mary pushed away from the wall and came over to me, hugging me tight. “I know you love your brother just like I know he loves you.”

“Why does this keep happening?” I sobbed. “Why do I feel empty whenever he’s not talking to me?”

Mary took a deep breath and slowly let it out before she spoke. “Your relationship with your brother is so complex Anna; he raised you, you look to him for approval and guidance like you would your dad if he was around. For the longest time it was fine because you needed a father figure more than you needed a brother but now…” she sighed. “You want him to just be your brother and it doesn’t work like that, he knows you are his sister but honey he sees you as one of his girls and deep down you feel like one of our girls.”

She pushed me back enough to look at me and asked if that sounded about right. “That sounds so messed up,” I laughed and Mary smiled.

“It is but there’s nothing your brother or I would do to change it,” she said and then gave me a kiss on the cheek. “Zack loves you Anna, he won’t stay mad long, you’ll see.” She released me and started for the stairs. “Go to bed and get some sleep. Things will look better in the morning.”

I went to bed that night but sleep didn’t come too quickly. It was pushing 2 am when I finally closed my eyes and drifted off.

But in the early morning light, I woke with a start to find Zack sitting on the edge of my bed staring down at me.